Think aloud
We’re all aware that breaking up with the one who means the world to you is hard but does a mutual breakup carry the same amount of pain? Is it easier to heal after it or does it hurt the same way?
You created a strong connection with that one special person. You felt like the two of you were meant to be and that nothing could tear you apart.
Then, all of a sudden, you realized that your relationship wasn’t making you happy the way you wanted it to. You realized that your current partner maybe wasn’t the best match for you.
So, the two of you broke up. And no matter what the reason is, a breakup is never easy; it hurts and makes you lose hope in love.
What if you’ll never be able to find someone similar to the person you’ve been in a relationship with? What if this means that you’ll end up alone?
The pain of losing the one who meant the world to you is never easy to get over. There are so many ‘what ifs’ and no answers to help you move on.
We all know how heart-wrenching breakups are. There’s sadness, tears, and constant thoughts that both of you could’ve done better to save the relationship.
But do mutual breakups carry the same painful emotions? Is it easier to break up with your partner when both of you agree on the idea?
Do mutual breakups save you from the pain or does it all hurt the same but in a slightly different way?
What does a mutual breakup look like?
A mutual breakup doesn’t happen all of a sudden. Instead, it’s a result of all of the feelings and thoughts that both partners keep accumulating inside of them, being afraid to say them out loud.
At some point, both you and your partner realize that your relationship is going nowhere. You realize that you no longer make each other happy and that there’s so much more to discover elsewhere.
Your relationship becomes a limitation to both of you and you don’t want to feel trapped anymore. That’s when you gain the courage to sit down and have a serious talk with your partner.
You open your heart and soul and say those words aloud – “I don’t think that we’re the best fit for each other.”
After that, you don’t hear your partner sobbing, you don’t hear them asking, “Why?” or begging you to stay. Instead, you hear a phrase full of sadness – “I know.”
You go over the different compromises that you tried to make, thinking they could have saved your relationship, and in the end, you agree on one thing. You still love and respect each other but you know that you’re not able to make each other happy anymore.
At this point, the best thing you can do for the sake of your happiness is agree on a mutual breakup. Your decision is the result of a mature way of dealing with things.
Both of you probably still love each other. You may still be best friends as you spent years together and you know every single detail about one another.
But now, you also realize that you’re not in love anymore. There’s nothing about them that excites you or makes you wish for more time spent together.
Your relationship most likely started to look like a routine, where you’d always know what would happen next.
And because we all look for love that surprises us day after day, you realize that there’s someone out there who’s a better match for you and someone who’ll make your partner happier than he is now.
So, your agreement is final – you both want to end your relationship for the sake of your happiness.
But just because it all looks like a dream, it doesn’t mean that your breakup will be easy.
Phases of a mutual breakup!
There’s one feeling in particular that arises once you agree on a mutual breakup. It’s numbness.
You don’t know the right way to behave once your relationship is over, with both sides making the agreement to end it.
You can’t point fingers at each other because you’re equally responsible for your breakup.
At the same time, you don’t really feel like crying waterfalls because you know that you made this decision together and you know that it’s what’s best for you.
So, what do you do then? How do you feel after choosing the option of a mutual breakup?
Well, just like with every breakup, there are certain phases that you’ll have to go through. They’ll help you realize that this mutual decision was the best thing you could have agreed on.
But it won’t happen all of a sudden, as you’ll need some time to accept the reality of situation. Here’s how it goes.
1. “We should get back together!”
It makes no difference whether both partners mutually agreed on breaking up. The chances are that they’ll still go through a phase where they desperately want to get back together.
And it’s understandable why you’ll feel that way.
Being together for a long time, you learned to be there for one another. You were each other’s best friend and the person you called first when something happened.
You know each other to the bone and you’ve been able to predict each other’s moves. Now, you’re expected to make all of that go away just because you opted for a mutual breakup.
There were no bad words involved and no hard feelings that would make you resent each other. So, it all makes it harder to forget each other and your wish to reunite can be especially strong.
So, you start asking yourself whether this was a good decision at all. Maybe there was something you could have done to save your relationship or maybe you just need some more time to figure everything out.
These thoughts are normal and they don’t mean that you should get back together the moment they start overtaking your mind.
Your partner was the person who was there for you all the time and now they’re gone. It’s hard to admit that you’ve lost that one person who made you feel safe.
But don’t worry; as time goes by, the idea of getting back together will lessen. You’ll start to realize that a mutual breakup was a good call.
It seems hard at first but deep down, you know that you were no longer making each other happy. And that’s how you know your relationship is over.
2. “Maybe this all makes sense.”
You’ll keep thinking about your previous relationship and you’ll realize that a mutual breakup actually makes sense. This whole thing between you and your partner will make sense.
You just needed to get to the point where you’d be able to realize that.
In this phase of grieving after a breakup, you’ll realize that you and your partner made a good decision. You actually did something that benefits both of you.
At this point, you’ll start learning more about yourself, going back to your old hobbies, and exploring new ones. You’ll change up your routine and break from the circle of sadness and wishing to get back together.
Everything will start to feel like a good decision, the one that was best for both of you at this point in your lives. And you’ll feel happy that you didn’t fall into temptation and call your ex the moment you started doubting your decision.
Because right now, this mutual breakup finally makes sense.
3. “If we’re meant to be, it’ll happen.”
At some point, you’ll realize that everything in life happens for a reason. You’ll realize that if two people are meant to be together, they’ll find their way back to each other.
You’re probably asking yourself what this has to do with phases after a mutual breakup, but let me explain to you.
Once you decide to end things for the sake of your happiness, both you and your ex will start thinking about each other. You’ll be able to see things objectively and realize how much good you brought each other.
At that point, you may come to the conclusion that you are made for each other but the timing was wrong. And because you know that you shouldn’t put pressure on things, you won’t force the idea of getting back together.
Instead, you’ll let the universe do its thing. If you’re truly meant to end up together, there will surely come a point in your lives where your paths will cross once again but there’s nothing you can do to speed up that meeting.
On the flip side, if the two of you aren’t meant to be together, there’s also nothing you can do to change that fact. So, instead of worrying about what will happen next and making your life more stressful than it is, there’s only one thing you can do – move on.
And if by any chance there comes a day where the spark between the two of you reignites, you’ll be happy to welcome it. But if not, you’ll still be happy with your life and how far you’ve come.
In the meantime, you should remain focused on yourself and consider yourself as your only priority. Everything else is less important.
4. “Who knows what the universe has in plan for me.”
Once you reach this phase, you’ll realize how the universe works in its own ways.
No matter how much you want something, there will be times when you won’t get it because the forces above you know that you won’t benefit from it.
At this point, you’ll realize that your mutual breakup was the best decision you could have made. It’s one of the things that will shape you into the person you’re destined to be.
You’ll realize how much you’ve changed from the first day of the breakup up until now. Your values are different, your feelings have changed, and you now realize that losing your relationship helped you find yourself again.
You still have deep respect for your ex but maybe you were always supposed to just be a chapter in each other’s life. Maybe your story was never supposed to last forever.
Right now, you don’t know if that’s true but you surely know that the universe has its plans for you and the only thing you can do is work on yourself.
Things you can learn after a mutual breakup!
A mutual breakup can teach you some of the best lessons of your life. It can help you find yourself all over again and reinvent all those parts of your life that went missing with your relationship.
Yes, it’s hard, and right now you feel like your world is falling apart even though you agreed on a breakup. But in no time, the sun will start shining again and you’ll realize that there are many things that you’ve learned.
Here are all of the life lessons that you’ll learn after you end your relationship by mutual agreement.
1. A mutual breakup teaches you that you love being alone
After being in a relationship for a long time, we all think that once it’s over, we won’t have any idea on how to live our life on our own.
How do you live alone when you are so used to the company of that one special person?
But a mutual breakup teaches you a valuable lesson. It shows you that you actually love being alone.
You’ll enjoy the time that will be yours only. You’ll be able to read, cook for yourself, and enjoy a glass of wine while listening to your favorite podcast. And you’ll do all of that while no one’s keeping an eye on you.
Once your relationship ends, you realize that living alone isn’t as hard as you thought it would be. You realize that being alone with your own thoughts actually feels nice.
Your confidence grows and you learn to love yourself more than ever. Trust me, things won’t be as bad as you expect them to be.
2. There are new experiences to live through
Mutual breakups are hard and at first, you think that life is slipping through your hands and you’re unable to catch it.
But at some point, you’ll realize that the universe has so much more planned for you. There are so many experiences that are waiting for you.
And just because your relationship ended, it doesn’t mean that your life will stop as well. Instead, you’ll find yourself in a new world where you’ll want to try everything that can help you reinvent yourself, such as new hobbies, new books, and new friends.
All of these will bring you to the doors of new experiences. They’ll help you realize that life has just begun and there’s so much to live through.
Maybe you’ll finally travel the world or perhaps you’ll meet your summer love this year. Who knows what’s in store for you.
But the point is that there are so many things to look out for and forward to and your breakup is the right time to have a fresh start.
3. A mutual breakup teaches you what you want and don’t want in your next relationship
While you were still in a relationship, there were many things about your partner that you wanted to change. You weren’t happy with the way things were unraveling in front of your eyes but you didn’t know how to make it stop.
Now that you’re trying to start a new life after a mutual breakup, you realize that there’s one thing it has taught you.
You finally realize what you’re looking for in a relationship. You know what you want from your next partner and most importantly, you know what you don’t want to put up with.
Maybe you always wanted to have an independent partner but suddenly you ended up with a codependent one. It makes you realize that next time, you won’t let yourself end up with someone who doesn’t fit your standards.
Or maybe you always had a thing for a partner who’s affectionate and loves being romantic but you ended up with one who failed to show his feelings.
This helps you realize what you want your future partner to look like. You get a better idea of all of the qualities that mean so much to you and that you seek in a person.
You learn your lesson and you get a better idea on what you want and what you won’t settle for.
4. Your life shouldn’t be on pause just because you’re in a relationship
It’s when you break up that you realize how many things you missed out on while you were in a relationship.
We focus on our partner to the point where we forget about ourself. Instead of continuing to live your life, you shift all of your attention onto that one person.
And then, when things don’t work out the way you wanted, you realize that you put everything on pause. Your interests, your friends, and all of the things you enjoyed doing were set aside because of your relationship.
However, a mutual breakup will help you understand that you shouldn’t let this happen to you ever again. No matter how much you love someone, your life should never stop just because someone else walked into it.
That’s a life lesson you should never forget.
5. Communication is the most important pillar of any relationship
A mutual breakup teaches you that a relationship without communication is a failed one. If you don’t know the right way to communicate your feelings, you’ll never be happy with where you stand.
There’s always a way to improve your communication and listening skills. Without either, you’ll always feel stuck in the same place.
Maybe if you had known how to communicate better, you could have expressed yourself better throughout the whole relationship.
Perhaps your feelings would have been heard from the very beginning and everything would have been easier.
Nevertheless, you’ve learned your lesson now and you’ll know better for the next time.
6. Time truly heals the pain
Right now, it may feel like the pain you’re currently experiencing will never end. Maybe you feel like a lost cause with no place to go.
But as time goes on, the pain will start to lessen. You’ll realize that losing someone you loved means that someone new will walk into your life.
You’ll learn that nothing is permanent, not even the pain that you’re currently feeling.
It all passes you by and makes you stronger. It all helps you move on and teaches you to take care of yourself.
7. You should be your own source of happiness
A mutual breakup teaches you that nothing other than you can be the source of your happiness. No one can love you hard enough if you don’t know how to love yourself in the first place.
People come into your life but you never know when they will leave. You never know how long they will stay in your life.
That’s why you shouldn’t rely on them to make you happy. Instead, you’re the one who’s supposed to be the source of your own happiness.
Once you learn to do that, you’ll open different doors for yourself that will lead you to some amazing things.
8. You can’t change people
Throughout your relationship, you realized that your partner wasn’t exactly who you wanted him to be. But maybe you thought that if you loved him hard enough, he’d change and become the best version of himself.
A mutual breakup teaches you one valuable lesson. You can never change people, no matter how hard you love them.
If your partner didn’t see a need for change, then nothing would make him do that; neither your relationship, nor your love.
None of these things are a driving force when a person doesn’t see a need to change.
9. You will find love again
The best lesson a mutual breakup teaches you is that you will love again. Even if you don’t think that this is possible, trust me, it will happen.
It will take you some time to get over your breakup. It will take you a lot of energy to reinvent yourself and be the person you were before the breakup.
But at some point, everything will make sense. You’ll realize that every step of the way was leading you to a better place.
And even if you don’t think it’s possible right now, you’ll be able to love again. Everything will start to feel better and one day, you’ll find someone who’s meant to be yours from the very beginning.
