Think aloud
“I love her but she left me for someone else.”
The sentence too many guys have said. Even if breakups are difficult to handle, it’s even worse when you know that a woman left you because of another guy. It’s not that you’re just thrown out of your relationship without you having any say in the matter, but you also got replaced by someone else.
It’s devastating and heartbreaking going through those emotions right now. I’ve been there, done that, and you shouldn’t worry because you will get back up again.
I understand that you’re in a bad place at the moment and that the only pictures in your head are of your ex-girlfriend and her new man watching a movie, hugging, or sharing smiles. It seems unavoidable to picture those scenarios.
No matter how positive you try to be and not think about her new relationship, the night brings all those negative emotions right back up again.
Your mind is all over the place and you’re trying to figure out how to bring your ex back. You can’t seem to wrap your head around what actually happened between you two and why you broke up in the first place.
And what adds more confusion to your situation is to think about your next step. Should you move on from your failed relationship as she did? Should you try to win her back? Or should you take revenge for what happened?
Whatever your choice might be, don’t beat yourself up too much about it. I know it hurts like hell. I know your self-esteem took a knock, but things will get better, I promise you that.
Give it some time and before you know it, you’ll dust yourself off, get back on your feet again, and hit it off with another girl.
Possible reasons why she left you for someone else
Perhaps closure will ease your mind a bit, you think to yourself, so you start looking for possible reasons for it happening.
You lock yourself up in a room and start thinking where you could’ve made a mistake. Maybe it was on you and you’re the reason she left you. Or maybe she’s just a cheater who fell in love with another man?
Have a look at these most common explanations for why she’d break up with you for someone else.
1. She was never serious about you
Even if you two were in a relationship for a couple of months or even a year, it still doesn’t mean that she was serious about you.
You see, every man and woman is built differently. While some have the capacity to fall in love rather easily, others need more time to open themselves up to their significant other.
Perhaps your ex-girlfriend had a different emotional pace for falling in love?
While you were dreaming about marrying her and being a perfect husband to her, she wasn’t even sure about the present with you.
Perhaps being in a long-term relationship with you was just a distant thought to her, and she never took you seriously.
This is a classical case of a one-sided relationship. Also, her strange behavior could be a reflection of her not being ready to settle yet. Or perhaps she doesn’t believe in serious commitment and prefers keeping it casual.
2. You two weren’t compatible
While feelings and passion cover the emotional part of a relationship, compatibility handles the practical aspects of it.
Compatibility is something that’s either there or it isn’t. It makes people stick together through thick and thin, and it also increases the quality of your relationship.
You may have lived under the illusion that the only thing you need for a healthy relationship is love, but that’s not true at all. When love is taken from the equation, compatibility takes the front and gives direction to your relationship.
At the end of the day, being compatible gives you the much-needed strength to keep going when life hits you hard. You know that your partner has your back, no matter what, and you immediately become stronger and more driven to overcome and succeed.
On the other hand, if you two aren’t compatible and if she isn’t your best friend besides being your girlfriend, then you won’t survive for too long.
Incompatibility brings stress to your relationship, and mutual love alone cannot keep you close forever.
The harsh truth is before she even thought about breaking up with you, she found a new boyfriend who made more sense “practically.”
3. Your relationship was toxic
While everything is sunshine and rainbows at the beginning of the relationship, that period doesn’t last forever. Perhaps your relationship turned sour with time, which would explain the inevitable end.
Every couple has their own fair share of arguments and fights, but those who are compatible will find a way to become closer again.
They’ll compromise and find a solution together. Eventually, they’ll become more mature and continue enjoying each other’s company.
But what if that doesn’t happen? What if you continually fight and abuse each other to the point when it becomes unbearable to be in the relationship?
Well, it could be that this happened to you, but you failed to see it.
Stress has overshadowed all your mutual love. The spark that you two had is long gone and you don’t know what the hell happened.
But the most interesting part is that both of you thought about breaking it off. It was just a lingering thought, but it was there. She just got the first chance and took it.
During that period of great stress, she met a new guy who filled the void that was missing in your relationship and that’s why she left you.
4. She left you for her ex
It’s never easy overcoming the past. But what’s even harder is overcoming past relationships.
Many people make the mistake of getting into a relationship without taking enough time to grieve their previous one. They think they’re emotionally ready, only to find out they’ve been lying to themselves the entire time.
Perhaps when you first met her, she recently came out of a long-term serious relationship and her wounds were still fresh.
Perhaps she didn’t emotionally heal and you were just a tool for her to get over her ex. A rebound relationship, as some may say.
And you thought you were her savior, the man who swept her off her feet and showed her a real man. You gave her a shoulder to cry on and tried so hard to make her believe that true love still exists.
But you never thought that she might silently crave reliving her past. That while you were falling deeper in love with her each day, she never forgot about her ex-boyfriend.
He was still there somewhere even though she tried to bury her past. And when her ex finally came back into her life and reciprocated her feelings, she couldn’t keep herself from getting back together with him.
And what about you? Well, she left you with heartbreak.
5. She’s a serial cheater
Being in a toxic relationship can really leave you with wounds that are tough to heal for a long time. And being in a relationship with a serial cheater will definitely cause you to have trust issues.
It could be that your ex was always two-timing. Perhaps you weren’t the only one who got those good morning texts or heart emojis from her.
She might have been a serial cheater and you didn’t even know it.
Maybe you even caught her in the act. And instead of apologizing to you and saying how sorry she is to break your heart, she simply chose the other man.
6. You have different life goals
If your aim is to have a long-term healthy relationship, then both of you have to share the same goals and vision in life.
Yes, love is the glue that keeps two people together, but it’s not the only necessary thing to succeed in a romantic relationship. There are other ingredients that are essential to maintain it over time.
And one of them is certainly looking in the same direction and seeing eye-to-eye on certain things. Having the same focus and outlook can significantly increase your chances of staying together, even when the spark between you two starts fading.
It could be that the only important things in her life are her career, money, and partying with her friends. While it didn’t bother you at the beginning, it certainly made you wonder if the two of you are on the same page at all.
Eventually, she met a new guy who wants the same things from life as her and that’s why she left you for someone else.
You might think that pulling in each other’s respective directions would solve your problem, but that’s actually something that should come naturally. You can’t and shouldn’t force it anyways.
“She left me for someone else. What does this guy have that I don’t?”
Yes, the old comparison game. You’ll probably be wondering what she sees in this other guy and what does he have that you don’t.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging you in any way, because I’ve been through that myself.
But I can’t stress enough the importance of avoiding this type of thinking. If you keep questioning your own worth and analyze everything the guy has that you don’t, you’ll eventually drive yourself crazy.
And believe me, it’s not worth your mental energy.
Truthfully, you can never be sure what’s going on inside your ex-girlfriend’s head. You’ll always fall short if you try to read a woman’s mind.
In most cases, even she doesn’t know why she did it and the reason behind her decision. So, don’t try to make these silly and ridiculous comparisons between yourself and this new guy. You’re not that kind of person anyway.
Remember, he’s just an irrelevant guy who took your girlfriend away. They probably deserve each other.
What should you NOT do after getting dumped?
Going through a breakup is hard, especially if you’re going through it alone. But most men make the mistake of trying to come up with a plan to get their ex-girlfriend back, without even giving themselves enough time to grieve.
It’s crucial for you to emotionally heal first before thinking about your next move.
That’s why I’ve made a list of things you shouldn’t do if you got dumped.
1. Don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol
One thing that I see most guys do when they get dumped is to drink their sorrow away. But guess what. You can’t wash away your memories with a couple of bottles and some empty, meaningless nights out in the club.
Those memories won’t dissolve when you go out with your boys and get completely wasted. When you wake up the next day and find yourself wondering how you ended up there, you’ll look back at the night before with disgust.
It’s just not worth it, believe me.
There are no quick fixes to the damage she mentally and emotionally inflicted on you. Your goal isn’t to become an alcoholic, but to find a way to emotionally heal.
That’s why you should work through the pain. Accept that it’s okay to feel hurt for a while. After all, it’s not the first time you’ve been disappointed by people, am I right?
2. Don’t jump into another relationship
Don’t tell me that you didn’t think about getting revenge on your ex-girlfriend by jumping into another relationship.
The worst mistake you can make after getting dumped is to immediately hop onto those dating apps and try to find some other girl. Don’t get me wrong, it would feel good – but only temporarily.
A new girlfriend or fling can’t heal your broken heart. You need to give yourself enough time to heal.
Your emotions are still all over the place and there’s a possibility you don’t even like the girl that much. Perhaps you’re only seeking validation from others, so you don’t feel utterly worthless.
By jumping straight into another relationship, you aren’t taking the opportunity to work on yourself and become better.
3. Don’t isolate yourself completely
There are guys out there who’ll isolate themselves completely after they get dumped because they think it’s for the best if they grieve alone.
Even though giving yourself enough time to reflect on your breakup and indulge in some self-care is somewhat good, it’s actually counterproductive if you do it for a long time.
This is a perfect opportunity to call up your close friends and go out without having to ask your girlfriend for permission. Try a new hobby with a friend or go catch a game or two.
In most cases, people start neglecting their family and friends once they enter a romantic relationship. But this is the perfect opportunity for you to make amends and remember who’s got your back when things get rough.
4. Don’t dramatize the breakup
Telling everyone that you’re alone and that there’s nothing to look forward to in the future will only increase the pain you’re feeling post-breakup.
It’s okay to be disappointed and lonely, but let’s face it, there are other fish in the sea and you probably won’t die alone.
You just have to find something to do with your life before you get to meet the right one.
5. Don’t make impulsive decisions
One day you’ll look at this as a very valuable lesson and nothing else. Don’t make an impulsive decision because it’ll turn into something much bigger.
Before you had someone to look out for, but now that it’s just you, you have to take care of yourself first.
Don’t just throw out and burn all the things you bought together. There are other more productive ways to heal your wounded heart.
6. Don’t stalk your ex on social media
“She left me for someone else. I have to know where she is and what she’s doing.”
Ask yourself this: Does it really matter where she is or what she’s doing right now?
She left you, it’s over, and you have to accept it. You’re only making yourself more miserable if you keep stalking her on social media.
Get your life back on track by removing her from all of your social media profiles.
I get that this is a huge step for you, but you have to do it if you want to move forward with your life. The breakup is going to be much easier to process if you’re not constantly seeing what’s she’s up to with her new boyfriend every day.
7. Don’t make drastic changes to your personality or physical appearance
A lot of people tend to look for a quick and temporary fix after a breakup. But the truth is, there’s no easy path to completely heal a broken soul and heart.
Just because you get a different haircut doesn’t mean that you’re over her. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with you and nothing to “fix.” You only have things to improve on yourself and that’s it.
Don’t blame yourself for the breakup, because it was probably not your fault in the first place. The right one will love you just the way you are, remember that.
“She left me for someone else. What should I do now?”
1. Be honest and accept your mistakes
It’s always easy to look back on your failed relationship and see all the positive things.
But being honest and accepting your mistakes will definitely help you find peace faster.
Sure, she was a beautiful woman, but remember all those times she left you hanging? Yes, she knew how to keep your attention, but she also knew how to manipulate you.
2. Try something new
Whether your relationship lasted a couple of months or a year, you likely got used to having her around. And now that she’s gone from your life, you’re baffled at how much time you’ve suddenly got for yourself.
So, why not try something new that you’ve never gotten around to doing? Why not go skydiving or take a solo trip to another country?
Whatever it is that you decide to do, it’ll help you get her off your mind. Plus, you’ll get to meet new people.
3. Establish a new routine
Even though keeping up with workouts and other healthy habits can help you ease your mind a bit, it’s always a good thing to integrate some new stuff into your day-to-day schedule.
Perhaps you’re accustomed to sending your girlfriend (or rather ex-girlfriend) texts every morning as soon as you wake up, but now you’re a man on your own and you can do whatever you please.
So, establish a new routine that will help you start fresh and improve your overall well-being.
4. Accept your emotions
Post-breakup emotions can be quite horrible and painful, especially if it’s your first time experiencing them.
In order to move on with your life, you have to grant yourself permission to feel terrible, indifferent, and everything in between.
As I said earlier, trying new things can help divert your attention from the fact that she left you for someone else. But feeling those feelings rather than sweeping them under the rug will make you heal that much faster.
5. Decide if you should go no-contact
“My ex left me for someone else. Should I apply the no-contact rule?”
Whether no-contact is a good idea for you depends on several factors. How long you were together? Do you have mutual friends or pets?
You have to take into consideration all those things before making the call. Nevertheless, taking some time totally apart and out of contact may help you to get back on your feet again.
But remember, during the no-contact period, you can’t text or call her, despite wanting that with all of your heart.
Whatever it is that you choose, remember to prioritize yourself and the right woman will come. Good luck!
