They’ll never be me and you know it just as well as I do.
I’d like to believe that our relationship wasn’t a complete mess. I want to convince myself that I didn’t waste my time loving a man who obviously didn’t deserve a moment of my time.
When you’ve gone through so much with someone, you want to believe that they won’t leave you hanging just because things got a little messy. Back then, I didn’t know just how wrong I could be.
At the beginning of the relationship, I was mesmerized by all the things you promised me. You told me that I was the one for you, the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen.
You said that whenever you looked at me, you saw your own forever.
No one seemed to understand the things I loved as much as you did. You loved the way I would lose myself in my head. You loved the way I treated you, loved you, and cared for you.
“I can’t remember the last time I could talk to someone like this.”
You’d call me your best friend and always emphasize just how perfect I was for you.
At the time, I didn’t realize that it wasn’t a compliment. Trying to get someone to listen to you talk for hours, taking all of their advice, and then discarding them wasn’t something I should have let you do with me.
Whenever you’d tell me that you had an issue, I’d listen to you for as long as you needed. You’d lie in my lap and I’d stroke your hair until you finally felt better.
The fact you didn’t see the turmoil inside me even when you were looking into my eyes says enough about how much you cared about me.
You simply didn’t care that I had issues to deal with on my own – you’d only take whatever I could give you without ever wanting to give something back.
So when you realized just how much I loved you back then, you decided that it was the right time to leave.
I never understood a man’s need to sabotage his own happiness like that. All of my friends have at least once had a man run away because he was too scared.
So when my friends told me that you’ll never find someone remotely as good as me, I was skeptical. I thought that they were just being supportive.
Going through a breakup means that you need all the support you can get, so I guessed my friends were only trying to help out.
But after a while, I saw what they were saying.
Who’s going to put up with you the way I did? Who’s going to forgive you for the things you did?
I loved you to the point where I thought that you didn’t have a bad bone in your body. I thought you were the epitome of perfection. Imagine my surprise when I found out that you were everything but a good person.
That’s when I started to see the things that I was able to give you. So no matter how hard you might try to find my replacement, they’ll never be me.
The girl you’re talking to right now won’t put up with these things – not for long. When you tell her that you’re not doing alright, she won’t be able to be the shoulder I was.
You won’t be able to get an actual response from her because she isn’t empathetic or introspective. She’s everything but the person you need.
I was probably the best match for you, but you chose to break my heart. And I’m glad you did.
I was everything you could have ever needed, and now that I’m not in your life anymore, you’re starting to realize just how bad life without me really is.
You’ll look for me in every girl you meet, but it’ll take you a moment to understand that you can’t get from her what you got from me. Those beautiful conversations until the early hours of the morning were my specialty.
She likes to tell you what you want to hear, but I told you the truth.
Every girl you meet will be mediocre. There won’t be sparks flying around you when you kiss her. She won’t know the names of every constellation you point at and she won’t rant to you about the show she’s watching.
When she walks past you, she won’t smell of freshly-picked lavender, but something unfamiliar. And you’ll realize that it’s not the smell you’re used to.
So after a while, when you get bored of searching for me in each girl you encounter, you’ll want me back.
I know that, because that’s the type of person you are. I listened to you enough to know this is inevitable.
But you won’t have a place to return to. You won’t find my arms wide open to welcome you into an embrace. You can wait for ages for my reply to the long threads of messages that you’ll send me.
I will never reply. You can wait and wait, but you lost me the very moment you thought that being with me wasn’t enough for you. When you made the decision to hurt me, you also showed me that you never truly cared.
So don’t worry. I’ll be more than fine without you. I’ll live my life and meet someone who’ll actually appreciate me.
But you’ll be left with girls who are nothing more than crumbs of the woman you once “loved.” They’re there to remind you every single day that you could’ve been happy. You could’ve had it all, but everything was more important to you at the time than I was.
I’m finally fine with that fact because I know that those women will never be me. They’ll never love you the way I did.
Knowing that gives me the peace of mind at night. I now sleep peacefully.