Think aloud
We all have those moments when our self-esteem drops and the thing we want the most is to hide somewhere where we won’t have to talk to anyone. At this point, we all show certain signs of insecure body language which give us away.
If you think that no one can sense how anxious you are, I must disappoint you but, you’re wrong.
This usually happens any time you have an important meeting, a job interview, or even a date with your crush. As you realize what’s about to happen, your whole body tense up and you instantly lose the last bit of confidence you had left in you.
Once you start panicking, everything goes downhill pretty fast. From that point on, your body starts doing all these different things in order to soothe itself. And even though you don’t realize it, the person you’re talking to will be able to see all these different signals which point to how nervous you are.
Now, this wouldn’t be an issue as we all feel anxious from time to time. It’s a normal human reaction to stressful and unknown situations. But when you’re about to play the role of your life, the last thing you want is to come across as nervous.
So, what are you doing that’s giving you away? Can you prevent your body from sending the world these signals of anxiety and stress?
7 signals of insecure body language
Our body is truly amazing! It can go through all these different changes and shifts, tolerate a huge amount of pain, and heal itself. But it can also communicate with others in ways you never really thought were possible.
Body language is a way of nonverbal communication that we usually use unconsciously. When you like someone, you lean closer to them as your body is trying to get noticed. When you’re trying to defend yourself, you cross your arms as a way of protection.
But what does your body do when it’s anxious? What are the signals of insecure body language that you’re radiating out in the world without even realizing? Here are the answers!
1. Picking or biting your nails
Have you ever caught yourself sitting alone in your room, biting your nails like there’s no tomorrow? Usually, you don’t remember why or when you started doing it. You simply twitch out of it for a second and realize that your nails have been under attack.
This is something most people tend to do whenever they’re nervous and the thing is that they have no idea when they decided to bite their nails. It just happened somehow.
When you’re out in public, you may also find yourself biting your nails which can be highly uncomfortable once you realize what you’re doing. You may even start picking them as if you’re subconsciously aware that this action is “more appropriate” in your current surroundings.
Both of these behavior patterns are proof that you’re nervous. As your body feels the insecurity rising inside of you, it starts doing different things to calm you down.
2. Fidgeting all the time
You’re on a date with someone you like a lot and everything seems to be going okay. You’re telling a joke and by the end of it, you make this weird sound that instantly makes you insecure.
You’re now panicking as you’re hyperfocused on the sound you made even though it’s not a huge deal. The other person probably didn’t even notice it but convincing your brain to believe those words is going to be hard at this point.
So, what do you do next? Well, you start showing this one signal of insecure body language which is fidgeting.
You may rock in your chair back and forth, play with the button on your shirt, or uncontrollably tap your foot on the floor. These are all different fidgeting actions that are meant to calm you down. But what they’re actually doing is making you look even more nervous than you are.
What you probably don’t realize at that point is that your date may become more aware of your fidgeting than that weird sound you made during a conversation.
3. Licking or biting your lips
When you’re having a serious conversation with someone and you don’t feel confident about it, the chances are that your body is going to sense that. You then may start licking your lips simply because you feel like your mouth is too dry so you’re doing anything you can to keep on talking even though you’re panicking on the inside.
It’s also possible that you’ll start biting your lips. This happens because of all the tension that gets accumulated in your face.
You get so nervous that your body doesn’t know how to react anymore. It’s trying everything to calm you down and eventually, it urges you to start biting your lips.
4. Touching yourself
Do you know how babies have these self-soothing behaviors that they do whenever they feel scared or nervous? They may suck on their thumbs, touch their ears or nose or even rock their bodies side to side. These are some of the mechanisms they use to calm themselves down.
What if I told you that adults also do something similar? We’re not sucking our fists but we definitely have a tendency to touch our necks, rub our legs or even play with our collars.
Even though we’re grown-ups, we still use some of the methods that successfully calmed us down when we were babies. And we often do it without even realizing it.
5. Putting your hands in your pockets as you speak with someone
Your hands are one of the most vulnerable parts of your body. They’re the ones that give you away and show the world how you’re actually feeling.
So, it’s natural that you’ll try to hide them whenever you feel insecure. You know that you tend to play with your hands whenever you’re in a stressful situation, so you’ll do everything others don’t find that out.
As you put your hands in your pockets in the middle of the conversation, you’re convinced that you did the right thing. Now no one can tell how nervous you actually are, right? Wrong!
Putting your hands in your pockets only signifies to those around you that you lack confidence. And people are easily going to use that against you.
6. Avoiding eye contact
When you’re feeling insecure and nervous, the chances are that you’re going to avoid eye contact with people around you. The reason for this is that you don’t want to let others read your emotions, so you’re looking away in order to hide the truth from them.
What you don’t realize is that this poor attempt is actually showing everyone around you just how anxious you are. So, instead of helping yourself, you’re only making things worse.
It’s easy to keep eye contact when you’re confident. But as soon as you start to doubt yourself, you’re going to look away. You want to avoid people and the best way to do that is to stop looking at them.
7. Hunched shoulders
Insecure body language can be spotted in many different ways, including hunched shoulders. The reason is quite simple – you pull your shoulders in whenever you try to take up as little space as possible.
Wide shoulders and open posture are usually signs of dominance. Making yourself visible in a room full of people signifies your confidence. In the same way, making your body as small as possible shows that you’re insecure and anxious about something.
As soon as you hunch your shoulders, the others around you will be able to tell that you’re nervous. Even though you’re trying to be invisible, you’re just proving to them that you lack self-confidence.
It’s interesting how our body reacts to our inner feelings and most of the time, we’re not even aware of the actions it performs. The reason for this is that our body is doing everything it can to protect us. So, when it feels your nervousness, it’s going to step up its game, looking for ways to defend you from “dangerous” situations.
What’s also interesting is that whenever you’re feeling insecure, you’re probably not going to show all these signals. Instead, most of us have certain patterns that we keep on repeating whenever we lack confidence.
Some people resort to fidgeting and while they’re tapping their foot on the floor, they’re perfectly able to maintain eye contact with others around them. You may bite your lips every time you’re anxious but it doesn’t mean that you’ll hunch your shoulders as a way of hiding from others.
We resort to those actions that calm us down the best and we keep on repeating them every time we feel insecure. Maybe you don’t even know that you’re doing any of these things but you can easily check it out next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
Do you pick at your nails or touch your neck? Do you put your hands in your pockets or do you avoid eye contact?
Once you realize what signals of insecure body language you tend to show, it will be much easier to work on changing your habits. Step by step, you can appear more confident even in those moments when you’re not feeling your best.