Think aloud
Sometimes, it’s more than obvious when a guy is only using you to get over his ex-girlfriend.
Girls handle this a little bit differently; we prefer to heal before we jump straight into a new relationship. But it seems that guys just love to bring other girls into that whole chaos and their wicked little games can break them even more.
You’re probably here because you already have your suspicions. You feel like you always come second to his ex and he’s not really good at hiding it either.
You just want to make sure that he’s not using you and that his intentions are genuine. No one wants to be anyone’s rebound, nor do you want to be reminded that you’ll never be as good as she was.
So in order to save your heart, here’s a list of things you need to look out for.
1. He mentions his ex a lot
The first thing you need to pay attention to is whether he mentions his ex a lot. I know that at the beginning of a relationship, you’ll try to get to know each other and you’ll also talk about your previous partners.
That’s completely fine! However, he doesn’t seem to stop!
It’s been more than a hot minute since you started seeing each other but he still mentions his ex as if she’s constantly on his mind. The truth is that he probably does think of her on a daily basis.
You may even catch yourself giving him advice on how to deal with his heartbreak and that’s just another reason why he’s using you to get over his ex-girlfriend.
2. His friends are surprised he’s dating at all
There’s a slight possibility that you may not even meet his friends. However, if you have and their reaction was, “We’re so glad he’s dating again,” or, “It’s a good thing that you’re there for him, he was really heartbroken,” you should genuinely take a moment to think about this.
Why would they say something like that? Why would they even bring his ex into the conversation at all?
They know that he’s not over her and they think that he’s taking a step in the right direction by dating again. It’s just a sign that he wasn’t ready for a new relationship and everyone knows this except you.
3. You feel like he compares you to his ex
He may not have said it directly but you know that he compares you to her. He constantly makes remarks that include her and that remind you that you’re in competition with that woman.
For example, when you’re making something to eat, he’ll casually slip in a comment or two to tell you how his ex used to do the same thing.
You understand that he needs a little bit more time to get over her but he shouldn’t compare you to her at any given moment in time.
It’s absolutely disheartening, as you feel like a placeholder until she decides to go back to him.
4. He’s stayed in contact with his ex
This is usually a very big red flag that you need to watch out for. A man who doesn’t stop contacting his ex is a man who’s not over his ex.
When you’re done with a relationship, you have to block that person. You can’t really stay friends with someone you loved without still risking losing the person you’re currently dating.
He’s using you to get over his ex-girlfriend when he’s seeing you even though he’s still texting his ex. They may even go out occasionally.
You’re better than that and you shouldn’t have to deal with a man who can’t let go of his past relationship.
5. He’s only physically affectionate with you
A man who’s only physically affectionate with you will cause you to feel empty inside. He doesn’t say any words of affirmation and he doesn’t spend time at all with you during the day.
All he does is take you out on dates that will inevitably lead to you going home with him. You may even realize that he doesn’t try to engage you in deeper conversations.
In the beginning, you were flattered that he wanted you that badly but right now, you’re able to see that his intentions are anything but pure. You want to get to know him outside of these physical urges, even though he doesn’t seem to share your sentiment.
6. You haven’t met his family yet
Just because a guy doesn’t want to introduce you to his family, it doesn’t mean that he’s using you to get over his ex-girlfriend. There could be many reasons behind that.
However, do you know for a fact that he introduced his ex to them? Did he tell you that his parents loved his ex a lot and that’s the reason why he can’t introduce you to them?
Well, my darling, do you truly believe that he wouldn’t give you a chance to meet them if he was serious about this relationship?
He would introduce you to them and let them fall in love with you as well. He’s not doing that because he isn’t over his ex and he doesn’t think that you can compare to her.
7. He doesn’t make plans for the future
It’s scary when you expect a future from the man you’re currently seeing but he doesn’t seem to care enough. He doesn’t want to think of a future with you because he still imagines one with his ex-girlfriend.
They made plans together and that doesn’t let him move on. He has his future figured out but you’re not a part of it.
How is he supposed to make new plans when he’s still not over his ex? He wants her and to imagine himself with anyone except her probably hurts him more than he’s ready to admit.
This situation definitely makes you feel like a placeholder until the moment she makes the decision to take him back. You want to be his one and only but you’re in constant competition with his ex (and she’s already won).
8. He says he can’t commit to you right now
How long have you been seeing each other? It’s been a while, right?
Maybe you’ve been seeing this man for months now and there’s absolutely no reason why you can’t be exclusive or why you can’t call this an actual relationship.
He’s using you to get over his ex-girlfriend. You’ll know that it’s the truth whenever he uses another lame excuse for why he can’t commit to you.
He may even say it himself. He’ll tell you that he’s still not over her and he doesn’t want to put you through that.
If this happens, he’s truly not the right man for you. He belongs to someone else and you deserve so much better.
You can’t compete with a woman who already owns his mind, body, and soul. I just hope you find a peaceful way out of this relationship.
