Think aloud
If you recently had a breakup but are still in love with your ex-boyfriend, let me ease your worries by telling you – he will come back. Be sure about one thing – men always come back. But there is only one question you should ask yourself, and answer it honestly – do you want him back? Instead of wondering how to get him to come back, you should actually be asking yourself do you want him back. People who break up often get back together, but it ends up with breaking up again in most cases. Are you ready to go through another nasty breakup with the same guy?
You have to be aware that things haven’t changed from the first time you broke up, and the truth is they probably won’t change this time around as well, so it’s your choice whether you want to test that. It might be possible that he will change now that he knows that he could lose you, but be careful not to end up in one of those on and off relationship where you continuously break up and get back together over and over again.
I had a situation like that with my ex before he left me for his ex. I was thinking will he ever love me again, and believe me, if he loves you he will come back. However, even though if he keeps coming back and it means he loves you, it also means that there is an unfixable problem in your relationship that causes you to break up over and over again. And that is obviously not going to get solved, so you should find a way to put a stop to it.
Sometimes, however, we girls walk away from a guy in order to get him to miss us. We have all been in a situation where love doesn’t seem to be enough because he doesn’t love us the same way, and we have to find a way to get his attention. In those cases, you can walk away to get him back.
By doing this you are showing him that you are not available to him as much as he thought, you can always leave if he is not treating you as good as you would want him too, and you don’t need to take his bad behavior. This might get him to wake up and realize he has to work harder to keep you in his life.
One of the reasons he will come back is that it is the fact that we want what we can’t have. A child won’t even notice he has a toy he is not playing with until you take it away from him – then he will want to have it more than anything. If you have been enjoying your life without him and haven’t been sitting at home wondering “why did he leave me”, he will sense it and want to come back.
Men don’t think we can survive without them, and if he sees that you have a happy life without him, it will make him insecure, and he will come back. As time passes after you break up, he will cool down and finally realize he has his part of the fault in why you broke up in the first place. In some cases, he will come back after realizing that the other person he dated after you is not what he imagined her to be.
Sometimes, the answer to why do men come back is that they are feeling guilty and can’t except it’s over. Women often realize after a breakup that they have put the wrong guy on the throne while ignoring the reality and the fact that they are idealizing him because he doesn’t belong there.
Your ex will sense that he has been taken off the throne and will want to get back on it. When he sees on Facebook that you are enjoying your life, he will want to interrupt your happiness.
After a breakup, we have that positive vibe around us because of the decision to change something in our lives and start over again. This can cause your ex to feel jealousy or lust. Girls tend to become happier, stronger, and prettier after a breakup, and your ex will like the new you.
But hey, people sometimes just meet at the wrong time, and we don’t know what the future brings. People break up and get back together all the time. Let’s not forget Carry Bradshaw and Mr. Big.
You are probably now wondering whether your ex wants to get back together.
Here are some signs he secretly misses you, and that he will come back to you:
1. He still talks to you all the time after the breakup
When people break up and definitely put an end to it, they delete phone numbers, messages, and pictures and return each other’s belongings. They get rid of anything that could remind them of the person they used to love who is not in their life anymore.
If your ex is still calling you and you have constant communication with him, that is a sign that he hasn’t gotten over you, and if he loves you, he will come back.
2. He confides to you like you are still in a relationship
You are the first person he calls when he is worried about something, upset, or needs a bit of friendly advice? This means you two still have that special connection people who love each other have, and you don’t really want to be broken up.
It is obvious since you are still acting like you are in a relationship. It is not easy to create a connection like that with someone new, and he is very much aware of that. This is often the reason why men always come back. You can break up a relationship, but to break up everything that connects you with each other will take much more time.
3. He wants to know about your love life
Not only will your ex stalk your social network profiles but will even directly ask you and your friends have you started seeing other people and are you currently seeing someone. There is no reason why this should concern him unless he wants to come back to you, and win you over again.
If you are, in fact seeing someone new, he is probably dying of jealousy, and it’s only a matter of time when he will explode and call to ask you to come back to him and give him another chance. It is that example with the child again – he will not play with a toy for years, but once another child picks up his toy and starts playing with it, the first child will cry and scream because he suddenly wants to play with it more than anything and he claims he didn’t toss it away but rather put it away to save it for later.
4. He is showing the signs of jealousy
Maybe he never acted jealous when you were in a relationship, but now every time he sees you with another guy, he flips out. Every new male friend you find is a treat to him, and he will wonder is the new friend his potential replacement.
If you want him back as well, and have decided to give him another chance, don’t rub his jealousy in his nose, because this has been tough to him, especially if he isn’t the jealous type. But seeing you with another man probably opened his eyes, and he could see himself losing you, which must have hurt.
5. He is letting you know that he is alone
If he stayed single after you have broken up, and likes to let you know he still is single, or casually mentions that he is not seeing anyone every time you talk, this is one of the clear signs he secretly misses you.
If he hasn’t found someone new yet, that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to come back to you, but if he likes to talk to you about it and continually reminds you that there is no new woman in his life, he will come back. He is trying to tell you that between the lines. That doesn’t mean you have to spread your arms to him and welcome him back on the first occasion.
Being apart for a while helps people see how much they really appreciate each other, and how much will they miss the person that was a big part of their lives before it fell apart.
6. He likes to remind you of your intimate moments together
He likes to mention the experiences you shared in the past that are special to two of you or uses internal jokes, only the two of you understand? Remembering intimate moments together that you shared in the past could make you realize you miss those moments, and that is precisely what he is aiming at.
The power of nostalgia is so great that it might get you to run back to him, or so he thinks. He wants you to miss the moments of your past and hopes that you will be able to create new ones in the future.
7. He is running into you “by accident.”
Accidentally on purpose would be the right choice of words for those random encounters on the street, in a coffee shop, laundry room… basically, anywhere you go after the breakup, you are running into your ex.
It could be that he is changing his route to match yours and get to spend some time with you – because how else is he supposed to win you over again? He might be purposely going to the coffee shop where you used to hang out together just so he could run into you and check does he still have a shoot with you.
8. He wants to talk about why you split up
Maybe your communication wasn’t excellent while you were in a relationship, but now that it’s over, he wants to talk about what went wrong and how he could fix it. The most apparent sign that he wants to get back together is his wish to talk to you about salvaging your relationship.
It takes two to tango, so you both need to accept your part of the fault and consider the options. Be honest and open and say what you mean. He took the first step, but now it’s your turn to show a sign of goodwill if you want to give him a second chance.
9. He is asking others about you
If your ex wants to get back together, he will use every opportunity he gets to find out about what you are up to at the moment. All your friends and acquaintances will hear from him, and he will ask questions about what you are doing, how are you, and, most importantly – are you seeing someone new.
Especially if he is not yet contacting you directly, this is his way to prepare himself to ask you to get back together by checking out the territory to see from which way to approach you.
10. He doesn’t want his stuff back
If you have just broken up and he refuses to take his stuff back from you, he wants you to keep them for a reason. And that reason is that he intends to use them again when he comes back to you. By not taking his stuff back he is postponing the final act of breakup and also keeping the reason to contact you in the future.
I had the craziest situation with my ex once. We offered to give me my stuff back in anger, so he brought it over, but when we saw each other and talked, he said he wants to get back together. When I asked him why did he pack the stuff then and brought it over, he said: “I didn’t think you are going to take them.” Returning the stuff is like a breaking point in the relationship that is ending since this is the moment where you back down or seal the deal.
To be sure you want him back in your life for the right reasons, think about why you want to get back together. If any of your answers have something to do with fear, like the fear of loneliness, the fear that you won’t meet someone new, the fear that you won’t have anyone to come home to… Don’t take him back. If you are going to take him back, it should be because you love him and think he deserves a second chance.
Now let’s check out what you can do to get him back:
Don’t call him
You shouldn’t be the one who initiates the conversation at least three weeks after a breakup. Wait for him to call you, but if he doesn’t, and you desperately need to talk to him, make up an excuse like asking him to check if you left something at his place that you have been searching for. All you need is an ice breaker.
If he contacts you:
Let him talk and try to sound happy. Don’t talk too long and wait a little while before you return his call. If you see him, act the same as if he called you – happy and satisfied. Don’t allow yourself to let him see your tears and realize you are sad because of your breakup.
If he doesn’t contact you:
As I said, wait at least three weeks before you call him. When you are talking to him, act like he is an old friend and not an ex-boyfriend. Maybe casually ask him to grab a cup of coffee with you, but friendly.
Make him jealous
Remember the example with the child that wants a toy only when the other child takes it? Now it’s your time to play with him. In modern times with all the social media networks, it’s easier than ever to make a guy jealous because be sure that he is stalking your profiles to see how you are doing without him.
This is why you should post pictures with guy friends, maybe go out with someone new and post the picture on Facebook. Some take it so far that they create a fake Facebook profile for a guy they pretend they are dating. If he hasn’t shown signs that he is coming back yet, this will surely serve as a trigger.
If he is already seeing other girls:
Never let yourself show him that you are jealous or mad about it. Try to act like you have moved on as well, and if you meet his new girlfriend, introduce yourself politely and compliment on how they look together. Trust me, this will hurt him much more than if you would go crazy about it.
I had a situation like this with my ex. When he left me for his ex, I didn’t let him know that I am wondering will he ever love me again, but kindly said hello to them every time I saw them together. If nothing, the fact that it was his ex he left me for made me believe even more that exes always somehow end up together again in the end.
Studies show that men get back to their exes more often than women, and it’s mainly because, believe it or not, they are too lazy to start over.
Can something that has been ended be continued as if nothing ever happened or the breakup hangs over your heads like a dark cloud following you everywhere you go? Some will say that if it was worth something, it wouldn’t have ended, while others think you should always give love a second chance.
Maybe the timing was wrong, or there were some minor problems you could have solved if you only tried hard enough to fight for your love. It is hard to give the right advice when it comes to getting back together with your ex because there are examples as many as there are couples. But if one thing is sure, then it is the fact that you shouldn’t give up on love for rational reasons, because as long as there is love, there is a chance for a better relationship that satisfies both of you.
The most important thing to analyze when considering whether you should take your ex back or not is precisely the reasons why you broke up in the first place. If the reason is something that has its roots in a relationship like a characteristic of his type of personality that he can not or won’t change, you should consider whether you will be able to make peace with it because it is unlikely to change.
On the other hand, if the reasons were small disputes, you should probably try to work past that and learn from your mistakes. And that applies to both of you.
If the reason for the breakup was his infidelity, that is the toughest thing to forgive. There are two types of people – those who are fateful and those who see infidelity as not a big deal. But it is a big deal. If the reason for your breakup was that he cheated on you, if it happened only once and didn’t involve emotions, you might want to give him a second chance, but if it happened repeatedly, don’t let anyone make a fool out of you.
In any case, if you decide to let him come back to you and give it another go, don’t pretend like nothing happened. Talk about the reasons for your breakup and try to find the solutions for the problem you had in order to prevent it from repeating in the future.
When you are starting again, take it slow and don’t have big expectations.
Good luck!
