Think aloud
When it comes to the question of how to fix a negative relationship, everyone has their own opinion. People think that the ‘one size fits all’ solutions can help you figure out how to make things better, but it’s actually quite damaging when you have no idea what would help your particular situation.
You may not even know that you’re in a negative relationship. You just know that something isn’t right and that your relationship is toxic for both of you.
The best way to describe it is that a negative relationship is filled with disagreements that aren’t resolved, passive aggression, codependency, and it’s filled with jealousy and insecurity. You’re not crossing the line into extreme toxicity, nor are you abusive towards one another.
It’s just obvious that there are things to be worked on in your relationship.
How to fix a negative relationship? That’s such a broad question, but there are certain things that you can implement in your relationship to help you get rid of all these negative emotions that are filling your space. You’ll be able to find your love for each other much easier, you just have to try.
How to fix a negative relationship?
1. Go to couple’s therapy
Are you ready to do anything to save your relationship? Some people think that they’re ready to change themselves and their surroundings for the other person, but then they don’t do the things that can actually help them.
That’s why I put this as the first piece of advice for your negative relationship. You’ve probably been together for so long that you’re not even able to see things from another perspective. You can just feel how hurt and confused you are, so you’re not even trying to make amends with your partner.
For that exact reason, a professional will be able to see what’s happening, and they can help you both find your way back to the loving and healing relationship that you had before. Counseling can’t make things worse, and even if it does, it’ll heal the parts of you that you thought were broken forever.
2. Try out new and exciting things together
You’re wondering how to fix a negative relationship? Well, when was the last time you tried doing something together that wasn’t just fighting? Or when was the last time you tried something new and exciting?
Even if you’re not adventurous people, you can still find things that you can do together and make things more interesting and exciting. It doesn’t have to be something as extreme as skydiving, but you can try out new sports or new routines.
This way, you’ll be able to do something together and talk about it with enthusiasm afterward.
3. Incorporate Sunday reflections
One of the most effective things that people incorporate into their relationships is Sunday reflections. You’re probably wondering what even is that?! Well, it’s a moment of your time, on a specific day of the week, when you’ll both sit down and talk about your feelings.
Was there something that hurt you during the week? Was there something that made him uncomfortable that happened? What are the best ways to deal with it?
When you’re calm and collected, it’s much easier to look back at everything and talk about it. I mean, we live such hectic lives that we forget to do these little check-ins with our partners. So, this is the perfect opportunity for you.
4. Educate yourselves
We don’t learn how to be a good partner in school. No one tells us about all the things we should educate ourselves on before we start a serious relationship.
That’s why I’d like for you to go out of your way and educate yourself. Learn about love languages, learn about emotional intelligence, learn about the different ways that people argue, and figure out which one you are.
The secret here is to do this together. You can’t just expect your partner to educate himself, nor can you expect yourself to take on all that burden. This should be a combined effort, and you should be able to learn together about all of these things.
5. Share the household chores
If you want to learn how to fix a negative relationship, you’ll also have to learn what things you’ve been taking on without even realizing how damaging they are. For example, when you’re the woman in the house, you might feel like you’re responsible for all the household chores. But that’s simply not the truth.
You have to be able to share these responsibilities if you want to be in a healthy relationship. If only one person does something like the chores around the house, then they can easily become resentful of their partner.
This is also the case if only one of you is working and earning money. That person will become resentful over time if these responsibilities haven’t been considered beforehand.
6. Set clear goals in your relationship
What are the goals for your relationship? You can’t really set a specific goal like ‘fight only once a month’; that’s just not possible. When I’m talking about goals for your relationship, I mean where do you want to be in a couple of years? What do you want to do?
This could be like a little bucket list for you both. Some of the examples that you could put on there are buying a new car, buying a house, getting married, having kids, going to your dream country, and others.
Once you have all of these things written down, you’ll start working toward them much more easily.
7. Learn to take responsibility for the things that you’ve done wrong
The easiest thing to do in a relationship is to blame the other person. If you want to understand how to fix a negative relationship, you may want to work on yourself first.
You can’t blame your partner for everything without taking any accountability for the things that you’ve done wrong. So, when your partner tells you that you hurt his feelings, or that you’ve been mean, and distant – listen!
You can’t blame him for feeling the way he does, because that’s his experience of the entire situation. However, this also means that he should understand that, too. He should never dismiss your feelings.
Simply be able to acknowledge all the things that you’ve done wrong and actively try changing them. Stop being lazy!
8. Understand that it takes time and effort
Nothing will change overnight. You have to work on your relationship consistently in order to make it loving and caring again. You shouldn’t expect your partner to change patterns that he has developed throughout his life in just one blink.
Both of you will have to find things that will help you develop as a couple. This includes coping mechanisms, unhealthy patterns, and so much more. You can’t learn this in one sitting; it takes months to get there.
However, the fact that you’re both working on this should be enough to keep you motivated to continue. Your love for each other will be more obvious with each passing day.
9. Practice radical transparency
A negative relationship usually comes because of certain issues from past relationships, and it’s a reflection of all the unhealthy patterns that we’ve learned before we meet the person we’re with.
That’s why it would be good to practice radical transparency. This means that you’ll share your location with your partner, that you’ll share your passwords, but that you’ll also share your emotions.
Once you both have a full insight into the lives the other one is leading, it’ll be much easier to understand your experience. Also, when you sit down and talk, don’t hold back. Both of you have the right to express your emotions in a manner that will keep your heart filled with ease instead of stress.
10. Give each other enough space
When you’re trying to learn how to fix a negative relationship, you don’t think that you’d have to give your partner space. This probably sounds counterintuitive to you. However, it’s probably one of the best things you can do in this situation.
You and your partner should be able to talk things through and understand that it’s okay to take some time for yourselves. It’s not the end of the world when someone asks for space. You’ll still come back to each other.
11. Understand that not every relationship is worth saving
This probably sounds awful to you. It hurts you to even think of a life where your partner isn’t present, but you genuinely have to understand this.
When you’re in a negative relationship, there could be so many reasons why you’re stuck there, and why all of this is happening to you. So, it’s much better to just let go of this, even though it’s hard.
Relationships should be filled with love and affection, and not feel like an eternal project.
Read more: The Long-Term Effects Of Staying In Negative Relationships