Think aloud
Gaslighting, manipulating, and being rude to your mom aren’t the only red flags you need to be wary of when you meet someone new. Whether you’re on the hunt for a rebound relationship or accidentally stumble upon one, you might struggle with identifying the red flags of a toxic rebound relationship.
What’s the overall sentiment regarding toxic rebound relationships? If you have an underlying feeling that you’re being used as a Band-Aid by someone trying to get over their ex, you probably are. If you suspect you’re on the receiving end of someone’s bad breakup, you probably are.
With that said, rebound relationships are hard to define (and hard to consent to!). Regular relationships are susceptible to becoming manipulative, harmful, and borderline abusive, and they’re not even the ones boasting blurred lines and decisions made under duress – rebound relationships are.
We’d argue that the worst thing about rebound relationships might not be the fact that they’re elusive, though. Rebound relationships are tricky because the person you’re seeing might not even be aware that they’re rebounding with you. So, what are the red flags of a toxic rebound relationship?
What is a toxic rebound relationship?
When we’re talking about red flags, we’re not talking about bad grammar – we’re talking about poor communication, broken boundaries, and disrespect. We’re talking about love-bombing, triangulating, and gaslighting. We’re talking about rebound relationships that aren’t rebounds at all.
Rebound relationships cannot be defined because they’re typically seen as a way people cope with bad breakups rather than serious, committed relationships. Are all rebound relationships bad?
No, not all rebound relationships are bad. When two people agree on the terms of the rebound relationship, these types of arrangements can work wonderfully – and even evolve. What makes rebound relationships unhealthy are the unresolved problems, pain, and grief.
Now, rebound relationships aren’t meant to grow past the rebound stage, and there’s nothing wrong with that. When both people are on the same page about the nature of the rebound relationship, there’s nothing to worry about. When they’re not, though, that’s when problems arise.
With that said, a toxic rebound relationship can be defined as an arrangement between two people who aren’t willing to communicate openly and honestly about their expectations, boundaries, and rules. A toxic rebound relationship can be detrimental for everyone involved – so, here’s how to spot it.
What are the red flags of a toxic rebound relationship?
1. They’re love-bombing you every chance they get
When you start dating someone, you might get a little too excited and start showing affection and adoration from the get-go. While there’s a time and place for everything, we’d say that rebound relationships aren’t meant for PDA, grand gestures, and what seems like love-bombing.
A healthy rebound relationship means that the two of you are on the same page about being each other’s rebound or spending time with each other without any strings attached. When your partner starts calling you “the one” out of the blue, you might want to arrange another conversation with them.
Check whether something changed or whether they’re trying to get over their ex by putting all their emotions onto you.
2. They’re comparing you to their ex – all the time
We don’t even need to explain why that’s a red flag, right? Whether you’re starting a serious relationship with someone or considering being someone’s rebound, you certainly don’t want to spend all your time talking about the dreaded ex.
A conversation or two might not be a big deal, but there’s a thin line between being open and oversharing. When you catch your partner talking about their ex all the time, comparing all the ways the two of you are similar or different, and dwelling on the past, you might want to run while you can.
At the end of the day, you might be okay with being someone’s rebound, but you’re not okay with being someone’s punching bag.
3. They’re emotionally unavailable
What do we mean by that? When you decide that you’re completely fine with getting involved with someone who wants to keep things casual, you might expect them to be emotionally unavailable.
Whether they’re upfront with you about wanting a rebound relationship or trying to get you to agree to a “friends with benefits” type of arrangement, you might already know that they’re a little aloof.
When does being emotionally unavailable become a red flag, though? When your partner claims to be over their ex and to be ready for a relationship, while you’re well aware that they’re still thinking of their ex 24/7, you might be dealing with someone who’s emotionally unavailable and doesn’t even know it.
4. They’re coming on too strong
We might be talking your ears off with the smallest details that give away whether you’re dealing with a regular rebound relationship or a toxic one, but that’s for your own good.
Now, are you feeling a bit uneasy because your new partner is coming on way too strong? Well, this is one of the red flags of a toxic rebound relationship telling you that they’re fresh out of a bad breakup and using you as their emotional Band-Aid.
Still, if your partner is already strutting you around like a prize, making grand plans for the future, and acting like you’re the next big love story – it’s time to reevaluate. This over-the-top behavior, especially if they just jumped out of another relationship, might be a sign they haven’t dealt with their past yet.
So if your new beau is laying it on thick while claiming they’re all set for a casual rebound, chances are they’re not as over their ex as they think.
5. They’re showing you off on social media – a lot
We can say the same thing about showing you off on social media. When the two of you agree to keep things casual, you might expect your partner to tell a few friends – but you certainly don’t expect them to broadcast the news to the entire world.
When your partner starts showing you off on social media and pretending that the two of you are in a serious relationship, that’s a red flag. We suggest you arrange an open and honest conversation about your expectations for your relationship.
Make sure you’re on the same page before you agree to continue with your arrangement.
6. They’re hot and cold at the same time
Within a few weeks, the two of you managed to declare your love for each other, plan a future together, and spend nearly every moment with each other. While that sounds like the start of a romantic relationship, you’re worried because you’re supposed to be each other’s rebounds.
What’s the tea on that? When you notice your partner swinging from hot to cold, or vice versa, you might be dealing with someone who doesn’t know what they want. Your partner probably doesn’t understand how rebound relationships work, and that’s a surefire way to ruin the relationship from the start.
7. They’re totally over their ex – but they’re not
Whenever you talk about your exes, your partner seems to get all worked up and annoyed by the mere thought of getting back together with them. When you catch your partner expressing hatred at any and all prospects of reuniting with their ex, that might be a red flag.
While some relationships do end badly, there’s a chance that your partner might not realize they’re still pining over their ex. Whether your partner compares you to their ex or talks about their ex all the time, there’s a chance that you might need to have a conversation with them.
8. They’re positive that their ex was the one to blame for the breakup
Sure, their ex might have cheated on them or decided to break things off without a reason. Still, you weren’t there, and you don’t know the details of their breakup – you only know what your partner tells you.
When discussing exes, you might notice that your partner insists their ex was to blame for the breakup. We’d deem that a red flag because it’s a telltale sign that your partner might be dealing with unprocessed emotions regarding their ex.
Rebound relationships aren’t the healthiest relationships out there, but they’re more likely to work when both parties are dealing with their emotional baggage in a healthy way. With that said, make sure to talk with your partner about everything that’s bothering you, and you’ll be good.