Think aloud
Regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or in marriage, we all have our moments when we act in a selfish way. However, having a selfish wife who behaves in immature and inconsiderate ways can cause some serious troubles in your marriage.
When we talk about the most crucial parts of every healthy relationship and a good marriage, selflessness ranks pretty high on that list.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen many marriages and relationships dealing with the same issue over and over again – the problem of one partner acting selfishly toward the other.
Even though you might think that this is a problem that’s usually tied to men, that isn’t always the case.
Women tend to behave in selfish ways as well.
When discussing a healthy marriage, we usually mention how prioritizing your partner’s needs and interests is important in maintaining harmony.
A selfish spouse is someone who only looks after their own needs every day, someone who’s only interested in their own life.
On top of that, that kind of person rarely thinks about their partner’s emotions and doesn’t take them into consideration.
A selfish wife tries to make sure everything goes as she has planned, even though she also can make mistakes and isn’t always right.
Selfish people think that the world revolves around them, which is why she’ll act that way.
Even if you’re a good husband to your wife, things can escalate pretty quickly in married life.
Before you know it, her selfish acts can cripple your self-esteem and can have a negative effect on your mental health.
Some might even say that selfish people are narcissists, but they’re not.
Narcissists are less self-aware and they never take the blame for their mistakes.
If this sounds all too familiar to you, then you should definitely check out the following signs that you have a selfish wife.
Later on, I’ll try to explain how to deal with your spouse’s selfish behavior in your own way.
What are the possible reasons why your wife is being selfish?
Well, it might surprise you but selfishness is a characteristic that everyone possesses. Truth be told, every one of us is selfish to some degree.
However, when two people are in a romantic relationship, they tend to support and be there for each other always.
Also, they don’t treat each other like a doormat and don’t point out the mistakes that their partner might have made just so they feel bad about themselves.
Instead, they focus on making sure they have a happy marriage by having healthy communication and confessing when they make a mistake, and they also apologize for it.
So here are a few reasons why your spouse acts selfishly.
- Past failed relationships
Past failed relationships can make people build walls around themselves and make them act selfishly, because they want to protect themselves from being hurt once again.
This is especially true if your wife has been taken for granted due to her benevolent nature. For the sake of not being hurt again, she might decide to be selfish now.
- Childhood experiences
Childhood experiences have a great impact on shaping a person’s character. If your wife was an only child so didn’t have any siblings, she might not have had the opportunity to learn about sharing and caring.
On the other hand, if she has siblings, the competitiveness to which she was exposed might have led her to act selfishly toward others.
On top of that, if her parents were selfish people, they may have shaped her according to their behavior.
- A controlling nature
As you will already know, some people have a tendency to keep everything under their control. They need to feel superior to others as it feeds their ego.
They rarely compromise on anything or agree to their partner’s wishes. So, how do you deal with this if you have a selfish wife?
Luckily for you, there are signs showing that your wife is selfish.
However, let’s make it clear that if she acts selfishly, it doesn’t mean you don’t have a good wife beside you. Maybe she has a reason why she acts that way.
10 unlucky signs you’re stuck with a selfish wife:
1. She never apologizes to you after an argument
Being in a marriage doesn’t mean that arguments or fights don’t exist. They still do.
All couples fight and in fact, when you get married, you usually fight more often because you get to spend more time with your partner than when you were just in a relationship.
However, the point isn’t about the two of you fighting over something.
The point is that she never approaches you first and never apologizes due to her selfishness.
Even if she knows she’s wrong and you’re right, she’ll never say she’s sorry first, which is an obvious sign you have a selfish wife.
The problem is that you might not notice this at first because you love her so much and you look at things differently because of your emotions.
However, if you stop for a second and think clearly, and stop listening to your heart, you’ll see that your selfish wife has actually never apologized first after you two have had an argument.
It’s like she could stay mad at you forever and continue discarding your emotions like they mean nothing to her.
She might continue giving you the silent treatment even if it’s been a couple of days since you two argued.
And what do you do? You apologize to her like the good hubby that you are and move on as if nothing ever happened.
You prioritize your loved one’s needs over yours and end up being the one who tries everything to make things work.
2. A selfish wife doesn’t do any chores around the house
If you want to have a harmonious and peaceful marriage, both partners have to share their household duties.
There should be no jobs that only women do and the same goes for men.
Those times when the woman’s duty was to go to the grocery store, cook dinner, and wait for her husband to come home are long gone now.
Nowadays, there are families in which the wife is the breadwinner and not the man.
However, just because you’re a good husband and don’t want any tantrums around your house, it doesn’t mean that it’s okay for your wife not to do any chores when she’s at home.
And if she acts like she’s a guest in a five-star hotel and doesn’t do anything around the house, then you can be sure she is a selfish wife.
​She expects you to do everything for her, which includes going to the store, fixing things around the house, and so on.
And you never hear her say thank you.
If you have kids, the situation is quite similar when it comes to raising them as well, let alone that you pick them up from school and so on.
It certainly doesn’t mean that she completely rejects her kids and disregards them completely, but the fact is that you do most of the work while she’s doing other things like going to a yoga class or going out with her friends.
3. She isn’t interested in your interests
A great partner and a loving wife will always try to be a part of your life.
She might try stuff that wasn’t appealing to her at first but she’ll do them for the sake of your love.
However, a selfish wife doesn’t care about your dreams, goals, and aspirations.
Even though you expect her to listen to what you have to say, she’s never a patient listener.
Why? Because she’s only concerned about her needs and interests and she isn’t interested in yours.
However, she expects you to accompany her wherever she goes and she often prioritizes her needs and interests above yours.
She needs to feel that superiority in order to feed her ego.
For example, if she lives a life assuming her career is more important than yours, then she expects you to follow her around wherever her work takes her.
That’s when you know you have a selfish wife.
4. A selfish wife has no manners
If you think your wife acts selfishly, the chances are that she doesn’t give much thought to what’s going on around her.
That means that she has no manners and often behaves badly. Whether you give your best to fix the sink or the roof, she never says thank you.
Or maybe you made her a cup of coffee or cooked a meal because you knew she’d be tired when she got home. And still, she never says thank you.
It seems as if she always speaks over you and tries to dominate your conversations all the time.
And the truth is, bad things can develop from that.
Her lack of thoughtfulness will eventually make your marriage unbearable.
If you’re trying to figure out whether your spouse is acting selfishly, this is definitely an easy sign to spot.
5. She has threatened to leave you
It’s not always sunshine and rainbows when you’re in a marriage.
There will certainly be times when one of you threatens to leave the other if you lose your cool in the heat of the moment.
You might think that your love is doomed and it seems that you don’t have a future together.
You’re angry at your spouse so you think that your best option would be to leave them.
Things like these tend to escalate when you’re in a marriage.
However, you have to know that if your selfish wife repeatedly does this to you then she’s actually blackmailing you.
A selfish wife will always threaten to leave you once she sees that things aren’t going the way she wanted them to.
Eventually, you’ll feel hopeless and you’ll start to feel insecure about yourself. It’ll be like nothing you do is never enough for her.
And if you tell her your opinion and it isn’t the same as hers, she’ll probably threaten you that she’ll file for divorce.
If she’s doing this to you, then you’re stuck with a selfish wife.
Unfortunately, she’s manipulating you to have her way, and you won’t have any other choice but to agree with her.
6. She barely listens to you
If you want to have a happy and normal marriage, you have to listen to each other.
Even though your opinions may differ, you have to find common ground and try to resolve the issues at hand.
However, you can’t do that if you have a selfish wife who barely listens to you.
She doesn’t pay any attention to the things you say whatsoever because she doesn’t think they’re important.
She doesn’t make an effort to see things from your point of view, despite being your life partner.
Your selfish wife doesn’t care what you say to her and she won’t even try to understand you.
She always seems too busy to hear you out, even though you’re always there for her.
Poor communication in marriage can only lead to catastrophic results.
And it’s your wife’s fault because she can’t seem to comprehend the fact that she’s the one to blame for your bad communication.
She’s the one who never takes your opinions into consideration and never makes time to listen to you.
Maybe your family members have noticed this, but you can’t understand why she acts that way.
Dealing with a selfish man is hard, but dealing with a selfish woman can sometimes be even harder.
7. You’re always there for her but she never returns the favor
Being in a marriage means having someone who always has your back, no matter what.
That person isn’t just your partner in crime, they are also your best friend and your biggest support.
You vowed to be there for each other in sickness and health, on both good and bad days, but it seems that she doesn’t respect those vows.
Why? Because she’s a selfish wife.
She expects you to be there for her but she’ll never return the favor. She’s never there when you need her.
Her selfish nature forces you to always listen to her, give her the support she needs, and believe in her.
Most importantly, she expects you to offer her a shoulder to cry on, put a smile on her face, and give her your unconditional support.
On the other hand, she never treats you the same way you treat her.
When you find yourself in a pickle, you’re alone by yourself, trying to find a way to break free, and she’s nowhere to be found.
That’s when you know you’re stuck with a selfish wife.
8. She prioritizes her own needs
Being selfish in your marriage from time to time is a good thing. You should put your happiness in first place even after years of being together.
However, being married also means that you’re a team now and you are equal.
Neither of you is more important than the other – or at least that’s how things should be.
When dealing with a selfish wife, your needs will always come second, as she’ll always prioritize her own.
Her pleasure and comfort are the most important things in the world to her, while your needs don’t even matter.
However, that’s not how a marriage should be. Both of you should always strive to satisfy each other’s needs.
On the other hand, if you’re stuck with a selfish wife then she won’t care about how you actually feel.
She’s not even interested in your well-being and the only thing she cares about is herself.
9. A selfish wife often makes all the decisions
If you’re wondering whether or not your wife is selfish, pay attention to the little things.
They may seem irrelevant to you but you have to, to see the signs that she’s being selfish.
Does she make all the decisions about your life together? Does she make all the plans, such as where the two of you will go on vacation?
She doesn’t take your wishes into consideration but chooses to ignore them.
A selfish wife will always put aside your desires and will do anything she can to please herself and do things her way.
And the same applies to everyday stuff.
She’ll spend time with you when she thinks it’s appropriate for her, you’ll go to places where she wants to go, and you’ll only get some action in the bedroom whenever she’s in the mood.
10. Her ego and pride come first
True love is something that happens only once in your life. It should be more important than ego and pride and above anything else.
Of course, that’s if you had the chance to meet the love of your life. However, a selfish wife won’t do that.
She’ll be a self-centered person who puts her ego and pride above her marriage and this is shown best when the two of you have an argument.
Does she even care about reaching a final conclusion? If not, then you know her pride and ego come first.
She’s not interested in growing from your arguments and learning about each other from them.
The only thing that does matter to her is that her ego remains untouched.
So, how do you deal with a selfish wife?
Rather than screaming and yelling at your partner, there are more effective and better ways to deal with her selfish behavior.
Try to have an honest conversation and don’t just complain!
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when trying to confront your wife about her selfishness is to complain.
You should never call her selfish, even if you’re deeply disappointed in her and you know she treated you badly.
Try to express your opinions without raising your voice and letting things escalate into a full-blown fight. Instead, focus on the things she did wrong.
For example, if it was her turn to do the dishes but she didn’t, then explain to her why you couldn’t do them.
Even though it might be hard, try to focus on the positives
There will be countless times when your wife will act selfishly.
On the other hand, there will be instances where she prioritizes you, which means there’s still hope she’ll change.
Instead of focusing on her selfish behavior, you should try to reflect on those selfless incidents and encourage her to do so more often.
Always say what’s on your mind!
You can’t and you shouldn’t keep quiet and hope that your selfish wife will miraculously change one day. She won’t.
You have to say what’s on your mind if her actions have negative effects on you.
However, you have to be careful not to let your emotions get the better of you. Try to be gentle but stand firm.
Do not raise your voice or blame her. Choose your words wisely and don’t back down.
Establish boundaries
When your wife acts selfishly, you have to set boundaries. You have to determine what you can and can’t deal with.
Don’t let your wife ignore you if you have an issue. You shouldn’t forgive her for that.Â
You need to decide what parts of your life you can’t compromise on and stick to it.
Build a fence around them and don’t let your selfish wife tear them down.
Decide whether your marriage is worth it
The harsh truth is that sometimes people don’t change, even though we wish they would.
In such cases, you have to determine whether or not you should move on.
Make it clear that her selfishness has affected you and your well-being and that you don’t feel the same way you felt before.
If she still doesn’t change, then what’s the point of continuing something that is doomed to fail?
Walking away from her might force her to work on herself and finally change for the better.
