Think aloud
“Will I ever find love again?”
I’ve been asked that question by so many people. Even the people I thought never had any issues when it came to this topic.
You thought that it was enough to put yourself out there more, to be a social butterfly and give people a chance. You thought that finding love was easy but then you realized that people don’t really think the way you do.
People leave. They leave you hanging and you’re left with a broken heart and with this question:
“Will I ever find love again?”
The idea of this perfect love story has been told to us from a very young age. We saw fictional characters fall in love so quickly and staying in love wasn’t an issue for them either.
Your brain couldn’t differentiate between real situations and fictional ones, so you believed that love truly was that easy.
There’s always pressure from society to love and be loved. Our parents would tease us if we had a crush when we were younger and the kids at school would make an entire scene if we did or didn’t have someone special.
What they didn’t think about was the fact that we were just children. Little girls and boys are taught from a young age that love is inevitable and necessary for us to live, which is why we’re so confused when we grow up and don’t find love.
Will I ever find love again?
It’s true that our idea of love is the main reason why we keep on asking ourselves this question. True love seems like a concept that we should all know about from the tender age of 5.
When we fail to grasp it or if we constantly experience heartbreak, love doesn’t seem so easy anymore.
So what are the actual reasons why you think that you will never find love again? Finding it again doesn’t seem so hard when you look at your friends but you’re confused.
You feel hopeless. The thought of loving another person scares you but the worst thing about it is that you fear not being loved even more.
Are there any actual reasons for your feelings right now?
Before you ask yourself once again, “Will I ever find love again?” let’s first figure out the reasons for your emotions. We can talk about how to find love again once we figure out what’s actually going on.
You can’t get over an ex
All of us have someone in our past who hurt us enough to make us question love in general but we find a way to heal. However, you still can’t get over your ex.
People break up for many reasons. You might have split up because he cheated on you, because you had a huge fight or something else that made you question everything.
He was someone you loved and trusted, so the very moment he took things way too far, it made you question love.
This past relationship is still haunting you. You didn’t get the closure you needed and now you’re left to wonder whether things could have been better.
You can’t let go of what you had and you ask yourself whether you’ll ever find love again, when he was someone so special to you.
You’re not even sure whether you want to love again or if you can ever love someone as much as you loved him. Even if you tried, you’d feel awful about it.
Moving on from a very painful break-up is extremely hard. It’s understandable that you’d be this apprehensive about finding someone new.
You’ve experienced disastrous relationships
People can move on from their past relationships but the scars still remain.
One of the reasons why you’re wondering, “Will I ever find love again?” is because you’ve seen how awful people can be. You’ve seen the worst in people and it scares you.
When you’ve been manipulated, abused, and absolutely neglected in your failed relationships, you wonder whether you’ll even find someone genuine.
You can meet someone new and they can show you how much they care about you but it scares you. You’re terrified that the past will repeat itself.
Every single person who abused you in the past didn’t show the signs at the very beginning. They hid their intentions until it was too late for you to leave.
You depended on them for validation but they showed you their true colors and now you’re scared to ever love again.
You think you’re not good enough
Self-love and self-acceptance play a huge role in finding love again. When you meet a new partner, you try to convince them that you’re not enough.
You might have already met someone whom you thought would be worth the pain but you obviously couldn’t let yourself fall in love. You sabotage your own relationships because you’re convinced that you’re not good enough.
Of course, thoughts like these come from a lot of previous trauma. Once upon a time, someone told you that you weren’t enough.
Someone called you stupid, not interesting enough, or not pretty enough and it left a scar. It follows you into every new relationship, whether romantic or platonic, and makes you ready to walk away from that someone.
You’d much rather be the one leaving than having someone tell you once more that you’re not good enough.
When you’re thinking, “Will I ever find love again?” your brain immediately thinks that you’re not worthy of love, so you avoid it.
You compare yourself to others
When everyone around you seems to have already found their perfect match, you think that real love simply isn’t meant for you. You see others holding hands and getting forehead kisses but you’re here all alone and it hurts.
Of course it hurts! You want what they have and you don’t know how to get it but it’s obviously not by comparing yourself to others.
You think that every love story should be the same, that everyone has the same path they take toward happiness. That’s so untrue and it only makes things harder for you.
You can’t expect love to happen to you the same way it does to others. Everyone has their own journey.
The love story that your best friends found themselves in doesn’t say anything about you. You have your own life and your own journey, so when the right time comes along, your perfect man won’t show himself the same way others did to your friends.
You’re constantly searching
I had this dilemma as well. “Will I ever find love again?” was a question I kept asking myself on a daily basis.
I wasted a lot of time trying to find the perfect someone. Afterward, I realized that that was the issue; I couldn’t find love if the only thing I was doing in life was searching for it.
I had nothing in my life besides the misery of being single. When you’re so focused on finding love, you forget the last time you thought of anything other than being in a relationship and the feeling of being loved.
Don’t forget that there’s so much more to life than being in a relationship. You’re a human being who does need to feel loved and that’s normal but you can’t base your entire personality on that now and completely forget what you do and don’t want from life.
As long as you’re focused on this, you won’t be able to find love again. You’ll be left asking yourself this question over and over again until the very moment you lose yourself to this quest completely.
You allow yourself to be used
Another thing you do that keeps on making you ask the question, “Will I ever find love again?” is allow yourself to be used. You let other people use you and then throw you away as if you’re disposable.
This happens when your self-esteem is extremely low and you don’t respect yourself enough to set boundaries in life. You’re an extremely empathetic woman who loves to help others but you’re not a psychologist and you shouldn’t be the one to solve everyone’s issues.
A man who meets you now will only see you as someone whom he can put all of his emotional baggage onto and then leave. You want to help him, you want to fix him, but that leaves you bruised and confused.
When you don’t set boundaries for the relationships in your life, the people around you lose respect for you. Not everyone will see your kindness as something good and many will see it as a weakness and they’ll take advantage of it.
Do you really want that? It’s probably one of the main reasons why you haven’t been able to find love again.
You have a fear of commitment
A fear of commitment comes after you’ve experienced any type of trauma that makes you apprehensive about trusting someone in the long run.
You simply can’t commit to someone even when you truly want to. Sometimes, walking away from someone makes you feel awful but staying causes you so much anxiety that it’s just not worth it.
So what happens when you have commitment issues? You’re not able to stay in a relationship long enough to experience true love.
This can take a serious toll on your mental health because when you meet someone, you want them to stay in your life but you just don’t know how to keep a man in a loving relationship.
You crave it, you can feel it deep in your bones, but it feels like you’re falling apart if you try to stay. So you push people away as soon as they start showing that they care for you, as it’s easier to leave and be the one left behind.
You have a false understanding of love
When we think of love, we think of the way it’s represented in the media.
Disney princesses make it seem so easy. You fall asleep and one day, Prince Charming is there to kiss all your worries away.
If life was that easy, we’d all be in a happy relationship and no one would ever shed any tears because of their abusive boyfriends.
You may think that love is just a product of capitalism but that means you have a false understanding of it. You can perceive love however you want, as long as you don’t idealize it.
However, you can’t think that love is just supposed to happen and that it can be as easy as in the movies. Sometimes, love is a battle you have to fight in order to set things right.
Other times, love truly is something that just falls into someone’s lap. They meet their soulmate and everything works out perfectly.
Your love life doesn’t have to be any of that – you can have your own story. Once you meet your new love, you’ll understand that but you’ll wonder for a long time whether you’ll ever find love again if you don’t stop having this false understanding of love.
You have other priorities
You’ve figured out that you can’t focus on finding love right now. Even though you want to find love again, it seems like you have so many other priorities nowadays.
You have your job, your friends, and so many hobbies that love simply doesn’t seem like a necessity right now. So when you feel lonely, at 4 am, when you’re not able to sleep, you feel your loneliness deep in your bones.
It’s completely okay to have priorities in your life. However, when your productivity gets in the way of your social life or your love life, it can get a little bit tricky.
You can’t start your next relationship because your schedule is full for the next few months. That’s okay for people who really don’t want a relationship or who don’t feel the need to love and be loved but when you’re looking for love while having so many other priorities, you feel hopeless.
So will you ever find love again if you have those priorities?
You only want one person
I’m sorry to burst your bubble but you can’t find love again when you’re stuck on one person the whole time. You have an ex-boyfriend or you have a crush who’s in a relationship already and you’re into him.
When you only want one person, you stop seeing other men. You stop seeing that there are other men out there who are probably much better options for you.
You’re blind to it because you’re so focused on one person who obviously isn’t right for you and probably never will be.
What do I need to do if I want to find love again?
If you’re looking for advice on how to find love again when you’ve lost all hope, you’ve come to the right place.
You can truly find the love you’re looking for because you’re worthy of unconditional love and appreciation. You just have to learn how to find it.
1. Realize that you’re not too old
People of a certain age often have an issue when they’re looking for love, as if we become less lovable the older we get. This is a huge misconception that can make you bitter and unapproachable to other people.
You’re never too old to look for love, so please realize that. It doesn’t matter how old you are, as you can always look for love and you can find it in someone who’s worthy of you.
2. Know that love doesn’t make things better
Another mindset that makes you feel like you’re unlovable is when you believe that having someone to love you will change everything in your life. That’s not the case at all!
You can’t expect another person to get rid of all of your insecurities. Yes, it feels amazing to be loved by someone and to have someone to talk to daily but you can’t expect a simple, “I love you,” to change everything in your life.
You can’t fall in love before you realize that no one is obligated to make you feel good about yourself. You have to do that for yourself.
When you meet someone who falls in love with you, they don’t have to solve your problems. That would make the love conditional and it’s definitely not something people are looking for.
3. Communicate your needs
A person will leave you the very moment they realize that your needs don’t align. Has it ever happened to you that you met a great person but out of fear that they wouldn’t like you, you didn’t want to come off too strong, so you kept quiet about your needs?
That’s why when they found out what you wanted and needed from the relationship, they were out of there.
For example, you wanted a long, committed, and healthy relationship. He only wanted to have some fun, so when he found out that you needed commitment, he ran off.
That’s what happens when you don’t communicate your needs. If you want to find love again, you need to be honest about what you want and need, so when you meet someone worthy of you, they’ll know what they need to do to make you happy.
4. Put yourself out there more
Love won’t come to your doorstep and it won’t knock on your door. You have to put yourself out there more.
So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, go out with your female friends! Make sure you look amazing, dress to impress, and go and have the best night of your life.
You’ll meet so many new people who will love you! Let your friends introduce you to their co-workers or family members.
The first time, you may feel awkward but if your close friends can’t find you a suitable partner then who can?
Online dating doesn’t sound that bad either. You might have tried this a million times but please give it another shot.
You’ll be grateful to yourself for trying.
5. Know you deserve love
People very often lower their standards when they’re looking for love because they don’t think that they deserve it so they settle for just anyone.
Another example is when they push everyone away because they think that no one should love them anyway.
Both of these instances present a problem. First of all, you can’t find love again if you believe that you don’t deserve it at all.
When you meet someone new, you have to be able to set your standards high so they don’t misuse your trust. You should also not push people away just because you don’t believe that you deserve to be loved, as that isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved!
6. Find new hobbies
Finding new hobbies doesn’t just allow you to put yourself out there more but it also gives you something to talk about when you meet someone new. You’ll focus on something that makes you happy while also meeting people who may have the same interests as you do.
When you’re single, you have all the time in this world to explore the things you’re interested in, so don’t waste your time.
7. Realize that the love you’re looking for probably doesn’t exist
This sounds quite heartbreaking. However, it’s the truth.
The love you’re looking for is the romantic type of love that’s shown all over the media. You’ve seen so many movies and read so many books that romantic love seems like the only right way to experience love at all.
However, not every love story looks the same. Everyone needs a different type of love and no one’s looking for the same thing.
You can’t base your own standards on the experiences of others. The love you’re looking for is probably very different for you and because of that, it’ll be authentic and your love story will be unique.
You will find love again; you just have to give up on the notion that there’s a right way to love and be loved.
8. Don’t rush it
So you’ve just met someone and before you’ve even gotten to know them properly, you’re ready to say that you’re falling in love?
I’d love to tell you that it’s love at first sight but it’s probably just infatuation or desire, which has nothing to do with love.
Instead of rushing things, take your time to get to know the person. It’s better to know them and accept them for who they are instead of having to leave in the middle of something that could have been beautiful.
9. Be yourself
This probably isn’t the advice you were looking for in this article. You wanted tips on how to find love again, the steps to take to find the best solution.
Nevertheless, this is the best solution.
You need to know that you’re enough just the way you are. You’re worthy of love and affection until the end of time.
So don’t think that by pretending to be anything other than yourself you’ll be able to find love again more easily. You don’t need that!
What you do need is embrace your uniqueness and show the world who you truly are. Only that way can you find pure and unconditional love in this world.
When you’re being yourself, you’ll attract someone who you’ll love very much. So don’t pretend to be anything less than yourself because there’s someone in this world who will love you.
