Think aloud
There’s this guy and I can’t stop thinking about him… I don’t even know how it started and how to get him out of my mind, but I can’t keep going like this…
If you can relate, you’re not the only one. There’s not a single woman in the world that hasn’t been through what you’re struggling with now, so know that it’s perfectly normal.
How does this help you though? Well, since we all have experience with trying to figure out how to get some cute guy out of our heads, we’ve been able to pinpoint the most common explanations for this.
We also learned how to get ourselves to snap out of it, even though it’s not easy. Maybe you also know these things, but you just can’t help it and it’s like everything makes you think of him.
This is why you need to be reminded of what’s happening to you. You could use a little help to cope with it – otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this now, right?
Reading about it helps, and if you follow this advice, you’ll soon be able to come out of this weird spell he seems to have put you under.
Whether it’s in his smile or his way with words, it sure feels like you’re spellbound… Or is it love?
Saying “I can’t stop thinking about him” isn’t the same as saying “I love him” and it doesn’t have to mean that.
Yes, you might be falling for this guy, but if you can’t stop thinking about him, it might be the result of something else. To be able to focus on other things again, you need to get to the bottom of it.
Maybe you’ve been lonely lately and you met a guy you can’t quite figure out, but you feel attracted to him. Perhaps you’ve been daydreaming about him, and imagining him has made you see him as a much better catch than he really is.
If you’ve started dating him, you might have already imagined your hypothetical future together, even though you don’t know where the relationship is headed. You might be trying to figure out if he’s really worth it or if you’re just wasting your time, so he’s constantly on your mind.
Perhaps the reason is that this guy doesn’t like you and it has the same effect as playing hard to get.
Whatever it is, you’re going to have to snap out of it, and I’m here for you to help you do just that.
You’re going to learn what you can do, but let me tell you the trick I use when I meet a cute guy and can’t stop thinking about him. Besides trying to focus on other aspects of my life, I flirt a little with other men I meet.
I don’t get involved with any of them, and winking at a cute guy at a bar or smiling at a stranger on the street is harmless. It only reminds you that there are plenty of guys out there just as great as the guy you’re thinking about – if not even better.
Don’t get into a new relationship just to forget about this man, but feel free to meet other guys. Maybe even go on a date if the reason you’re thinking of this man is that you’ve been feeling lonely.
Don’t dismiss dating apps, if only just to meet and chat with new people. It can be fun and keep you distracted during this period. One day you’ll wake up and it’ll dawn on you that you haven’t thought about this man for weeks.
But let’s find out why you’re thinking about him now.
Why can’t I stop thinking about him?
1. You’ve fallen for him
As I said, even though “I can’t stop thinking about him” doesn’t necessarily mean “I fell for him,” it could be. It’s the most obvious explanation if you’re constantly thinking about a man and getting butterflies in your stomach.
When people fall in love, they think about their love interest constantly. You already know that, but the relationship between them is very important.
Maybe you’ve fallen in love with someone you’ve recently met or started dating. This is surely the best reason for you not being able to stop thinking about him, and everything that accompanies it.
You’re going to want this person in your life so much that you’ll fantasize about your future together. You’ll daydream about his smile and look forward to seeing him again.
That’s all great, but what if you’re into a man you can’t be with? Maybe he’s already spoken for or there are other reasons the two of you can’t hook up.
Either way, you have strong feelings for him but you can’t do anything about it and it hurts.
He’s somehow created this mental ping-pong ball that goes from “I shouldn’t be thinking about him” to “I can’t stop thinking about him” in a matter of seconds.
You may even be in love with your ex. It’s perfectly normal to still have feelings for someone you once loved with all your heart.
Your love can’t just disappear as soon as the two of you break up. Even if they’ve hurt you, you need time to process your feelings and move on.
2. You’re focusing on him to distract yourself from something else
There’s a funny thing our minds do and it’s jumping straight to someone we like and using them to distract ourselves. Let me explain.
Let’s say you’re having trouble with your work life or there are problems in your family. You might try to distract yourself from this by focusing on a cute guy you’ve met.
Maybe you’re already dating him and you like him, but do you really like him that much to say “I can’t stop thinking about him”?
Perhaps you don’t want to stop thinking about him because you’d be forced to think about your problems instead.
So, you shift all your attention to what you’ll wear when you see him again and how you’ll win him over. You fantasize about him and create a little world where the two of you are happy together.
Naturally, you know that it’s not the reality you live in, but it helps you escape the one you do.
Don’t risk losing a chance with a nice guy just because you’re rushing into something to avoid facing your problems.
Surely thinking about a handsome man seems like a better choice than confronting your boss or family. But how long will you be able to keep at it without jeopardizing something or being forced to face the reality?
3. You’re tortured by “what ifs” and “could haves”
What if you can’t stop thinking about him because you were in a relationship with him and broke up?
In that case, you might be constantly thinking about what could have been and how things may have turned out differently.
Maybe you even replay the break up in your head over and over again, trying to figure out what exactly went wrong. This is especially true if your relationship ended out of the blue and without warning.
When you broke up, you felt confused, sad, and angry – and perhaps you still do. I know that when I’m holding on to such strong feelings about a guy, I can’t stop thinking about him.
You’re probably no different and you also reminisce about the happy memories you had with your ex.
You should know that what you’re going through is entirely normal. Unfortunately, not being able to get your ex out of your head is one of the side effects of a breakup.
As if it wasn’t bad enough on its own, it leaves us hurting for long after it actually happened. Don’t worry about it though, your wounds will heal with time.
4. You’re feeling lonely
If you’ve been feeling particularly lonely later, it might be the reason behind your sudden obsession with this man. This can happen either when you’ve just met a man you like or when you’ve recently ended a relationship.
Let’s look at both possibilities.
If you only just met this man and you can stop thinking about him, you probably miss having a partner. Maybe it’s been a while since your last relationship and you started imagining this man as your new partner.
You often think about what an amazing relationship the two you could have because you wouldn’t be lonely anymore.
It’s very likely that you’re not really that interested in him, you just don’t want to be alone.
That’s nothing to be ashamed of but you should try to be happy on your own. When you meet new people get to know them slowly and build relationships little by little.
If you instead settle for someone you only imagined is amazing, you’ll later regret it.
Maybe you instead constantly think about your ex-boyfriend. Again, the reason might be loneliness because you suddenly aren’t in a couple anymore.
You’ll need time to adjust to the single lifestyle again. Naturally, you’re going to miss him whenever you sense his absence, but give yourself time with this too.
It will probably be hard to sleep alone at first and you might start dreading the evenings. To prevent this, plan this time of the day and use it to do something you enjoy doing.
Maybe it’s just binge-watching your favorite show on Netflix and eating chocolate in your sweatpants, and that’s okay!
5. You can’t figure him out
Is this guy mysterious like an enigma that leaves you confused? You just can’t seem to figure him out. Maybe you even actually see him as an interesting project that you could work on.
You just want to get inside his head, and it’s caused you to get stuck with him in yours!
Your new hobby is now trying to decipher the meaning behind the things he says and whether or not he likes you. You analyze his every action and word, and are still left wondering what he’s all about.
Wait for a while to see if your interest in him will fade away. If not, you might as well try to get your answers from him by getting to know him better.
Be careful though, because you don’t want to waste your time on a strange man who refuses to open up. Don’t forget that people don’t usually hide the good things – they keep bad things a secret instead.
I can’t stop thinking about him, or can I?
1. Stop trying to get him out of your head
Obviously, you want him out of your mind, so this might sound counterproductive, but it’s actually not. If you’re constantly thinking about how you shouldn’t be thinking about him, what are you doing?
Well, you’re inevitably thinking about him and just driving yourself crazy. The more effort you put into forcing yourself to stop doing it, the more you’re actually doing it.
How else to get him out of your head than by trying not to think about him? Start by not putting any effort into it.
Don’t put more energy and time into it than you already do by thinking about him.
When you catch yourself with a silly smile on your face because you’re imagining him asking you out, stop. Just get yourself busy by thinking about something else.
Think about whatever makes you happy and it will be more likely to keep your attention.
2. Take a break from him
You can’t stop thinking about someone who’s constantly there. If you often see this man, you need to take some time away from him to get him out of your mind.
If he’s your ex and you recently broke up, remove him from all your social media networks. Avoid seeing him and talking to him.
Until you’re ready to see him without it affecting you, you need to keep away from him to forget him. If he wants to keep being a part of your life, let him know that you need some space.
On the other hand, if this someone you’ve recently started dating, see him less often than you used to. Make a rule to get together with him no more than twice a week or even once so that you can keep it casual for now.
Don’t look at his social media profile so often and text him only after he texts you first. This way, you’ll be taking a step back after moving forward too quickly.
You’ve been getting ahead of yourself and you need to slow things down. After all, you don’t want to drive him away or rush into something right away.
3. Do things that aren’t related to him in any way
Use your time for other things and you won’t have enough of it to keep thinking about him all the time.
Maybe there’s a club you’ve always wanted to join or a hobby you’ve been meaning to start. Do that now and it will help you get your mind off this man.
Focus on your work too and spend some time with family and friends. Do whatever makes you happy, keeps you preoccupied, and gets your mind too busy to focus on the butterflies in your stomach.
If you’re infatuated with someone you only recently started dating, he’ll be attracted to your independence. He’ll certainly like that you’re busy with your own life and don’t need him to make you happy.
You can create your own happiness, and men find that extremely attractive in a woman. Plus, you’ll make sure that you have plenty to talk about with this guy when you see each other.
If this is someone you just recently broke up with instead, you need to focus on yourself right away. Occupy your mind with whatever makes you happy and keep yourself occupied.
Shift your mind from the breakup to something you enjoy doing, and it’ll help you feel a lot better. Maybe your new hobbies will even help you meet someone else and you’ll see that there are men better than your ex.
4. Love yourself more than you love him
How much time are you dedicating to this guy and how much love are you showing him? Imagine if you directed that time and love to yourself.
If you focus on yourself instead and show yourself some of that love, things will improve.
Self-love is one of the most valuable things in life. It makes you feel confident and whole, and improves your self-esteem at the same time.
If you’re constantly thinking about your ex or this guy is on your mind because you’re lonely, self-love is the best choice. Care for yourself enough to show yourself love and make yourself happy.
5. Get your life together again
If you can’t stop thinking about him because you’re trying to distract yourself from other problems, stop. The problems in other aspects of your life need your attention and they won’t go away by simply ignoring them.
Focus on the things in your life that you’re not happy with and try to improve them. Redirecting your focus to them will even help you fix other problems that you have.
You won’t be obsessing over a guy while you get your life in order, and once you do, things will get easier. Maybe you’ll even be able to have any guy you want.
Consider this as your first step. As for the guy, sometimes the things left unsaid mean more than you think.
He probably knows that you’re into him and while you switch your focus to other things, he may just realize he likes you too.
6. If he’s your ex, forgive him for hurting you
I know that you’re tempted to send him a text, but is your relationship truly over? If so, it might be better to leave things unsaid for now.
Maybe you’re wondering why you can’t get him out of your head after he left you, but it’s normal. If he hurt you though, you will need to gather the strength to forgive him.
Forgiving those who hurt us is important – not for that person’s sake, but so that we’re able to really move on. No one says it’s easy, but feeling that weight lift off your shoulders is worth it.
Don’t hold yourself back, let your emotions pour out. Write him a letter telling him you forgive him, and finally gain closure.
Forgiving him isn’t enough though because you also need to forgive yourself. If what caused the breakup is something you did, forgive yourself for it.
It will help you let go and finally move on with your life without reliving the breakup in your mind over and over again.
7. Flirt with other men
Maybe you can’t stop thinking about your ex, a man you’ve just met, or someone you can’t be with. If you want to stop, you’ll need to realize that there’s plenty of fish in the sea.
You don’t have to jump into the dating pool right away, but make sure to meet new men. Flirt with them a little and let them remind you of what a catch you actually are.
You’ll see that there are plenty who’d be interested in dating you. Once you’ve worked through your issues, you can even try going on a few dates.
Maybe you’ll even unexpectedly end up on a date with your actual soulmate. You’ll never know until you put yourself out there.
The point is, you’ll forget about this guy once you see many other attractive men that might be into you. Plus, it will give you that confidence boost that you need right now and improve your self-esteem.
So, go out there and start thinking about some other guy, but this time about one who’s worth it.
Good luck!
