Think aloud
How many times have you found yourself in a situation where you really liked a guy but you were afraid to go after him? Instead of asking for his number, you kept second-guessing yourself and asking: “Is he out of my league? Do I even stand a chance with him?”
We’ve all been there. We ignored our chances with people who seemed great because a part of us kept saying we’re not good enough.
Over and over again, you stopped yourself from making a move because you were afraid of rejection. You convinced yourself that the guy you like won’t even bother looking at you as he’s way out of your reach.
Without even giving yourself a chance to get to know them better, you walked away from guys many times in your life just because you assumed they’d reject you.
And right now, you have your eyes on one special man, but you’re too afraid to do anything about it. You’re sure that he won’t even want to talk with you, so why should you then bother?
Obviously, an attractive person like him won’t ever be with someone like you, right?
But what if I told you that he could feel the same way about you? That while you’re asking yourself, “Is he out of my league?” he’s also telling himself “She’s out of my league!”
What if I told you that there’s no such thing as leagues and that we created this concept just to save ourselves from stepping out of our comfort zones?
Is he out of my league? Nope, and here’s why…
The first time you met a guy who actually sparked your interest, you were probably still in high school. He was your first crush and you went to your best friend, thrilled with the fact that you met a great guy who seemed perfect in every way.
Unfortunately, you then heard something that crushed all of your hopes and dreams. You heard your friend telling you how he’s way out of your league and how you would never be able to be with him.
At that moment, your heart broke just a little and from there on, you kept running away from every guy who seemed remotely better than you.
The moment you realize he’s amazing, you convince yourself he’s out of your reach and decide not to do anything about it. You never give yourself a chance because you still remember that day in high school when you realized there are leagues when it comes to dating.
But what if I told you that this is completely wrong? A relationship isn’t a sport and there certainly aren’t different categories in it.
Either you’re compatible with someone or you’re not. That’s the only thing that can keep you apart from another person.
​The term “out of your league” can only be used when you want to make someone feel bad, want to reject someone cowardly, or are afraid of rejection and want to save yourself from it.
But to say that someone’s out of your league because of some nonexistent criteria is wrong and shouldn’t bother you whatsoever.
You could end up thinking that someone’s out of your league because of your low self-esteem. But by working on your self-confidence, you can easily erase this limitation from your head.
And once you do that, you’ll realize how much you’ve missed out on because of irrational fear.
Despite my best attempts to reassure you that there’s no such thing as “league” in dating and relationships, I still can understand why you tend to feel that way. Here are all of the reasons you could be obsessed with the idea that he’s out of your reach, even though he never said that to you.
Things that make you feel like he’s out of your league
There are certain things that make you feel like someone’s out of your league. His social status, his great sense of humor, and the fact that he always hangs out with a ton of people can all affect the chance you think you have with him.
Right now, being more popular on social media than you are can also make you feel like he’s way out of your reach.
One by one, let’s go through the list of reasons you think you can’t be together. Slowly but surely, we’ll bust all of the myths and lay down the raw truth.
1. He’s good looking
Let’s be honest. We all notice appearances first. Then, we go from there and discover other parts of the amazing human being we’re crushing on.
Once you see a great-looking guy, you instantly make yourself believe that he’s out of your league. In a way, you start to feel like a real-life Cinderella and convince yourself that you couldn’t possibly stand a chance with such a hottie.
And since most women tend to be hard on themselves and their looks, you’ll probably start to see yourself as not worthy of him. Why? Because you keep focusing only on your flaws and forget all of the good things about you.
But trust me when I tell you that the guy you think is out of your league won’t even notice any of the things you’re obsessing about. He won’t ever think that your imperfect eyebrows or your crooked tooth are good enough reasons not to date you.
He won’t even spot those flaws you think you have, since he’s not bothered by looks the way you think he is.
So, the fact that he looks great while you see yourself as an average doesn’t put you out of his league. It only makes you crazily worried about completely irrelevant things.
2. He’s well educated
When he is more highly qualified than you are, you instantly start to think that he’s out of your league. You feel like your desirability will reduce the moment he realizes that you’re a college drop-out who works as a freelance writer, while he has a Ph.D.
And because you’re overly focusing on that, you won’t give yourself a chance to try your luck with him.
One part of you is desperate to try to get to know him better and ask for his number, while the other keeps telling you that you’ll only look like a fool if you approach him.
You know that it’s all in your head, right? His degree doesn’t make him out of your league. You’re still equal as both of you worked hard for what you love and that’s what matters most.
Next time you meet a well-educated guy and you want to run away from him only because he has a degree, take a deep breath and remind yourself that your move is cowardly.
Trust me, even if he rejects you, it won’t be because you don’t have a degree and he does.
3. He has a great job
After your first date, as you got to know each other better, you realized that your guy has a great job while you’re currently unemployed.
Naturally, you don’t even bother texting him anymore as you’re sure he’s way out of your league. I mean, a guy who works and earns his own money won’t ever be with a woman who’s in between jobs, right?
But is it really like that or is it all in your head? You already know the answer.
Do you really want to stop talking with him only because you don’t have a job right now? You had a great time together but it all must fall apart only because you’re unemployed, right?
Do you see how wrong this is? Do you realize how your behavior makes no sense?
If it was you who had a great job and he was currently unemployed, would you call him out of your league in that case?
The answer is probably no, so why would he then feel any differently about you? It makes no sense, so you should stop overthinking it.
4. He earns more than you
When you meet a great guy and it turns out that he earns a ton of money, you instantly start to think he’s out of your league. You believe that the fact you’re earning less than him is crucial and that’s why your relationship could never work.
But if you think a bit more about this, you’ll realize how little sense this makes. To reject someone only because of the amount of money they earn is wrong on every single level.
That’s why I won’t even bother trying to explain this one, as it’s obvious that you shouldn’t even think about it.
5. He always looks put together
A guy who looks put together isn’t out of your league. It simply means that he loves to take care of himself.
And just because he can afford himself some of the things you can’t, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t bother introducing yourself to him.
Stop dismissing guys only because you think you don’t stand a chance with them. By doing that, you could be missing out on the big meeting of your soulmate, and I know that’s not something you want to happen.
6. He’s going places
When you meet a guy whose Instagram is full of pictures from all around the world, you immediately back off. You start to think that he won’t even look at you because he’s totally out of your league.
But do you really think that his ability to travel the world makes him out of reach? Do you think that he won’t give you a chance only because you don’t have the same traveling experience as he does?
These ideas are ridiculous and they shouldn’t even bother you.
He is not out of your league just because he’s going places you haven’t yet visited. So please stop avoiding him and give yourself a chance to get to know him better.
7. He’s smart
Okay, so he’s smart, but don’t you think you’re smart as well? Or do you want to put yourself down and say that your intelligence can’t measure up to his?
Give yourself a chance and have a chat with this guy. You’ll then know if you’re able to lead a normal conversation with him.
Only if you realize that you’re not compatible, you can then say that you two can’t make it work. Anything before that is an unnecessary idea that got stuck in your head for no right reason.
He’s not out of your league just because you heard him speak about something you have no clue about. We’re all interested in things that others may not know much about. But it doesn’t automatically put us out of someone’s league.
8. He always hangs out with cool people
It feels like spending a certain amount of time with cool people makes you out of reach. That’s what you’re trying to convince yourself of right now, even though you know it’s warped thinking.
Just because this guy has some cool friends, it doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve him. It doesn’t mean that you have no right to get to know him better and try your luck with him.
At the end of the day, what does cool even represent when we all like different things in life? So, stop convincing yourself of something that’s wrong and rather introduce yourself to him.
That’s the only way you’ll find out if you stand a chance and you could ever work as a couple.
9. He has a great sense of humor
Guys with a great sense of humor are always put on a pedestal. They always get more points due to their ability to make us laugh.
And as a result, you assume that you would never be able to be with him because he’s funny and a ton of girls are fighting over him. But just because he cracks good jokes, it doesn’t mean that he’s out of your league.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity how he’ll never look at you, get up and go introduce yourself. Show him that you’re a funny girl as well and that he’s not the only one who’s good with words.
Things to keep in mind when you start to feel that he’s out of your league
I did my best to show you how there are no leagues when it comes to dating and relationships. You either like someone or you don’t. You’re compatible as a couple or you aren’t.
Those are the only differences that exist.
So, next time you ask yourself “Is he out of my league?” or “What do I do when it’s obvious he’s out of my reach?” remember the following things.
Let these be your reminders that you’re worth more than you think and your only problem is that you’re underestimating yourself.
1. You’re more than average
When you look at your reflection in the mirror, you probably see an average woman. A plain Jane.
And the more you stare at yourself, the more flaws you begin to notice.
But while you’re preoccupied with your negative sides, you fail to realize that you’re more than average. You’re an amazing person and there’s someone out there who’s waiting for only you.
His only wish in life is to find someone like you, no matter how hard it is for you to believe that.
And right now, while you’re asking yourself, “Is he out of my league?” that same guy is looking at you with admiration. He’d do whatever it takes just to call you his, but you’re not letting it happen because you’re running away from him.
Trust me, you’re some man’s dream come true, despite you being unable to notice anything special about you. But there’s a whole universe inside of you that’s hiding behind all of the negativity you envelop yourself in.
You’re special and unique in your own way. You’re way more than average, don’t ever forget that.
2. Stop degrading yourself
“He’s out of my league,” “He probably wouldn’t even look at me,” or “I don’t deserve someone like him.”
Do you really believe those words or are you trying to save yourself from potential rejection? You’re stuck in your cocoon of comfort and you don’t want to break free from there, even though some of the best things are waiting for you once you get out.
But instead of letting yourself live a life you deserve, you choose to degrade yourself before even giving yourself a chance.
The moment you replace your negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll instantly start to feel better about yourself. Positivity will take you places you’ve never been to because you used to be too harsh on yourself.
You must learn to love yourself – that’s your first step toward a better future. You must realize your value because if you don’t, you won’t be able to experience real happiness.
Trust me, you’re an amazing person worthy of love, but you won’t get it until you start being kind to yourself first. Once you learn to do that, others will follow your lead.
3. Recognize all of your qualities and focus on them
Instead of focusing on your flaws, change your mindset. Learn to see your good qualities first and learn how to appreciate every single one of them.
Until you decide to do that, you won’t be able to feel good in your own skin.
At first, it may feel hard to do this. You’re so used to putting yourself down that you won’t know where to start. But once you make a list of all of the great things about yourself, you’ll then start to realize that you’re an amazing catch.
You’ll realize that there’s so much about you that you keep neglecting because of this stupid, false idea that you don’t deserve to be loved.
You’ve kept convincing yourself that most of the guys you meet are out of your league. You’re used to settling for less.
But once you have all of your qualities jotted down in front of you, your behavior will change. It’ll be a life-changing moment where you’ll finally be able to see your worth.
From that point on, you’ll only grow and finally get to enjoy all of the things you deserve.
Before, you used to hide from happiness thinking that you’re not worth it. But as you learn more about yourself, you’ll change the way you treat yourself.
And that’s when your life will undergo a massive change as well.
4. Your flaws don’t define you
Just because you have few flaws, it doesn’t mean that some guy is out of your league. Nobody is perfect and you can’t expect yourself to be any different.
Even the man you’re obsessed with probably has something he’s insecure about. We all do and there’s nothing wrong with that.
What matters the most is the way you deal with your insecurities.
If you focus all of your time and energy on them, you’ll never find happiness. But if you know how to work on them while not letting them affect your life, you’ll be doing what’s right for you.
So, instead of wasting your energy on little flaws only you notice, instead focus on those things that make you so special.
When you learn how to do that, watch your life improve for the better! You’ll then become your own best friend instead of being your own worst enemy.
And when others see how much you love yourself, the only thing they will be able to do is to follow your lead. You’ll radiate intoxicating positive energy, and that’s when you’ll know you’ve succeeded as a person.
