Think aloud
Do you constantly need reassurance in a relationship? If so, you probably need a lot of answers to the same questions that always bother you.
Do you really love me? Will you eventually leave me?
Do you love me more than anyone else? Can you promise that you’ll never let me go?
Am I more important to you than anything else? What if you one day realize that you don’t love me anymore?
Most people who need reassurance in a relationship have asked these questions. Getting the answers from your loved one sometimes simply isn’t enough to rest assured of their love, though.
If you want to stop seeking constant reassurance and finally trust your partner, you need to take action.
The constant need for reassurance can even turn into anxiety or ruin a relationship. Yes, everyone occasionally needs reassurance, but when you constantly need it, it’s a problem.
Looking for security and comfort is perfectly normal, and everyone’s searching for it. It’s when it seems like you can’t possibly be reassured that it turns into an issue.
Maybe you’ve fallen into a bad pattern of constantly asking the same questions and searching for a magical solution. You somehow believe that once you get the answers you need, you’ll feel better – all you really want is to feel secure.
Unfortunately, no simple answer could solve that problem. You’ll just keep asking the same questions and worry about the possible answers.
Good news: You can stop needing reassurance in a relationship
All people seek reassurance – and not just in romantic relationships. In a romantic relationship though, it can create a problem your loved one can’t solve for you. You will need to work on yourself to stop needing reassurance from your partner.
Sometimes, asking for reassurance can be a good thing, but have you ever wondered why you need it so much?
We’ll get to that, but I want to first tell you about the situations where it’s okay to ask for reassurance.
Reassurance in a relationship can remind you that you are cared for. It helps you realize that you mean a lot to your loved one, which comforts you… But for how long?
It’s perfectly okay to tell your partner that you need reassurance because you’re feeling a particular way.
Life can get busy, and maybe your partner got so caught up with other things that they neglected your needs. Perhaps they don’t even notice your frustrations.
This is surely not what you want, but it doesn’t mean that they care less about you.
If you’d explain to them what’s bothering you, they might make the time to help you. You need to let your partner know how you feel before expecting them to understand it.
But what if you always need constant reassurance whenever you’re in a relationship with someone?
Each time you’ve been romantically involved with someone, you’ve needed them to reassure you of their love. You’ve wanted them to prove their love for you and promise not to ever walk away.
This can create issues in your relationships, and it might already have in the past.
Needing your partner to constantly ease your worries can be extremely tiring for them as well as for you.
Just imagine the opposite scenario – your partner needing you to always make them feel somewhat better. Eventually, you’d become frustrated and despondent.
Let me remind you of something once again… All of us need reassurance sometimes, especially in a relationship.
We can’t know what our partner is thinking, and there are always some ups and downs. Occasionally, we also feel emotionally vulnerable, more than our loved ones.
The need for reassurance often comes from insecurity, and when you’re feeling vulnerable, it’s natural to feel insecure. People often feel this way when they are going through something difficult.
Feeling vulnerable and needing reassurance is normal if it happens occasionally. In these times, your partner should be willing to reassure you and even demonstrate their love.
But if you need constant reassurance, it’s an entirely different story. You need to stop it from taking its toll on your relationship.
What’s causing your need for reassurance?
Maybe you already know, and you have had bad past experiences that resulted in this need.
Perhaps your family didn’t show you enough love, so you have abandonment issues. Maybe you have an anxious attachment style too.
If your ex broke up with you without any warning or betrayed your trust, it left its mark on you. Things like that can really damage your self-esteem and confidence.
They could make you believe that your partner could leave at any second. Regardless of how hard you try to trust them, you always stay alert for signs they’ve become less interested.
This is probably why you seek constant reassurance. You need your partner to prove that they aren’t going anywhere and love you the same.
Maybe you’re always on edge and even somewhat paranoid. You analyze every single thing they say or do because you can’t trust them.
Your partner might be extremely patient, but they won’t keep reassuring you for all eternity. At some point, they won’t even know how to reassure you anymore.
This is why you need to work on yourself and try beat the need for constant reassurance. You need to learn to trust your partner and enjoy your time together.
No one can guarantee that you’ll stay together forever. Life is long, people change, and relationships can be complicated.
It’s not a reason to give up on love, though, but you can’t have love without trust. If your partner’s repeatedly tried to reassure you of their love, try believing them.
You are lovable, you know! Don’t ever think that you don’t deserve love or that you’re not good enough. You need to be more confident and realize your worth.
Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you, and have faith in your partner. If you don’t see why they love you, you need to work on loving yourself more.
How to stop seeking reassurance in a relationship
1. Love yourself more
Do you really love me? Really? You promise? You’re not going to leave me, right?
If this sounds like you, you certainly need to start loving yourself more.
Maybe someone in your past didn’t give you the love you needed. Unfortunately, you can’t change your past, but you can change your present and future.
Instead of asking your partner to remind you why they love you, ask yourself that.
Why do you love yourself? What is it that you love about yourself?
If you’re finding it hard to even name your good qualities, you have to work on yourself.
The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself. Show yourself the love you’re searching for and reassure yourself of your love.
2. Find out where your need for reassurance in a relationship comes from
It’s important to find out what’s causing this constant need. Where exactly is it coming from?
Finding the root of your problem is the best way to prevent it from growing.
I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. You will need to face the problem and accept issues from the past that led to it.
Perhaps you’ll also need to accept something about yourself that you’d rather ignore.
Talking about it with a therapist could help, but you can try talking to friends you trust. Writing it down can also be useful because sometimes we only accept things that we know when we see them on paper.
Whichever way you choose to deal with it, putting your worries and concerns into words can surely help. It will be easier to get to the root of the problem and process your emotions.
3. Try to make yourself happy by doing what you love
Self-love is almost unachievable without self-care. Your well-being might be at risk, and you need to focus on yourself to prevent the damage.
Enjoy simple pleasures such as reading a good book or taking a hot bath. Don’t forget to stay healthy by eating better and exercising on a regular basis.
Doing these things can and will help you feel better about yourself. You won’t feel so anxious, and you’ll be on the right path to loving yourself more.
Women often obsess over their love life to the extent of neglecting the other aspects of their lives.
To stop needing reassurance in a relationship, you have to have a life outside of the relationship. It’s good for you, for your partner, and for the relationship.
Don’t forget that your happiness is not your partner’s responsibility. You need to make yourself happy, and it’s not as hard as it sounds.
What do you love doing? What makes you feel good?
Then do that! Do something you’re good at and watch your confidence grow.
It may be a simple hobby that you enjoy dedicating your time to. Find the time to do the things you love.
Maybe you just want to read a magazine and drink margaritas. Go for it – enjoy yourself!
4. Don’t forget that your happiness is on you
Your mood can’t depend on your significant other. A relationship can make you happy, but you can’t put your partner in charge of your happiness.
You are in charge of your own happiness, and you must make yourself happy. No one can live your life for you, so you have to make it the way it suits you.
If you lead yourself to believe that you can’t be happy without your partner, it’s no wonder you need reassurance in a relationship.
They should be an important part of your life but not your entire world. Your life can’t revolve around your partner, no matter how fulfilling your relationship is.
Don’t forget about the other people who care about you. You shouldn’t neglect your friends and family just to be entirely focused on your partner.
If you have a career you love, throw yourself into it. You might achieve even more than you thought you could.
If your job doesn’t fulfill you, consider whether you can change it. Maybe there is something else you could do that you’d enjoy.
If not, you can always do what you love as a hobby. Do what makes you smile and what you’re passionate about.
Of course, you can enjoy some activities with your loved one. Still, it’s important that you both have your own things too.
Find the time and space you need to enjoy some activities separately.
The happier you feel in your own skin, the less reassurance you’ll need in your relationship. You’ll bring your happiness into the relationship instead, and it will be healthier for it.
You love your partner, but you need to know that the world wouldn’t stop if they’d leave you. As a matter of fact, after some time, you’d see that you can be fine on your own.
When you’re doing something fulfilling on your own, you’ll become stronger and feel more capable. As a result, you’ll be less dependent on your significant other, which will strengthen your relationship even further.
5. Learn to enjoy your own company
When you fall in love, you want to spend every waking moment with your partner. It’s normal, and it happens to all of us, but it’s actually bad for you and your relationship.
You need to spend some time alone and turn inward. Learn to enjoy your own company, and you’ll need less reassurance in a relationship.
Some quiet time to meditate and reflect could be very useful to you.
Maybe you don’t believe in meditation, or it’s just not your thing, and that’s okay. But taking some time to be centered and quiet is important, even if it’s something as simple as having a cup of tea and listening to some ambient music.
Everyday life has a lot of distractions, and sometimes you just need some quiet time to relax.
Get in touch with yourself and your needs and wants. Let go of all the stress life brings your way by unwinding on your own and trying to make your life more peaceful.
6. Write in a journal
Writing down your feelings and fears can be very helpful. It’ll be easier for you to face your fears and process your feelings once you write them down.
Sometimes, seeing something written on paper can give you the clarity you need.
While you’re worried, you don’t see reality as clearly as when you sit down, think about it, and put it down on black and white.
Maybe there’s no reason for you to be insecure in the relationship. Once you write down all of your concerns, it might help you see that.
7. Pay attention to how your partner shows love
Maybe you’re getting the reassurance you need without even noticing it.
How does your partner show you love? People show love differently, and it doesn’t always match the way we imagine loving gestures look like.
Signs of love aren’t just flowers, chocolates, and dates. Maybe your partner makes coffee for you when you get up in the morning. Perhaps they fixed a problem you’ve been having with your computer.
Maybe they tell you to bring a jacket because it’s cold outside. Perhaps they make extra effort to get along with someone from your family.
These may all be signs of love you don’t even notice.
Stop expecting your partner to show you love in the way you want them to. Instead, try seeing things from their point of view. Maybe you’ll start seeing the reassurance you need every day in the little things they do.
8. Learn to trust your partner
Are there some bad past experiences that might be causing your trust issues? Do you know why trust is important in a relationship?
You can’t bring the ghosts of your past into your current relationship and let them haunt it. If your partner’s never given you a reason to doubt them, don’t.
Trusting people can be hard because you never know whether they might eventually hurt you – but that’s just life.
Yes, when you enter a relationship you are risking getting hurt, but when you avoid getting hurt, you’re risking destroying that relationship.
When you love someone, you just have to trust them if they show you love.
It’s impossible to have a healthy relationship without trust. In addition, your partner will get tired of having to prove themselves to you over and over again.
When you give someone your heart, you just have to trust them not to break it. And if they do, you simply have to put it back together again and repeat the process.
The pain that happens in the meantime is a part of life you just can’t avoid. Don’t forget that experience far outweighs regret, so don’t be so scared of getting hurt.
Loving a woman with trust issues is hard, but it’s worth it as long as you help her trust again. Maybe that’s exactly what your partner thinks about your trust issues.
9. Find a way to deal with any uncertainty
A lot of people have trouble dealing with uncertainty, and it shows in their need for reassurance.
What if he falls in love with someone else? How will I survive if he leaves me? What if something happens that stops us from being together?
All these “what ifs” are driving you insane, and it’s all because you’re uncertain.
Uncertainty is an unavoidable part of life, and you’ll have to accept that. You can’t live a happy life if you’re constantly wondering “what if.”
If your partner is a loving, trustworthy, and reliable person, they’ll keep being that person.
You decided to commit to each other, and that means working on the relationship. It’s not all going to be just smooth sailing, and you both need to put effort into it.
That is the only way to stop being so afraid of uncertainty in a relationship.
10. Face the fear of conflict
The need for reassurance often comes from fear of conflict.
Maybe you think that your partner’s going to leave you when they act somewhat annoyed by you.
That’s not a reasonable fear – there’s just bound to be some conflict in any relationship.
Tense moments are inevitable, and when your partner’s mad at you, they don’t feel like reminding you that they love you.
You need to accept conflict as a normal part of life that you just can’t avoid. Occasional conflicts are even healthy in a relationship.
To ease your worries, you can make a rule not to mention the word breakup during fights. It will help you remember that your partner isn’t going anywhere even if they are angry at you.
11. Learn what healthy reassurance in a relationship means to you
Reassurance can be healthy, but you need to know what it means to you.
It’s not just about repeating the words “I love you, I’ll be with you forever,” it’s about actions.
Talk to your partner about reassurance and how the two of you show love to each other. Ask them what would make them feel loved and secure. Tell them what would make you feel that way too.
Maybe all you really need are good morning and goodnight messages.
Imagine waking up to see a message from your partner first thing in the morning and going to bed after wishing each other goodnight.
You’ll know that you’re the first thing they think about when they wake up and that they can’t fall asleep without you.
Know that smile you get when you get a message from your partner? It’s what the love you truly deserve feels like.
12. Be aware of different love languages
There are different love languages – people show love in many ways.
Some might give thoughtful gifts, while others make sacrifices. There are people who work hard for their loved ones or cook them their favorite meal.
We all show love in many different ways, and you and your partner need to recognize your individual love languages.
Accept the way your partner shows love because they might not show it the way you expect.
Good luck!
