People say that love is all you need and that it conquers all, but how true is that?
When you fall in love, you somehow put on rose-colored glasses.
They make you see the person you love and the whole world differently and you do things you normally wouldn’t do.
Science warns us that being in love feels like being on drugs. When you’re in love, you’re basically out of your mind; all of us are.
This explains a lot, doesn’t it? It especially helps us understand why we idealize the person we love.
When you love someone, you don’t see their flaws, or you simply pretend you don’t.
This is partly because you’re infatuated, but there’s something else too.
In a way, you know that you’re investing your love and time and making a lot of effort to have that person in your life.
No one likes to admit to themselves that they might have made a mistake, right? The truth can be too painful, so we refuse to face reality.
We’re scared of hurting and becoming single again. We’re scared of change, even if brings something better.
That’s when something terrible happens that spells doom for your relationship. You start to make excuses for your partner.
They aren’t putting as much effort into the relationship as you are… but you tell yourself that they just have a lot on their mind right now.
They’re going through a hard time, right?
We all sometimes go through a difficult period and have a lot on our mind but is it an excuse to not make any effort anymore?
I don’t think so, and neither should you.
There’s actually a much worse common excuse we like to believe in when we’re in love.
“He will change.” Sound familiar?
It’s a rabbit hole a lot of us fall through at some point in our life.
When you love someone, you’re always willing to give them a second chance. You want to believe in miracles and that he’ll change someday.
His actions form such an obvious pattern, again and again, but you still believe.
“I can change him. My love will change him.”
Ever told yourself this terrible lie? Well, you’re not the only one.
Most of us have been there, and it’s what loving someone with all our heart makes us believe.
Stop believing and see the pattern. You actually know that his actions mean more than his words, at least somewhere deep down.
If he says one thing but does another, it’s very clear that he doesn’t care enough.
“Maybe he had some bad past relationship that left him with unresolved issues.”
We’ve all believed that excuse too, and it’s so easy to. If someone had hurt you before, you need time to completely heal, what’s untrue about that?
Well, it’s true… but if you haven’t completely healed, it might have been better not to enter a relationship with someone new.
You’re not willing or ready to face the pain or fear your past left you with you.
How could you have a healthy relationship with someone new if your previous experiences still affect the decisions you make?
It’s not a problem that you have issues, but it’s a problem that you avoid facing them.
“When he says mean things, he doesn’t really mean them.”
This is one more terrible excuse we make for a guy when we love him, and probably the worst one.
It’s an excuse we make to tolerate pure disrespect that should never be condoned.
Insults are never okay, especially when it’s our loved one who flings them our way.
It makes no sense actually. When someone loves you, they want to make you happy, not miserable.
A man who loves you will care about your well-being, not make your life awful.
The mean things aren’t just the things he says in moments of annoyance or rage. He makes a conscious decision to make you feel smaller.
A man who loves you will make an effort to choose his words carefully, even when he’s really upset.
“He’s just a man.”
When we accept stereotypes like this, we make the harmful consequences they have even greater.
How can being a man be an excuse for bad behavior or anything at all? It certainly doesn’t justify any disrespect.
A man has a unique personality and free will. He has the power to change and choose between options, just like any other human being.
Men are not programmed to act a certain way just because they’re men.
When they don’t care enough or are just lazy, it’s not because they’re men, it’s because they choose to be.
A man who doesn’t make an effort is a jerk, not ‘just a man’.
If he doesn’t make as much effort as you do and doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, walk away.
You can’t change him by loving him harder. After all, you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change, no matter what you do.
It’s true, no matter how much we wish it wasn’t, and no matter how sad it is.
You need to stop making excuses for him and thinking that your love can change him.
Do yourself a favor and walk away from him before he actually changes you with his lack of love.
The sooner you leave him, the sooner you’ll find someone who will be worth all the effort you’re willing to put into a relationship… someone who’ll love you as much as you love him.
You can’t change a man by loving him harder, but you might change him by saying goodbye.
Maybe it’ll finally make him see his own flaws and mistakes.
It could teach him that he has to change if he ever wants to find another woman who’ll love him the way you do.
Stop making excuses and making yourself believe things that aren’t true.
Once you finally open your eyes and see what you have to do, maybe you’ll make him open his too.
Do both of you a favor and walk away when you don’t get what you give.