The Meaning Of “Women Marry Who They Want, Men Marry Who They Can”

While scrolling through social media I stumbled upon a man talking about how men are the ones who choose who they’re going to marry. He continued to say that women marry whoever is first in line and we never spend too much time thinking about it.

I felt something stirring within me because his analogy made absolutely no sense. He said it was easier for men to choose because women are so eager to marry. That’s his reasoning for why women usually marry whoever is willing to put a ring on it.

Listen up, you caveman!

You can take that mic to the trash can with the rest of your career. What are these assumptions based on? On a study done on your homies when you were drinking your brains away?

Okay, I’m gonna take a deep breath.

In the article’s title, I put it the other way around, as you can see. There’s a good chance that there are people who won’t agree with this, but I truly do believe that you’ll understand my point of view by the end of my little rant.

Women were conditioned to grow up thinking that we’re nothing without a husband. We were told that a partner would be the perfect icing on a cake we call life. More often than not, someone was telling us that we’re not fulfilled unless we have a partner.

Now, things are getting a little more complicated. When we don’t get a job then we’re not trying hard enough. However, when we don’t have a partner then there must be something wrong with us.

There’s always that weird balance that we’re trying to achieve to find our place in a system set up by men who (obviously) never gave two brain cells to think about their wives. They would work and expect their wife to do the rest of the chores at home.

We can’t really think in those extremes in today’s day and age.

However, even back in the day, women wouldn’t marry whoever knocks on their door. It doesn’t matter who did the choosing and picking for the women (meaning their fathers and brothers); there was always a long list of suitors to choose from.

Nowadays, women are raising their standards! We understand our needs better, we know what we want, and we’re doing our best to try and find the perfect man for ourselves. With that being said, it leads to many women choosing to be alone rather than settle for an ape who can’t differentiate love from slavery.

Women are learning that they deserve respect, love, as well as equality in a relationship. So why would we want to jump at the first opportunity to get married?

You’re going to tell me that some are desperate out of fear of staying alone for the rest of their lives. I can agree with that to a certain extent. There are women like that out there, for sure.

However, the guy in the podcast was generalizing this. He said every woman out there was just sitting around and waiting for an opportunity to arise. I’m done listening to these black and white statements that put us in an “either/or” situation.

Women are the ones making the final decision. We’re not talking about arranged marriages anymore. A woman has agency over her own body. She has a right to make that final decision when a man falls on his knees in front of her.

I would never want to put men in a degrading position where they seem like they’re not in a position to decide, too. They do. They choose for whom they’ll buy that ring, but I also believe that it’s a decision that they make together.

However, as a loud and argumentative woman, I couldn’t stay silent on this atrocious topic. A woman makes the conscious decision to spend her life with someone who’s right up her alley.

Saying that a woman married whoever comes around is just another way to say that men have complete control over us. That’s definitely not true.

So many men out there (not all men) tend to insult a woman once they’re rejected. Their audacity leads them to believe that they have a right to the woman they want simply because the woman was lucky enough to be chosen.

Their ego gets offended once they realize that a woman’s thoughts don’t revolve around: “Choose me! Pick me! Look at me!”

It’s interesting to see that moment of realization. Deciding to reject a man is like a crime against the male species. Or is this only my experience with them? Have you ever been insulted by a man for simply rejecting his advances?

No? Yes?

I guess that’s just the reality of being a woman.

Either way, The statement “men marry who they want, women marry who they can” is a complete lie. I’d rather formulate it the other way around as the title suggests.

Whatever the case, we still need to stop generalizing and putting women in these boxes where we can either be one or the other. We’re human beings who have their own thoughts and opinions. We choose whom we’ll marry and if we’ll marry at all!

Stop telling us that it’s the only thing we must strive for. Stop believing that we’re sitting around and waiting for a suitor.

At this point in history, we don’t care about these stereotypes. If you’re lucky enough to find a partner who loves you dearly to spend your life with, then congratulations. But don’t expect women to limit themselves to one thing only.

We choose what happens. We make that decision.