Think aloud
Have you found the person of your dreams, or do you rather see him as a consolation prize? It can be pretty hard to tell sometimes, especially when you’re a hopeless romantic.
You see the potential of every person and would never easily abandon them, so you often convince yourself that you’re meant to be with them. But is that really so? Does your man make you feel as special as a true soulmate does? Check out these 10 signs:
1. You feel the connection as soon as you meet him.
The first time you talk to your person, you immediately feel a sense of familiarity. You just can’t wait to talk to him, but I don’t mean the usual initial excitement.
It’s not just the honeymoon phase, but rather the strong belief that you’ve found someone who understands you, and with every conversation, he proves this.
You know you’re not settling when you feel that special closeness. You feel curious about him, but also feel the desire to show him all that you are.
2. Effort is minimal—but not in a bad way.
When you find your forever person, you don’t have to try that hard anymore. And I don’t mean that you never put in any effort in the relationship, because effort is necessary to sustain it.
What I mean is that it all feels effortless. You don’t have to put up a facade when you’re with him. You don’t have to suppress parts of you that you think are unlovable. You show up just as you are.
On the other hand, when you’re settling, you feel exhausted. Each conversation feels like an impossible task because you don’t feel free to show all parts of yourself. And that’s how you know.
3. You’re ready to open up your heart.
A soulmate will encourage you to show even the darkest parts of you, not necessarily in a conscious way. But he will create a safe space for you, and you’ll know that you don’t need to be afraid anymore.
All the deepest fears will come pouring out, words you thought everybody would leave you for in an instant. But he doesn’t. He rather appreciates that you shared it with him in the first place.
A man you don’t feel truly connected to won’t make you feel this way. You’ll find yourself struggling alone in your room, or ranting to your friends about how you wish things were different.
4. You share the same values.
The truest form of love comes from respect; when someone’s values align with your own. Although, they don’t necessarily have to be the same. You can admire someone’s view even if they’re a little different.
But the important thing is to LIKE the person. You may think it comes easy, but think about it. How many people in your life do you love without truly respecting their character?
So, if you find a man who values the truth as much as you do, or who believes in the concept of loyalty you can nowadays see only in the movies, that’s how you know you’ve found your soulmate.
If you struggle in forming a great opinion about him, but rather just put up with his behavior in the name of love, then maybe he’s not your forever person after all.
5. Checking in doesn’t feel as exhausting as before.
Before you met him, you couldn’t imagine sharing your whereabouts with someone every single day. You always firmly believed nobody has to know about your little activities or the thoughts that run through your head. But now…
Now, you don’t do it out of respect. You do it out of a need for closeness. And in such moments, you realize that what you have is something out of the ordinary.
On the other hand, if you roll your eyes every time he asks you what’s up, and you feel tired instead of excited, that’s not a very good sign.
6. You can’t recognize yourself anymore.
If your heart recognizes your man as someone special, you’ll know that by how much you’ve changed. You’ll do things you thought you’d never do.
You’ll make long phone calls when you once used to despise them. You’ll travel long distances when it used to be such a bother.
If your partner doesn’t inspire you to be better, if he doesn’t excite you with his special way of thinking and behaving, is he really the one for you?
7. You’re comfortable with being bored.
You know you’re settling when you enjoy spending time with him only when you’re doing something special, say traveling to a cool city, or going to the amusement park.
But real connection forms when you’re comfortable just being bored with each other. It becomes enough to just lie in bed and talk. Every single activity is fun because you love each other.
8. There is no ulterior motive behind his compliments.
At the beginning of a relationship, people often flatter each other a lot. It’s not necessarily untrue, but let’s be honest, it’s mostly a way to get your affection.
However, when those compliments and sweet words persist even months and years later, that’s how you know it’s the real deal.
If anything, the smooth talk becomes even smoother because you’ve grown closer to each other. Every word feels more real and honest with each passing day.
9. Conflicts end up being declarations of love.
There are conflicts even in the most wonderful of relationships. Don’t be alarmed because it’s a very normal thing. Two individuals can’t coexist without an argument or two every now and then.
But the real question is: How do you solve those conflicts? Do you end up yelling at each other, or are you trying to solve the problem?
When you find a forever person, every conflict only strengthens your bond. Neither of you aims to be the winner of the fight. You only want it to stop, so you can love each other again. And so you do.
Don’t ever settle for a man who would rather distance himself or guilt-trip you instead of solving the issue. That’s not someone who loves you, at least not in the way you deserve.
10. Marriage doesn’t seem so scary anymore.
This is the biggest sign you’ve found your forever person. When you look into the future, you can see him sleeping in the bed with you, eating breakfast with you, growing old with you.
What once seemed like a big commitment you weren’t capable of is now the greatest desire of your heart. That’s because when you truly love someone, you want to be with them all the time.
It’s just as Harry from When Harry Met Sally says: “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
