Think aloud
“My boyfriend is ignoring me and I have no idea why, nor do I have any idea what to do about it!”
The moment you realize that your boyfriend has changed the way he treats you, you immediately feel like your whole world is about to collapse. He’s the last person on earth who should be ignoring you.
And still, there you are, trying to decipher his behavior, since you have no idea why he’s acting differently around you all of a sudden.
You’ve done your best to lead a normal conversation with him to see what’s wrong but it hasn’t helped. Your boyfriend is obviously ignoring you and you can’t figure out why.
If this has lasted for hours or even days then he must have some reason for his behavior. There’s a root to the problem and you need to work out what it is.
“My boyfriend is ignoring me”: 10 possible explanations for why he’s doing that
As we all already know, guys aren’t usually fans of words or expressing their feelings verbally. They’d much rather opt for actions and show you what they’re actually thinking through their behavior.
So, when your boyfriend starts ignoring you, it’s an immediate red flag that something’s off. He’s fighting a battle of his own and he clearly isn’t willing to tell you what’s actually going on.
Well, don’t worry as I’m about to share with you some of the possible reasons why your boyfriend decides to ignore you. As someone who has experience of relationship dramas and boyfriends who suddenly stop communicating, I can show you a few tricks I’ve learned along the way.
So, let’s start with some of the likely reasons why your boyfriend has changed his behavior, with no explanations given.
1. He needs space
The first time this happened to me, I dialed my best friend and hysterically yelled down the phone that my boyfriend was ignoring me and how it probably meant that he was going to break up with me. She calmly told me these words: “Relax girl, he probably needs some space.”
In the end, this was the actual reason why he had abruptly reduced the communication. It turns out that men love their space.
The moment someone gets too close to them and intrudes on their personal space, they start to feel fear. And the more serious your relationship gets, the more scared they get.
So, if your boyfriend realized that the thing between the two of you isn’t a game anymore, as his feelings are getting stronger, that could be the reason why he started to ignore you.
I know that it doesn’t make a lot of sense but you must remember that men think differently than women. To them, commitment is something they usually don’t feel comfortable with.
So, when they realize that their relationship is entering that gray zone, they instantly start to be afraid that they’ll lose their freedom. Once that happens, they subconsciously pull away as they need some time to think about everything.
But in most cases, they come back, because they realize that a real relationship won’t take anything away from them. It can only fill their life with a new dose of happiness, one they haven’t experienced before.
So, if he loves you and his feelings are real, you shouldn’t worry about his current behavior. He just needs a bit more space to figure out that you’re exactly what he needs.
And the moment that happens, he’ll come running back into your arms.
2. He’s considering breaking up with you
If your boyfriend is a coward who wants to break up with you but doesn’t know how to tell you that, then he may decide to ignore you. Step by step, he’ll start communicating with you less and less, thinking it’ll help him escape from you the easy way.
At some point, he’ll either ghost you and you’ll no longer hear from him or you’ll get so fed up with the fact that he’s been ignoring you for such a long time that you’ll decide to end things with him. He doesn’t care much about what will happen as long as he gets the outcome he wants.
Well, if he actually chose this way to end the relationship then you should know that you’ll be better off without him. If he’s such an immature guy to the point where he doesn’t know how to tell you that he wants to break up with you then he doesn’t deserve you in the first place.
3. He’s mad at you for some reason
“Could it be that my boyfriend is ignoring me because he’s angry at me?”
Well, it’s a possibility. Maybe you don’t even remember that you upset him but there’s a chance that you said something hurtful which stuck with him.
Try to remember whether you insulted him in any way.
Did you tell him something, after which he simply stopped talking to you? Do you remember whether there was a moment when his face showed disbelief and then he started ignoring you?
Your answer could be hidden right there and you just need to remember whether you actually did something that could have hurt his feelings.
Or perhaps you just had a fight and he’s experiencing post-argument anger. He knows that speaking to you would only make matters ten times worse so he decided to stay quiet.
If this is the reason then his ignoring game won’t last long as he’ll go back to his old behavior the moment his emotions calm down.
4. He feels like you always want something from him
Are you the type of girlfriend who’s always asking your boyfriend for favors? Like you always have a task for him because you think that he loves helping you?
You probably read somewhere that the main point of having a healthy relationship is making a man feel like he’s your hero. After that, you started acting all needy and you kept calling your boyfriend for help with the most simple tasks such as changing your light bulb or hanging a picture on the wall.
Even though you can easily do it on your own, you think that you’re supposed to make him feel like ‘the man’ in your relationship, and apparently, this can help with that. Well, if your boyfriend is a real man who wants to have a strong woman by his side, then he probably expects you to know how to take care of yourself.
He doesn’t want a woman who’ll need his help 24/7 and maybe that’s why he started ignoring you. He wants to show you that he’s not a fan of your behavior and that you must change something about it if you don’t want to lose him.
5. Talking to you ruins his day
We usually blame others for all of the issues we face. If you’re having troubles in your relationship, the chances are that you’ll shift the blame on to your partner.
It’s hard to look at things objectively and admit the mistakes you’ve made. And maybe that’s why you still haven’t realized that your boyfriend is ignoring you because of something you did.
Are you the type of person who always complains about things? Do you always think that the glass is half empty instead of half full?
Do you often talk about the problems in your life without paying much attention to the person you’re sharing your feelings with?
If you’ve found yourself in these words, then this could be the reason why your boyfriend is ignoring you.
He knows that every time he calls you, he’ll have to listen to you nagging about something that just happened to you. If he texts to see how your day was, you’ll probably reply with a long message about how terrible life is.
He’s sick of the same old complaints that you shower him with every time he tries to lead a normal conversation with you. Your negativity ruins his mood and that’s why he decided to pull away for a while until you realize your mistake.
6. He feels like the relationship is moving too fast
“My boyfriend is ignoring me and I don’t get why. Everything has been going so well, we even planned to move in together. What changed all of a sudden?”
Well, it’s already obvious why your boyfriend is ignoring you. If your relationship is new and fresh and you’ve already had a conversation about important milestones such as moving in, maybe he realized that it’s all moving way too fast.
It probably hit him that he’s not ready for such a huge step but at the same time, he knows how excited you are. He can’t reject your proposal since he knows it would break your heart but he also doesn’t feel relaxed when he knows that everything is moving faster than he expected it to.
That’s why he started ignoring you, since he thought it would give him some time to think about everything. He doesn’t want to rush anything and he’s taking a well-needed break by using the silent treatment for a while.
7. He’s cheating on you
If your boyfriend is cheating on you then that could be the reason why he’s ignoring you. He found himself a new woman and now, he either wants you to leave him or he feels guilty for cheating, which is preventing him from talking to you.
If you noticed other red flags that made you suspect he was cheating on you, there’s only one thing you can do – LEAVE. Even if he feels guilty for going down that road, it’s still not a reason good enough for you to forgive him.
Once a cheater, always a cheater, and if you welcome him back once, he’ll know that he can keep playing dirty, as you’ll always wait for him. And trust me, you don’t want things to play out that way.
8. He’s too busy with something else
One of the possible reasons why your boyfriend is ignoring you could be that he’s too busy with other aspects of his life. Maybe he’s having a major work crisis which is taking up all of his free time.
Even when he’s home, he’s still working and he doesn’t really have time to text you all the time, talk to you for hours, or take you out. Or there could be a family emergency, which would explain why he hasn’t been near his phone and why all of your desperate calls to hear his voice ended up being missed.
Your boyfriend may be going through something you don’t know about since he didn’t want to bother you with his issues.
Of course, it would be best for both of you if he openly told you about his problems. That way, you wouldn’t create all these scenarios in your head about what’s going on and you could be a helping hand in his time of need.
But if he’s the type of guy who prefers to deal with his problems on his own, without complaining to anyone, then there’s your explanation as to why he kept quiet about this whole thing.
9. He’s not good at keeping the communication going
Some guys simply suck at texting. They’re terrible at calling to check on you as they don’t know how to communicate over the phone.
To them, nothing compares to face-to-face communication.
If your boyfriend is anything like this then that’s why he’s been ignoring you. The answer is that he’s simply bad at replying to text messages and catching up with you.
Instead, he’s probably a massive fan of taking you out at least once a week and spending quality time together where you’ll be able to share with him everything that happened to you during the last few days.
If he already mentioned to you that he’s old-fashioned then that’s exactly why you feel like your boyfriend has been ignoring you. It wasn’t a part of his plan but it all ended up looking like that since he’s not very skilled at keeping the communication going.
10. He’s trying to manipulate you
Your boyfriend could be ignoring you if he’s trying to manipulate you to play by his rules. In this case, he’ll use stonewalling as a way of getting you to do what he wants.
The more he ignores you, the easier it’ll be for him to manipulate you. In the end, you’ll probably do whatever he wants you to, since you won’t be able to stand the silent treatment.
Well, that’s how he’s expecting you to act. But once you realize that he’s playing a dangerous mind game with you, you should show him that you won’t tolerate his behavior.
No matter how much you love him, if you realize that he isn’t worthy of your time or attention, you should be willing to walk away from him.
My boyfriend is ignoring me so what do I do now?
When your boyfriend starts to ignore you, a thousand question marks light up in your head.
What’s going on? What do I do now? Is there even a way to salvage this relationship?
Even though it all feels too hard to deal with, there are some things you can try before you finally realize that there’s no point in fighting any longer. These steps will slowly lead you toward a resolution of your problem and they will also give you peace of mind, as you’ll realize that you’ve done your best to make the relationship work.
So, even if you end up with a different outcome to the one you expected, you’ll at least know that you didn’t give up without trying.
1. Stop calling and texting him all the time
When your boyfriend starts ignoring you, you instantly feel this need to double-text, triple-text, or even send messages until the battery on your phone dies. You feel the need to call him until he finally picks up.
But in this case, the best thing to do would be to simply leave him alone. Let him be the one who reaches out first as there’s really no point in bothering him with constant calls and texts.
If he needs some time and space then let him have it. But he also needs to realize that if he chose to go down this road then he’ll have to be the one to initiate a conversation once he feels ready.
2. Have fun with your friends
While you’re waiting for him to figure out his next move, you shouldn’t spend your time stuck in your room, scrolling through pictures of the two of you and crying your eyes out. Instead, you should have fun with your friends and enjoy your own life.
Trust me, you don’t need him to show you what happiness feels like. You can create it by yourself, without his help.
Waiting for him to call you would be a waste of time since there are far better things that you should be doing right now.
Get dressed up and go out. This will help you forget about him for a while and it’ll also remind you that you’re able to live your life without him.
3. Express your needs to your boyfriend
If it’s already been a while and your boyfriend is still ignoring you, then you should consider having a chat with him. Let him know how it makes you feel when he goes days without reaching out to you.
Share with him the emotions you experience every time he decides not to call or text for ages.
Being ignored isn’t fun and he should know that it’s not something you want to experience on a regular basis. He should be aware of your needs and know what you actually expect from him.
After that, you’ll see whether he’s willing to make a change in his behavior. If he truly cares about you and doesn’t want to lose you, he’ll realize the damage he’s been causing and he’ll work on himself.
4. Remind him of how much fun the two of you usually have
“My boyfriend is ignoring me all of a sudden but I know that we could have a great time together. I remember how much fun we used to have before and now, it’s all changed.”
Well, what if you reminded him of the great times you used to share? What if you planned something fun that would make him realize he doesn’t want to lose you?
With a stressful, fast-paced life, a lot of us tend to forget all of the great things we’re surrounded by. So, maybe your boyfriend forgot how amazing your relationship used to be.
If you can turn the spark back on and remind him of all of the times you spent together, laughing out loud until your stomachs hurt, then maybe he’ll realize that he could lose one of the best people in his life if he doesn’t change his behavior.
5. If nothing changes, consider walking away…
If nothing seems to work and your boyfriend doesn’t change then walking away could be your best option. Once you realize that he doesn’t appreciate you enough to care about your feelings, that’s when you know that your relationship is doomed to fail.
It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to make a change even though you told him what’s bothering you. In that case, there’s really no point in trying anymore if you’ll be the only one fighting for the relationship.
6. … or give him a taste of his own medicine
If you still want to make one last move before you give up on him, then you can give him a taste of his own medicine. If your boyfriend is ignoring you then you can decide to ignore him as well.
Let him experience a plot twist in his own scenario and let him see how it feels when the one who’s supposed to always be there for you decides to give up on you. I guarantee you that he won’t like the feeling since there’s literally nothing good about it.
Eventually, he may realize that he can’t tolerate this behavior and he’ll try to get you back. But even then, you should reconsider whether the relationship is worth saving.
I mean, if he needs a push to realize that he doesn’t want to lose you, are his feelings even real, or is he simply afraid to be alone?
These are both questions that won’t be easy to answer.
