Think aloud
Letting go of someone you love can seem like the hardest thing you ever had it do… but it doesn’t have to be.
Why is it so difficult to let someone go? I’m going to answer that question and tell you how to let go of someone you love.
The first thing you need to understand is that you need to let go for your own sake.
No one ever said that letting go and moving on is easy, but I’m here to help you make it as easy as possible.
So keep reading to find out all there is about letting go and how you can make this process as painless as it can be.
Let me just first tell you that it’s great that you have found this article as it shows that you realize that it’s time to let go and that you want to, so you have already taken the first step.
Now it’s time to go through all of them and heal from this break-up.
Letting go of someone you love
When you hold on to someone you love when you really shouldn’t, you’re preventing yourself from achieving your goals.
Still, we all do it, whether we cling to a toxic friend or hold on to memories from our past relationship.
Holding on can seem fulfilling because we find comfort in justification and familiarity… even when it comes to negative experiences.
When you don’t know how to let go, it harms you and prevents you from becoming the best version of yourself.
It prevents you from reaching your full potential.
Maybe you don’t want to let go because you’re using your past to justify the decisions you make in the present or you could be afraid that you won’t find another partner.
To get a chance to have an amazing relationship and to live proactively and positively, you need to learn how to let go of someone you love.
Why is it so difficult to let someone go?
1. It brings about many uncertainties
Why is it so difficult to let someone go?
Letting go of someone you love raises a lot of questions, including what your next step will be, what the future will bring, and if you will be safe.
You were so used to the story you lived, and now it’s over, but you don’t know what the next one will bring.
Still, what would life be if we knew everything that would happen? It surely wouldn’t be the adventure that it is.
You felt safe in your relationship, but aren’t all of our decisions complete risks?
Change is always difficult, but it’s what life is all about so don’t be afraid of it.
Don’t be scared of uncertainty; after all, what the future holds for you might be a lot better than what the past ever had to offer.
2. It was public
When you were in a relationship, it was announced and celebrated in public.
Your friends, acquaintances, and all of social media knew that you were with that person, and now you’re not.
All those posts and pictures just sit there, like they’re mocking you, and you feel like everyone in the world has seen them.
What’s worse is now you have to see them even though your relationship is over.
All the happy moments of your relationship stare at you wherever you look, and you don’t know what happened…
Now all those people who knew about your relationship ask you questions, and you have to explain to them that it’s over.
Be aware that you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
Yes, your relationship was public, so the ending of it has to be too but you don’t need to explain to anyone why it ended.
The best thing you can do is delete it all. Remove all the memories about your relationship that are public and make room for new ones.
3. You still see what could have been
How many times have you replayed the scenes from your relationship in your mind since the break-up?
You probably think about everything that went wrong and try to find reasons why it didn’t have to go that way.
Are you fantasizing that they will change and you’ll get back to the way you were back then when you were happily in love?
Stop that right now, and don’t torture yourself with what could have been.
You have to accept the reality, and the reality is that it’s time for you to let go.
Imagining what could have been instead of what is will only cause you pain, so don’t do that anymore.
Don’t keep hoping that the things you imagine will come true because you need a reality check.
There’s nothing that you could have done to make things different; it just wasn’t meant to be.
This person wasn’t your soulmate and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll have the chance to meet your real soulmate.
Fantasizing is only torturing yourself, and it will only make letting go harder.
4. You think that you have failed
Do you think that you failed to keep the relationship going?
Maybe you keep thinking about what you could have done differently to save the relationship.
You may even think that the person you were with was actually right all along.
They were right all the time, and you have failed? That’s toxic, so stop thinking that way right now!
Both of you are only human, and your relationship might have failed, but you have not.
You did the best you could, and now it’s over, but it’s not your fault.
We want to believe that relationships last forever, but the truth is that most of them don’t.
Don’t blame anyone, especially yourself, because it was just time to let go. It wasn’t the right relationship for you, and that’s all.
After all, only one relationship in your life is going to be successful, and that’s the one that will last forever… but only that one will last forever; others are meant to fail, and it’s not because of you.
It’s just that the person you were with wasn’t right for you, and there’s someone who is.
You’ll find that someone; you just need to let go of this person first.
5. You hold on to it even harder because you know it’s over
It hurts when you have to let go even though you aren’t ready yet.
You didn’t get a proper goodbye, and there are no wise words you’ll remember them by.
Maybe you even didn’t get the closure you needed and it hurts whether you knew it was going to end or not.
You don’t want to let go because you still think that things can change so you keep hoping and texting them, but you keep getting hurt.
You hold on to it even harder because you know it’s over. Acknowledging that you need to let go makes you hold on even tighter.
Remember that love can’t be forced, and if it’s forced, it isn’t love. Take a deep breath and follow the following steps in order to finally let go.
How to let go of someone you love
1. No contact
The first thing you need to do when letting go of someone you love is have no contact with them.
This isn’t really a step, but a necessary thing you have to do in order for any of the following to have an effect.
Keeping them close and staying in touch will make letting go of someone you love impossible.
Delete their phone number, block them on social media, and get rid of everything that’s directly connected to that person.
Make it impossible for yourself to contact them when you have a moment of weakness… because there will be those moments.
Remember that you’re doing this for your well-being and no contact is the only way to do it.
2. Don’t ignore your feelings
Hiding your feelings or bottling them up won’t get you anywhere and it’s one of the worst things you could do.
The longer you ignore your feelings, the worse you’ll feel.
That is why you have to have a different approach in order to heal your wounds.
Face the pain you’re feeling and don’t try to run from it.
No matter how uncomfortable it is, feel what you’re feeling.
3. Don’t think that they will change
It’s time for you to stop fantasizing.
You’ll be tempted to think about the memories from your relationship… and it will get you to fantasize that they’ll change.
They will never change, and things between the two of you are never going to work out. The sooner you accept that, the better.
It’s only natural that you feel that way because it’s your brain’s attempt to ease the pain. However, giving yourself a reality check is the way to go.
Fantasizing is the same thing as turning to alcohol for a solution after a break-up; it’s just an attempt to put a Band-Aid on the wound instead of actually healing.
Don’t forget that Band-Aids come off, and when they do, it hurts even worse.
The only way to heal is to accept the reality, so don’t fantasize any longer.
4. Learn to forgive
After you have gone through the previous steps, it’s time to dig deep and get to the bottom of it.
Everything that happened left a wound that needs to be taken care of and to achieve that, you need to learn to forgive.
We always blame the other person, but sometimes it’s actually our fault.
Either way, practicing forgiveness is important so think of them and say that you forgive them, that your pain is your own.
Imagine that you’re apologizing to them and find sincerity within you. Once you do, you know the process is working.
You’ll heal your wound by being with yourself and paying attention to what’s happening within you.
Be compassionate and kind to yourself. Forgive them, but forgive yourself as well.
It doesn’t matter who’s to blame, because only forgiveness can help you heal.
5. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process
Every loss comes with grief, and the end of your relationship is no different.
Everyone grieves in a different way, but there are stages we all go through… denial, isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
We all go through them, and you will too, so it’s important to understand the grieving process.
Give yourself time to grieve, but don’t take too long.
6. Talk to someone you trust
I know that you want to isolate yourself after a break-up, but it’s crucial that you don’t go through this all alone.
Maybe you don’t want to explain the break-up to people, but there’s surely someone you can trust.
Talk to that person and let them help you by giving you the support that you need to get through this and don’t forget that you can always turn to a professional for help; there’s no shame in it.
7. Give yourself time
It’s okay to take all the time that you need to heal. Healing is a process, after all, the same as grieving.
Give yourself time. Manage your expectations, so you don’t get disappointed and live day by day.
There are no fast solutions, so let yourself experience loss and remember that it’s true that time heals all wounds, so take as much time as you need.
8. Think about what you want
What are you looking for when it comes to a relationship? Imagine your ideal relationship and think about it.
Also think about what went wrong and what worked in the relationship you had, as this will help you figure out what to expect in the future.
9. Be grateful
Start your days by practicing gratitude.
Think about all the things that are great in your life and remind yourself of them each and every day.
As for the relationship you had, be grateful for what it taught you, and for the great times you had.
After all, it brought you closer to finding your soulmate.
They might not have been the right person for you, but now you’re closer to finding the right one.
10. Practice self-love
I know that you want to blame someone, even if it’s yourself, but that will only do you harm and won’t help with the healing process.
Don’t beat yourself up, and learn to love yourself instead.
Both of you had your part in what went on, and it’s pointless to blame yourself or them. Increase self-care and do the things that make you feel good about yourself.
Draw yourself a nice, warm bath, light some candles, and just relax. Pamper yourself and do all the things that make you happy.
Only you can help yourself feel better, so do anything that helps you.
Express your emotions through art if it feels good, or start a new hobby that you always wanted to try.
11. Start living
You have a great foundation for healing now, so if you feel ready, get out there.
Go to work and do your best, pursue your passions, and start meeting new interesting people. Have an adventure, why not?
Whatever you do, it’s important to create new memories, connections, and experiences that will replace the old ones.
Do that, and the more you do it, the easier the process of moving on will be.
Letting go of a relationship
It’s perfectly normal to feel a lot of resentment and anger toward an ex once the relationship ends… especially if they ended it.
You probably felt righteous at first and thought the anger was something that would help you move on.
However, after a while, you noticed that anger wasn’t healthy for you, but you weren’t sure how to move on.
The main problem is the uncertainty that comes from letting go of a relationship.
You need certainty in your life, and you had it in your relationship even when you were no longer happy in it.
It was comforting, but now it’s time to let go of the negative feelings; after all, they can harm your physical and emotional health.
That’s not even the worst problem, because negative feelings such as anger could have an effect on the future relationships you’ll have.
The process of letting go of someone you love starts with recognizing unhealthy behavior.
During that process, you’ll learn how to feel happier and control your emotions.
The best thing is that once you commit to letting go of someone you love, you’ll discover more things you can move on from too.
Letting go and moving on
Letting go and moving on is a process, so don’t expect to learn how to let go of someone you love overnight.
After all, you likely spent a long time holding on, even when you knew you shouldn’t.
Focus on moving forward and starting a new chapter in your life because it will help ease the pain of the break-up.
It will help you find new empowering beliefs that will guide you, and it eliminates blame so that you can move on.
Avoiding letting go of a relationship that wasn’t right for you can only have a negative effect on you… not just on the one you blame for its ending.
Blaming someone takes a lot of energy from you… energy that you could be using for moving on and finding someone else to love.
You’re no longer with the person you’re obsessing about, and focusing on them only harms you emotionally.
You’ve attached meaning to the events that happened in your life, and you need to control those meanings.
Get out of that story you created for yourself so that you can move on to better things.
You need to let go of the chapter you were in to make room for a whole new story where there are amazing things waiting for you.
Moving forward
Learning ways of letting go of someone you love can be really hard.
What helps when letting go of someone you love is to take into consideration both sides of that story, so try to see this situation from the other person’s point of view.
Maybe they hurt you, but it’s most likely they didn’t intend to and what they wanted was to help themselves feel better because they felt like their needs weren’t being met in the relationship.
Try to look at them the same way you did when you were happily in love – with empathy and compassion.
Let go of all the expectations you had and start focusing on gratitude for the love that you used to share.
This will help you get rid of negative feelings like anger and it will allow you to feel appreciation for what you gained from that relationship.
Letting go of someone you love is equally important whatever the reasons behind the break-up and regardless of who broke up with whom.
You don’t have to forgive them right now… just learn to forgive yourself for allowing your resentment and anger to harm you.
Stop being caught up in all that drama and forgive yourself that you were.
This is your chance to live in uncertainty and to grow.
Don’t be afraid of that uncertainty because what’s coming could be even better than you could imagine.
Avoiding letting go of someone you love won’t bring them back… it will only hurt your physical and emotional state and keep you from living the life you deserve to live.
Living in the moment is something you should embrace, and you need to realize that uncertainty doesn’t have to be bad.
As a matter of fact, it can be really beautiful; you just need to have the right perspective.
The best message I can leave you with is to face what happened and accept that there’s no way for you to change it.
Then move on because you’ll learn to appreciate what came from that relationship – growth.
New, better opportunities will appear, and you’ll be able to start a new story. Good luck!
