Think aloud
Genuine love is an amazing thing that only happens once in a lifetime. But just because you can say that you love your partner, it doesn’t mean that your relationship will be successful. There has to be balance – you should never love a man more than he loves you.
Many people forget that the term balance is closely interconnected with having a healthy relationship. It’s the secret ingredient that keeps the spark alive and makes you feel like you’re in seventh heaven.
But when you love someone more than they love you, the balance shifts off to one side and the love starts fading away. Eventually, one partner starts carrying all the weight of their relationship on their shoulders and soon burns out.
You become the one who is responsible for everything that happens in the relationship, the good and the bad. Essentially, you become captain of a ship that is bound to sink.
I know there are people out there who’ll say they’ll always be someone who loves more in a romantic relationship, but think again about that. This awkward belief is made up by those people who needed an excuse to stay in such an unbalanced relationship.
This isn’t the norm and it’ll never be.
Never love a man more than he loves you because if you do, you’ll find yourself in a one-way relationship that’s sure to bring you nothing other than misery and hassle.
But how do you actually know that you’re experiencing an imbalance in your relationship? Are there any signs you can look out for to know you’re the one who loves more? And why does this type of relationship hurt so much?
Keep reading and you’ll find out the answers.
Signs you love your man more than he loves you
It’s easy to lose yourself when you have your heart invested in a relationship. It almost feels as if your entire world revolves around that one guy and you think of him as the perfect boyfriend.
But what you don’t realize is that you can lose yourself in all that love and become blind to the signs that you love him more than he loves you.
You think he’s putting in an equal amount of effort into your relationship only to find out later that you’re the one having to pull all the strings. Being in an unbalanced relationship is awful and unfulfilling, but what’s even worse is to live in an illusion that your partner loves you the same as you do him.
So, how can you know that you’re in a one-sided relationship? Well, if you recognize any of these signs that I’m going to mention here below, then it’s definitely time for you to rethink whether it’s worth staying with your man.
1. The bad times outweigh the good
A healthy and fulfilling relationship means that both partners do their best to make each other happy at all times. Even if someone has a bad day or is tired due to their work obligations, the other partner makes an effort to cheer them up so they know someone has their back.
But that only happens if both people know how much time and energy it takes to keep your significant other satisfied.
The truth is every couple experiences a few bumps along the way. Love isn’t all sunshine and rainbows at all times.
There will be days where you won’t agree on anything and all you want is to get out of the house and be alone for a while. But you’ll always come back and work together to find a solution with your partner so you can move on.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have those moments, but they have to outweigh the bad times if you ever want to succeed with your partner. If those bad moments happen quite often, then you can be sure that you’re being in an unbalanced relationship.
On top of that, if you can’t agree even on the simplest and most insignificant things, then you need to take a step back and re-evaluate whether you should stay with him or leave him.
2. You take a lot of the blame for your relationships problems
As I mentioned earlier, every couple is bound to experience arguments in their relationship at some point. And they can certainly bring you closer, if you can find a common ground and when you know what you’re fighting for.
But what happens when one partner takes all the blame for the relationship problems? In that case, that person will feel awful about themself, and sooner or later, try to find a way out.
If you can relate to this and your partner refuses to see things from your perspective, then take that as a sign that you’re in a one-sided relationship. Let’s be real here and face facts. You can’t say that he loves you if he refuses to accept any responsibility for the issues you two are having.
A man like that doesn’t genuinely love you and doesn’t care how you’re feeling. He only wants to blame-shift so that he doesn’t have to sit with a guilty conscience.
If you continue being with a man like that, all those negative emotions will keep bottling up in you and sooner or later, they’ll all come gushing out and it’ll end up in heartbreak.
3. You’re always trying not to trigger their anger
Does it feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner? Do you avoid telling him the truth even though you know you need to, just because you don’t want to irritate him? If so, then that’s a sign you’re in an unbalanced relationship.
The reality is, you’ll never feel like yourself if you’re trying to avoid triggering his anger. It’ll be as if you’re putting on a mask to feel or think a certain way in order to appease him and avoid arguing with him.
And for what? You know that you also have emotions. You shouldn’t have to hide just because someone might get angry at you.
What you don’t realize is that he’s manipulating and shaping you into his mold. Do you really want to be with a guy like that?
I mean, he may still love you, but he clearly doesn’t think that your feelings are as important as his. That’s why you should never love a man more than he loves you.
Why does it hurt so much when you love a man more than he loves you?
1. He’s not interested in your personal life as much as you’d want him to be
It’s a well-known fact that those who love less in a relationship are also less interested in getting to know you better.
He doesn’t put in the effort – or at least not as much as you’d want him to – to find out what’s happening in your life. Every time you come home feeling sad and unhappy, he doesn’t even ask you what happened or why you’re feeling that way.
Oftentimes, you feel alone and as if no one understands you, even though you have a boyfriend by your side. A man like that avoids asking personal things because he simply doesn’t care what’s bothering you. Instead, he focuses on himself and his emotions rather than supporting you like a real man does when he genuinely loves a woman.
The worst is, since you love him more, you fail to notice this. And even if you do, you think that this is a normal thing every woman goes through in a relationship.
But a real, mature man who cares for his girlfriend will try as hard as he can to find out what’s on her mind and solve the problem together with her. He knows he’s her life partner and that his duty is to be there for her whenever she needs him.
Don’t ever forget that you should never settle for anything less than you deserve.
2. You always compete with his friends or family for his time
Your relationship lacks balance when you realize that in order to see your partner, you have to compete with his friends or family for his time. It seems as if he’s never there for you when you need him.
You make arrangements weeks ahead for when and where your next date will be so that he knows he shouldn’t make any other plans that day. Yet he couldn’t care less.
An unbalanced relationship like this is bound to break apart at some or other point. There’s no way your love will ever survive because you can see from his behavior that he’s not invested as much as you are in the relationship.
He doesn’t care whether or not he sees you in two days, five days, or a week. For him, you’re just an obligation and that’s why you don’t have a future together.
At the end of the day, you should never need to compete with your partner’s family or friends to spend time with him, because a true gentleman never keeps his lady waiting and knows how to balance his love and social life.
Also, he’ll make you his top priority because he knows how much you’re sacrificing to see him. So, that’s why you should never love a man more than he loves you.
3. Love isn’t equally shared
In an unbalanced relationship, one thing is certain – love is not equal. There’s a huge difference in the way you express your love for him and vice versa.
Since you’re the one who loves him more, you’re saying all those beautiful things to him and he receives a lot more compliments than usual. And in most cases, he won’t even bother to return them because he doesn’t love you the same.
Also, whenever you two get in a fight, it’s always you who hits the break first and doesn’t hold any grudges. You’re the one who is the first to say “I’m sorry” or “I love you.”
You may be trying to convince yourself that he just doesn’t know how to properly express himself and his emotions, but it’s not that. You simply love him more than he loves you – your love isn’t equally shared.
And the moment you accept that as the norm in a relationship, you lose all your dignity and power.
4. Your love is taken for granted
Don’t ever let yourself love a man more than he loves you. You know why? Because it hurts being in a one-sided relationship since your love is constantly being taken for granted.
Truth be told, it’s rather easy to stay loyal and loving when you love someone more than they love you. You’ll always love him despite everything he does or says to you.
You’ll never think of breaking up with him because you know that it would crush your heart into a million pieces and you wouldn’t be able to bring all the parts together afterward. But that’s just your opinion right now, which doesn’t mean it’s true.
The imbalance in your relationship makes him feel safe. Also, he knows that you won’t walk away from him because he has you in the palm of his hand.
Giving a man that much freedom is like a two-edged sword. You never know how he’ll react and if he’ll use it against you somehow.
Many women make the mistake of giving that much space to a man because they know he needs it if they ever wish he commits to them. But not every man is a mature guy who knows what he wants.
There are instances when the guy will use that freedom to manipulate the woman into doing whatever he wants.
5. He makes plans and decisions for you
Being in a healthy relationship means that you’re always making plans with your man and always take his opinion into consideration whenever you’re about to make a decision.
At the end of the day, he’s your life partner. So your decisions will not only impact you, but they’ll also have an effect on him. It would be stupid and immature to not ask him what he’s thinking about a particular matter.
You always seek his advice because you care about how he feels and what he thinks.
But that doesn’t happen when you love a man more than he loves you and that’s exactly what hurts when you’re experiencing a relationship disbalance.
If you invest more time and energy into your relationship than he does, then he’ll feel free to make plans and decisions without you. He won’t even care what you’re thinking or whether or not you’ll agree with his decision.
Also, he won’t make you part of his future plans because, in his mind, he isn’t there for the long haul. That alone is reason enough to never love a man more than he loves you.
6. You make excuses for his bad behavior
It’s completely normal to accept that you made a mistake and say sorry to your partner. At least, that’s what everyone should do if they want to succeed with their significant other.
After all, mistakes happen, and it takes a lot of courage and strength to admit them.
But what happens when you love a man more than he loves you? Well, in that case, you keep making excuses for his bad behavior and never hear him saying those two simple yet powerful words, “I’m sorry.”
And why is that so? It’s because you can’t let him go. Because your love for him is greater than your self-respect.
That’s the main reason you’re stuck on a dead-end street. And let’s face it, the more you try to justify his poor treatment, the more he’ll take you for granted.
7. The entire weight of your relationship rests on your shoulders
Unfortunately, when you love a man more than he loves you, the hard truth is that all of the efforts of the relationship start to rest on your shoulders.
You are the one who constantly worries if everything is alright and if your partner’s needs are fulfilled. Essentially, you become the one making most of the effort, while he sits there and does little to nothing.
Over time, you don’t expect him to surprise you or do anything nice for you because his laziness and inactivity have become part of who you are as a couple.
Essentially, he’s the passive one while you’re the active member of your relationship. Such imbalance will only make him pull further away from you because he’ll know that he can control you.
Once the thrilling excitement of the chase is gone, he’ll shift his attention to someone else. And that really hurts.
How to deal when there’s an imbalance in your relationship?
1. See if your partner is willing to change
When you finally gather enough strength to confront him about it, you’ll be able to tell if he’s willing to change or not.
Perhaps he acknowledges that you two have a real problem in your relationship and that it bothers you a lot. If that’s the case, he’s likely to correct it. It also shows that he’s ready to step up his game and take on more work to restore balance in your relationship.
On the other hand, if he doesn’t want to take responsibility even after being made aware of it, then you probably aren’t a good fit and you should walk away from him. If you find yourself in a situation where your partner refuses to acknowledge your feelings and see things from your perspective, then it’s time to seriously consider moving on.
2. Deal with one problem at a time
Now that you know if your partner is on board with change, it’s good to take things slow and not overwhelm him with a bucketload of issues.
Change is something that needs to happen gradually and naturally, but you need to be patient and give him a chance to get it right. Don’t just bring up all the past problems and side issues at once, but rather deal with one thing at a time.
Once you see that he’s made an improvement in that area, then you can bring up something else you want him to work on.
3. Ask for help if you need to
It’s difficult to come to terms with an imbalance in a relationship, but it’s even tougher to say that it’s over.
You shouldn’t be afraid to ask your close friends or family to give their opinion about the matter. In moments like these, it’s important that you surround yourself with people who support you and want what’s best for you.
Or if you don’t trust them enough, you can always seek a professional to help you process and recover from the experience. Break free from the old patterns and learn how to set new healthy boundaries, especially if you decide to break up with your man.
4. Learn to let go
The worst mistake you can make is to continue with your relationship despite knowing you two are incompatible. After all, loving a man doesn’t automatically mean you’re meant to be together for eternity.
So, if your partner has no intention to meet you in the middle, it’s better to let go and continue your life without him. No matter how much effort and energy you invest into the relationship, you can’t force anyone to love you more.
Forgive yourself and your partner because there are things you can’t control. Everyone makes mistakes.
And remember, you should never love a man more than he loves you because that kind of relationship is only temporary. But loving each other equally is a recipe for relationship success.
