Think aloud
Some relationships are broken from the start it’s just that we don’t see it right away. But when the mask falls off and you realize that you must leave this person for the sake of your well-being, there’s one question that keeps haunting you. How to get over someone you love but is toxic and not good for you?
Relationships don’t come with an itinerary so you never know when to get off. They don’t come with a warning sign that says “toxic!”
Instead, they’re usually wrapped in shiny wrapping paper that sometimes contains the worst gift of your life. If you can even call it a gift.
That’s why it’s not so easy to leave a partner who’s not good for you. There were too many nice memories and cute moments so now that you’re faced with a completely different person, you don’t believe it’s real.
What do you do then? When you finally have enough courage to leave a toxic relationship, how do you move on from there? How do you get closure?
How to get over someone you love but is toxic?
When you finally realize that your toxic relationship isn’t going anywhere, you may be brave enough, gather courage, and leave. But that’s only the first step on your way to recovery. Most often, it’s the easiest one, even if it doesn’t feel that way.
Getting over a person who you still love but know that isn’t good for you is probably harder than you think it will be. Healing after everything they had put you through requires you to be strong and persistent, even when you feel like giving up.
So, where do you even start? How do you get yourself back on track and get over a guy who was just a toxic manipulator and nothing more than that?
1. Keep reminding yourself that this isn’t love
When you finally break up with a toxic partner, you’ll face some difficult moments. At times, you’ll reminisce about your relationship, focusing only on those pleasant memories.
This is normal because you’ve been trained to believe that your now ex is the center of your world. I don’t enjoy using the word “trained” but it’s what your ex had been doing to you.
He’d been trying to manipulate you believing that he was doing everything out of love. All of his accusations, lies and angry words were proof that he loved you.
How many times did he tell you that he was doing everything because he cared about you? How many times did he try to make you believe that he should know your every step because he wanted to protect you?
So, once you’re out of the toxic relationship, you need to keep reminding yourself that love doesn’t look like this. Love doesn’t prevent you from growing as a person. It doesn’t make you feel stuck.
I know that it won’t be easy, but every time you catch yourself feeling sorry that you broke up with your toxic ex, please remember that what you had with this man was never love. He was just a good manipulator who did whatever he could to make you believe his words.
2. Know that toxic people don’t change
When you’re out of a toxic relationship, your ex will probably try to have a talk with you. This will be his last attempt to get you back.
Even if he somehow succeeds at getting your attention, you need to be aware that he’s going to try and apologize for everything he did. He’s going to give you all these fake promises on how he’s going to change.
But one thing is certain – toxic people NEVER change. They’re who they are and no matter how hard you love them, you can’t change their sick mindset.
So, don’t fall for his words and stay strong in your wish to keep him out of your life. His toxicity won’t ever go away, no matter what he tells you.
3. Cut the communication COMPLETELY
One of the most important steps when trying to figure out how to get over someone you love but is toxic is to stop the communication. As I already mentioned, your ex will most certainly try to reach out to you and have a talk.
So, in order to save yourself from listening to his voice, you should be one step ahead and prevent him from getting in touch with you. Change your number and make sure he doesn’t know where you’re staying. This is your best chance at avoiding him.
4. Surround yourself with people you trust
Right now, you need to surround yourself with people who truly care about you. You need to feel safe by hanging out with those you trust the most.
This is a critical period where you’re trying to build yourself up again and improve the quality of your life. But since this journey won’t be easy, you need a great support system.
Your family and close friends will be there for you. Honestly, they’re probably over the moon that you finally ended your toxic relationship. They’ll surely do whatever they can to remind you that you deserve better than your ex.
Even at those moments when you get the urge to call him, they’ll be there to let you know that you’re better than that. This man was bad for you and they knew it. They probably even tried telling you that. However, love is blind and sometimes it takes a bit more time to realize who’s hiding behind a mask.
So, let your friends and family be there for you. Let them help you move on and heal since it’s always easier to fight the hardest battles while someone’s holding your hand.
5. Find a hobby
When you get out of a toxic relationship, your whole life changes. Besides the fact that you’re not really sure who you are as a person anymore, it can also be hard to finally lead a life you always wanted to.
I know that this sounds weird but let me explain. Being in a relationship with a man who wasn’t good for you means that you had to shape and adjust so you fit his mold. This changes you as a person and makes you feel like you have no value when he’s not around.
Once you’re out of that toxic cycle, you don’t know what to do. You miss this guy all the time even though your brain knows that he’s a bad choice.
However, some habits are hard to break and it can take a while for you to adjust to this new lifestyle. That’s why you need to find yourself new hobbies, something to keep you occupied.
You don’t want to spend your days rethinking your whole relationship, looking for ways you could fix it. I know that you promised yourself that you won’t get back with him but sometimes, our heart loves playing games with us and it convinces us of things that aren’t good for us.
To save yourself from any temptations, you need to make your life fun. You need to enjoy every second of it because that’s the best way to stop your mind from playing games with you.
You deserve to be happy and this is your chance to do whatever you want and live your life the way you always wanted to.
6. Give yourself enough time to process everything
After you break up with a toxic man, you’ll find yourself experiencing all kinds of emotions. Confusion, happiness, sadness – sometimes, you’ll even feel all these things all at once.
What you need to do at this moment is give yourself enough time to process everything. Don’t rush your healing process and let yourself fully experience everything you’re going through.
There’s a reason why you’re feeling each and every one of your emotions. So, don’t assume that you’ll do yourself a favor by neglecting them.
Getting over someone you love but is toxic is a long process that requires your full commitment and patience. You can’t just move on overnight and pretend like everything’s okay. It will take you some time to heal and forget about your ex, but once that happens, you’ll be the happiest person in the world.
Think about that.
7. Nothing’s wrong with you!
During the relationship, your toxic partner probably tried to persuade you that you were lucky to be with him. He wanted you to feel like no one would ever choose you and that you should be thankful that you’re together.
He did this to ruin your confidence and take control over you. So, now that you’re no longer together, you probably still have these flashbacks that make you believe you’ll never find love again.
You need to remember that all this time, you’ve been conditioned to think that you were in a happy relationship. You’ve been trained to believe that love is all about controlling and that each relationship issue is your fault.
Your toxic partner was mean because you provoked him. He was prone to yelling because you didn’t listen to him. Or, he was controlling your life because you weren’t smart enough to see who were your real friends.
In reality, things are completely different. Nothing’s wrong with you, your beliefs, and your views on life. You’re a beautiful, strong, and capable woman who can do whatever she sets her mind to. It’s your partner who was weak and knew that he didn’t deserve you.
The only way he could be with you was if he first ruined your self-esteem and played with your emotions.
So, the next time you start blaming yourself and thinking this was all your fault, remember that you’re worth more than you assume. Nothing’s wrong with you, and it was him who was wrong for you!