Think aloud
Have you ever wondered how narcissists treat their exes? It’s a weird territory that you don’t know much about.
Either you’ve just gone through a breakup, or you’re trying to split ways with your narcissistic boyfriend. Whichever situation you’re in, even if you’re just worried about your friend who’s gone through a breakup recently, you’re rightfully concerned.
Narcissists are known for being emotionally and mentally abusive towards their partners. Sometimes, they even make the abuse physical. You can’t just be calm and collected when you know that worse things may be coming.
You’re going through an extremely emotionally challenging time right now, and the one thing you definitely don’t need is to worry if he’ll show up at your door. You want to be prepared for everything.
If he chooses to do something awful, you want to know in advance so you can be ready for it. You don’t want to find yourself in a bad place again, because you’re trying to heal now.
That’s why we’ve compiled a list of things that explain how narcissists treat their exes. You can get through this! So read carefully and get ready for the worst.
13 terrifying ways how narcissists treat their exes
1. Going “no-contact” with him won’t work
Everyone says that you need to stay away from your exes (especially the narcissistic ones) for at least 3 months after the breakup. That’s what the no-contact rule says!
Obviously, it won’t have any effect on this stupid piece of trash. He’ll try to contact you in every way he can!
Did you block him? He’ll make another account.
You’re not answering his calls? He’ll get one of your friends to call you for him.
You won’t see him? He’ll simply show up at your door.
This man demands your full attention and it has always been like that. He never knew how to respect your boundaries, so why do you believe that he’ll start doing that right now? He’ll continue harassing you for ages, even if it drives you completely crazy.
An abuser will never let his victim simply leave him. He’ll do anything and everything in his power to get you back and to make your life miserable. He feels a certain high when he sees that you’re scared of him.
2. He’ll bombard you with affection
Have you ever heard of love bombing? You probably have, considering that he used every tactic in the book to make you fall for him.
Well, he’ll go back to the nice guy he was before the mask came off. He believes that he’ll get you to come back to him if he reminds you of the man he was before.
He may start to send gifts to your home, he’ll text you long paragraphs where he’ll say that he wants you. When he bumps into you (which was probably planned in advance) he’ll be affectionate and his touch won’t hurt you.
He knows that these things will pull at your heartstrings. At one point, he may even let a tear or two fall down his cheeks. It’s scary when you consider how easy it is for him to act out affection, but remember that none of it is real.
He’s only doing this because he got his supply cut off. Narcissistic supply lets him believe that he truly is that magnificent. However, when it’s gone he’s more likely to start doubting himself.
3. He’ll flirt with you whenever he can
Are you still asking yourself how narcissists treat their exes? Do you think that it’s genuine? Even when he continuously flirts with you, he hasn’t changed.
A narcissistic personality disorder isn’t curable. It can only be managed! That means that he’s acting things out in order to get something out of you. In this case, he needs to feel in control again. He needs to know that he’s the God that he thinks he is.
Now, he’ll try to flirt with you whenever he gets the chance to do that. He’ll try to see if he still has some power over you even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes, he’ll cross every line because it’ll escalate from flirting to some type of abuse. There’s even a good chance that he won’t be able to take your rejection well.
Flirting, to him, is his chance to use his knowledge of you in order to manipulate you. Please beware of this, because it’s definitely not harmless.
4. He’ll be hot and cold
One day he’s all over you, while the next he can’t seem to care enough about you. That’s exactly what makes you think of him this much, isn’t it?
When you’ve been thinking about how narcissists treat their exes, well be careful with this one. Playing hot and cold with a victim of narcissistic abuse is a dangerous thing.
The victim (in this case that’s you) is quite easily influenced by the narcissist. That’s because he manipulated you into being compliant with him. He knows that you’ll lose sleep over him if he continues to play his little games.
For example, one day he’ll text you paragraphs about how much he misses you. But, for the next couple of days, his name won’t even pop up on your phone.
He knows that the lack of his attention will make you go crazy. You’ll question everything because you’ll fear that you may have lost him forever.
But you got out of an abusive relationship! You’re in complete control right now. He can play his games with someone else.
I can promise you that he’ll lose his mind the very moment you stop being affected by him.
5. He’ll spread lies about you
Once he understands that he doesn’t have any control over you anymore, he’ll use pettier ways to get to you. For example, he’ll start spreading lies about you.
It’ll start with stupid lies like telling everyone that he was the one who broke up with you and not the other way around. Once he starts to understand that you’re not affected by this, he’ll start to tell everyone things that you’ve never done.
He’s trying to make you contact him because you probably haven’t replied to him for a very long time. This way, he’ll want to get some kind of reaction out of you. He doesn’t care that people may find out because he’s so delusional and sure that no one is going to side with you.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to ignore him and if it does make you feel uncomfortable, make sure to have some type of evidence against him. Even if you don’t have any evidence that proves him wrong, try surrounding yourself with people who believe you no matter what.
6. He’ll try to remind you of the good times
How do narcissists treat their exes? Depends on his mood. He’ll surprise you every day. One day, he’s spreading lies about you, but the next day he’s making sure to remind you of why you fell in love with him in the first place. It’s very confusing and that’s exactly what he wants to achieve.
Whenever he manages to get ahold of you he’ll tell you that he doesn’t know what happened between the two of you, or that he misses sleeping next to you. There’s a good chance that he’ll tell you how hard it is for him so he still visits your favorite spots and drinks your signature drinks.
He’ll say anything and everything to get you back. Why didn’t he do these things while you were together? No. He’s doing those things now that he doesn’t have unlimited access to you.
He’s trying to make you recall the emotions that you had for him. It doesn’t matter that he’s stooping so low as to make a victim out of himself in order to get there. He just knows that his narcissistic supply is gone and he needs you back no matter what.
7. He’ll use blackmail
Is there some information about you that he isn’t supposed to know? Is there something in his possession that he shouldn’t have?
He’ll use everything against you in order to make your life a living hell. Starting with some explicit pictures that he took when you weren’t looking which he’ll use as the perfect bait.
There will be times when he won’t even blackmail you with things that are true. He’ll make up lies about you and then tell you that he’ll spread them if you don’t come home to him. You may think that it’s easy to resist those things, however, a victim of abuse knows that their abuser holds power.
He controlled your life for so long and he knows what to do and say in order to get you back. What you have to do is to be very strong and not let those things get to you. If you still believe in his power then he’s going to continue controlling you.
Whatever he uses as blackmail, be it something real or fake, don’t bother to react. He can expose your deepest and darkest secrets, it still can’t be worse than going back to him.
8. He’ll ruin other relationships in your life
One tactic that every narcissist uses is isolating the victim from every possible support system that they may have. When you’re thinking about how narcissists treat their exes, you should still remember that this person has a personality disorder.
He may not even be doing this consciously, however, he knows that this will hurt you. He’ll show you that he’s the only person that you can rely on and the only person that you can stay with.
You may trust your friends and family a lot, but unless they hate this man with their entire being, there’s a good chance that he may get under their skin. He wants to keep you away from those people which only means that he’ll do everything to make his vision a reality.
Make sure that he doesn’t find out that you’re dating someone new. Once you start dating you’ll experience the worst sides of him. I’m not trying to scare you, but you know that I’m right when it comes to this.
He’ll text the men that you’re going out with; he’ll give them every reason to think that you’re the problem. If it happens that it’s not going to plan, then he’ll choose threats and violence. You shouldn’t even try to understand this type of behavior, he’s just going out of his mind.
9. He’ll try to blame you
Once he sees that nothing is working and that he isn’t getting you back, he’ll play the blame game as soon as the opportunity arises. He’ll blame you for leaving and making him miserable, for his receding mental state, and for everything else he can think of.
He’s not capable of perceiving his own blame for things, he just thinks that he’s completely innocent. Even if he feels guilt at one point, it still gets overthrown by the immense feeling of anger. He’ll never admit his own fault, so he’ll continuously try to put everything on you.
His mind is rationalizing these things because it’s telling him that there’s nothing wrong with the way he was acting. Sometimes, he may doubt himself but those thoughts get overthrown quickly.
In his mind, you’re the one who’s to blame for everything that happened. There’s no other way for him to look at things, even if he wanted to.
10. He’ll try to be your friend
If at one point in time, none of the previously mentioned things work in his favor, he’ll find another way to get under your skin. A.K.A., he’ll try to become your friend.
Sometimes, it’s hard to know how narcissists treat their exes because most victims stay in the relationships or always go back to their abusers. But one consistent thing that we’ve been seeing is that narcissists don’t shy away when it comes to stooping low – in this case, that includes a friendship with their victim.
You may think that this is very wholesome and that it can’t be that bad. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but you’re not going to like this.
He’s only using this opportunity to get close to you and to go through the troubles of falling in love with him once more. He’s not letting you heal nor does he want to let you out of his sight for a long amount of time.
He’ll play the act of a supportive friend perfectly. There’s no chance that he’ll let you see his true intentions unless you try to dig really deep. Or, in this case, unless you know him very well.
I genuinely hope that you know that this is a trap. Please don’t let him near you, ever again.
11. He’ll refuse to give your stuff back
There are two outcomes to this issue: he’ll either hold onto your things for as long as he can or he’ll burn them/throw them away. There’s a very small chance that you’ll actually get your stuff back from your narcissistic ex.
It doesn’t matter if you did or didn’t live together; there’s probably some of your stuff at his place. You left a hoodie or two, your favorite loafers, your PJs, or even your ID (which would be extremely unfortunate). However, whatever it is that you left there, you won’t get it back.
He’ll want to hold onto those things so he feels like he has a little bit of control. You’ll ask him to give you back your things but he’ll never do it. Sometimes, he’ll have a lame excuse, but other times he won’t even try to hide the fact that he doesn’t want to.
There’s even a good chance that he’ll invite you to come and get your things, but he won’t give them back. He’ll just give you one or two things, but definitely not the most important things that you came to get.
This is a very sick and twisted game that he’s playing, but he’s having an amazing time playing with you.
12. He’ll find another victim
Once the chance arises he’ll find another victim. I mean, how do narcissists treat their exes, other than to show them that they’re replaceable? You’ll feel jealous and like you lost him for good. You’ll feel like it’s your fault for leaving when she looks so happy next to him on the pics they’re posting.
But, don’t you remember? You were that happy at the beginning, too. When the time was right for him to show his true colors, that’s exactly what he did. She’s going to experience that side of him, too!
He’ll know what this will do to you, so he chooses the girl that would make you extremely insecure and jealous. He does this in order to get revenge on you while also showing you that you’re replaceable.
He’ll post her everywhere so you can see her, he’ll let everyone know as soon as they start going out, and he’ll even go as far as to block you. He’s doing everything just to make you feel small and insignificant.
However, I can assure you that this girl won’t be happy with him. His true colors will show themselves soon enough and she’ll know that she’s in danger.
Don’t fall for this trap!
13. He’ll never leave you alone completely
It’s a little bit too hard to comprehend this. Would someone really hold onto their grudge for so long?
A normal person probably wouldn’t, however, this is a narcissist that we’re talking about. Once he starts obsessing over a person there’s no way that he’s going to let go of the idea of the two of you together.
You were the person that fell into his trap and you were doing your part perfectly because he did everything to make you feel inferior to him. He didn’t let you think that you were anything more than a victim to his evil desires.
Even if you think that he’s moved on with his life, you’ll still catch him staring when you’re in the same room. You’ll see the way he’s studying every move you make – just like a predator, watching his prey.
One day, you may even get an anonymous text message that seems suspiciously like something your narcissistic ex would do. That’s because he’s really aware of the high he felt whenever you would cry because of him or when he would belittle you.
This man isn’t giving up on you. This is why you need to keep yourself safe!
What should you do?
Now that you know how narcissists treat their exes, you’re probably very scared. But that’s exactly what he wants and that’s what you can’t give him under any circumstances.
There’s a good chance that you won’t be able to completely ignore him. It’s possible that he’ll try everything in the book just to get to you and to make you break.
What you need to do is show him that it simply doesn’t bother you at all. You may cry your eyes out every night and you may go to therapy to heal from all of the trauma that he caused, but you should never show him that he managed to break you.
You need to ignore him as much as possible. Change your phone number every time he manages to find it. Change your looks just to make sure that he’s having a hard time tracking you.
If you think that he’s making your friends and family feel uncomfortable, then make sure to inform them that he’ll try everything he can just to split you all apart. Tell them the truth about everything, so he can’t lie to anyone.
And lastly, if things get out of hand at any point in time, make sure to get a restraining order. I can promise you that you’re doing the right thing.
This narcissistic trash of a man doesn’t deserve a moment of your presence anymore.
