Think aloud
Were you dating a narcissist and broke up with him recently? Then, you’re probably facing some problems and one simple question crossed your mind. How do narcissists feel when you move on?
First of all, don’t think that he feels sorry for you, or that he’ll be devastated. No, darling. His ability to be empathetic has been lost a long time ago, so don’t expect he’ll magically find it for you. But, if you were the one to initiate the breakup, he’ll try hard to get you back.
I assume you’re wondering why. Well, the chances that he wants to win you over because he loves you are pretty small considering the fact that he loves himself only. Okay, he maybe had feelings for you, I can buy that. Because otherwise, he wouldn’t be in a relationship with you.
But, the main reason he wants to reel you in is to have your attention, and well, he wants the control back. The control over you, your emotions, and the relationship you shared. It’s helping him boost his fragile ego.
Unfortunately, there’s no blueprint or specific recipe for how each one of them will behave. Every narcissist is special in his own way and they behave a certain way because of different things and experiences that shaped them. However, I’ll try to clarify the situation a bit.
So, how do narcissists feel when you move on? Here are some things that can be applied to all of them.
How do narcissists feel when you move on?
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is a difficult job, but leaving it tops that. You’ll have to roll up your sleeves if you want to leave this toxic relationship. Normally, when you end a relationship, everybody goes through a period of hardship, but eventually, both of you move on.
When it comes to narcissists, however, it’s not the same. It’s time to finally talk about how narcissists really feel when you move on before them. Perhaps you’re already dealing with some of these things, so I won’t delay it anymore.
1. He gets angry
What is one of many things narcissists don’t like? Being replaced, that’s it. So, it’s completely natural to assume that they’ll be angry when you leave them. In the beginning, your narcissistic ex-boyfriend may try to process his anger calmly, because it’s your loss, right?
But when he sees that you’ve moved on, negative feelings will rush in. Depending on how his behavior usually is, his anger may turn into rage and he may become violent and try to physically harm you. He holds grudges, but you already knew that, it’s nothing new.
By leaving him, you may have triggered some of his childhood traumas and his insecurities will come to the surface. Since that’s not his natural state, he’ll try to fight against it. He’s not going to be careful not to hurt you, or the person you’re dating.
So, be really careful at least at the beginning when he finds out this news because you don’t want to be near him when his anger gets out of control and he has outbursts. I don’t want to scare you, but I hope that you’re ready for one of the most difficult battles of your life.
2. He gets jealous
Yes, he’ll get jealous and he’ll call you all day long. He’ll frantically text you, and try to reach you through social media as well. Don’t let it be a surprise if he tries to “scare off” guys who are standing at your table while you’re in a club on Saturday night.
He’ll become overly possessive, like a kid when his favorite toy has been taken away. Seeing you happy without him will drive him nuts. Now, imagine when he realizes you’re not a part of his life anymore and you’ve continued living yours without him…
He expected that you’ll be miserable and grieving for a long period of time, and he’ll lose it. His jealousy will get the best of him and he may even do some things that he’ll regret later. Or he won’t because he’ll pretend they never happened, who knows.
So, as soon as their mind finally processes that you’ve moved on, narcissists will feel jealousy too.
3. He feels like you’re cheating on him
Believe it or not, narcissists are going to feel like you’re cheating on them once you move on. Even though you broke up, he was getting attention (maybe affection too) from your side and he’s not ready to give it up that easily.
Since he can’t be the one who lost the game, he’s going to present the whole situation as if you cheated on him and that’s why he decided that you have to part ways. Expect that he may even make a jealous scene when he sees you somewhere with your new partner.
He won’t care that other people will witness it because he’s the one who’s hurt in this story. He’s the victim and you’re the one to blame. As soon as he moves from this stage, he’ll seek revenge, so be prepared.
4. He feels ignored
In some cases narcissists will feel ignored when you move on, in others, they’ll pretend like nothing ever happened. When it comes to the second scenario, I can freely say that it’s the best outcome. If he acts like you never meant something to him and like your new relationship doesn’t bother him – perfect!
On the other hand, if he feels ignored, he may turn to a bit of crazy behavior and cause you some of the problems that I’ve mentioned here. Your world doesn’t revolve around him anymore (I mean, it never did, but he thought so) and in his mind, that’s not acceptable.
The attention and love that was coming from your side suddenly changed its direction. He lost control over everything he once had. When you left him, he came to realize that he was never worthy of you, but he’ll never admit that.
Also, this triggered his self-esteem doubts and that’s not something he likes.
5. He’ll want your attention
I’ve mentioned calling and texting previously and I’ll just say that you have to double it now. Even though he’ll never admit that you’re the one he needs, he’ll starve for your attention. You were boosting his ego simply by choosing him every day of your relationship.
He may not return your things or take his belongings from you. He’ll drunk call you, or just dial your number in the middle of the night to hear your voice. You can expect that he’ll play all his cards only to be under the spotlight again.
You were his support even in those days when he didn’t deserve it, and because of you, he felt like a really important person. At times, he’ll question his self-worth, but since he’s not capable of self-reflection, hardly anything will change in his behavior.
Therefore, he’ll try to get back those moments when he felt valued and appreciated. You were the one loving him unconditionally until you realized how awful the relationship was. He’ll try to convince you that he was a good boyfriend, but you know the truth, don’t you?
6. He’ll seek revenge
You don’t have to know how narcissists feel when you move on, but what is vital for you to know is that he’ll seek revenge. As I’ve mentioned earlier, he holds grudges and he’ll make sure he hurts you the same way you’ve hurt him.
So beware, he’ll look for your weak spot and try to get his revenge. He already knows some things about you that no one else does, so he may use everything that he thinks is hurtful. Rest assured that he already has some revenge tactics ready and he’s planning to use them.
Because they are extremely good manipulators, everybody in your social circle likes the amazing guy you were dating. What they don’t know is that he’s been abusive and that it took you what seems like forever to run away from his grip.
Using their people skills, narcissists will tell your friends and family how they feel and they will explain how much pain you caused them after the breakup, especially because you’ve moved on. Turning your closest people against you will be his ultimate revenge. Don’t let that happen!
7. He’ll blame you for the breakup
Wondering how do narcissists feel when you move on? Of course, he’s going to play the victim and accuse you of hurting him. He may even point fingers at you and say that you were the one abusing him in a relationship. Will anybody stop for a second and think that maybe it was reactive abuse?
That everything you said and did, every time you raised your voice at him, was a simple, natural reaction to what you’ve been going through all this time? Probably not, and let him blame you for the breakup. Hell, tell him it’s your fault. He definitely won’t expect that.
Guilt tripping and gaslighting have always been his most powerful weapons, but don’t let him use them this time. You’re well aware of who he is and he can’t trick you into believing that he’s different. People don’t change easily, especially not overnight.
8. He’ll stalk you on social media
Talking about Joe Goldberg as a pro stalker seems appropriate right now. If we’re about to compare him and your narcissistic ex-boyfriend, I’m sure that you were dating a winner and you’ll realize it as soon as you move on. He’ll stalk you everywhere, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TicToc, Snapchat – just name it.
I hope you got ready for some kind of cyber war with him, since confronting him online will be inevitable. He’ll push all of your buttons, sometimes even simultaneously, and you may feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending relationship with him.
Even if you block him, he’ll find a way. Don’t be surprised if he makes a bunch of fake profiles and starts chasing you again. You’ve put up a challenge in front of him, and since he always wins, he’ll try to conquer your heart one more time. And he won’t take “no” for an answer.
9. He’ll try to ruin your new relationship
Following you around the city and making scenes, talking nonsense to your new boyfriend, and even gossiping about both of you won’t be a problem for him. He’ll make sure that all of your mutual friends know how much you’ve hurt him and how you betrayed him.
He’ll try to ruin your reputation and he’ll definitely denigrate your new lover boy. Are you ready to put up with that crap? I hope you are.
Your new partner is a constant reminder for him that he’s not good enough, and that’s how narcissists will feel when you move on. But only for a short period of time, until they bounce back and start attacking you and trying to ruin your new relationship.
10. He’ll try to manipulate you into coming back to him
He’ll turn to the one thing he does perfectly – manipulation. You can expect that he’ll do anything in his power to win you over. He’ll say he’s sorry and he’ll try to convince you how he’s changed. So far, you’ve already realized that being in a relationship with him was a mistake.
Now, he’ll try to persuade you that leaving him is something you should weep over. He’ll try to make you believe that he was your best shot and that having him by your side was a blessing, not a curse. Don’t fall for this, please.
It’s not going to be easy, we’re both aware of that, but you already went through hell and back because of him. Don’t let him take control of your life again. You deserve to be happy and that will only be possible if he’s not around.
11. He’ll fake happiness
He’ll pretend that he’s content with his life, even more since you’ve left him, and he’ll fake happiness. He may play this role almost as good the role of your boyfriend he played previously. It will definitely deserve a standing ovation.
He’ll try hard to prove to you that you’re the one who lost him and he’ll try to increase his self-worth in all ways possible. Getting a new car, buying new clothes, and pampering himself with materialistic goods will be his salvation.
Narcissists will feel crappy when you move on because you were someone who validated them and they won’t be able to continue with their own life unless they somehow convince you that they’re better of without you.
12. Eventually, he’ll find another supply
When you move on, narcissists will feel what emotional chaos really is. He’ll go through all sorts of negative emotions and he won’t be able to face them alone. That’s why he’ll constantly try to pull you back into his miserable life. Until he finds another supply.
As soon as he lays his eyes on another prey, he’ll focus on winning her over and he’ll completely forget about you and your life. He’s not going to call you or text you anymore and he definitely won’t have temper tantrums when he sees you.
Stalking will be over and you’ll feel free. There’s no reason to avoid that pub or restaurant you really love because he may be there. You’ll be able to (finally!) lead a normal life, surrounded by people who genuinely care about you and love you.
In simple words – he’s going to ignore you. Extremely good for you, but poor ingĂ©nue. She’s not going to realize with whom she got involved. But, even if this sounds harsh, it’s not your problem. Maybe she’s not as innocent as we think and they may get along very well. But as I said, who cares?
A little reminder for the one who’s reading this
I know that you’ve been through a lot while you were dating him. He probably put you through emotional abuse that you may not be aware of. Chances are that you’ve developed some triggers that you’ll eventually recognize.
For example, love bombing now equals manipulation in your head, even though once it was a normal thing. Your partners would pamper you and you were enjoying it. Or when someone starts talking too much about themselves, it makes you zone out.
Relationships require a lot of hard work and commitment from both sides; that’s inevitable. But the only thing he clearly dedicated his time to was on being a toxic partner.
When narcissists see you moved on, they won’t be satisfied. They’ll go through a roller coaster of emotions and that’s not something they ever did. Losing their self-worth once seemed like an impossible task, yet when you left, he doesn’t feel top-notch anymore.
He’ll definitely interfere with your new life (without him in it), and he’ll make one last-ditch effort to win you over. When he fails, and that’s definitely not something he likes, he’ll get furious.
In those moments when you want to bow down to the pressure (and there will be those), refuse to do so. Stand tall and fight back if you need to. But, you’re not going back to that douche or in that toxic environment ever again.
And if the question “How do narcissists feel when you move on?” crosses your mind one more time, just ignore it.
