I know you miss him, but don’t do it.
It’s tough, sad, and confusing, and you don’t know how to deal with all these feelings. You broke up a while ago. At that moment you were angry, disappointed, and broken.
You were aware of all the things that led to your breakup. You knew that everything you were building together needed to be broken because the two of you just couldn’t work together anymore.
There were lots of problems in your relationship that couldn’t be fixed. You tried a lot of times, but you never managed to succeed.
Somehow, all the good times disappeared, and the bad times rose to the surface. And they covered the whole ocean, leaving all those beautiful days the two of you spent together hidden somewhere down below.
I know that admitting that your relationship has fallen apart is difficult. But when you see the ocean covered with problems, then you know what needs to be done. No matter how difficult it is.
And that’s what you did. It was the hardest moment of your life, but you still chose to do it because you knew it would save both of your futures.
That’s how it ended. So many months spent together. Good times and bad times. But the bad won this time. “It’s okay. I’ll focus on myself and on healing from everything that’s happened,” you thought and forced a smile.
Then your journey of healing began. At first, it felt amazing. You were free. You enjoyed having so much time for yourself. All those hobbies and goals you had before your relationship with him came to life again. You spent every day just the way you wanted to.
And you didn’t have to force a smile anymore. Your smiles were sincere. Your eyes showed happiness too. Your friends were happy for you, too. They told you that you were finally getting back on your feet and finally becoming the old you.
The “old you” that they missed, they liked to point out. The “old you” that used to enjoy living. The woman who was always optimistic and with a laugh that was contagious. People couldn’t be in her presence without starting to laugh too.
They said that you lost your spark while you were in a relationship with him, but that your spark finally returned. These little things made you work harder and harder to finally heal completely. And leave all the things that bothered you in the past.
You could also feel your spark coming back to life, just not as much as everyone emphasized. But you thought that maybe you were still confused by everything that happened so you believed your friends. After all, they are the ones who know you the best, right?
That’s where you’re wrong, though. The person who knows you the best is actually you. And when you suspect that your spark isn’t fully back, you’re right. When you feel that you still haven’t healed from it all, you’re right again.
It felt like the end of the world. You tried so hard to heal and be happy again, and you thought you were doing well. But from the moment you realized that you haven’t moved on as much as you wanted to, everything started falling apart.
Now you’re sad again. You’re confused and you don’t know what to do. It feels like you’re back at the beginning and this time it seems impossible to win. It’s like something is keeping you in one place, despite your intense desire to move.
I know how difficult it is to feel like you are pedaling backward. Then you have nostalgia running through you, and you can’t help but relive all the good memories the two of you made together. All the beautiful days and nights you spent holding each other’s hand.
And as days pass by, you start remembering more and more amazing memories you have. It makes you happy to recall that you actually had some great times together. It even makes you smile. And at the end of the day, you fall asleep with a tear running down your cheek.
Then you start living in those good old times, and you stop focusing on healing. You don’t even realize that the past is holding you hostage. So you don’t even try to escape it. Instead, you slowly start moving the good times to the surface and drowning the bad times somewhere in the depths.
Now it seems like those problems you had weren’t as big as you thought. You blame yourself for overreacting and breaking up. You’re hopeful again. But this time it’s not hope to heal and move on. This time, you’re hoping you’ll get back together again.
And I’m here to save you from it. I’m here to tell you that your mind is messing with you. It saw you were vulnerable, it felt bored, so it decided to make some problems.
Yes, the two of you had some amazing times together. But go back to the day you broke up and remember the problem-covered ocean.
You didn’t make all the issues up – they were all there. And no matter how big or small they individually were, they were still big enough to cover the entire ocean when combined.
And even though you maybe have enough good memories to cover it too, they shouldn’t be what motivates you to get back with the person you’re trying to heal from. If you have an equal amount of problems and good memories, it’s a sign that the relationship you had wasn’t the right one for you.
Granted, there will always be some problems when you’re in a relationship. But you deserve to find a person who will make sure to have at least twice as many good times as bad. You’re amazing and you shouldn’t settle for any less than that.
I know those beautiful memories make you miss him. But always try to remember that for one good memory, there were two problems attached to it. And I don’t think that you would like to go back to all of that over again.
Give yourself a chance to enjoy life again and to meet someone who will make you the happiest person alive. And when you feel like calling your ex or making plans to get back with him, remember this letter I wrote for you. Going back to him will not bring back your spark.
I know you miss him, but don’t do it.