Think aloud
Let’s be real for a second – you somehow managed to snatch the most flawless male specimen that’s ever walked the earth. He’s handsome, charming, AND successful. He looks at you like you’re the only woman in his world… except you’re not. Unfortunately for you, he’s got a bitter baby mama!
Everything seems to be working out great for the two of you except for the fact that his ex can’t seem to come to terms with your relationship. Or, at least that’s what it looks like.
She drops by announced, requires heaps of attention, and uses their child as an excuse to get it; and she can’t seem to stop making unnecessary, passive-aggressive comments about you and your spot in the family. You understand the bond they share, but you feel as if this situation could be handled differently.
I hear you, girl! Being in a relationship with a man who has a child AND a baby mama can be incredibly stressful.
Dealing with your own insecurities, jealousy, while at the same time trying to fit in and form a lasting bond with your man’s child – the entire situation feels like a time-bomb.
Most men tend to turn a blind eye when faced with complicated circumstances. If your man doesn’t take his part in this situation seriously, your relationship might be in danger of crumbling to pieces. He needs to take responsibility and make sure everybody knows their role in this situation.
So, how can you be sure you’re dealing with a bitter baby mama?
You don’t want to draw the wrong conclusion and accuse your man’s ex of anything before you’re absolutely certain you know what you’re talking about. Observe her behavior and connect the dots!
Bitter baby mama
You should be careful when throwing this term around because not all ex-wives fall under this category.
More often than not, his ex-wife is just trying her best to move on from their divorce. She’s putting all her energy into doing what’s best for their child while simultaneously dealing with the pain of moving on.
Believe it or not, most women are mature enough to ignore the hard feelings they have towards their baby daddy and focus on making co-parenting work. Even if she still wants him back and longs for their family reunion, she’ll never show it. She’s better than that.
But, we’re not here to talk about those women. We’re here to talk about women who do everything they can to push their baby daddy’s buttons and aggravate him to the point of spontaneous combustion. These women are what we like to refer to as – bitter baby mamas!
She’s calling at all hours of the day (or even night!), making unreasonable demands, talking badly about you and her baby daddy, and looking for revenge and punishment for what happened between the two of them.
She doesn’t care who gets dragged into their mess. She’s using their child as a pawn, acting as if it’s your fault their family split up.
Her built-up frustrations are causing a rift between you and the man of your dreams – AND she seems to be enjoying every second of it!
You want to have a serious conversation with your man, but you’re afraid you might’ve misjudged the situation. How can you be sure your insecurities aren’t getting the best of you? How can you know all these issues aren’t a product of your imagination?
Don’t worry, you came to the right place!
How to recognize a bitter baby mama?
Trust me, a bitter baby mama doesn’t hide her true face. She doesn’t care about what other people think of her. Her only goal is to make her baby daddy’s life miserable hoping the relationship between the two of you won’t stand the test of time.
Unfortunately for you, a bitter baby mama doesn’t fit in one mold. She can be irritating, demanding, and doing everything in her power to get you away from her baby daddy.
But, she can also pretend to be overly understanding (‘OMG, I’m so sorry to be calling in the middle of the night. I’m just the worst! But…’), in need of constant attention and reassurance, and unable to do anything by herself.
It’s up to you to figure out which category your bitter baby mama falls under. Once you do that, you can have an open conversation with your man in hopes he’ll understand your concerns and take matters into his own hands.
Keep reading to uncover the 5 most common types of bitter baby mamas. Good luck!
1. She wants her baby daddy all to herself
It doesn’t get any simpler than this. Chances are she didn’t want to break their family apart in the first place. She still has feelings for her baby daddy, and she wants to take every opportunity she has to help him realize he made a mistake.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to reconcile with your ex.
The problem appears when the bitter baby mama ignores the fact that her baby daddy moved on with his life. She acts as if you don’t exist, and doesn’t stray away from throwing low blows in hopes of discrediting your place in his life.
She makes it impossible for the two of you to have a healthy relationship. You constantly argue about the fact that she throws herself at him, makes sure to wear practically nothing when he comes to pick up their child, and finds every single excuse to call in the middle of the night when you’re trying to… sleep!
Trust me, you can stop questioning your sanity if your bitter baby mama’s going through all these lengths to get her baby daddy back. The only good thing about this specific type is that she’ll stop this behavior once she finds herself a new beau.
She just needs a new man in her life!
2. She regrets dumping her baby daddy
Bear with me – there’s a big difference between this bitter baby mama and the one who wants her baby daddy all to herself. For starters, she’s the one who dumped him.
Chances are she got bored with her life and found the much-needed satisfaction in the arms of another man. Fast forward to today, she finally came to her senses and realized her baby daddy is the embodiment of a perfect partner. But, he’s already moved on.
The only thing she can do is use all her feminine energy to lure him back into her arms. Unlike the bitter baby mama that uses her physical attributes to her advantage, she resorts to a much more powerful weapon – his emotions.
She uses every opportunity to go down memory lane and remind him of all the good times they had together, and all the laughs they experienced as a family. She isn’t afraid of dragging her precious child into the mix and using him as leverage (‘Oh, our little baby, he misses our family so much!‘).
Trust me, she would rather go blind than let you have him. She can’t stand the fact you’re the one sharing the bed with him every night, while she’s home alone plotting her next move to take you down.
Feel free to interpret her sneaky little hints as a beginning of a long conflict between the two of you!
3. She has to be in control of EVERYTHING
This bitter baby mama isn’t trying to get back together with her baby daddy. You might think that’s good news, but wait until you see what she has in store for you. You’ll wish she was walking around your man in her underwear or shoving their wedding pictures down his throat!
This baby mama means business. She wants to know everything that’s going on in your relationship under the excuse that she’s only looking out for her child.
Whenever she drops by to pick him up she wants to know what he ate, where he went, or who he hung out with. The list goes on and on.
She’s making your life miserable because she doesn’t stray away from accusing you of insane things. She says you’re not capable of keeping their child safe, she accuses you of taking him to inappropriate places or feeding him things he shouldn’t be eating.
She’s trying to make you look like a step-mom from hell!
4. She’s completely lost
There’s a thin line between feeling a bit lost after the divorce and manipulating your baby daddy into doing your dirty work. To all the women struggling to make ends meet and provide their child with everything it needs – we’re not talking about you.
We’re talking about the bitter baby mama that likes to play the ‘damsel in distress‘ act to invoke sympathy from her baby daddy. She needs someone to mow the lawn, change the lightbulb in the bathroom, or fix the sink.
And, you guessed it, she always calls her baby daddy for help.
She has zero respect for your relationship and doesn’t seem to understand that her ex-husband moved on with his life. He’s happy to jump in and offer some help, but she seems to be taking advantage of his kindness. She’s always waiting for him to come and save her.
It’s your man’s responsibility to put her back in her place. It’s completely fine to help her around the house for the sake of co-parenting and fostering a good relationship, but he should know better than to let her manipulate him into thinking she can’t live without his help.
5. She’s a stalker
You read that right.
This bitter baby mama seems to be everywhere – she drops by your place in the middle of the night, shows up uninvited when you’re hanging out with friends, and accidentally bumps into you when you’re having a romantic dinner.
This is the classic case of the stalker syndrome. Chances are she’s not over her baby daddy and she can’t stand the idea of the two of you being alone together.
She makes sure to check your social media, interrogate your friends, and appear out of thin air when you’re least expecting her.
This behavior is unacceptable regardless of the fact that she’s his baby mama. He needs to put on his big boy pants and have an open conversation with her. The only way you can resolve this situation is by setting boundaries and sticking to them!
How to date a man with a bitter baby mama?
You’ve read everything there is to read, and you came to a conclusion that the two of you are dealing with the case of a bitter baby mama. So, what do you do now?
Before anything else, you have to face the fact that his baby mama will always be a big part of your relationship. Your man has to be on good terms with her for the sake of co-parenting and their child’s happiness.
After all, you wouldn’t want to be with him if he was the kind of man to abandon his child.
You can still have a healthy relationship with your man and stay on good terms with his baby mama. As long as he takes responsibility for the situation, sets some well-needed boundaries, and takes matters into his own hands you have nothing to worry about.
Don’t expect him to cut ties with his baby mama. Try to handle this situation with maturity – after all, this isn’t about you. It’s about the two of them coming to terms with their divorce and doing what’s best for their child. Pouting, nagging, and break-up threats will only drive him away.
Here are a couple of things the two of you can do to help defuse the situation and keep his bitter baby mama away from the drama.
1. Come to terms with the situation
She might be a bitter baby mama, but that doesn’t change the fact that the two of them have a history together. You might feel overwhelmed by everything that’s been going on, but you should try to remind yourself that this has nothing to do with you.
This is about your man’s relationship with the mother of his child. He’s the one that has to figure out a way to have a healthy relationship with you while simultaneously taking care of his child’s needs. Once you manage to work together as an extended family, everything will fall back into its place.
You are in the middle of this situation, but you should try your best not to pass any judgments about the way their marriage ended. You only know one side of the story, and you might end up being unpleasantly surprised if you continue shoving your opinions down everyone’s throats.
You’re better than that!
2. Have an open conversation with him
Believe it or not, he’s probably more affected by this situation than you are.
He’s the one that has to put up with her shenanigans for the sake of co-parenting. He’s completely aware your relationship might come to an end if he doesn’t do something to keep her behavior under control.
It’s always a good idea to have an open conversation with your man and tell him how you feel. Don’t put the blame on him – instead, let him know you’ll stand by his side regardless of how he decides to handle this situation. As long as he handles it, that is!
Don’t be afraid to tell him what’s going on. If his bitter baby mama’s been harassing you this entire time, talking smack about you behind your back, or calling you names in front of their child – be honest.
If the two of you decided to take matters into your hands, he should be up-to-date with her latest frolics.
3. Build trust with him
Trust is an important ingredient in every relationship, even more so when the two of you are dealing with his baby mama drama. There are different ways in which you can work on building trust – having open conversations, being transparent with each other, and avoiding keeping secrets.
However, when you’re dealing with a bitter baby mama your man might want to step up his game. After all, it’s his emotional baggage that’s calling you in the middle of the night, and dropping by announced. He has to make sure you’re familiar with everything that’s going on between the two of them.
He should let you listen to their conversations and read their messages. If she’s actively making moves on him you can poke fun at her flirting skills.
If she’s sending him pictures of herself (she just happens to be wearing a satin slip) you can laugh it off. The point is – you should make light of the situation.
4. Set some boundaries
When you’re dealing with a bitter baby mama that doesn’t care for appropriate behavior, setting boundaries is in order.
Rules and restrictions can save your relationship as long as everybody’s sticking to their end of the bargain. If they’re not, make sure to correct them politely (no, you shouldn’t roll your eyes at them!).
Even though you have secret desires of turning her into a rat and kicking her out of your apartment, you should definitely let your man decide which boundaries he wants to enforce. You can share your opinion but try not to make any demands.
If he asks for your help, you can suggest a couple of things. For example, you might want to establish the rule of not communicating outside of certain hours (in other words, please don’t call in the middle of the night).
You also might want to set some restrictions when it comes to talking about serious issues in front of their child, bad-mouthing each other, or even calling each other inappropriate names. The main focus of your relationship with his baby mama should always be co-parenting.
5. Have ‘the talk’ with his baby mama
The two of you have everything figured out – but, someone has to present the new circumstances to his bitter baby mama. He should make sure to choose an appropriate time, preferably when they’re not in the middle of a fight, and have an open conversation with her.
The two of you can decide whether you should be present when this conversation takes place.
If you ask me, you should let him handle this situation on his own. She might feel uncomfortable with you by his side, and it might affect her final decision.
Either way, if things don’t go the way you planned you should know that it’s completely alright to back off. If you’re no longer comfortable with staying in a relationship with him, you should let him know how you feel.
There won’t be an and to this drama, unless everyone involved agrees to act in a mature way.
Final advice on dealing with a man who has a bitter baby mama
First things first, you can have a healthy relationship with a man who has a bitter baby mama. As long as the two of you come to terms with the fact she’ll always be a part of your lives and make an effort to set some boundaries, you have nothing to be afraid of.
You should always remind yourself that this isn’t your battle. You won’t achieve anything by nagging him, pouting, or threatening to break up every chance you get. If you’re not comfortable with staying in a relationship with someone who has baby mama drama in his life, nothing’s stopping you from leaving.
But, if you’re willing to stay and fight for the man of your dreams, you have to learn to be patient. It’s in your best interest to let them resolve the situation among themselves.
You can talk about their problems and offer your opinion, but you should always let him handle their issues on his own.
After all, you’re in a relationship with him and not his bitter baby mama. Focus on building trust in your relationship, take every opportunity you can to bond with each other, and spend as much time as you can away from the rest of the world – gazing into each other’s eyes, laughing, enjoying the moment of happiness!
