As a daughter of a narcissistic mother, you’ve been raised differently. All your life, you had this toxic relationship in your household that changed you completely.
Even though you learned to adapt to it, you’re still unable to fully heal from it. You’re so used to being treated as less than enough that you don’t know how to change your own perception of yourself.
Sometimes, you don’t even realize how badly you’re treating yourself until someone else points it out to you. Then, you stop for a second and realize you’ve turned into your biggest enemy only because your mother raised you a certain way.
These signs speak clearly that you’re a daughter of a narcissistic mother and that you’ve grown into a person none of us want to be like.
1. You’re gaslighting yourself
Your mother always gaslighted you and imposed her version of reality on you. Because of that, you’ve started treating yourself the same way.
You always blame yourself for every single situation you end up in. Even when nothing’s your fault, you still find a way to make it seem like you’ve made a mistake.
This goes back to the way your mother treated you as a child. She always made sure to invalidate your feelings and make you believe all of your opinions and observations were wrong.
Today, you often think you’re the cause of certain issues, even though deep down, you know that’s not true. But since you’re used to being blamed for everything and anything, you now keep treating yourself the same way.
2. You’re obsessed with your appearance
Your mother always made sure to point out all of your flaws and imperfections. She was always there to warn you that you won’t go anywhere with her if you don’t look your best.
She treated you as if you were her trophy, which meant that she expected you to always be picture perfect.
As a mere child, she made you feel self-conscious of your looks, and that’s remained deeply embedded in your memory. Today, you do the same to yourself – you always make sure to look perfect.
If you see something that doesn’t match up in your outfit, you immediately remind yourself how incapable you are and how you still don’t know how to take care of yourself. You repeat the words your mother used to say and put yourself down with them.
3. You blame yourself for everything
No matter what happens, you always find a way to point a finger at yourself. It’s the way you’ve been raised and you don’t know how to treat yourself any differently.
Your mother always blamed you for her issues and you’re so used to feeling that way, you don’t know how to change your own behavior. Whenever there’s an issue, you think you must be the cause of it.
Unfortunately, this is also a sign you’re a daughter of a narcissistic mother. She always made you feel awful even when she knew that things weren’t your fault. So, you simply copied her patterns of behavior and started treating yourself the same way.
4. You’re always seeking validation from others
Growing up, your mother made you feel like you always needed her validation. No matter the occasion, you always had to ask her for an opinion.
And even when you didn’t agree on something, you still felt this need to do as she told you. You thought that listening to your mother was the only right thing to do, regardless of how that affected you while doing so.
Today, you’re precisely the same. You still need validation from others, whether it be at your job or in your romantic relationship.
You’ve turned into a submissive type who doesn’t know how to do things on your own. Now, whenever you need to do something you first ask others for their opinion. And even if you do something without anyone’s help, you still need validation for your actions.
If you don’t get them, you feel like you’ve failed.
5. You’re overly giving
Your narcissistic mother always expected you to be there for her. She got mad every time you didn’t give her as much as she demanded of you.
That’s why you’ve turned into a person who keeps giving without getting anything in return. You’re always there for others who wouldn’t lift a finger for you.
But since you’re used to being treated this way, you don’t know how to raise your voice and stop pleasing them. So, you keep on giving of yourself until you burn out.
6. You struggle to maintain an emotional connection
Growing up, you weren’t able to establish an emotional connection with your mother. She never made you feel like she was proud of you. Quite the opposite, she ignored or downplayed all of your accomplishments.
At the same time, she knew all too well how to point out your mistakes – she thrived on it.
Because of the treatment you got while growing up, you now struggle to maintain an emotional connection with anyone. Since no one ever taught you how it feels to rely on someone and have a strong relationship with them, to this day, you still suffer the consequences.
7. You’re toxically independent
Since your narcissistic mom was never there for you, you had to learn how to be independent. The moment you asked her for help, she started ranting about how you don’t know how to do anything on your own.
At one point, you had enough and decided you wouldn’t beg her for anything anymore. That’s how you’ve grown into a toxically independent person who’s incapable of ever asking for someone’s help.
Even when there’s no chance to finish something on your own, you still don’t feel capable of letting others help you. You’ve been raised to believe that it’s safest to depend only on yourself, so that’s what you’ve kept on doing.