Think aloud
When you’re in a loving relationship, you hear the words, “I love you,” a lot. You’ve fallen head over heels for him, but you wake up one day to find out it’s unrequited love. In my case, after a four-year relationship, we broke up, and he said he never loved me.
When your significant other doesn’t love you anymore, you’ll see it in the little things they do… You’ll see the red flags… But it hurts the most when they tell you directly for the first time.
When you break up, it’s hard to let go the very next day but still, he seems to not be having such a hard time with the breakup. How can someone let go so easily after a long-term relationship?
Did he ever love me? How can you say, “I love you,” and then wake up the next day without love in your heart? Why did you say you love me in the first place? Was it a loving relationship or a toxic relationship? Was I so head over heels that I didn’t see the red flags?
When your significant other doesn’t love you anymore, he’ll make you feel like he never loved you. Wish him good luck and have no contact with him. You’ll find someone else, and it wasn’t true love in the first place.
I went through a hard time when you said you never loved me, and I thought I’d never meet someone else. Still, I had to face the fact that it was unrequited love and a toxic relationship.
I don’t love you anymore, but after a four-year relationship, how could I say I never did? How can you say you never loved me? I want to make you feel like you felt the first time you saw me and thought it was true love.
It’s when you did all those little things to prove your love for me. Four years is a long period of time, and even if we have no contact anymore, how can you say you never loved me? Good luck with forgetting those four years because it’s a period of time that meant something for both of us.
You never loved me? You can’t just erase it and pretend you never loved me. I know you left all the memories of our long-term relationship on your social media profiles and I’m also aware that you check out my social media from time to time to see if I still keep them.
You never really loved me, or so you say. What happens after these ugly words? How to move on?
I’m going to tell you exactly what to expect and how to proceed. When you said you never really loved me, I was crushed, but I found a way to cope. Find out what you can do in the following text.
What if he never loved me? 11 ways to cope
1. It will hurt
When he said he never really loved me, it hurt like nothing before it and wondering if he ever loved me wasn’t any better. So, be prepared that this is going to hurt.
You will feel lost, scared, used, sad, and betrayed. Everyone feels that way after a breakup, but the fact that he said he never loved me made it even worse. Be prepared that you won’t get much sleep at night because your mind will be racing.
I kept tossing and turning, wondering if he ever loved me. If he told you he never loved you during the breakup, you’ll keep thinking about it. Maybe he hasn’t told you directly, but you came to the conclusion yourself… It hurts just the same because when you’re thinking, “He never loved me,” it makes you feel confused, miserable and used. How could you feel so much for someone who doesn’t care at all? It’s not your fault, and it has happened to all of us.
2. He might just be trying to hurt you
When he told me he never loved me, the first thought in my head was that he was lying… that he was just trying to hurt me even more. It could be true in your case.
Two people who spend a lot of time together learn a lot about each other… When you know someone so well, you know exactly how to hurt them too. I couldn’t imagine anything hurting more than him saying he never loved me.
Well, let’s just look at the odds of that being true. They’re very slim since that person was in a relationship with you for a while. The time that you spend together really counts for something. No matter how long you’ve been together, it hurts just the same. Still, the longer you’ve been together, the likelier it is that he’s lying.
Look at the way he acted during the time you were in a relationship as well. If he never showed you love or behaved in a loving way, it could be true that he never loved you… but if he showed you love with his actions and words, it’s most likely that he is just lashing out, which he is doing because he is angry and hurt and wants to make you feel as bad as he feels.
Well, it’s working, isn’t it? He surely knows you well. It hurt when he told me he never loved me, but it was hard to believe too.
3. Think about his past relationships
What if I believed him that he never loved me? It would mean that he had been lying to me every time he said he did. So, either he was lying during the relationship, or he’s lying now that it’s over.
Think about his past relationships and remember everything you know about him. Does he have a history of treating women this way? If he has only used you, it’s very likely that he has used other women in the past too.
Reflect on your relationship. Did you see signs that he was lying then, or does it seem like he’s lying now? In either case, he is a liar, and you’re left feeling like you have wasted a lot of time.
4. You’re not unlovable
You’ll want to look back on everything that happened when you were in a relationship and you probably want to figure out what you could have done differently. That’s perfectly normal, but don’t dwell on it.
Did you treat him the way you would like to be treated? You have to realize that all of us make mistakes, so don’t feel so bad about yours. Of course, you should take responsibility for what you did and learn from your mistakes… but don’t take responsibility for his mistakes as well.
Don’t think that his love was based on you always behaving perfectly. Stop torturing yourself with thinking that he would have loved you if you had done things differently, like maybe if you had been thinner or gotten along with his best friend…
Don’t go there because the truth is that he wasn’t basing his love, or lack of love, for you on such surface stuff. You are not unlovable, and you did nothing to deserve this. Thinking that way is toxic, and you need to stop right now. Besides being unhealthy for you, it just isn’t true. People make mistakes, but we don’t stop loving them because of them.
If you think that you’re unworthy of his love, you’re probably focusing on just his good qualities. Don’t sell yourself short and remember the bad things about him too. If he really never loved you, that’s his problem, and it shouldn’t be yours.
5. Be honest about his flaws
You spent so much time reflecting on your behavior, but it’s time for you to examine his. Since you were in a relationship with him, something attracted you, but he’s not perfect. What happened in your relationship might not be something you can fix. What are his flaws, and what does he need to take responsibility for? Be honest and say what you didn’t really love about him.
People come as whole packages so you can’t just pick and choose what you like and what you don’t like. However, when you’re in a serious relationship, you become aware of your partner’s flaws even more than your own so if you are going to torture yourself about whether you’re lovable, it’s fair to look at him as well. Examine his behavior and be honest about his flaws.
6. Examine your relationship
Look back and examine your relationship. What were you like as a couple? Be honest about it. Maybe you thought that he was an amazing guy, but it doesn’t mean you were great as a couple.
Some things are great separately but terrible together; just look at pizza and cheesecake.
Did you ignore some signs? Did you argue often? Disagreements are a part of a relationship, but constant fights aren’t part of a healthy one.
Did you like who you had become when you were with him? Did he help you become better or did he just make you feel bad? Facing these questions won’t be easy, but be honest with yourself if you want to know the truth.
7. Write in a journal
Different relationships end differently. Some couples slowly pull away from each other, so by the end, it feels like they’re strangers. Others, however, are like emotional roller coasters, and the ending is upsetting or shocking.
Whatever the ending was in your relationship, you need time to clear your head. He said that he never loved you and it hurts whether you believe him or not. I know how it feels, but this is the time when you need to take care of yourself.
Your emotional state needs your attention right now. Writing in a journal could be really helpful as it’s a way for you to vent your feelings that allows you to go back later to check your progress. You’ll have an outlet for your thoughts that allows you to be completely honest.
Unlike when talking to friends, you don’t need to think of his reputation. You know all the ugly facts of your relationship, and you can write them down without fear of judgment.
Consider seeing a therapist as well as these complex feelings are best resolved with a trained professional. In any case, start writing in a journal and see how it goes.
8. Write what you love about yourself
This is the right time for self-affirmation. Whatever your ex said, you have to know that you deserve love and are lovable. If he wasn’t the right man for you, it’s good that you know that now.
Write down everything that makes you lovable. Maybe you are a loyal friend or a good daughter. Are you athletic, or do you have a way with words? Maybe you are a great cook.
No matter how trite it seems, you have to write down everything to visualize your worth. Do you always remember your best friend’s birthday? Maybe you make amazing coffee or volunteer. Are you a caring person? Write it down. Once you have written down everything, do the things that make you lovable every day.
Maybe there’s something on the list that you haven’t had time for lately? Do you love dancing but don’t go often? Maybe you love reading, but you haven’t read anything in a while. Change that right now.
Reconnect with everything that makes you lovable. It’s especially important if you think you weren’t the best version of yourself when you were with this boyfriend. Revive all of your lovable qualities and reconnect with that part of you that is fun, generous, kind, and not scared of getting hurt.
9. Let your female friends help you
Even under the best circumstances, breakups are soul-crushing. If he told you that he never really loved you, it’s even harder to go through it all and that is why it’s important to find support from the people you can always lean on, like your female friends. They care about you and have probably had similar experiences with their ex-boyfriends.
Consider what you really need from your friends. Do you need someone to listen to you? Or do you need someone to support you?
Be careful not to confide in your mutual friends too much. Let them reach out to you if you don’t trust them wholly and keep in mind that you don’t have to be friends with anyone who you don’t want to be a part of your life.
Breakups are a great time to make new friends and reconnect with the old ones. Maybe you neglected some of your friends when you were in a relationship with your ex and it’s time to make amends.
10. Nourish your mind, body, and soul
You have to take care of yourself if you want to get through this awful breakup. It’s understood that you need to get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, and relax. Do it for yourself because it will help you feel better.
Change your dessert for a fresh piece of fruit. Take a walk around the neighborhood or join a yoga class. Try meditating to clear your mind.
It doesn’t mean that you need to change your life completely, but you’ll feel better when you nourish your mind, body, and soul. Drink enough water, eat healthier, and stay active. Taking care of yourself is a way of loving yourself, and you need to love yourself now more than ever.
11. Start over
Maybe you didn’t want it, but you are now the author of a whole new chapter of your life. Get rid of the things you don’t like in your life and change any personal behavior that you don’t like.
Build a new beginning. You cannot change what has happened, but you can make the best out of it. You were a whole person before you got in that relationship, so you don’t need him to feel complete.
It’s time for a new beginning, and you’re the creator of it. You are lovable – don’t forget that and demonstrate it by loving yourself.
Did he ever love me?
To find out if he ever loved you, you have to ask yourself these questions:
1. How long were you in a relationship?
When he says he never loved you, the first thing you need to ask yourself is how long you were in a relationship. If you were together for only a month or so, it could be true as when it comes to relationships, a couple of months is not a long time.
If you were together for only a month, it wasn’t enough for you to create a meaningful emotional connection. However, if you were together for a year or more, there’s more than what meets the eye when it comes to his statement.
2. How long after the breakup did he say he never loved you?
All human beings experience emotions, such as joy and anger. Let’s focus on anger now. Everyone has felt that emotion at least several times in their life. It’s when you can’t even control what you do and say.
So what do you do? You say things that you don’t mean, sometimes, just to hurt the person who made you angry.
After a breakup, our emotions are strong. You’re angry, he’s angry, everyone’s angry. So what happens? As I already said, you say things that you don’t really mean. It could be exactly what’s going on in your situation. Maybe your ex said those words in the heat of the moment, out of pure anger.
3. What were you like in the relationship?
Some people are all about throwing things at each other when they’re in a relationship. Did you do anything to cause him to feel this way? Were you emotionally or physically manipulative?
Of course, if you were not a joy to be with, he could be glad to have you gone. However, if you think that you were a good girlfriend, he could be just saying it to hurt you.
Either way, there will come a time when he’ll want you again. Whether you’ll want to take him back depends on you, but if you want to learn the ways to make him come back, read our other article.
4. How did you feel in the relationship?
I believed my ex when he said he never loved me because I felt alone in that relationship. When you are in a happy relationship, you’re supposed to share everything, the good and the bad. He didn’t want to put effort into the relationship, so it always felt one-sided to me. A man who loves you will be invested in the relationship. If you felt like he wasn’t, it could be because he never loved you.
Also, his friends and family members didn’t respect me. If your partner loves you, his loved ones will care for you too, so this is one of the signs.
What I hated most about my relationship is that he would never fight fair. It seemed like our fights were the only times he wanted to discuss his feelings. He would always find a way to blame me for everything, and he made me feel bad about myself.
A person who loves you won’t ever look down on you. They will respect you and want you to reach your full potential. When I think about it, my ex didn’t only show a lack of support but would even make me think that I didn’t deserve it.
Nothing was ever easy with him, and he didn’t want to try to make it easier. The people I love weren’t important to him, and he even tried to push me away from them. Such a relationship is toxic, so if yours was like that, be glad he’s gone. Be glad that it’s over and that he is done hurting you with one last ugly sentence.
If your relationship was anything like mine, it’s true that he never really loved you. Still, when you think about it, why would you even want someone who treats you so badly to be a part of your life?
It’s time for you to move on if your relationship was toxic. However, if you think that he does still really love you, check out these signs your ex still has feelings for you.
