Think aloud
Are you feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells in your relationship? If you’ve ever wondered why your partner seems to have an uncanny ability to manipulate and control your every move, you’re not alone.
From subtle gaslighting to covert emotional blackmail, in this eye-opening blog post, we’re diving deep into the world of narcissistic manipulation with 11 sneaky tricks narcissists use to control you.
Let’s explore and arm yourself with the knowledge to break free from their grip!
1. Love bombing
Love bombing involves showering someone with excessive affection, flattery, and attention to swiftly earn their trust and affection. For example, they might text you constantly, praise every little thing you do, and make grand romantic gestures that feel like they’re straight out of a fairy tale.
However, love bombing has a profound psychological impact. It creates a fake sense of intimacy and dependency, making it difficult for the victim to recognize the narcissist’s true intentions.
Once the narcissist feels they have you hooked, their behavior often changes drastically, leaving you confused and longing to return to the initial, seemingly ideal stage of the relationship.
2. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a particularly insidious form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist makes you doubt your own reality and sanity. They commonly use phrases like “You’re overreacting,” “That never happened,” and “You’re just being paranoid.”
These statements are meant to undermine your confidence and make you depend on the narcissist’s version of reality.
3. Triangulation
Triangulation is a tactic narcissists use to create drama and manipulate those around them. It involves introducing a third party into the relationship to foster competition and insecurity. For example, a narcissist might tell you how their ex never complained about certain issues or how someone else thinks they are a good partner to you.
Recognizing this tactic can help you step back, assess the situation objectively, and avoid getting entangled in the narcissist’s manipulative game.
4. Silent treatment
This tactic involves deliberately ignoring or excluding someone to punish and control them. The silent treatment can emotionally result in feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and helplessness.
When someone you care about suddenly stops communicating without explanation, it can trigger deep insecurities and a compulsion to make things right, even if you’ve done nothing wrong.
The narcissist might ignore you, avoid eye contact, or refuse to acknowledge your presence, making you feel invisible and rejected. To respond, maintain your self-worth, set clear boundaries, and communicate that such behavior is unacceptable.
5. Projection
Projection is a defense mechanism where the narcissist attributes their undesirable traits or behaviors to someone else. By accusing you of what they are guilty of, they deflect responsibility and make you doubt your own actions and intentions.
In everyday situations, projection might involve them accusing you of being selfish when they are the ones actually acting selfishly.
To protect yourself from projection, trust your own perceptions and stay grounded in your reality. Seek feedback from trusted friends or a therapist to maintain your sense of self amid the narcissist’s manipulative tactics.
6. Devaluation
Devaluation is a phase in narcissistic relationships that follows the initial idealization or love bombing. After the narcissist feels they have secured your admiration and dependence, they begin to devalue you.
This shift is often abrupt and confusing, causing the victim to wonder what went wrong and to desperately seek the narcissist’s approval.
During the devaluation phase, the acts of affection and praise that were abundant during the love-bombing phase become scarce or disappear entirely. If you notice a sudden rise in criticism, it’s crucial to recognize that these behaviors are manipulative tactics and do not reflect your true worth.
7. Hoovering
Hoovering is a tactic narcissists use to draw their victims back into the relationship after a period of separation or when the victim has attempted to distance themselves.
Narcissists use hoovering to regain control and reassert their power. They may offer what appear to be sincere apologies and promises of change, such as, “I’ve realized how much you mean to me” or “I’ll never hurt you again.”
They might make dramatic, romantic gestures similar to those during the love-bombing phase, such as sending flowers, writing love letters, or planning elaborate dates.
To recognize and resist hoovering attempts, stay firm in your decision to distance yourself and keep in mind the patterns of manipulation.
8. Blame shifting
Rather than admitting their mistakes or wrongdoings, narcissists shift the blame onto their victims, making the victims feel guilty and responsible for the narcissist’s behavior.
The narcissist might blame you for their bad behavior, saying things like, “I wouldn’t have yelled if you hadn’t provoked me.” They may depict themselves as the victim, claiming that you are the one mistreating them.
To handle and counteract blame shifting, recognize it as a manipulative tactic. Stay focused on the issue at hand and avoid being sidetracked by the narcissist’s deflections.
9. Flying monkeys
The term “flying monkeys” is derived from “The Wizard of Oz”, where the Wicked Witch uses her minions to do her bidding. In narcissistic contexts, flying monkeys are people whom the narcissist manipulates to support their agenda, often targeting the primary victim.
These individuals could be friends, family members, or colleagues who, whether knowingly or unknowingly, help the narcissist with their manipulative schemes.
Narcissists use flying monkeys to spread false information or rumors to damage the victim’s reputation and isolate them from their support network. They may also act as spies, relaying personal information to the narcissist to be used against the victim later.
10. Future faking
Future faking is a deceptive tactic where a narcissist makes grand, often unrealistic promises about the future to gain control and keep you invested in the relationship. These promises create a false sense of security and hope.
To protect yourself from future faking, pay attention to the narcissist’s actions rather than their words. Actions are more telling than promises. Avoid making major life decisions based on promises that lack concrete plans or follow-through.
Ask for specific details about how and when these promises will be fulfilled; vague answers are a red flag. Trust your instincts.
11. Emotional blackmail
Common tactics in emotional blackmail include making you feel guilty for not meeting their demands, such as saying, “If you really loved me, you would do this for me.”
They may threaten to leave you, harm themselves, or take other drastic actions if you don’t comply with their demands. By casting themselves as the victim, they make you feel responsible for their suffering.
By understanding and identifying these tactics, you can take steps to protect yourself from emotional blackmail and sustain healthier relationships.
So, it’s time to stop letting their manipulative games dictate your life and start taking back your power. After all, you’re too fabulous to be tangled in their mind games—kick them to the curb and embrace the confidence you deserve!
