The term mono-poly relationship sounds like something new. But couples like this have been out there for a long time – they just haven’t necessarily used this term to describe their love life.
With so many other relationship statuses out there, it’s hard to figure out where you fit in. People bring out new terms on a daily basis and it’s hard to keep up.
If you haven’t taken a moment to look them up, it can be very confusing. But you need to know that mixed-orientation relationships aren’t that hard to maintain. People these days define their love in many different ways.
In this article, we’ll help you figure out what this relationship actually entails, as well as the reasons people even get into something like this. It isn’t as common as a strictly monogamous relationship, so it’s hard to come across those who know a lot about it.
That’s why we’re here to help you on this journey. You may even find out if this is or isn’t your cup of tea.
What is a mono-poly relationship?
A mono-poly relationship is one between two people where one partner is monogamous and the other one is polyamorous.
The poly partner seeks pleasure and emotional relationships with more than one person, while the monogamous one only wants a relationship with their partner. This usually means that one partner goes out to find multiple sources of validation, while the other is solely focused on them.
It’s not the type of relationship that everyone would like to be in. But, to be fair, every romantic relationship comes with its challenges. The issue with this one is the fact that things could escalate quickly if communication and understanding are lacking.
Both partners need to make sure that they respect the boundaries of the other. The monogamous partner has to be okay with the fact that their partner will find pleasure and love with other people.
In today’s society, we tend to believe that love can only be between two people. We’re socialized to think that, so once you find yourself in this type of relationship for the first time, don’t be surprised if you experience emotions of jealousy and envy.
However, the polyamorous partner has one main partner in this relationship, while also continuing to seek out others outside of the relationship.
It may seem unfair to some, but to them, it’s within their boundaries. They know what is and isn’t acceptable in their relationship, and as long as they’re respectful, it’s completely okay.
Why do people get into a mono-poly relationship?
There must be some psychological reason for this. There are people who choose this type of relationship willingly without any reservations. They know that they want this relationship with this specific partner, even if it’s out of the norm.
For that exact reason, we believe that it’s important that you understand the reasoning.
1. Contrasting desires
The first and most common reason is the difference in desires. There are many relationships in this world where one partner doesn’t feel the need for any type of physical intimacy while the other one craves it.
These people tend to get into a mono-poly relationship because one partner can’t satisfy the other one fully. So the other partner starts looking for fulfillment of their needs elsewhere.
Before they decided to get into this agreement, they probably had many fights. At one point, they may have thought about splitting up. However, their love for each other made them understand that this was the best option.
2. Love is stronger than the bonds of society
As stated before, we are socialized to believe that monogamous relationships are the only right way to love someone. But that’s not true.
Love is a strong emotion and many people let themselves follow their hearts on these issues. Some people will go after the love of their life even if their relationship orientation isn’t the same.
As I said earlier, some choose to love each other even through these difficult parts of life. And now it’s easier to love them in a mono-poly relationship than to live without them.
3. They’re in a long-distance relationship
Long-distance relationships are known for how hard they are to maintain. Two people who love each other deeply find themselves in two completely different geographical locations. Some are able to make it work, while others find an alternative.
When one partner feels the need to seek physical pleasure from someone other than their partner, it would be seen as cheating. So in order to keep the trust of their partner, they simply choose a mono-poly relationship.
The other partner can choose if they want to do the same thing while they’re apart, but with this relationship in particular, one of them doesn’t want to do that. So they choose to stay monogamous during their time apart, even though their partner has a completely different orientation.
From the sidelines, it looks very abnormal, but it’s more common than you think.
4. Different love languages
Love languages are a very individual thing. People understand and show love in different ways, so they tend to seek love that seems familiar.
When one partner’s love language is physical touch while the other one doesn’t understand that need, it can easily create an issue. This can occur due to some form of trauma or physical limitation.
For instance, one person may be monogamous because of a disability or illness, and as result, they aren’t able to participate in intimacy in a way that their partner needs. So they choose this type of relationship over losing their partner for good.
We can debate on the selfishness of this, but we don’t have a say in it. People can agree to any type of relationship that suits them and their specific needs. Our values shouldn’t undermine those of others.
A mono-poly relationship works for a large number of people worldwide, so we don’t have the right to assume that it’s dysfunctional or any less loving than a monogamous relationship.