Think aloud
How to reach out to an ex shouldn’t be the biggest question on your mind because you should first ask yourself, “Should I text my ex?” and, “Why do I want to?”
If you’re instead wondering, “How to win my ex back?” there’s something you should know before you do anything you’ll regret.
The first thing you must realize is that during the no contact period, you shouldn’t contact your ex… especially if you want them back.
Regardless of how badly you wish to get back together with them, breaking the no contact rule should be out of the question.
Reaching out to an ex during the no contact period is always a very bad idea, regardless of whether you want them back or not. You need to repeat that to yourself as many times as necessary.
When I wanted to know how to win my ex back, I also wondered whether I should text him, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I did anyway.
It only made things worse for both of us and prolonged my suffering.
I did manage to get back together with him after being persistent, but do you know how that ended?
We broke up very soon after, and the second time hurt even worse than the first time.
Don’t fool yourself thinking that this won’t happen to you because reaching out after a breakup nearly always ends badly.
Some time needs to pass before you and your ex can have civilized communication.
Then you’ll even maybe give your relationship a second chance.
If you are still heartbroken and expect your ex to make you happy again, don’t search for sweet things to say to your ex-boyfriend to get him back.
It will only cause unnecessary pain if you risk it and contact your ex during that time.
When your ex left you, they stopped the supply of happy hormones.
This is what’s causing you to have withdrawal symptoms similar to those people who stop using drugs experience.
You are in shock, and the result of that is that you can’t function, sleep, or eat normally.
It’s important that you know this because reaching out after a breakup means receiving another supply of those happy hormones.
This again has a very similar effect as that of drugs.
You will start feeling ecstatic… but only for a short while because your ex will disappear from your life again, and it will make you go back to your previous state.
This time it will be even worse, and by contacting your ex, you will have prolonged the suffering.
How to reach out to an ex without all this pain then? How to text your ex is important but not as much as when to text your ex.
You have realized that breaking the no contact rule is not a good idea, especially not when you want your ex back.
You now also know that if you’re still hurting, it will hurt even more.
This is why you need to forget about reaching out to an ex during the no contact period… even if it means letting them see other people.
After your ex has left you, you don’t have the power to manipulate or influence them, and they are also going through their own stages of recovery.
You can’t play mind games with them, nor try to reason with them, because it simply won’t work.
Does this mean that reaching out to an ex during no contact is always out of the question? Well, there are a few exceptions.
If there is something urgent and important you need to talk about with your ex, it’s okay.
You first need to find out when it’s okay to reach out to an ex, be aware of your intentions, and think everything through before breaking the no contact rule.
When is reaching out after a breakup okay? If you are still in the no contact period, you can reach out to an ex only in some specific situations.
Those situations aren’t when you want to get your ex back, but when you need to talk about something important that concerns both of you.
The subject because of which you’re reaching out needs to be something that requires the two of you to talk.
This is when you need to talk to him about the mortgage, kids, loans, divorce, or some other unfinished business that simply can’t wait.
How to reach out to an ex during no contact if you want to talk about these things? When you reach out to your ex, you need to be authentic and simple.
You need to be straightforward, kind, respectful, and open.
When you talk to them, get to the point right away.
For instance, if you are reaching out to an ex because you have children, talk about the kids right away, and only about them.
Don’t push, demand, or do anything else that would cause your ex to resent you, such as showing signs of anger.
Nothing good can happen if you do. Try to be nice instead, and keep in mind how you would like someone you’re not getting along with to talk to you.
Don’t forget that your ex isn’t your partner anymore.
They don’t wish the best for you… and if there’s no common interest in what you’re saying, or you seem selfish, they won’t listen to you.
This means that you need to have completely selfless intentions and talk to your ex only about what concerns them and as I said, the matter you’re talking about needs to be urgent.
You don’t want your ex to react negatively, so the most important thing is to appear calm.
Don’t have any expectations because you don’t know how your ex will react.
Try not to make your ex angry or depressed, and don’t guilt-trip them just so they will do something for you.
Make sure that you don’t only talk because you need to listen too.
If your ex is mature enough, they will respond in this same way you talk to them, so they’ll try to be friendly.
As long as the subject you’re talking about interests you both, and is urgent, they won’t mind having a conversation with you.
I already mentioned that you shouldn’t have any expectations. Having them could easily cause you to make impulsive mistakes.
If you are emotional, you will demand something from your ex that they simply can’t give you.
You will want their validation, love, and attention, which will completely drain them.
The only possible ending to that sort of conversation is that you’ll get disappointed…
So, following the rules you’ll learn in this article about how to reach out to an ex is crucial.
So far, we have talked about reaching out after a breakup, during the no contact rule, and I hope I helped you realize that it’s a bad idea…
But how to text your ex after the no contact period?
Here are the answers depending on your situation:
1. Do you want to reach out to your ex when it’s been a few months or even years since the breakup?
When a long time has passed since the breakup, there is a chance that you can get back together and start over.
It is quite possible, but it doesn’t mean that it will happen the way you want it to.
The best chance for reconciliation is when they contact you first after the no contact period.
This is because they have had some time to think about everything.
In order for your ex to be attracted to you, they need to think about you a lot and stop having negative emotions about you.
Once your ex starts seeing you in a more positive light, you have a chance with them. This is why it’s best that you wait for them to reach out to you.
Of course, after the no contact period, nothing’s stopping you from contacting them. However, if they don’t do it first, they probably don’t want you to.
They have to think about what they want, and you can’t make them want you if they decided they want something else.
Reaching out in the attempt to use some manipulative method to get your ex to fall in love with you won’t work…
If they haven’t already decided to give you a chance, nothing will.
There are no sweet things to say to your ex-boyfriend to get him back if he has spent all this time thinking about you in a negative way.
Only if your ex misses you and wants to be with you again could something like that work…
And if they want to be with you, they will reach out, so it’s best to wait.
2. Do you want to reach out to your ex when he’s ignoring you?
You will soon read more tips on how to reach out to an ex, but even if you do everything right, your ex still might not be interested in talking to you.
If they don’t, they simply don’t have the personal strength, mentality, or self-awareness it takes to respond accordingly.
They aren’t interested in figuring out what’s best for them, let alone you. Instead, they would rather simply ignore you and hold a grudge.
When your ex doesn’t want to act mature, there’s nothing you can do about it. If your ex is ignoring you, you can’t reach out to them even if you try.
They won’t respond to your texts, and they won’t answer your calls.
If this happens to you, and your ex is ignoring you, let them be. Don’t bother them and prevent yourself from getting hurt again.
Maybe they will eventually realize that what they’re doing is wrong, so they’ll reach out to you. Until that day comes, leave them alone.
Who knows, maybe in the end you’ll be the one who’ll ignore them when they finally reach out.
3. Do you want to reach out to your ex when you’re already talking again?
If you and your ex are talking again, and they’re happy to have a conversation with you, reaching out to them isn’t a problem.
After your ex contacts you first, just respond and make sure that there’s always a healthy balance.
A healthy balance is when you don’t reach out to your ex when they haven’t contacted you first.
Making sure that they’re almost always the one who initiates a conversation is a very good idea.
They need to recognize your worth and invest in you, but they need to do it on their own.
This means that you shouldn’t try to make them, especially if they’re stubborn.
They need to start valuing you and enjoying conversations with you, and that takes time. They’ll have to get there on their own, and you just need to wait.
Stay patient and give your ex as much time as they need. While you do that, you can stay focused on yourself and keep trying to move on.
Getting over your ex is important even when you want to get them back because it improves your chances of getting back together with them.
I’ve given you the best advice I could possibly give regarding how to reach out to an ex…
It’s basically that you should always wait for them to contact you first.
However, if you’re still determined to do it, follow some rules to make sure it doesn’t end badly.
Here are the 7 rules you need to follow when you want to reach out to your ex:
1. Don’t reach out impulsively
Before you reach out to your ex, think things through. This is the first rule you need to follow because sending an impulsive text is a big mistake.
You need to be deliberate and know exactly what you want before you reach out.
Otherwise, you will only be wasting your time and theirs, and even opening up old wounds.
There are a few things you need to think about before you reach out to your ex. Think about what your goal is and what you will gain from it.
You’re hoping the conversation will go a certain way, so figure out if it is possible for it to go that way.
Who will benefit from that conversation? You, your ex, or both of you?
Think about whether there’s a risk that the conversation will hurt your ex and make moving on harder for them. Will it make everything harder for you?
Whatever you do, please resist the urge to contact them during the no contact period.
2. Don’t reach out if it’s not in both of your best interests
The only time you should reach out to your ex is when you’re sure that talking to each other is in both of your best interests.
That means that the communication needs to be positive for you and your ex too.
You shouldn’t text or call your ex just because you are feeling sad or lonely.
Unless it will make your ex feel better, you also shouldn’t reach out to talk about everything that went wrong.
If you want to reach out to apologize, that’s okay, but it needs to be about making your ex feel better, not you.
So, don’t call to apologize if you’re only trying to ease your guilty conscience.
Sometimes, it’s good to tell your ex about how they hurt you because it could give you some closure.
Additionally, it could help your ex realize what they shouldn’t do again… to you or to anyone else they date in the future.
However, if this information won’t help your ex in any way, or you know that they won’t change because of it, it’s best not to tell them.
In that case, it’s not necessary, and it won’t help anyone, especially if your ex won’t learn from it.
You can write all those words in a letter to your ex, or an email, and never send it.
There’s really no need to send it, as just writing it will make you feel better and give you closure.
3. Make it clear what you want
When you contact your ex, you need to be clear regarding your intentions.
Someone who gets a text from their ex will instantly wonder what their ex wants.
They will probably assume that their ex wants them back, or they’ll even hope that it’s that.
You need to be transparent and direct when you contact your ex and make it clear what you want.
Do you want them back? Send them a text saying that you’ve been thinking about them lately, and ask them if they want to meet you for coffee.
If they agree, once you get together, explain to them that you still care about them.
Give them enough reasons why the two of you should try again and why you think it will be different this time.
Do you only want closure? Tell them what you need in a text, or ask them to meet you for coffee in this case too.
However you choose to do it, the important thing is not to string them along.
Don’t leave your ex wondering and make it clear what you want.
4. Have realistic expectations
Can your ex give you what you want? You need to be completely aware of the answer to that question before you reach out to them.
Maybe you need some answers regarding the breakup, but will your ex give you honest ones?
They might not think about what’s best for you, and you need to be aware of that.
If the breakup you had was chaotic or hostile, it’s best not to contact your ex.
In that case, they most likely won’t be willing to give you closure and answer your questions honestly.
If your ex doesn’t care about you anymore, is too resentful, or too hurt, they only want to help themselves feel better.
Helping you feel better won’t be their intention, so it’s probably best not to try to make them.
5. If they are with someone else, don’t try to break them apart
You need to be respectful when it comes to your ex’s relationship status.
If they are with someone else now, it doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them anymore. However, it does mean that you need to be very considerate.
If your ex is happy with another person, don’t try to ruin their happiness or even break them apart.
Maybe you still need closure or just want to apologize, and it’s okay to reach out because of that.
However, make sure to make it perfectly clear that you’re not trying to get them back.
If you only want to talk to your ex, talk, but let them know that that’s all you want.
6. Consider whether it’s better to see each other or just exchange messages
Now that you know what you need to say to your ex and why, think about how to do it. Is it better to text them, call them or talk in person?
If all you want is to apologize, a message will be enough. For some other things, you will need to see each other to talk.
If you want to get back together with your ex, this is something you need to talk about in person.
The same goes if you want to discuss the reasons for your breakup and the problems you had while you were in a relationship.
7. Don’t reach out again if you get no response
If you reached out to your ex by sending them a text, but you didn’t get a response, this is a sign that you need to leave them alone.
Maybe they don’t want to talk to you again, and you need to respect their wishes.
Keep in mind that no response is a response, and it’s a powerful one.
It tells you everything you need to know and shows that they aren’t interested in getting back together.
Even if you only tried to apologize, you have to understand that your ex doesn’t have to accept your apology.
Just focus on yourself, and try to forget about them, because you’ll have a chance to have a healthier relationship with someone else.
Good luck!
