Think aloud
You maybe didn’t think of narcissist red flags, but lately, they have been on your mind quite a lot.
Something must have happened which made you intrigued by this topic. Perhaps you’re involved in a romantic relationship with someone that’s been showing narcissistic behavior.
You might have had a friend or family member bring your attention to this problem, but it took you a while to see it yourself.
That’s why they say that love is blind because no matter how many red flags are waving around you, you’re just not able to see them right away.
You’ve noticed that your mental health has been deteriorating in your relationship recently, but why is that? You don’t feel any other changes from within, so something from your environment must’ve been different.
But do you think it’s possible that nothing’s changed but some things surfaced just now? You’re paying more attention to your partner and this new person seems to affect you negatively.
How will you know if he’s the problem?
Who’s a narcissist?
If you’ve never encountered one before then it’s harder for you to see all of the narcissistic traits this person has.
They tend to be manipulative which only helps them hide their personality longer. A narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is one of the many personality disorder types.
Some people who recently met one wouldn’t think anything ill about them. Moreover, they would probably describe them as cheeky, which can come off as both funny and interesting.
However, they don’t know that they couldn’t be more wrong about them. There’s a clear difference between a narcissist and a good guy.
A narcissist is someone who thinks highly of himself and that opinion usually doesn’t meet others’ expectations.
As a consequence, they are eager to pick up fights because they don’t allow others to voice their thoughts that freely. That is unless they’re going to complement and agree with them.
I know, they sound like a pain in the neck and they are. So, if you’re dating a narcissist, then I suggest you run for the hills.
But, you’re not sure whether this new person you’re dating has a narcissistic personality disorder. Still, you’re having suspicions because your friends or family members have been noticing some warning signs.
This made you think: “What are some narcissistic traits? Am I really getting myself in trouble and I’m not even aware of it?“
What are narcissist red flags?
No matter how much he tries to hide it, eventually, everything’s going to come to the surface. You can notice some narcissistic traits when you’re least expecting them.
I hate to say this, but they’re all over the place – you just didn’t see them. However, you should be more cautious around him and pay attention to his behavior next time you go out.
Some of these may come as shocking to you because of how obvious they were. Others, you wouldn’t have dreamt of in your wildest dreams. Or nightmares.
If your boyfriend has a narcissistic personality disorder, then you’re probably going to notice the following signs of it.
1. He gets ahead of himself
What does this even mean? Well, let me tell you something that you’ve probably noticed but never gave much thought to.
A relationship implies that two people are going to be affectionate towards each other, right? Well, you may have noticed that he was a bit too affectionate at times; you know what I mean?
It seemed as if he was smothering you but perhaps you just got out of a relationship where your partner wasn’t showing devotion at all so you liked the attention.
If you approached him with this question (which I believe was so awkward), he assured you that it’s alright and he just wants to show you how much he loves you. You were reluctant because all of it seemed a bit early but you went with the flow because he convinced you that it’s just his way of expressing feelings.
Before you know it, he’s love bombing you, and you find yourself baffled by his behavior. Is it possible that he’s a hopeless romantic and gives his all?
This new person came into your life and said how he understands what you’ve been through and that all you deserve is to be loved? Yeah right.
The problem with all of this constant smothering is that he was so adamant. You had a feeling like he was trying to persuade you into something?
This is a clear sign of manipulation, and before you know it, you’ve got yourself in a toxic relationship. This constant nagging can be hard to bear so you might put up some resistance.
This will lead you to many more narcissist red flags you’ll now learn to recognize in your new relationship.
2. He’s easily offended
A narcissist person doesn’t take no for an answer and he certainly doesn’t like anyone confronting him. He’s especially defensive when you approach him with strong arguments.
This may be extremely uncomfortable because he’ll make himself a victim every time. It seems as if your questions are invalid and even inappropriate.
He will try his best to dodge any problem that’s related to him. For instance, you may ask him why he hides his phone call records and he’ll act all offended.
It’s like you’ve insulted him when it was just a simple question. A narcissist will do everything it takes to avoid someone putting blame on them.
3. He can’t keep his promises
You know when someone keeps giving you big promises but you end up disappointed because they didn’t keep them?
Well, that someone could just be your new narcissistic boyfriend. We call this type of people an all-booster because all they do is talk but take no action.
He may give his word, but honestly, it doesn’t mean a lot to him. It can start from small promises such as I’ll see you tomorrow that is always met with I couldn’t make it, sorry.
Before you know it, he swears that it won’t happen again; but that is also a lie. It keeps happening and it’s not just small things. One day, he’ll break the promise that was meaningless to him but meant the world to you.
If you’re ready to get hurt then go for it. But if you’re seeing these narcissist red flags, then make the wiser choice.
4. No one’s good enough to be his friend
This may not be something you’ve touched upon on your first date and you didn’t think anything wrong with it.
You keep talking about your friends but you notice that he’s not mentioning any. Maybe he’s just a loner and keeps a few close friends?
Perhaps he had some previous bad experience and was hurt, so you didn’t question it. However, as time goes by, you don’t hear him speaking of friends or even family members.
This doesn’t have to be suspicious but is a potential narcissist red flag. If you question him about it, he’s going to lie saying how he has a bunch of friends but appreciates spending time with you.
It’s either that or his ego will come bursting out and shouting: No one’s good enough to be my friend! Well, he’ll probably be more subtle about that, but you get the point.
However, he may mention their flaws and talk about them as if they’ve ruined themselves in some way. This all leads to one conclusion – that they’re not good enough to be blessed by his company.
5. He makes you think he’s always right
When you’re dating a person with a narcissistic personality disorder, you may think you’re in school again. This sounds funny but don’t lie to me and tell me you’ve never felt this way.
It’s because he will always make you think that he’s right about something even if he isn’t. As previously mentioned, if you try to correct him, he’ll just get mad and defensive when you tell him how you feel.
There’s no point in spelling out his mistakes because he wants none of that. Even if you tried, you couldn’t persuade him into rethinking his choice because “he knows best”.
He will often brag about how he’s giving the best advice and that he’s everyone’s go-to man. In return, he doesn’t need anyone’s help and he can completely manage on his own.
Furthermore, he will often devalue your opinions because it’s not something he would do or it’s not the way he would do it.
6. It’s always your fault
Just like I explained earlier, an NPD person is never going to accept his mistakes. He doesn’t feel remorse so he’s completely fine with throwing the blame at you.
He will often guilt trip you about something you could’ve done better, which really wasn’t in your power. All of these narcissistic red flags can affect you greatly and can even be considered emotional abuse.
You’ll find yourself experiencing anxiety and even depression because he’ll repeatedly make you feel not good enough. A narcissist person’s characteristic is a lack of empathy for other humans, so he doesn’t see anything wrong with his approach.
After all, he knows best and he’s Mr. Right. This can greatly impact your self-esteem because being constantly reminded that you’re not good enough can take its toll on you.
Being the manipulators they are, this narcissism could oftentimes go without being noticed. They’re so good at what they do and before you know it, they’ll be pulling all the strings.
You’re in it for deep once you find yourself questioning your self-worth. Another type of emotional abuse you can get from a narcissist is gaslighting.
What does it mean? How do you know he’s doing that to you? Well, if he’s constantly persuading you that you’re imagining things and what you’re saying isn’t true or real, then he’s gaslighting you.
This is a type of narcissistic abuse that can be inconspicuous in the beginning but progresses over time. It can pretty much escalate and evolve as an early sign of domestic violence.
7. His relationships never worked out because of his partners
A narcissist may not talk about not having a best friend, but he’s almost certainly going to mention his previous relationships. He’ll take any opportunity to always brag about how he was the best boyfriend ever, but yet again, they didn’t deserve him.
Of course, you believed him because strong communication is one of his hacks to manipulate people!
He’ll tell you about how he never had a healthy relationship because all of his exes had low self-esteem. I wonder why…
A narcissist can even make you feel sorry for him because he’ll whine about being hurt. Perhaps he mentioned how all of his previous toxic relationships ruined him when he’s the one who ruined the relationships.
The inflated sense of self he has presents him in the best light possible, so his actions in past relationships shouldn’t even be questioned.
His usual sweet talk doesn’t make you think much of a narcissistic relationship he’s offered those poor girls before you.
8. He doesn’t value your privacy
That extra affection can soon turn into him being extremely nosy. I’m not talking about constantly calling you and checking on your whereabouts.
This is worse. A narcissist’s personality trait is inquisitiveness but not a good kind. You may catch him eavesdropping on your conversations, snooping around your stuff, or even spying on you!
This can quickly become a problem because he’s trying to take control of you and your life. He can start talking bad about your friends and how they’re not good for you.
He may also stalk you on social media to see what you’re up to every second of the day. If this doesn’t sound controlling and narcissistic, then I don’t know what does!
9. He’s only physically present
This new person you’re dating started showing some narcissist red flags and one of them is emotional absence.
He doesn’t feel the need for you two to involve in deep conversations and often dodges them. If you ask him about his future plans or some of the dreams he wants to pursue, you probably won’t get the same question in return.
It seems as if he’s only physically present whenever he’s around you. He’s absent-minded when you’re talking about how your day went, what restaurant would you like to eat at, and what would you like for a birthday present.
A narcissist doesn’t seem to bother to ask you about your personal interests and what’s your favorite color. You may expect him to show some interest on your first date, but he’s not.
Also, he doesn’t like to pay attention to your complaints and opinions. Narcissism implies that he doesn’t have time for you to voice your thoughts because no matter what, they’re not as important as his.
This form of absence can be seen as a type of emotional abuse because he’s undermining your self-worth by not listening to you.
He doesn’t bother to ask you how was your day and instead proceeds to talk about himself only! This is where his arrogance and entitlement come out to the surface. He gives himself the right to be mentally present whenever he needs it. But when you’re asking him to pay attention to you, he’s nowhere to be found.
10. Everything revolves around him
A narcissist finds his way of tricking people into falling in love with him. His narcissistic personality disorder is full of red flags; one of them being his enormous ego.
He always likes to be in the center of attention. No, he needs that. That’s his way of coping, and if the world isn’t revolving around him, then he doesn’t want to deal with it.
If you’re a clingy type, then you’ll be a perfect victim and his narcissistic supply. He’ll feed off of your protectiveness and devotion to him.
It’s like a leech that once it’s stuck, sucks the life out of you until there’s nothing left. The way you can add fuel to the fire and feed him some more is if you pay attention to him all the time.
If you don’t seem to fit his needs, it’s not uncommon that he’ll resort to the famous silent treatment. If you’re not doing it his way, then he’s not doing it at all, simple as that.
Why is it hard to notice narcissist red flags?
After noticing some of the narcissist red flags, I’m sure you’ll be out of there in no time. But why is it so hard to notice these warning signs?
We know that love is blind but some of these narcissistic traits we’ve previously mentioned seem so obvious.
However, don’t blame yourself for not noticing this narcissistic abuse earlier. Their manipulative ways are bound to erase your own opinions and thoughts.
A narcissist will do his best to make you see things from his point, which ends up with you losing your perspective.
Not long after, this can all take its toll on your mental health and before you realize that this is a form of emotional abuse, you’ll feel drained, to say the least.
- Love bombing is perceived as an honest devotion and form of affection.
- His persuasive ways will look righteous rather than plain gaslighting.
- His manipulative ways will trick you into thinking you’re his soulmate.
- He explains how you’re more important than close friends and family members.
- He will make his bragging look like accomplishments.
- Your idealization of a healthy relationship will get in the way of discovering his true face.
- Your low self-esteem can think of this toxic relationship as the best one yet.
- A narcissist is good at hiding his personality traits.
- He’ll constantly tell you how he’s a new person now and there’s no need to worry.
- Narcissist red flags are easy to miss when you’re in love and vulnerable.
How do you deal with narcissism?
You don’t. Narcissists don’t have a tendency to change because they’re so caught up in their own imaginary world where they’re the only ruler.
If you try to interfere with his ways of thinking, it only calls for a disaster. This type of person doesn’t see anything wrong with his behavior, so it’s unlikely a friendly conversation will do the trick.
For people with narcissistic personality disorder, their traits will only worsen as time goes by. If not treated properly, of course. Sooner or later, you’ll get yourself in a lot of trouble by trying to help him when he doesn’t want it. A narcissist can promise you the world one day, and then the next day he’ll end it with one phone call.
All of the previously mentioned narcissist red flags are things that need to be taken seriously. They can ruin a person because a toxic relationship can be so exhausting.
I’m not only talking about mental health, a toxic relationship can also influence your body in many ways. I know it’s hard, and he might try to manipulate you some more, persuading you to stay.
It’s possible that he’s going to play the victim again and call you a coward because you’re giving up. This is his well-known tactic of making you feel miserable and giving you guilt trips.
However, don’t let his narcissism intimidate and imprison you once again!
In conclusion
Sometimes it’s hard to detect the narcissist red flags because you’re so caught up in this new person’s presence and you can’t seem to get enough of them.
Narcissism is a personality disorder that has certain personality traits ascribed to it. These are no good ones and they’ll be evident after a while.
It’s important you have the support of your close friends or family member because the manipulative ways of a narcissistic partner can be hard to wiggle out of.
A person you thought was your soulmate turned out to be toxic, and the sooner you get out of that relationship, the sooner you will heal. Make sure you remember these red flags next time you meet someone new!
