Think aloud
Why does no contact work?
You can use the no contact rule to get your ex back or get over them because it works either way, and you’re about to learn why.
If you ask us, after a breakup, there’s only one rule, and it’s the no contact rule.
Breakups are devastating and can be really awful, but they happen to all of us. We end up in pain, feeling broken and empty.
The worst part is that we are supposed to live without the person we love.
Another thing we feel is confusion. That’s because we want that person to come back and to move on and get over them, all at the same time.
All we truly want is to feel good again. We often mistakenly believe that the only way to feel good again is to get back together with our ex.
We just want that pain to disappear, and we think that getting back together is the only cure.
As a result, we eventually call our ex and suddenly discover that staying in contact with them only makes the pain worse.
In fact, it makes everything worse.
The only true way to feel good again is to apply the no contact rule after a breakup.
Regardless of whether you want your ex to come back to you or to get over them, no contact works.
There should be no communication with an ex after a breakup, and you need to trust me that it’s for the best.
Actually, you don’t have to take my word for it, because you’ll soon find out why no contact works.
I’m sure that you’ve already heard that the no contact rule works. Well, you’ve heard right, and you will learn about all the reasons why this is true.
A lot of women have experienced the amazing effects of the no contact rule after a breakup.
Most of them got their ex to want to come back. The rest simply moved on and realized that they didn’t want their ex back anyway.
After a breakup, your ex is like a powerful and dangerous drug.
You are addicted to him, and you’re ready to do anything just to get another dose of your favorite drug. This is even if you’re aware of how bad it is for you.
When my ex broke up with me, I was hurt really badly.
Then one day, he texted me saying that he wanted us to see each other. It was like I got a small dose of my drug – my ex.
I felt amazing and on top of the world, but then he left again, and I went through withdrawal.
A few days later, the sweet relief finally came again because I got another message from him.
You don’t need me to tell you that it was followed by disappointment again. It’s like an emotional roller coaster you can never get off.
Your ex could give you ‘a small dose’ by calling you, texting you, contacting you on social media, or meeting up with you.
Do you know what people addicted to drugs really need? They think they need the drug, but they really need to detox – get it out of their system.
Quitting cold turkey is the only way to recover, and it means cutting off all communication.
As long as your ex is around, you won’t be able to move on. You’ll also ruin your chance of getting back together with them.
After a breakup, all the reasons why it happened are still there, and they won’t magically disappear.
Don’t expect the problems to solve themselves. If the two of you miss each other and get back together because of it, nothing will change.
You will end up being in an on-and-off relationship because the same problems will occur again, and it could go on for a very long time.
Why would you waste your time on an on-and-off relationship when you can have a steady one?
It’s best to stop all communication, and no contact works because it gives you clarity and perspective… And do you know what these things give you? Power.
You will have the power to choose what’s right for you. Maybe you’ll choose to take your ex back, maybe you won’t.
But unless you realize that the no contact rule works, you won’t have a choice.
Your heart will tell you what to do after no contact. There might not be room for your ex in it anymore, even if they beg you to take them back.
Let me remind you what the no contact rule after a breakup actually means.
No contact means that there should be no communication whatsoever between you and your ex for at least thirty days.
Those thirty days will probably feel like a lifetime to you, but you have to stay strong and remind yourself that it’s just a short period of time.
No contact means there should be no texts, no calls and no social media messages, but that’s not all.
You should also not respond if your ex contacts you.
Additionally, avoid the places where you could bump into them, and resist the temptation of stalking their social media profiles.
It needs to be clear to your ex that you’re not going to chase them.
If they were expecting you to chase them, they will get frustrated and start chasing you instead.
When your ex doesn’t hear from you in thirty days, they will surely start missing you to the point where they might contact you before the no contact period is up.
They will be forced to face reality and realize what they have lost.
If your ex and you have already broken up and gotten back together before, they will expect you to take them back.
This way, when you don’t respond during the no contact period, they will have to take you more seriously.
It will become clear to your ex that they can’t simply walk in and out of your life whenever they please. That they will have to change if they want you back.
The best part is that you’ll have a lot of time to think about everything and try to truly move on, so you might not want your ex back in the end.
What to do after the no contact period? That depends on you.
As you know, you can use the no contact rule to get your ex back or get over them, and you’ll know what you want in the end.
After those thirty days, you can contact them if you want, but it’s better to wait for them to contact you.
Let’s look at all the reasons why no contact works:
1. It provides you with the time and space to recover
We all know how highly emotional a breakup can be.
After such an experience, you need space and time to recover. You need to be alone, feel what you’re feeling, and mourn your loss.
If your ex keeps walking in and out of your life, it will only interrupt this process of recovery. It can even make things worse and harder for you.
I’m not saying that your ex will intentionally try to make everything harder for you or make you feel worse, but they will even if it’s completely unintentional.
Maybe they feel the same way you do and miss you during the no contact period.
So they reach out to check on you and see if you’re okay. They aren’t aware that you surely won’t be okay when they do that, but you need to be aware.
You need the time and space to process your feelings and pull yourself back together.
2. It helps you gain perspective
None of us can be objective when we are experiencing strong emotions, and neither can you.
You need to process your feelings and let time help make them less overwhelming so you can see everything clearly.
Once you manage to distance yourself a little from it all, you will finally see clearly what has happened and understand the reasons it all went south.
Most of the time, there’s a surface reason that’s blocking the view so you can’t see the real reason right away.
Relationships don’t just suddenly end out of nowhere… It happens over time as a result of negativity, resentment, and problems that build up.
Maybe you had a big fight near the end, but don’t let it fool you into thinking that that was the reason for your breakup.
The fights themselves weren’t the real reason you broke up. It’s what caused those fights to start happening in the first place.
There were some problems that you didn’t even realize, and you will now, when the no contact period helps you gain perspective.
Seeing things from a distance allows us to see those things objectively. When you are emotional, you can’t see things from a distance.
3. It gives you a chance to become the best version of yourself
The best thing you can do after a breakup is focus on yourself and work on improving yourself. You can’t do that if your ex keeps interrupting you.
This is your chance to become the best version of yourself, and it will be good for you, but that’s not all.
When your ex sees the new you, they’ll want you even more than ever.
Once they notice the difference, they’ll like who you’ve become, even if they don’t admit it.
They will see you differently once they become aware of the positive changes you have made.
If you don’t want to get back together with them, you’ll have plenty of potential partners you’ll be able to choose from.
Your ex will surely be jealous when other people start noticing how much you’ve improved.
4. It helps you move on
Time heals all wounds, but it won’t heal any of them if you don’t combine it with space and stopping communicating with your ex.
During no contact, you will be able to grieve, which is very important when you need to heal.
How could you get over someone who is constantly around?
It would probably be impossible since you would constantly think about how badly you wish to get back together with them.
What you should actually think about is whether they’re the right person for you in the first place.
Don’t be surprised if you eventually realize that you’re actually better off without them.
5. It will prevent the two of you from completely destroying what you had
As if a breakup isn’t bad enough by itself, couples who keep communicating afterward often make things even worse and keep fighting.
There could be some name-calling too, and all of these nasty conversations will prevent you from ever getting back together.
All the good things from your relationship will be wiped away by resentment and backbiting, which will create an even bigger distance between you.
Prevent any further damage by using the no contact rule.
6. It will make you realize that you can find someone else
You probably won’t be ready to start dating again for a while. However, thanks to the no contact period, you’ll realize that you have options.
Maybe you’ll start looking forward to dating someone else. Or maybe you’ll realize that you could have a healthier relationship with someone else.
After a breakup, we often think that we’ll never find someone like our ex, or that we won’t be able to love again, but that’s never true.
During the no contact period, you’ll be able to realize that your ex isn’t the only person for you. In fact, someone else could be even better.
Maybe the relationship you had with your ex was actually toxic, but you hang on to them because deep down, you don’t believe you could have a better relationship with someone else.
Let me tell you something.
Even if the relationship you had with your ex wasn’t toxic, you could have a better one with another person, and you surely will be able to love again.
Don’t get back together with your ex if you think that you’ll end up breaking up again.
It’s much better that you let yourself realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
You always have options. Getting back together with your ex isn’t the only one, and thanks to the no contact rule, you’ll realize that.
Don’t rush with starting to date again, but feel free to flirt a little with anyone you want. It will boost your self-confidence and help you feel better.
7. It’s like a reset button for your relationship
Wouldn’t it be great if you could reset your whole relationship with your ex and start again? Well, thanks to the no contact rule, that is possible.
No one says that you and your ex can’t start over after this little break.
It will help you learn from the mistakes you made in the past, so you won’t repeat them if you decide to try again.
Your relationship obviously wasn’t healthy, at least not by the end of it, so this is your chance to start again and try to have a healthier one.
8. It prevents you from being in an on-and-off relationship
What’s the worst thing that could happen if you contact your ex or meet up with them? Is that really such big of a deal?
Yes, it is, and it’s a big mistake. The worse thing that could happen isn’t that you’ll lose your chance to get back together.
It’s that you’ll get back together and break up again.
When couples see each other soon after a breakup, they often hookup again, only to break up again shortly after.
This happens because they haven’t really taken the time to think about everything, and the same problems they had the first time occur again… causing them to break up again.
Trust me, the second breakup hurts even worse than the first one. You could even end up in an on-and-off relationship with your ex and get stuck in the infinite cycle of breaking up and making up.
That’s the worst thing that could happen if you don’t stick to the no contact rule.
I’ve been in that sort of relationship, and trust me that it’s even better that you don’t ever get back together than to do it and then break up again.
Keep in mind that if it didn’t work out the first time, unless something important changes, it definitely won’t work out the second time either.
Big changes require time, and by giving both of you some time and space, you’re giving your relationship a chance.
Try to move on during this time, and if you still want to be with your ex afterward, the odds of making it work will be greater.
9. It lets you put yourself back together
You need to remember who you were before that relationship and become yourself again.
All of us sometimes lose ourself in a relationship, and it always happens when it was full of drama and fights.
You have probably felt bad for a while now, and staying in touch with your ex won’t help you feel better…
It will make you feel even worse. It’s time that you learn to love yourself again and feel good about yourself.
10. It makes your ex miss you
The no contact period exists so you can feel better but comes with the perk of making your ex miss you.
Naturally, your ex won’t be able to miss you if you are constantly there. They need to feel your absence to start missing you.
Once you stop talking to them, they won’t help but think about you and start missing you.
If you contact your ex, they will probably wish that you hadn’t, but if you don’t, they’ll want you to, and they’ll wonder why you’re not contacting them.
There are signs he misses you during no contact that will help you find out if your ex still thinks about you, but don’t obsess over that.
You need to do this for yourself, not to get your ex back.
Of course, no contact can help you get your ex back, but that’s not its primary goal, and I already told you that something has to change.
A big change requires time.
Let your ex have some time and space to realize what they have lost and that they will lose their chance with you if they don’t make an effort to make things work.
11. It prevents you from knowing what your ex is doing without you
If you don’t stick to the no contact rule, you will know what your ex is doing without you, and what if they are seeing someone else?
Do you really want to know?
This is why not stalking their social media profiles is an important part of the no contact rule.
Even if you don’t want your ex back, finding out that they’ve been seeing other people would be devastating to you.
You need to stay focused on yourself, not on them, and not knowing what they’re up to is good for you.
Resist the urge to check their social media profiles, because, even if they haven’t started dating again, they could be having a great time while you’re in pain.
It’s best that you don’t know what they are doing, and if they’re in pain like you are, they will tell you about it after the no contact period.
12. It will remind you that you can live without your ex
When you love someone, it feels like they’re the air that you breathe, and you feel like you’ll die if they ever go away.
We all believe that when we’re in love, but it’s never true.
You will survive the absence of your ex, and it’s good that something reminds you that you can live without them.
You’ll be able to find happiness without them, and no matter how much it seems you won’t right now, you just have to stick to the no contact rule.
