Think aloud
Relationships can get tough for different reasons, and dating a mama’s boy can definitely count as one of them.
Maybe you’ve noticed that your partner has a close relationship with his mother. At first, you thought it to be a good thing as men who treat their mothers well also tend to pass that treatment onto their partner.
But at one point, you realized that his mother-son bond isn’t as healthy as you thought it to be. In fact, you’ve noticed many signs of codependency.
Things have come to the point where you can’t take it anymore. Every day brings a new struggle and you have no idea what to do about it.
His mom has become a real threat to your relationship and you’ve realized that dating a mama’s boy isn’t all milk and honey. It’s actually really challenging and there are times you feel like you want to throw in the towel out of sheer frustration.
Keep on reading to see if any of these patterns of behavior seem familiar. If so, then you’re most certainly dating a mama’s boy!
Struggles of dating a mama’s boy
When you’re dating a mama’s boy, you feel like you’re in a relationship triangle that includes both your partner and his mother.
His mom is a constant guest in your lives and there’s hardly a day where you don’t see her face-to-face or hear her voice over the phone.
It sometimes feels like she’s everywhere you go. And it’s not surprising, as she formed and shaped her son to match her views on life.
So, every time you’re discussing something with your partner, it actually feels like you’re discussing it with his mother.
But that’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to dating a mama’s boy. Here are other situations that will become a part of your daily routine when you’re in a relationship with the one who loves his mama more than anything.
1. He doesn’t know what it means to be independent
Dating a mama’s boy sometimes feels like you’re dating a child. It sounds alarming, but it’s the only way you can explain the behavior you’re faced with.
Growing up being his mom’s favorite, your partner struggles with every normal daily activity that he’s supposed to do.
He doesn’t know how to cook a proper meal for himself, he never washes the dishes, and the thought of doing the laundry sounds extraterrestrial.
You’ll rarely see him cleaning up after himself because his mother has been the one to do it for him.
His only job was to be his mom’s favorite.
Even now that he’s in a relationship, she’ll regularly come over to his place and make sure to cook her favorite son meals for a week or two.
If you’re living together, she won’t have any issues dropping by your new apartment and staying for as long as she wants.
She doesn’t care if you have anything planned and your partner most certainly won’t reject her and send her home.
So, for the sake of the love that you feel for this guy, you’ll probably pretend that you don’t mind her coming over, while on the inside, you’re a flaming ball of anger.
And also, don’t be surprised if she keeps bombarding you with comments that suggest her son must be starving as your cooking isn’t substandard. That’s how she’ll try to bring you down and show you she’s the boss.
2. He doesn’t believe anything, unless his mother tells him so
When you’re dating a mama’s boy, her way of doing anything is the only right way. Everything else doesn’t count.
If you’re making dinner, he’ll make sure to let you know how his mom cooks it. If you don’t make it his mother’s way, then it won’t be as tasty for sure.
When you’re looking for a nice restaurant to celebrate your anniversary, your partner will insist on going to his mom’s favorite because she told him that they serve the best food in town.
Weeks ago, when you suggested going to that same restaurant, he rejected the idea because he didn’t know if the food was any good. But now that his mother gave it the green light, he has to go and try it.
These silly little things will soon turn into big ones, as he’ll keep listening to his mother’s opinion even when it comes to serious life events.
So, don’t be surprised if he doesn’t want to move towns because his mother told him that it’s stressful, or that you must have at least two kids because growing up without siblings is bad for a child.
She’ll become a part of every decision you make. If his mother doesn’t say “yes,” you can forget about it because it’s not happening.
3. His mother tries to control your relationship
Before you came into your partner’s life, she was the one holding the reins. Now, her wish to control everything happening in her son’s life has expanded into your relationship as well.
Every aspect of your relationship will be under the influence of your partner’s mother.
Where you will live, when you’ll get married, and even if you’ll get married. She’s the one to make all those decisions.
If she says that you’re having a wedding on the beach, you’re having it there and there’s no arguing about it.
You want a small wedding and his mother wants a huge one so she can invite all of her friends. Guess what you’ll be having in the end?
She’ll try to control everything you want to do as a couple. But mother knows best, so you have to listen to her.
At least that’s how she wants it to be.
4. She always has the final say
Mom is always right. Even if she tells him that grass is blue, he’ll try to convince you that her word is golden.
Dating a mama’s boy means that he always chooses to listen to his mother, no matter what the topic. She’s the one who has the final say.
The worst thing is that neither of them sees anything bad in it. To them, it’s completely normal that a grown-up man keeps asking his mother about every little thing.
And it’s not that he merely wants to hear her opinion. Instead, he truly believes that what she says is right and what everyone else says is wrong.
He’ll always be willing to reject your proposals instead of his mother’s, even though the two of you are supposed to be partners.
But that magical moment he hears his mother’s voice changes him into a little kid who can’t say no to his mom. So, he listens to her blindly, even though he’s a grown-up man capable of making up his own mind.
5. He always compares you to his mother
When you’re dating a mama’s boy, get ready for constant comparison. Your friends might complain that their partners compare them to other women, but you’ll be complaining that he weighs you up against his mother.
Believe it or not, there might come a point where you’ll actually wish to rather be compared with other girls. At least you would stand some chance of being the better one.
But when he compares you with his mother, it’s a match you know you’re going to lose before it’s begun.
That dress you’re wearing – his mother has a similar one and it looks better on her. The way you cook his favorite dish – his mother does it better. The way you fold laundry – his mother uses a different technique.
No matter what it is, he’ll always find a way to compare you to his mother.
At one point, you’ll start to feel annoyed the second you hear the “M” word coming. The word “mom” will slowly but surely become the most hated word in your vocabulary.
6. He expects to always have things his own way
His mom taught him that he’s always the one who’s right. Now, he expects you to treat him the same way.
Don’t tell him about compromise because he has no idea what that means. His mom told him that he can get everything he wants and he lives his whole life with that belief.
Dating a mama’s boy feels like teaching a fully grown-up man that relationships are about two people taking care of each other, and doing things that make both of them happy.
They’re not about one person being in control and another one following the lead.
But it’ll be hard to explain that to him. You’ll sometimes feel like you’re talking to a wall.
His mommy taught him differently and he doesn’t want to change himself just because of you.
If you see that your guy is acting this way, then you better walk away from him. Your sanity is worth so much more than this attempt at a relationship with a guy who only cares about his mother.
7. He texts and calls her more than you
If you still don’t live together then don’t be surprised to learn that he’s been texting his mom more than you. Usually, you don’t expect that from grown-up men who’re supposed to lead their own lives.
But when you’re dating a mama’s boy, then his mother is priority number one.
You’ll wait hours to get his reply because he’s been talking with his mother. At the same time, he gives you an excuse that he doesn’t have time to call you because of his busy schedule.
Your texts usually end up unread for hours because he has “no time to reply.” But whenever you’re out with him and his mom texts him, he replies instantly.
It just goes to show that his mother will always be a priority and her place will be well above yours.
Even if you let him know that he’s always on the phone with her and that he should focus more on your relationship, he won’t understand why you’re making a big deal about it.
“It’s my mom, I don’t understand what the issue is?!” You’ll keep hearing this phrase to the point where you get sick of it.
8. He always asks her for advice
You’re thinking about moving in together. You’re discussing possible locations and then you see him picking up his phone.
You already know what’s coming next.
“Hey mom. What do you say about us moving in together? And which area is decent?”
You already regret bringing this topic up as you know it’s no longer the two of you making this decision. It’s also his mother, the ever-present third wheel in your relationship.
9. He always puts her first
It’s normal that a man loves his mother. This woman gave him life and made a lot of effort to raise him the right way.
But at one point, another woman will walk into his life – the woman of his dreams. She’ll take up a special place in his heart and get all of his love.
When that happens, there shouldn’t be any competition between these two women as they’re both loved by the same guy, but in different ways.
But when you’re dating a mama’s boy, it can be hard to let a guy know that he’s crossed the line.
When she calls him in the middle of the night because she’s got a cold, he’ll run out of bed like a lunatic and drive straight to her house.
Now, you may say that there’s nothing wrong with that because he isn’t supposed to leave his mom alone when she isn’t feeling well.
But if you call him in the middle of the night for the same reason, he tells you to take some medicine and go back to sleep.
That’s how you can tell that his mother comes first. And it’s not that she’s one rung above you. Instead, she’s way up on the ladder.
His mom’s wishes and opinions become the ones that matter, while yours usually get rejected because his mom said otherwise.
If that’s not an unhealthy relationship with a mother, then I don’t know what is.
10. Jokes that concern his mother are seen as attacks on her
Don’t even try this if you’re dating a mama’s boy. Don’t dare make an innocent joke about anything related to her.
The chances are that your partner will get extremely upset. He might even stop talking to you for some time.
His mother is a saint and you should never say anything against her.
He can’t accept these jokes for what they are. To him, they sound like personal attacks.
So don’t even bother trying because you won’t make him laugh. If anything, you’ll make him angry and upset for teasing his mother and disrespecting her name.
11. He doesn’t feel responsible for any mistake he makes
His whole life, his mother’s been the one to bail him out of every trouble he’s gotten into. She’s protected him and acted like his personal advocate, saving him from his mistakes.
This means that every time he makes a mistake in a relationship, he won’t feel responsible for it. He was taught that nothing was ever his fault and he always had someone to stick up for him.
Now that you’re trying to blame him for something, he doesn’t know how to accept the responsibility. He doesn’t know how it feels to not always be right.
It’ll take a lot of effort to show him that grown-up men aren’t supposed to call on their moms the moment they mess up. Instead, adult men admit their mistakes, apologize, and try to fix things.
If that’s not something he can do, then there’s nothing to keep you in a relationship with a mama’s boy.
He’ll likely never change because it’s ingrained in him. This is the only truth he knows and he doesn’t see any reason why he should change.
Ways to cope when you’re dating a mama’s boy
If you’re dating a mama’s boy, it can sometimes feel like you’ve reached a dead end. You have no idea what to do to help both yourself and your relationship.
It sometimes feels like your relationship is a house of cards – it falls apart every time your guy makes a move and you’re the one who makes effort to rebuild it again.
If you still want to give your relationship a chance and try to convince your guy that he needs to do something if he wants to keep you around, then I’ve got you covered.
Here are possible ways to cope and things you could to if you want to try and save your relationship from falling apart.
1. Write down your feelings
If you’ve been dating a mama’s boy and been thinking about confronting him regarding his unhealthy relationship with his mother, then you should first start with writing down your feelings.
It’s easy to have a misconception about certain behavior. So, in order to be sure that you’re not wrong, have it all written in front of you.
Once you’re done, you can get a better idea if your partner has actually crossed the line or if it’s only in your head.
After that, you can move to the next step and confront him about his behavior.
2. Be prepared that he’ll get defensive
It’s normal for him to become defensive once you mention that the relationship he has with his mom is unhealthy. To him, it feels like a personal attack on his family.
The only thing you can do is let him know how his behavior is making you feel. Try to explain to him why you think that it’s hurting your relationship.
“I feel that you don’t care about me or my feelings as you always put your mother as the priority. I understand that you love her, but it’s making our relationship suffer as she always gets your attention while I have to fight for it.”
If he doesn’t show any kind of will to reevaluate his behavior and make a change, then he’s not the right one for you.
3. Encourage him to become more independent
This guy is used to having his mother at his beck and call, all the time. She’s the one to cook his meals, wash his laundry, and even budget his money.
She’s been doing it for him for as long as he can remember and a behavioral change won’t be easy. But it doesn’t mean that it’s impossible.
You know that change comes from within and you can’t pressure him into doing anything. But you can always encourage him to be more independent and to act like the adult he is.
Don’t insult him by asking him how a grown-up man can depend on his mother. Instead, support him in learning how to be more independent and do things on his own.
You’re dating a mama’s boy, so it’s obvious that this step will be challenging. But if you don’t want to give up on him and your relationship, then you should give it a go.
Who knows, he might just like the idea of finally growing up and doing things by himself.
4. Ask him to openly tell his mother that their relationship has become unhealthy
You shouldn’t be the one to talk to his mother and tell her that you don’t like the relationship she and her son have. That’s strictly a conversation between him and her.
If he actually sees the problems that their codependent relationship is causing, then he’ll be willing to let her know that they must create some boundaries.
If he rejects this proposal, then it means that he still isn’t ready to stop being a mama’s boy. Then, it’s up to you to decide if you want to give him another chance or refuse to put up with his behavior anymore.
5. Establish clear boundaries
If your guy is willing to work on his relationship with his mother, then the two of you should agree on boundaries.
Maybe he used to discuss the intimate details from your relationship with his mom and you don’t want him to do that anymore. Now is a great time to let him know that and to ask him to stop.
Your relationship should be private. Some things should only remain between the two of you.
If he’s willing to do that, then it’s a sign that he wants to break free from his unhealthy relationship with his mother because even he notices that things have gone too far.
Dating a mama’s boy isn’t easy. It requires a lot of effort and sacrifice.
But if you at any point realize that your relationship isn’t making you happy and that you can’t deal with it anymore, it’s best to walk away.
You’re worth so much more than being with a guy who doesn’t want to work on your relationship, even though he’s the main part of the problem.
