Think aloud
So many people find ways to stay in a negative relationship without seeing the effects it actually has on them. They try to make things work, but it is far from healthy.
We’re all striving for that healthy relationship. A relationship where there’s love, respect, loyalty, and mutual goals. A negative relationship doesn’t have any of those, and even if it does, it’s in such low amounts that it becomes toxic.
Relationships are there to enrich our lives. They’re not there to make everything harder or to make us depressed and anxious. We especially don’t go willingly into relationships that make us miserable!
In this article, we’ll give you the run-down of all the signs that show you’re in a negative relationship. But before we do that… Do you even know what a negative relationship is?
What is a negative relationship?
A negative relationship can develop over time. It usually isn’t negative at the very beginning. Sometimes, the start of the relationship is absolutely perfect, but the satisfaction decreases over time.
You can usually correlate a negative or positive relationship based on your emotions. Usually, it’s when one person is more invested in the relationship than the other, which creates an imbalance.
It doesn’t matter how far along in the relationship you are. Negative behaviors and emotions can occur at any given point. You may not even be able to pinpoint the stressor, but something obviously isn’t right.
Not to say that a relationship can’t be negative from the very beginning. Sometimes we simply ignore the warning signs.
The verdict is that, if you can’t make things work and turn them into a healthy environment no matter how hard you try, you need to move on and find someone who will make you happy.
A healthy relationship is quite easy to maintain once you’re in an environment where you feel safe. However, we need to make sure that what you’re feeling and experiencing isn’t just a fleeting moment, but undeniably toxic. Otherwise, you may feel like you’ve made a big mistake by leaving.
8 signs you’re in a negative relationship
1. Your relationship has a codependent dynamic
A healthy relationship is one where both partners can rely on each other. Of course, there will be times when one of you will take control over certain situations and the other one can completely rely on them.
However, in a negative relationship, one partner is extremely codependent on the other.
For example, your partner doesn’t work, and he expects you to pay all of his bills. Or, you’re very emotionally unstable, and you rely on your partner entirely to regulate your emotions.
I know that relationships aren’t always 50/50. Sometimes, when you go through a particularly hard day, and you’ve only got 20% to give, you need your partner to put 80% into the relationship. Nonetheless, you’re more than willing and able to give more of yourself to the relationship on his bad days.
Codependency is when one partner completely relies on their significant other to push the relationship forward, to take care of them, and to provide stability. This is selfish, and a healthy relationship doesn’t work like this.
2. You’re not able to communicate properly
A negative relationship is definitely characterized by a lack of effective communication. Within a healthy relationship, communication is key to getting your thoughts and feelings across.
How can anyone know what the other person is thinking when they don’t say it? No one can read minds.
In a negative environment, you don’t feel comfortable voicing your opinion on anything. Your relationship falls in this category if you can’t talk face-to-face, but you’d rather text each other or exchange angry looks.
This is extremely toxic because it leads the other person into an anxious frenzy. One of you is always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Unhealthy communication also includes aggressive arguments. Every healthy relationship has its ups and downs, which means that disagreeing in a healthy manner is needed. However, shouting, throwing things around, or even accusing one another of things isn’t productive.
3. There’s a lack of trust
Because of previous trauma or the fact that you’ve caught your partner in a lie multiple times, there’s a lack of trust now. You constantly need to know where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with, and why he isn’t texting you as fast as usual.
You don’t trust your partner for a multitude of reasons, and that’s what creates a negative relationship. In the beginning, you probably weren’t like that. You trusted him, but as time went by, trust was brought into question, which is why you’re exhibiting these behaviors.
4. One partner is seeking control over the other
A healthy relationship doesn’t need one side to be in control. Both partners have the ability to make their own decisions. Of course, those decisions need to be made with their partner in mind, but they’re not controlled by the other party.
If your partner is trying to control your every move, it becomes toxic quite quickly.
He wants you to stop talking to your friends, expects you to make all the arrangements when you’ll be able to see your parents, and wants full access to your phone. You feel like he doesn’t understand how much stress that puts you under because you need your freedom.
It can go to extremes where he even stalks you to see what you’re doing. This isn’t healthy, and it’s definitely not making you happy.
5. You don’t feel comfortable putting your guard down
In a negative relationship, you’ll never feel comfortable enough to put your guard down. You’re constantly on edge because you don’t know how he’ll react once you tell him something.
The house is always spotless because you feel like it’s your responsibility to keep everything intact. You’re always making sure that you’re doing something because otherwise he’ll get angry and accuse you of being lazy.
A negative relationship can make you so scared of doing the wrong thing that you overthink every move you make.
While, in a happy relationship, you’d feel comfortable doing the things that you want to do. You would take a break when you feel like it, and wouldn’t feel the pressure to always be perfect.
6. The relationship is extremely triggering
Another thing that differentiates a negative relationship from a healthy one is the fact that this one is extremely triggering to you. Your partner knows what to say and do to make you lose your mind.
For example, if you were in an abusive relationship before this one, he’ll use it against you to make you feel inferior to him.
He’ll raise his hand, but he won’t hit you. This move is extremely triggering to an abuse victim. This type of relationship doesn’t help you heal – it makes the wounds even deeper.
7. There’s a lot of jealousy
I believe that even the healthiest relationships contain a little bit of jealousy. Sometimes, it’s cute to see how much your partner actually cares about you. However, jealousy in extreme amounts is very detrimental to your mental health.
Even if you’re talking to a female friend, he finds ways to hold that against you. You’re not allowed to stay in contact with male friends who’ve been in your life long before you even met your partner.
Jealousy can take on another face, where if you have a healthy relationship with your family, your partner wants you to give him all of your time and attention. He may even get jealous if you have a better job than him because it makes him feel inferior.
All of these things lead to a negative relationship that makes your life a living hell.
8. You feel unappreciated and disrespected
Feeling appreciated by your partner for the things you do is genuinely the bare minimum. You feel like he respects you because he’s able to see how much time and effort you’re putting into your relationship.
In a negative relationship, however, you’ll never feel appreciated or respected. It’s actually sad to see a couple where one partner is doing everything in their power to make their partner happy, while the other one isn’t lifting a finger.
At the beginning of the relationship, he probably complimented you for your efforts, but as time passed by he simply stopped. That’s what happens when someone starts taking you for granted. Your loving relationship turned into the most negative experience of your life without any warning.
This also means that he won’t respect or appreciate your efforts to turn this relationship into a healthy one, no matter how hard you try.
If someone doesn’t appreciate your efforts or respect the fact that you’re trying so hard, then they shouldn’t be a part of your life. There’s someone out there who will appreciate every little thing that you do and say because they’ll know it’s coming from love.