Think aloud
The first time you meet a guy, you assume he has good intentions but that guy starts ghosting you… and you get a gut feeling that you will never have a serious relationship with him. You start to wonder – Is he stringing me along? We’ve all been there. One guy I liked used to give off vibes that he liked me too but I couldn’t help but wonder, “Is he stringing me along?” It turned out he was, and he hurt my self-esteem. As a relationship expert, I have to tell you something – always trust your gut feeling.
So, one guy you meet on Tinder gives off vibes that he likes you. Still, after a couple of weeks, you start to notice clear signs that he is stringing you along. It seems like he is a commitment-phobe who doesn’t want an exclusive relationship. A clear sign that a guy is stringing you along is when he doesn’t want to meet your friends and family and he probably also doesn’t spend enough time with you. He would rather choose to do his own thing than choose to spend time with you. It seems that all this guy wants is to send you a late-night text message, more commonly known as a booty call.
If you are torturing yourself with the question, “Is he stringing me along?” I am here to give you the answer. As a relationship expert, I know all about it, and I am going to tell you everything you need to know. Every dating coach will agree that there are red flags for you to notice when a guy is stringing you along. Read this article and find out whether he is a good guy, or if he is stringing you along.
Is he stringing me along? 12 signs that prove he isn’t genuine
1. He doesn’t want to make an effort
When it comes to texting, he never sends a text message first. That was exactly the situation I had with a guy when I wondered if he was stringing me along.
You are always the one who has to take the initiative if you want you two to spend enough time together and this guy wants you to be the one who plans your get-togethers. His ego is over the top, and he is okay with that.
You are the one investing in him, and he doesn’t give anything back. If he doesn’t want to communicate and show that he would rather choose to spend time with you than do his own thing, he is probably stringing you along.
All the efforts in a relationship should be mutual; you can’t be the only one who is investing and it applies even to small things such as who starts texting first. So, if you are wondering, “Ishe stringing me along?” there’s something you can do.
Try simply ignoring him. Don’t text him first and don’t chase him; make him chase you instead. We have more tips on how to make a guy chase you in another article but for now, try ignoring him.
If he is not stringing you along but is just lazy, this will get him to show it. If he changes his behavior after you ghost him, it’s a good sign.
2. He doesn’t refer to you as his girlfriend
Of course, a guy isn’t going to start calling you his girlfriend after only a few dates. However, if after a couple of weeks, he still isn’t ready to call you his girlfriend, the answer to the question, “Is he stringing me along?” is probably yes.
Always keep in mind that a guy who doesn’t call you his girlfriend most likely doesn’t have good intentions. He is probably not looking for an exclusive relationship but for something more casual. Why else isn’t he ready to introduce you as his girlfriend?
Using the term girlfriend isn’t hard at all if you really mean it. The first time he refers to you as his friend is a red flag and in addition, if he avoids talking about it, he is not a good man, and he’s stringing you along.
Tell him that you want to have a serious relationship and you aren’t interested in games. If your significant other doesn’t want the same, he is wasting your time.
You deserve to have a real life with a good man who will be happy and proud to call you his girlfriend, so if he isn’t ready for that, call it quits before it’s too late.
3. He doesn’t spend time with you unless there’s nothing better to do
He always keeps one foot out the door. If you’re asking yourself, “Is he stringing me along?” just notice how he chooses to spend his time.
Sure, he spends time with you, but only when there’s nothing better to do. It mostly comes down to late-night texts when he’s calling you to come over so he can get in your pants.
Every dating coach will tell you that that’s a good sign he is stringing you along and you deserve a lot more from your significant other. Maybe you met on Tinder, but this is real life, and he needs to step up and act like it. After all, the only thing you’ll achieve if he keeps this up is to get your self-esteem ruined.
Don’t worry, there is an easy solution to this problem. Give him a taste of his own medicine. The next time he wants to see you, say that you’re busy and that you’ll get back to him. Stop dropping everything for him because it will only make him take you for granted.
He doesn’t respect you or your time and that has to change so blow him off a few times and see how he likes it. If he is genuinely interested in you, he will start missing you so he will make an effort to see you at your convenience. If he doesn’t, he was only stringing you along, and you haven’t lost anything.
4. He is a commitment-phobe
No strings attached guys are the guys who string you along. They don’t get into a relationship with good intentions. If he is afraid of the very idea of commitment, you’ll never be happy with him.
Sure, he might be too young, so he isn’t there yet, or your relationship just hasn’t gotten to that point yet but still, this fear of commitment could be permanent, and with him, you will lose precious time.
He might be one of those guys who just doesn’t want to commit and that means not to you and not to anyone else for that matter. Some guys are just not willing to settle down with one girl. If your guy is one of them, you’ll never get what you want out of that relationship.
Consider whether his phobia is temporary or permanent, and that will show you what to do. If it’s temporary, don’t mention it. Instead, give him some time and space so he can eventually get to that point by himself.
Maybe you got to that place in the relationship sooner than he did, so he just needs some time.
But, if it’s permanent, you have probably given him a lot of second chances already. It means that you two haven’t agreed on where this relationship is headed so maybe it would be best to give up on it now that you know that you two will never be on the same page.
5. He doesn’t keep his promises
If you’re wondering, “Is he stringing me along?” just notice how he acts when he makes a promise. Does he keep it, or are his promises just empty words? Does he keep promising that he will change and be a better boyfriend, but never really does anything about it?
He will keep saying that he will put more effort in and keeps asking you for more time but you can’t help but wonder if he will ever do anything about it. It seems to me that he is just prolonging the relationship without the intention of making it serious.
Don’t trust his words, look at his actions instead; they will tell you where you really stand with this guy. I’m sorry to tell you, but it’s most likely that his words will stay just words. He is never really going to change.
He might not be sure about anything and is going through some things and that needs to change for him to be completely involved in the relationship.
Still, pay attention. If he’s all talk, he just wants to keep you waiting. So, if he hasn’t yet made an effort to change, despite promising it, you’ll have to realize that he probably never will change.
6. He includes his ex in the relationship
Do you feel like his ex is part of the relationship between you two? It seems like he brought the ghost of his ex into your relationship and that’s not the way things should work. Relationships are made for two people. Of course, there’s always trouble when a third person gets involved.
Maybe he doesn’t have feelings for his ex, but somehow she affected him so the consequences of their relationship affect yours or maybe he is still friends with his ex, and they talk all the time.; their relationship will certainly negatively affect yours.
Such a thing starts bringing doubts and questions into the relationship. You don’t need any ghosts of the past in your love life.
Do you recognize yourself in the situation I described? If so, it’s time for you to have a serious talk to your partner about the ghosts from his past. He has to deal with his past and let go of his ex if he wants to be in a relationship with you.
Talk openly about the situation and see what he thinks about it. Maybe there’s something you can do to better the situation but if he chooses his ex over you, you’ll know that he shouldn’t be your choice either.
7. He doesn’t really want to be with you
He surely won’t admit it, but you have a feeling that he wants out. You’ll see the signs when he changes drastically. He won’t be there for you, and he will come and go as he pleases. Everything will be different overnight.
He will always be too busy to get together and won’t even think about sending you texts. Maybe he isn’t a bad guy and doesn’t want to hurt you, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is hurting you anyway.
He is probably too afraid to tell you directly that he is done with the relationship so he is waiting for it to fall apart on its own. That’s not fair to you and can only hurt you even more so you need to confront him about it and tell him how sad it makes you feel.
Do it right now, because the longer you wait, the more it will hurt. If you’re not meant for each other, it’s best to end it right away before you get hurt even more.
Still, if after listening to you, he wants to work on his behavior, that is a great sign as it shows that he considers your relationship worth the effort of saving. Just don’t hesitate to talk to him, because if you do nothing about it, it will get worse.
8. He isn’t invested in the relationship like you are
Do you feel like your relationship is one-sided? It feels like you’re completely invested in the relationship while he does as he pleases. You do the best you can, but he doesn’t even lift a finger for you.
No matter how hard you try, your efforts don’t get noticed and are never good enough. It’s most likely that he takes you for granted and he is probably someone who always takes from you without the need to give anything back.
That’s not the way relationships are supposed to work. Both of you need to be equally invested in the relationship for it to be successful.
Remember that relationships that are one-sided don’t ever work. You need to love yourself enough to realize when it’s time to walk away when you’re not appreciated.
He is not someone who will make you happy, and there’s no reason for you to stay in such a relationship. Don’t settle for less than you truly deserve. If he is treating you poorly, it’s time to show him the door.
9. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family
Sure, you don’t introduce your partner to your family and friends right away but if it has been a while and you consider your relationship to be serious, he should do that.
If you consider yourselves to be in a serious, committed, long-term relationship and you haven’t met his family and friends, either he is hiding something from you, or he is hiding you from them.
I wouldn’t go as far as to say he might be embarrassed by you, but he probably isn’t serious about the relationship. In any case, a guy who isn’t ready to proudly introduce you in public as his girlfriend isn’t the guy for you.
This is another thing that can be made clear if you confront him about it. Ask him what he is hiding, and if he is embarrassed by you. Surely he will say that he isn’t hiding anything and that he isn’t embarrassed by you and that is your chance to make him prove it.
Either you’ll be his girlfriend in front of everyone, or you won’t be his girlfriend at all. It’s his choice.
10. He doesn’t want to talk about the future
There are not enough times I can say this… When a guy doesn’t want to make plans for the future, it’s because he doesn’t want to have a future with you. It’s the biggest and the most obvious sign that a guy is just stringing you along. How does he react when you mention marriage and children?
In a healthy relationship, a guy would be happy to stay up all night coming up with your future kids’ names but if he isn’t serious about the relationship, he will freak out at the mention of it.
Be prepared for a lot of excuses and postponing ‘the talk’. He might not even be ready to call himself your boyfriend. Just the sentences “Why do we have to put a label on it?” or, “We’ll talk later,” are obvious signs that this guy isn’t for real.
Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do if a guy simply doesn’t want a future with you. Still, if this is the only sign from the afore-mentioned ones, maybe he needs more time but don’t fool yourself if it’s obvious that this relationship is going nowhere.
You have to trust your gut, as only you know what your situation really is. Just don’t be with someone who doesn’t want the same thing as you do out of the relationship.
11. He plays mind games
When a guy strings a girl along, he will become a master of mind games. You might find yourself wondering if you are unreasonable for wanting him to be committed to you. You’ll start second-guessing yourself… and it will make you think that he’s actually right.
Don’t let yourself be fooled or brainwashed into thinking you deserve anything less than a guy who will love you with all his heart. If you feel that your partner is playing games, trust your gut and end the relationship. Don’t lose precious time on a guy who isn’t worth it.
There are plenty of great manipulators out there so if you have a feeling that your man is one of them, trust your instincts. Don’t let anyone play games with you. If he isn’t ready to be in a committed relationship, there are plenty of other guys who are.
12. He is weird about your friends
When you two are hanging out with your friends, does he get uncomfortable, quiet and moody? He might act weird if you try to touch him or talk to him. It’s like he’s afraid that people will think you’re a couple if you act like one and the whole situation feels really uncomfortable.
That isn’t the way relationships are supposed to work. Your partner should be happy to be with you in front of your friends and he should even try to get them to support your relationship by acting super nice.
So, if your guy is weird about your friends, he might not be serious about the relationship. When you confront him about it, he will probably say that he’s just shy… but tell the truth, is he really that shy of a person?
You know him best, so I’ll let you be the judge of this one but don’t for a second think that you deserve anything less than a guy who will proudly call you his girlfriend in front of everyone. Every girl deserves to have that, and you’re no different. So, don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. Good luck!
