Think aloud
You have been thinking about your ex a lot lately… and whenever the thought of him crosses your mind, you start feeling nostalgic.
I know that you think that you really miss him and that you’re sure you want to get back together with him.
Despite all the bad things that happened, you want him back.
However, you need to start doubting the feelings you have regarding this man. It’s actually very likely that you’re only imagining that you miss him.
You probably keep convincing yourself that you still love him.
As a matter of fact, it’s very likely that you don’t even want him back. Here are the things that will help you see that:
1. Loving him is just an old habit
Isn’t your ex actually just your comfort zone? Even though you know that you need to step out of it, you’re scared to do so.
Despite all the bad things you went through in the relationship, it’s something that is familiar to you, and you got used to it.
You are convinced that you truly love him, but you’re just having trouble changing an old habit.
He gave you a sense of familiarity and you crave that now, not him. Loving him is just an old habit, and breaking a habit isn’t so easy to do.
You don’t want to start dating again and you are afraid of being with someone new.
Getting back together with your ex seems to you like the best option. This is because you know what you can expect from him and you know what your relationship will look like.
He gives you a sense of belonging, but that’s not enough for you to get back together with him. At least it shouldn’t be.
You just got used to your ex and getting into a relationship with him again just because of that is not good for you.
Don’t do it to yourself, no matter how scared you are of change.
Keep in mind that things often change for the better, not for the worse.
2. He hasn’t changed
You want to get back together with your ex because you’re actually hoping that everything will be different the second time around.
You’re trying to convince yourself that he has changed and that everything will be better.
The truth is, he hasn’t changed and he never will. You have to realize that your ex is the same guy he was.
If you get back together with him, you will experience the same problems you had when you were in a relationship…
The problems that made you break up in the first place will make you break up again…
The truth is, it will only hurt more the second time.
Your personalities have stayed the same, and nothing has really changed between you two just because you haven’t been together for some time.
Of course, it’s very likely that you’ll experience the honeymoon phase again when he comes back… but very quickly, everything will be the way it was when you were in a relationship you weren’t happy in.
Don’t forget that there was a reason your relationship ended, and that reason hasn’t disappeared.
3. You are scared of being single
If the two of you were in a relationship for a while, you got used to having a boyfriend. You don’t really miss him, you miss having a partner.
What you truly miss is the sense of partnership and belonging which you had when you were in a relationship with him.
All this means is that you are just scared of being single.
Don’t you know that you can actually enjoy being single and make the best of what a single lifestyle can offer you?
You have a chance to finally focus on yourself after all that time you only focused on your boyfriend.
This is your chance to realize that you don’t need anyone to make you happy because you can find your own happiness.
You aren’t only half a person when you’re not with someone. This is the time for you to realize that you’re complete on your own.
4. You only remember the good things
When we remember something from the past, we tend to think only of the good things. We ignore the bad things that we would like to forget.
This is what happens when you think about the relationship you had with your ex.
You remember all the times he made you smile and forget about all the times he made you cry.
When you look back, you see only the happy memories and you forget about all the awful fights you had.
You don’t only focus on the good times because you also focus on your ex’s qualities and ignore his many flaws as well.
When you look back on your relationship, you see it through rose-colored glasses, which makes it all look tempting.
You have to understand that things weren’t the way you’re remembering them now. This is because you’re idealizing both him and the relationship.
All this is natural and we all do it after a breakup… but you shouldn’t let it make you think that you should get back together with your ex.
5. You are afraid of loneliness
After a relationship ends, it’s only natural that you feel somewhat empty and lonely.
However, it doesn’t mean that you should get back together with your ex or that you even love or miss him.
You are experiencing an unfamiliar feeling and you’re afraid of it.
Let me remind you that being lonely and being alone isn’t the same thing.
You will be fine on your own, and there are surely others besides your ex who care about you. Focus on yourself and on them, and you won’t feel lonely.
6. You want to prove that you can have him back
Maybe you aren’t really that hurt, but your ego is. Our ego takes a massive hit when we lose the one we love, and it’s only natural to feel like that.
Your ego wants you to prove that you can have your ex back and that you still matter to him… but do you really care?
Do you really want to be with someone just to boost your ego?
