Think aloud
Rebound relationships can get complicated pretty fast, but when you’re in such a relationship with a narcissist, everything can feel ten times more complex.
People end up in rebound relationships for various reasons, but most of the time, they’re looking for a way to get over their ex. We could say that these relationships are types of agreements between two people where they meet occasionally and don’t expect much from each other.
Still, some of them turn into serious relationships, while others fall apart before they even start because one person doesn’t feel ready to follow the basic rules. This is the reality of many rebound relationships.
But what happens when you choose to get into this type of agreement with a narcissist? Can you trust him to stick with the rules, or will he get sneaky and use you for other purposes?
5 hidden agendas in narcissistic rebound relationships
You probably already know that narcissists are suckers for attention. They’re control freaks who are actually deeply insecure but don’t let the world know that.
They cover up their real selves by dominating others, acting all tough, and making people feel like they’re God-given. Narcissists truly want everyone to believe they’re perfect in every way, shape, and form, which is why it’s so hard to be in their company.
When you first meet a narcissist, he’ll try to impress you with his best behavior. He’ll treat you the best way you’ve been treated in a while, but once he has you in his claws, it’s game time. When he’s sure that you can’t run away from him, he’ll destroy you emotionally just to feel better.
Now, you would’ve thought that things wouldn’t be the same in rebound relationships. After all, a narcissist needs the same as you – someone to fill the hole left by his previous partner.
But what you have to realize is that narcissistic people don’t ever look at things the same way regular people do. They see the possibility of control in everything they do and most of the time, they can’t resist this feeling.
So, narcissistic rebound relationships are never as straightforward as they should be. There are always some hidden agendas in the background as narcissists plot their moves very carefully. Here’s what they’re trying to get out of you.
1. They’re only using you to boost their self-esteem
Forget about the idea that they’re moving on from their ex and trying to heal. Narcissists can’t control their natural instincts, even though they know your relationship isn’t even a real thing.
Instead of enjoying it while it lasts, they will look for ways to tear you down and feed on that feeling. I already told you that these people crave control. They feed their ego on it and boost their self-esteem, which is why they can’t go a minute without experiencing this feeling.
Trust me, rebound relationships with narcissists are more than just a fling. You may get yourself into one, thinking that nothing serious will come out of it, but you’ll change your mind before you know it.
These people know how to use you to make themselves feel better and most of the time, you’re the one who’s going to end up broken after it.
2. They will play with your emotions to get what they want
When you get into a rebound relationship with a narcissist, you can toss expectations, boundaries, and all the promises out the window. Trust me, these people won’t do anything to keep their word. Instead, they will play with your emotions only to get what they came for.
This may include different techniques such as intimidation or playing the victim. It doesn’t really matter what they opt for, as the end result is always going to be the same. You’re going to do what they tell you to do because you won’t see another way out of the situation.
Deep down, you’re aware that this isn’t a real relationship and that you agreed on certain terms before you got into it. But guess what? Narcissists don’t keep their promises. They simply use them as a ticket to get in, and once they feel safe and comfortable, they start their own show.
These people are a real danger to your emotional health, but once you become aware of that, it will already be too late. They will already be ready to take control over you.
3. They’re craving to take control over you
While we’re on the topic of controlling, you need to be aware that narcissists see you as a puppet, and they are holding the strings. They need to feel like they own you; like you’re doing everything they tell you to.
Even though you’re in a rebound relationship, they can’t let you do your own thing. That’s bad for their reputation, you know? So, they bring their A-game on and do what they know best – manipulate and control.
They will manipulate you to the point where you won’t be sure what’s actually going on. These people distort your reality and make you feel like you’re losing your mind. They’re so good at convincing that at one point, you’ll assume that the grass is blue just because they told you so.
They’re never honest about their intentions and will do whatever needs to be done to accomplish their “Be in charge” motto. Trust me, these people are sick, and there’s nothing you can do about that. You can’t magically convince them that what they’re doing is wrong. You can’t reason with them.
Their way is the only way they want to get things done, so they’ll make you do what they want. And honestly, they don’t care how you feel about it. At the end of the day, they’re narcissists, and the word ’empathy’ can’t be found in their dictionary.
4. They’re using you as a tool for revenge
Honestly, everyone gets into a rebound relationship to profit from it. Some look for a person since they don’t know how to be alone, while others look for a faster and easier healing. And most of the time, they all at least think that this relationship will help them get revenge on their ex.
But narcissists take this idea to a whole other level. They actually plan how they can use you to get revenge on their ex. So, from the moment you get involved with them, you can be sure that you’re going to become just a tool and nothing more than that.
The worst part about this whole situation is that they don’t really care about their ex and even if they could, they would never get back with them. It’s just that their ego is hurt, and they can’t stand being the only ones suffering.
And since you found yourself in the middle of all that drama, they’re going to use you to fulfill their plans.
5. They won’t let you leave when you want to
Most rebound relationships fall apart within months since one (or both) people realize that they’re looking for more than a fling. But when you get involved with a narcissist, it’s not that easy to pack your things and leave.
From the moment you agree to start this relationship, narcissists treat you like they own you. To them, you’re just a supply, a source they use to make themselves feel better. That’s why you have no say in when you want to leave.
Even though you’re aware that this whole thing isn’t making you happy and that you want to take some proper time to heal, a narcissist won’t care about it. He’ll keep you around for as long as he wants (aka until he finds his next victim) because he truly believes that he has every right to do so.
Narcissists think they’re entitled, and that others have to listen to their commands. Just because you agreed to be in a rebound relationship with them, they assume that they have you under control.
If you knew what you were getting yourself into, you would never agree to do it. But that’s why narcissists hide their agendas because they’re aware no one would be with them if they showed their real face from the start.