You don’t want to believe that all you’ve been until now is someone’s backup plan, but you know it’s true.
You ignored the signs because you believed that if you just tried a little bit harder, you’d see him change. Until the very end of your relationship, you woke up each morning believing that this is the day he’d make you his priority.
He obviously didn’t see things that way. He didn’t see you as anything more than an option he could turn to when everything else in life failed.
You don’t want to believe this because you loved him so unconditionally. You loved him to the point where you forgot what it feels like to love yourself above everyone else.
It’s hard to remind yourself why you’re feeling absolutely unloved. It’s tough to be honest with yourself. Because being honest means that you have to admit to yourself that you’re not important to him at all.
You didn’t spend your life learning how to love yourself just to be someone’s backup plan.
You spent years trying to learn to love yourself. Once upon a time, your body was your biggest enemy. You hated every curve and bone, and you wanted to readjust your body, but it couldn’t be done.
You read so many books because you wanted to learn and grow. A woman like you, who spends so much time working on herself to be the best version she can be, deserves someone just like that.
Because you transferred that same energy into your relationship.
You tried to work on your issues and whenever he had a problem you were the one to solve it. Whenever he’d come to you upset about something you did, you were the one to change that part of you to fit him.
But when you’d try to talk to him about what you thought was wrong, he’d take a few steps back. Sometimes, he would walk away completely. He believed it was your job to change to help him love you, never the other way around.
You deserve to live your fairy tale and the love stories you dream of. Because being a backup plan was simply never your intention.
No one ever dreams about being someone’s second option. You’ve probably always dreamt of the day you’d meet your prince charming – to love and be loved.
When you were younger, your imaginary boyfriend would always get a beautifully written letter or poem. You’d pour your heart and soul into those and imagine what it would be like to have a real man read them one day.
Now that man is someone who doesn’t care about those beautiful words you say or the way you beg him to stay. He sees you as replaceable. You’re not special to him, even though you’re absolutely the most loving woman out there.
He might see you as a fantasy, but it’s just a fleeting one. You deserve someone who has dreamed of a woman like you his entire life and not just one to give him momentary pleasure.
You deserve to come home to someone who genuinely loves you and cares for you. Not to an empty house, because you remember the fight you had that probably led him into the arms of another.
When you’re someone’s second choice, when you’re nothing more than a backup plan, you forget how beautiful a relationship can be.
You forget that you should be able to count on someone and tell them everything that’s been going on.
But you know that you can’t because you’re nothing more than a backup plan to him. There’s no way he’ll be there for you when you need him because at your lowest points he goes and finds someone else to be with.
You’re never a priority to him, even when you do everything right. Even when you try your best and swallow your own tears, you still come home to an empty house that still holds his smell.
You come home and all you feel is anger and loneliness.
You deserve someone who chooses you every single day and makes you his priority for the rest of his life.
Love isn’t a fleeting emotion that you can brush off every single time you don’t find it to be convenient. It’s not an emotion that we can run away from – it follows us everywhere.
You know this by your own example because it doesn’t matter where you go, you’re always thinking of him. That’s because you love him.
If he loved you, he wouldn’t be able to look another woman in the eyes without seeing you. But he does everything so casually as if you don’t even exist.
That’s not love. You deserve so much more than that.
Your special someone will choose you every single day above everything else. You’ll make plans together because you both want to make things work between you two.
That special someone will wake up each morning and think about all the ways he can make you smile today.
He will never even dare to look at another woman because hurting you would break his heart. His biggest fear is to hurt you and see you cry.
You deserve a man like that. Not a coward who hides behind his commitment issues and says that he has it hard. Did he ever ask you how you were feeling?
Exactly because of that – because of the amount of love that you’re able to give to someone, because there’s someone out there who’ll reciprocate that – you deserve so much more.
Being someone’s backup plan isn’t something you should ever strive for.
So find the courage. Find the strength to leave him and go after your happiness.
Because you deserve so much more.