Think aloud
I know why you’re here. It’s not the first time that you’ve been wondering why “I can’t stop thinking about her” and now you need some answers. Don’t worry, we’ll solve it for you once and for all.
Have you met a girl recently, or have you just broken up with your ex? Whatever the reason, there is this one girl stuck in your mind and you clearly can’t stop thinking about her.
You keep thinking of her beautiful smile and mesmerizing eyes, and you’re spending the majority of your time daydreaming about you two together. It seems like you just can’t let go of her and it’s starting to affect your mental health.
I may not be a relationship expert, but I know a thing or two about the whole situation. There was a time when I’d constantly think of a guy and I just couldn’t shake it off. The thought of him was the only constant in my daily life.
So, how did I change that?
I think that was one of the boldest moves I ever made because I actually risked losing the person who was one-of-a-kind and who made my days better. Then again, I was the one who had to take care of my own life, so I went for it.
I told him about those strong feelings I developed for him over time, and it was the right decision. Now I’m in a healthy romantic relationship and I have my best friend by my side.
I’m not going to say that what I did will be good relationship advice for you, nor that you have to do it this way because your situation can be entirely different from mine. So, try to analyze the situation from every aspect and decide what’s the best for you.
There are a couple of reasons why one person lives in your head rent-free and in this article, I’m going to tell you how can you stop thinking about a girl who occupies your thoughts.
“I can’t stop thinking about her!”: 11 reasons why
Okay, so we concluded that there are a lot of excuses why you voluntarily let someone inhabit your mind. So what are they?
It’s time for us to finally define and explain all the reasons you can’t stop thinking about her. It’s not going to be a piece of cake, but I know you can do it – why else would you be reading this far, right?
So, are you ready to ban the sentence “I can’t stop thinking about her” from your mind?
1. You’re in love
Love is… Uh, I always struggle to define it, because it’s actually so many things. But yes, it can be one of the reasons you can’t wrap your head around the fact that the whole concept of “I can’t stop thinking about her” is pretty normal.
Nowadays, a lot of people are trying hard to avoid expressing their feelings out of fear that the other person doesn’t care at all. It may hurt if the person rejects you, but do you want to let go of a girl that fulfills everything on your checklist?
Maybe you met her accidentally in a club while both of you were waiting for drinks and bumped into her a couple more times before you actually asked her on a date. After a couple of months, you realised that she’s brilliant and beautiful, and you’re dying to tell her “I love you.”
What the hell are you waiting for?
This takes the top position on this list because it’s the most common reason she’s endlessly running around in your thoughts. If you think she may feel the same way, go for it! Share your feelings with her and you may just change your relationship status soon.
2. You find her really attractive
You’re either charmed or it’s infatuation – in other words, an instant, strong, and unexplainable attraction. Just to clarify, when I say that you’re charmed, I don’t mean she used some spells on you or voodoo dolls, rather she’s dazzled you with her personality.
Whatever the reason, it’s obviously more than enough for her to be on your mind. Because of the crush you have on her, you may idealize her and create a distorted image of a completely different girl.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being physically attracted to someone, but keep in mind you need to discover her personality and get to know her better.
That way, you’ll be able to exactly determine how you feel about her and if you should quit thinking about her for good.
3. You’re daydreaming a lot
This actually intertwines a lot with the previous point. Once you start thinking about her constantly and decide to do nothing about it, you’ll find yourself starting to fantasize about her.
You’ll start daydreaming and imagining all the things you could do together, all the places that you could go to together. This may become your new hobby and you may lose the touch with reality. Maybe that’s the only reason?
You have to figure out if there are some personal problems you’re facing and that’s why you’re trying to escape your life mentally. More often than not, this kind of I-can’t-stop-thinking-about-her condition ends up being such a waste of time and energy.
So, if you keep daydreaming about that new girl you met, dedicate some time to get to know her truly.
4. She’s playing games with you
I know this is not something you’d like to hear, but yes, she may be playing games with you. Whether she’s doing the whole hot-and-cold thing or trying to make you jealous, you never know where you stand with her.
It’s time for you to remember who you are and finally stop simping. I know that this is easier said than done, but you don’t want to be led around by the nose.
I mean, you’re basically in a one-sided relationship, because you’re doing everything to please her and you get nothing in return. Wouldn’t you rather invest your time, love, and energy on someone who’ll reciprocate?
5. You’re stuck in the future
We’re all familiar with the concept of being stuck in the past, but what happens if you’re constantly thinking about the future? It’s kind of connected with the daydreaming mentioned earlier.
Maybe you went out with a girl a couple of times and there you are thinking about wedding bells and her ring size. Again, nothing wrong with this, but make sure it’s not affecting your wellness and daily life.
Things can get tricky and you may miss deadlines or completely forget about the obligations you have. Stop it. Stop imagining situations that may not happen and focus on your goals.
6. She’s your soulmate
You may think that she’s irreplaceable and that you’ll never be able to find someone like that, but do you know that we have plenty of soulmates? They may be our friends, family, and even complete strangers.
It’s that special feeling when you click with someone without having to talk much. You have the feeling that you connected on a whole another level with her, am I right?
Does she understand you in a way no one else can? Is she constantly validating your feelings and supporting everything you do? You probably have strong feelings for her, but are they just platonic?
Before jumping to conclusions, take some time to consider all possibilities.
7. You’re not sure if she’s worth the hassle
Have you been hurt before and now you’re not sure if she’s worth the struggle? Yes, she seems like a perfect choice, but is she going to be reckless just like your high school sweetheart?
You get excited every time you see her and your heart skips a beat when she smiles at you, but your gut is constantly telling you to let go. Why is that?
Even though your fear may be irrational, there are moments in our lives when we fall for a person that doesn’t deserve us. And the inevitable happens.
Here you are right now overthinking if you should ask your crush out or not and it’s getting to the point where you’re too stressed out to function. You have to find your own support system and get that much-needed advice.
8. You’re friend-zoned
As difficult as it is to accept that the other person does not like you or isn’t on the same wavelength as you are, you have to do it. If you were courageous enough to admit your feelings to the girl you like, congrats.
That was no easy task. However, if she told you you’re just friends, you may think about all the things that went wrong and what you could do better.
So, instead of beating yourself up because you can’t stop thinking about her, take a time-out to figure out if you’re trying too hard. Be unavailable for some time as a friend and potential partner. The outcome may surprise you.
9. You broke up with her recently
The reason she’s constantly on your mind may have something to do with the fact she’s your ex. Recent ex, to be precise.
Even when you were in a relationship, it wasn’t easy for you to get her perfume, let alone her voice out of your head, and now you actually have to do it. This is going to be tough, but you’ve got this.
Maybe you didn’t get the closure you expected or didn’t get one at all. In spite of that, you’ll have to let go if you ever want to stop constantly thinking about her.
There will be days when those memories and emotions will overwhelm you and you won’t be able to stop thinking about the girl who broke your heart. In order to have a healthy relationship with yourself and others, it may not be a bad idea to ask a relationship expert for help.
10. You’re obsessed with her
There is a thin line between constantly thinking about her and being obsessed with her. If you feel like the latter is true, I’d advise you to visit a psychotherapist.
Do you feel like you can’t stop scrolling down her social media profiles and you catch yourself following her around the city at least once? Being obsessed with someone may lead to various destructive behaviors, and you need to have strong self-control not to cross boundaries.
Try to figure out why are you obsessing over her, and what is actually triggering that. Also, you can come up with some ideas that can help you cope with how you feel.
One of the best ways to stop thinking about someone is to actually start thinking of yourself. Figure out all the possible ways that can help you improve and heal the wounds you may have.
11. You’re afraid to lose her
Is she one of the rare good things that happened in your life? Is she a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day? Does seeing her smile make you smile too?
One of the reasons you can’t stop thinking of her might be that you’re actually afraid of losing her. You’d rather overthink the whole situation than act upon it.
Also, perhaps you don’t want to give up on the idea of having her in your life because you have low self-esteem and her being by your side makes you feel really special.
So you kinda get anxious just at the thought of her being absent and you can’t stop thinking about her. Focus on your self-improvement instead of trying to answer all those what-ifs that pop into your mind.
What to do when you can’t stop thinking about her
If you keep beating yourself up for the same thought that comes into your mind over and over again, and it turns out it’s her you can’t stop thinking about, you need to hit the pause button.
Here are a couple of things you can do to stop your mind from wandering.
1. Ask her out
The most difficult and the easiest thing you can do is to actually ask her out. If you keep thinking about her for a decent amount of time and it’s quite obvious that she’ll be sticking around for a while, ask her out.
It’ll take some time to gain the courage to do so, but you’ve got nothing to lose. If she accepts your invite, perfect! If not, you’ll have a reason good enough to stop thinking of her.
I mentioned in the beginning that this was my choice. So if you’re doubting even a little bit that the person you have feelings for actually feels the same, then take the plunge and go for it!
2. Shut down every thought about her
This may be one of the most challenging tasks you’ll have to do, but you can!
Every time you start thinking about her, try to shift your focus to something else. Intentionally prevent your mind from going in a direction that makes you miserable. You’re the one that has to take care of your mental health.
So, stop spending time thinking about her when it undoubtedly brings you everything but happiness.
3. Socialize more
Yes, yes, yes! Go out with friends, spend some time dancing in the club, and go for quiz night at the local pub. Occupy your thoughts so there is no place or time to beat yourself up for not being able to stop thinking about her.
Play video games with friends, join an online tournament – just live your best life! Maybe even find a fling, someone new who can help you forget about that girl.
You may feel a bit guilty in the beginning, but don’t worry, that’ll slip away soon enough.
4. Avoid her social media accounts
Do you find yourself regularly scrolling through her Insta profile, so much so that it seems like you’re stalking her at this point?
Avoid her social media accounts because – news flash – it will only make you think more of her. She’ll be on your mind all the time and when you’re not checking out her latest Insta story, you’ll wonder where she’s at.
It takes a lot of self-control to do this, especially if it’s become your daily habit, but where there’s a will, there’s a way.
5. Focus on your hobbies
Do you have any hobbies? What did you enjoy doing as a kid?
The simplest way to stop thinking about her is to keep your mind busy. So, why not use your free time to upgrade your painting skills? Or maybe if you used to play the guitar, but stopped for no reason?
Go back to the things that made you happy and stop thinking about that one person who’s making you sad.
6. Set new goals
Have you fulfilled all your New Year’s resolutions and now you’ve got nothing else to do? It’s really simple: Set new goals.
That way, you’ll have something important to focus on and you won’t be needing someone to keep your brain entertained. Work on bettering yourself in different aspects and learn new things.
Not only will you be more satisfied with yourself, but hey, a new girl may just notice you. Because, when you’re finally happy with the person you are, the sky will be your only limit. Or not even that, if you ask Mr. Musk.
7. Talk with your buddies
You may not even need a therapist when you have your buddies. After all, any genuine friend should be your shoulder to cry on if you need to, and help you man up.
You can always ask them for advice in order to make the right decisions. They are the ones who care about you and want nothing but for you to be happy and satisfied with the life you’re living.
Go out with them, have a boy’s night, or just stay indoors and chill with a couple of board games or something. You know you’re allowed to share your feelings with each other, right? It’s not a girls-only thing.
8. Be active
Maybe you’ve been thinking about this often, but you never managed to fit it into your schedule. Since you’re spending a lot of time thinking about her, it means that you have a lot of free time, so there are no excuses.
Hit the gym, start hiking, or go bouldering. Do whatever will bring you peace.
Take a road trip, and ask your friends to join you. Explore new places and rediscover yourself.
9. Give yourself space and time
If you want to stop thinking about her, you’ll definitely need some space and time, so ensure yourself enough of both.
This may not be a piece of dating advice, but rather one about self-care. Your priority has to be your own well-being and happiness.
Distance yourself from everything that is making you mad, sad, or angry, and try to leave the memories you’ve shared with her somewhere on the side. At least until you heal properly.
As soon as you get back on the right track, nothing will hurt you anymore. It may ache a bit from time to time, but you’ll know how to handle it.
10. Accept that she can’t be yours and move on
Listen, I know it’s hard to accept things we don’t want to and I wish everything could go according to plan, but that’s not how life works. It’s become mainstream to even talk about how we go up and down on that roller coaster and scream from time to time.
Each new experience heartbreak and blessings, which all change you – that’s inevitable. So, if the girl you’re constantly thinking about rejected you, don’t hold grudges. Let it be.
Accept that she can’t be yours and move on, don’t torture yourself with the I-can’t-stop-thinking-about-her thing anymore.
Commit to the goal of creating the best version of you that you possibly can be, and shining your light on those around you. Accept help when you need it, and don’t forget to be there for your buddies when they go through the same.
Recognize your own worth and don’t discredit that. Confidence and a smile are the best assets in winning a girl’s heart. But shhh, that’s supposed to be a secret.
