Think aloud
We know how relationships can be uncertain at times. Whether you were off to a rocky start or it came out of the blue, breakups are never easy to get through. Especially when you were the one to get dumped, but what about your ex? What does the timeline of dumpers’ regret look like?
This is what’s nagging you at the back of your mind after splitting up. You don’t think it’s possible to be the only one who got hurt. But is your ex feeling the same way you are?
These are just some of the questions that you’re really curious to find the answers to. You’re thinking about getting back together, but you’re not sure if it’s possible and if he feels the same way. If yes, when is the right time to make a move, and who should be the one to do it?
If the breakup was hard, then the period that comes afterward is way worse. There are a dozen questions swimming through your mind, but one seems to stick out the most; what does the timeline of dumpers’ regret look like?
This uncertainty can be nerve-racking and you could go crazy just about thinking of all of the possibilities. Here are some of the stages dumpers go through after they end a relationship. After reading, you’ll have a full picture of your ex’s emotions.
The timeline of dumpers’ regret: 12 Stages every dumper goes through
1. He’s free as a bird!
As a dumpee, you obviously took the breakup pretty hard, but what about your ex? You can’t help but think about him after all the time you’ve spent together. He should feel the same way, right?
Unfortunately, I’m going to have to burst your bubble on this one. The truth is that your ex feels relieved that he ended things because he didn’t see another way out. Moreover, he thinks he just got rid of something heavy that was holding him down.
The breakup gave him freedom and he welcomed it with his arms wide open. Not having a commitment sounds great to him and he’s not bound to one person anymore!
He’s probably thinking of all the possible ways he can have fun and of all the places he can go to. Perhaps he’s planning a trip that you could never agree on, or getting a pet that you were allergic to.
At this early stage of a breakup, the timeline of dumpers’ regret is only at its beginning. He feels refreshed and ready to spend some time alone, and prepare for whatever is yet to come his way.
2. It was the best decision he ever made
Being the one to call things off carries a great responsibility. The most important step is to be one hundred percent sure that it’s the right thing for you.
This is how all dumpers feel after they break up with their partner. Your ex is probably going around and telling all his friends that it was the best decision he ever made.
You couldn’t convince him otherwise even if you tried to. He’s already made up his mind about it, and he’s certain that it’s going to stay that way.
Hearing this from your mutual friends can be harsh and make you wonder if you had it that bad. The best thing to do is to not get worked up over it and just give him some space.
He feels happy with his decision at the moment and confident that he made the right choice. Nothing could change his mind and he doesn’t regret it at all.
3. He doesn’t think about you
While it may seem that he’s everything you can think of, he’s not letting you protrude his thoughts. At this stage, he can’t think of anything else than his newly gained freedom.
He has no obligations at the moment and wants it to stay that way. Your ex is probably thinking of all the possible ways he could occupy his mind. He’s started a new hobby or got a new car, perhaps.
You’re somewhere at the back of his mind because this situation is still fresh. However, he’s not worried about thinking about you at all.
Therefore, he’s ready to deal with anything life throws at him and has this new sense of independence. Currently, he’s at the stage where he’s loving his single life with zero commitment.
4. He feels curious
After some time passes, your ex has probably exhausted all of the new ways of having fun. He probably met up with a few girls but remembered that he just got out of a relationship, and didn’t want to lose that freedom all over again.
Moreover, his new hobby turned out to be a bit boring, and couldn’t catch up with his new lifestyle. All of his friends continued on with their lives as if nothing had happened.
Maybe he’s feeling a bit confused right now as to what are some of the next steps. That’s when you appear in his mind, and he remembers all the things you used to do together.
He starts to wonder what you are up to and whether you got over him. This is how the timeline of dumpers’ regret looks in the beginning.
It’s normal that he feels curious about you because you were a big part of his life before the breakup. He’s not stressing about your whereabouts but simply gets that weird feeling in his mind every once in a while.
If you used to live together, even some small things could summon you to his mind. For example, you left your hairbrush at his place which brings back those memories of you two getting up together and getting ready in the mornings.
He may wonder what’s up with you, but this can’t be the reason to want you back. It’s just that he acknowledges this stage of his life as something that everybody goes through.
5. He rethinks his choice
The hardest thing for most couples after splitting up is breaking the habit. Back when you were together, you had this routine going on that seemed to work for both of you.
The two of you compromised a lot and that’s what’s missing the most. Simply not having to do things all alone, and being able to share your interests with someone.
Having someone by your side all the time becomes a habit, right? Now that you’re broken up, it feels odd doing the most basic things such as preparing breakfast or going to the grocery store all by yourself.
This feeling of loneliness can put heavy weather over not just you, but your ex as well. You might be surprised, but this is one of the phases of the dumpers’ regret timeline.
He will be caught up in all these memories you’ve shared together. Certain things that he can deal with on his own just won’t feel right now that you’re not around.
This is when he starts to rethink his choice and question the decision he’s made. It doesn’t have to be out of the blue, but gradually, he will start wondering if he was right about splitting up.
Over time, these habits will start to wear him out, and he just won’t be able to help but look back on how it all used to be when you were there.
6. He’s not prepared for single life
These small habits were a part of both of you, and the routines you had set up can start to kick in. The feeling of loneliness after sharing your everyday life with a special person can be hard on you.
The sense your ex had at the beginning was freedom, but now it’s some sort of punishment. He doesn’t see his alone time as fun anymore and realizes it’s better when you do things in two.
All of the girls he possibly met could’ve been wonderful, but he’s not ready for a new relationship. He may be single, but it doesn’t mean he’s ready to mingle yet.
Your ex feels stuck in between these two worlds, and somehow, you’re the one that’s bridging them. It feels weird to him that he can’t go on all by himself and no matter how hard he tries, there’s something weighing him down.
At first, he didn’t want to admit to himself that he was not fit for a single life anymore. But now, as the time is ticking away, he can’t help but think about the comfort he felt when you were together.
7. He reminisces on your past
The difference between dumpers’ and dumpees’ regret timeline is that you’ve mourned after you first broke up. On the other hand, your ex took his time to feel all of the freedom after ending the relationship.
The aftermath of splitting up didn’t start to kick in after just now. All of the previous stages were just him trying to figure out how to function on his own.
Now, when he can’t see a future past you, he starts to reminisce on the past you’ve shared together. Especially if you had a long relationship and there are just so many things to look back on.
He may feel like a ship stranded on the shore without a captain to pull him through the storm. These are some rough times your ex is facing after dumping you.
This storm that he’s currently found himself in brings in a flood of memories and emotions from the past. Now, he understands that it was hard breaking up, but he can’t grasp the fact that he’s handling this period worse than he thought he would.
8. He gets a wake-up call
For dumpers, being on your own can be quite liberating for some time. However, it can also turn to bite you in the face. Too much alone time has got your ex thinking how this isn’t what he had hoped for.
Perhaps he thought it would be a life-changing decision and it was, but he didn’t seem to think about the consequences. This is the waking up phase of the dumpers’ regret timeline.
The wake-up call could be invoked by any of the factors that were swirling in his mind lately. It could be the fact that he doesn’t like being alone anymore, or seeing couples on the street all the time.
He could also remember all the things you used to do for him and how you made him feel. When he’s in this stage, anything could ring a bell and take him back to the times you were with him.
This can make him regret the decision of breaking up with you. He may try to resist it, but the strong emotions will put up a fight.
The next thing you know, he’s going to feel all that you felt when you first ended things. The feeling of regret is what burns at his heart the strongest.
9. He starts asking around about you
Having mutual friends doesn’t help his condition at all. He’s constantly hearing about you or seeing stuff on his social media. Your ex will probably try to cut the time he spends with your mutual friends to avoid any opportunity of feeling weak.
This isn’t what dumpers can allow themselves, but eventually, he’ll realize that it’s almost impossible. You’re not just all over his social media, but you’re all over his mind as well.
It looks like he can’t escape this enchanted circle, and he feels stuck in this endless loop of weighing his options. He starts to think about the pros and cons of getting back together and your mutual friends aren’t helping him out.
He feels your presence wherever he goes and having a similar social circle can end up with you two constantly running into each other. Your ex may think that it’s some kind of a sign you two should try to fix things.
The next thing you know, he’s asking around about you, reaching out to your friends. In the beginning, it’s these subtle signs and questions like How is she?
He’s on shaky ground at the moment, which is one of the signs that come along with the dumpers’ regret timeline. Also, he doesn’t want to come off as needy, so he’ll keep his cool.
10. He starts to reach out to you
He finally musters up the courage to text you and you get the feeling of being star-struck. It came out of the blue, just as you were trying to move on with your life.
It doesn’t even have to be a text, it could be him liking your picture on social media or some other posts. That way, he’ll be subtle about it and try to investigate what’s going on in your life right now.
If he sees the air is clear, that’s when he’ll make the next move. A casual text such as “You forgot something at my place” will make him seem unbothered and rather caring.
You know you didn’t leave anything at his place and that’s when the realization starts to kick in. He’s trying to make up any sort of scenario for you two to meet up.
Moreover, he can persuade your mutual friends to arrange a meeting so you accidentally run into each other. He thinks he’s being slick, but this sounds so desperate to you.
One of the stages of dumpers’ regret timeline is when they go all the way such as making contact with your family. This could be a simple “Congratulations!” on your sister’s diploma or a “Happy birthday!” to your mom.
11. He’s jealous because you’ve moved on
Trying to get in touch with you could crush his spirits and ruin any hopes he may have had. You’ve moved on already and he can’t comprehend that fact.
He’s feeling devastated and doesn’t understand how could it be that he’s the one struggling after the breakup. You’ve gone on a few dates with this guy who you really fancy and that’s not what your ex wants to hear.
A hint of jealousy kicks in because he’s not ready to deal with the fact of you being with someone else. He just decided to get back to you and you’re already moving on, which he can’t let happen.
Your ex may feel the need to do something about it and start to interfere in your love life. He can’t help himself but investigate your relationship with this new person further.
It’s possible he’ll openly start to voice his opinion about your choices and even complain to your friends about it. However, this isn’t something that would make you take him back.
12. He tries to apologize and get closer to you
Your ex will try to figure out what his next step should be. He thinks of apologizing, but, if he didn’t do this after breaking up with you, why should he apologize now?
You understand that he’s trying to win you over but sorry won’t cut it. It was a decision he made and you’ve simply accepted that fact. Why would he change his mind all of the sudden?
Why would he want you back just when you were doing fine and moving on with your life? The timeline of dumpers’ regret is a long line.
How to get your ex to feel dumpers’ remorse?
Now that you know what your ex will be going through, you may want to try and get him back. But what steps do you have to take to achieve that?
It may be a long time since you’ve been separated, but you still have your hopes up. You’re not completely out of the game, so you might as well give it a try.
Now, you don’t want to come out of the blue and offer to make up because that would seem a bit desperate. You want to make sure to do all the right steps to make him fall in love with you all over again.
1. Don’t even think about reaching out to him
No matter how much you miss him or how much you’re eager to get back together, you have to play things cool. You’re not going to spark his interest if you go knocking on his door or spamming him with text messages.
That’s simply not what a guy is interested in, and you should know this because you went through this the first time. It’s possible to forget these things but once you get the hang of it, you’ll know that it’s just like riding a bike.
Still, don’t blow up your chance and act cool and collected. This means you can’t let him have suspicions about your plans. You must not give him any clues about what your next step is going to be.
2. Focus on yourself
One of the most important things you can do after going through a breakup is to really reflect on yourself. Focus more on improving your life in whatever way you seem fit.
You can plan a trip with your best friends or it could be just you. Also, have some time alone to figure out what you really want to do next and take your time to understand how you feel about this new situation you’re in.
Make sure to occupy yourself by trying out new things. It’s a common thing for girls to change their looks once they split up with their partners. This isn’t a bad thing, but will rather make you feel fresh, give you a new start, and prepare you to conquer the world.
Start a new hobby that you like but never had the chance to try because you were spending all of your spare time on your ex. Think about all the possible ways to entertain yourself and discover new interests, because after all, the freedom you have now allows you to.
3. Have fun with your friends
Friends are the ones that have been with you through all of the rough times you experienced after the breakup. Now, it’s time for payback and spending some time together.
You may start to hang out less with them when you get involved in a relationship, but this doesn’t mean they’re not in the picture anymore.
Therefore, pay some attention to them and do the things you always liked to do together. It could be that before you didn’t have the time to hang out, so now’s your chance.
Go on a picnic together or just do some girly stuff that would make you feel better, like shopping! Whatever you do, don’t think about your ex and really focus on having a great time with your buddies.
4. Think about what you really want
Getting back with your ex is a huge decision because you didn’t split for no reason. Relationships should be made up of trust and compromise, and obviously, there was something you disagreed on.
You don’t want to put in the effort and get your hopes up high, just for your plan to turn into a disaster once again. Therefore, you have to sit down and think of all the pros and cons of mending things with your ex.
That way, you won’t risk spending your time and patience on something that’s not worth it. Make sure you think it through, decide what’s best for both of you, and see if it’s going to work out.
5. Let the world know that you’re having a time of your life
This may sound cliche, but who cares? If you’re having a good time, there’s nothing stopping you from letting the world know that, too.
There’s no harm in uploading photos of you from a recent trip you took or showing off your new hair color. Enjoy your time alone and make the best out of it.
Also, this way your ex-boyfriend will be curious about why you’re having such a good time. It will spark his interest and he’ll also start to like the new you.
Moreover, this will boost your confidence and you’ll be ready when he sends you a text message or comments on one of your photos; which would mean that the timeline of dumpers’ regret is reaching its peak!
Whatever you do, make sure you don’t give away your plans on getting him back. It’s like you’re fishing in deep waters – he sees the bait, but he doesn’t know it’s you luring him in. Make him come to you while thinking it was his decision all along and he’ll get hooked in no time!
6. Flirt with other guys
If nothing seems to be working, flirting is your backup plan. You don’t want to flirt all the way so the person thinks it will lead to something serious.
Sparking up a light-hearted conversation here and there isn’t going to hurt anybody, but will certainly put question marks all over your ex’s mind.
There’s nothing more irritating than seeing your ex flirt with other people as this will bring out his jealous side. It creates a high chance that he’ll reach out to you after he sees you laughing at another person’s jokes.
Even if this doesn’t get him back, there’s a good chance to get out there and stop thinking about him. Meeting new people always comes as a refreshment after hanging out with one specific person for a long time.
7. Even if you’re hurting, don’t let him see that
You must never show signs of weakness, especially if you were the one who got dumped. You want to seem unaffected by everything and as if you’re just continuing on with your life, but without him.
It may hurt at the beginning, but everything passes and so will the heartache. There will be times when nostalgia will start to kick in and you won’t be able to resist the sorrow that fogs your heart.
This is alright and you’re allowed to feel that way. But if your goal is to win him back, that’s not how you’re going to achieve it.
He has to think that you’re over him and that the breakup didn’t leave any consequences on you. That way, he’ll want to get in touch with you out of curiosity and you’ll be convinced that dumpers’ regret timeline looks exactly as you’ve read about it!
8. Give him a reason to miss you
Your ex won’t miss you if you don’t give him a reason to, it’s simple as that. You can share some memories that will take him back to the times you were happy together.
You have to do something that will make his lightbulb switch on. Try posting some quotes that will spark his curiosity and make him realize that he regrets losing you.
If you get the chance to talk to him, subtly reminisce on your common past to give him an insight into what he had and what he lost.
Once he realizes that life isn’t about partying and he’ll probably never find someone like you again, you’ll sense he wants you back.
9. Learn from your mistakes
You don’t have to lie to yourself because if he was the one to dump you, you clearly did something wrong. Unless he had some poor excuse to leave you, you have to face the truth that it’s something you should fix.
Maybe he didn’t like the way your colleague was looking at you and you picked a fight. It could be anything, but if he was hurt by something that seems to be fixable, you should work on that.
Whatever the problem might be, if you put all of your efforts into fixing it, you’ll be able to work things out. That way, you won’t repeat the same mistake again and he’ll notice that you’ve improved yourself.
This could only make him like you more and who knows – as quick as the feelings were diminished, they could resurface the same way.
10. Remind him of the good times you had
If you’re talking again, you need to leave clues for him to figure out that breaking up with you was a huge mistake. You can’t tell him that in a straightforward manner as it’s likely to discourage him from talking to you.
Instead, drop some hints such as “We really knew how to have a good time“. This will bring back some old memories and he’ll start comparing the life he had with the one he has to deal with right now.
All of the odds are on your side because if he’s still in touch with you, it can’t be a sign he’s moving forward. Therefore, you’re on the right track to succeed in your plan and you’ll know if the timeline of dumpers’ regret goes in your favor.
