Think aloud
Despite what the internet might suggest, red flags in a relationship aren’t entirely pet peeves and clashing preferences.
Leaving dirty socks around the apartment, putting pineapple on pizza, not liking cats or liking them a bit too much – these things might be annoying, but they aren’t alarming.
Sure, maintaining a healthy relationship requires compromise and sacrifice, but that doesn’t mean you should throw your expectations out the window. Spotting questionable behavior can be a rather daunting task, but…
Some red flags are redder than others. Have you ever heard something along the lines of “I’m sorry YOU feel that way,” “You’re just being sensitive,” or even “Can’t you take a joke?”
This might be a tough pill to swallow, but you’re deep in the red flag territory. Keep reading to find out whether you should be moving on to someone else.
1. “Get over it.”
What a great way to invalidate someone’s feelings, don’t you think? If a guy says this to you, he might not even be aware of how incredibly condescending it sounds.
He might think he’s helping you put things into perspective, or even seeing that whatever you’re going through isn’t going to leave any lasting consequences on your life.
But, you should also be aware that not everyone’s intentions are as pure as you might think. This phase can easily be a red flag pointing at someone who doesn’t consider your problems and emotions worthy enough to address.
Trust me, it shouldn’t be difficult to say something along the lines of “I can see why you feel that way, that sounds tough” instead. This might be your cue to get out while you can!
2. “You always do this.”
Argh, but what if you don’t always do that thing he’s accusing you of!? This phrase is incredibly common in relationships, but that doesn’t make it any less damaging.
You might think using “you always…” and “you never…” instead of saying what’s bothering you doesn’t make much difference, but it does.
Not only are these phrases shifting the blame to you, but also suggesting you were the one to blame for every other similar predicament the two of you might have gotten into in the past. You can’t tell me that isn’t a red flag!
Trust me, if a guy says this to you, he’s just trying to get a reaction from you. He isn’t interested in having a productive conversation and solving whatever issue is at hand.
He doesn’t choose better words because he prefers to point fingers at you. This flag couldn’t be any redder if it tried!
3. “You’re so dramatic.”
I’m 100% sure this isn’t the first time you’ve heard that. For some weird reason, men tend to think this is an appropriate thing to say to a woman whenever she’s having an emotional reaction to something. Why is being sensitive, emotional, or even dramatic such a bad thing?
This phrase is a big, fat red flag. If a guy says this to you, not only is he minimizing your feelings, but he’s also being a judgemental caveman. He doesn’t get to decide how you feel. He doesn’t get to label you as “so” anything, either!
Don’t let him manipulate you into thinking your feelings aren’t valid. He could’ve said something along the lines of “It wasn’t my intention to hurt you, but I understand why you feel that way.” Instead, he chose to shift his part of the blame to you.
4. “If you loved me, you would…”
Manipulating someone into doing something has to be the biggest red flag ever. A guy who doesn’t shy away from using fear and manipulation to achieve his goal in a relationship isn’t someone you want to spend your time with.
The worst part about this is that he doesn’t care whether you love him or not. This is just his way of getting whatever he wants.
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t…” “If you loved me, you would let me…” Or even “I’ll leave you if you don’t…” You should run as fast as you can if you hear any of these!
Contrary to what he might think, this isn’t healthy behavior. The only thing he’s doing is guilt-tripping you into doing something you probably didn’t want to do in the first place.
Trust me on this one, if he loved you, he would learn some healthier communication skills!
5. “I can’t do anything right.”
Oh, the good old “playing the victim” strategy! If a guy says this to you, he’s just trying to make you feel bad for saying anything in the first place.
He’s placing his bets on your emotions, hoping he can manipulate you into thinking you’re the one who’s being unreasonable.
“I had to stay out all night with my colleague because she was going through something. I was just being nice.”
Come on, don’t you want him to be nice to his colleagues? He was just trying to be a good person. Don’t you want him to be a good person?
Seriously, though, you shouldn’t ignore this behavior because it’s a serious red flag. Chances are, every time you confront him about something and make him feel as if he’s backed into a corner, he will play the sympathy card.
He will never take responsibility for his actions.
6. “I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you about it.”
Excuse me, what!? There’s pretty much no difference between keeping one’s mouth shut and straight-up lying about something.
He could have chosen any given moment to come clean, but he didn’t. If a guy says this to you, this isn’t the first thing he’s hidden from you.
There’s a reason he decided to keep this from you, and you shouldn’t even stick around long enough to find out what that reason is.
It doesn’t change the fact that he chose to omit the truth and act as if he didn’t do anything wrong. Major red flag alert!
