Giving is always harder than receiving (at least for those who believe they don’t have anything to offer).
When you are your own worst enemy, it feels like you constantly trip yourself up when running for your life.
You believe that you are just an average person, with nothing special inside.
If you could describe yourself to others, you would tell them that you are a plain white package that no one picks up, as the other packages are more colorful and fun.
It’s even worse that you try to convince those people around you that you are nothing more than that.
Sometimes, it even feels that you put more energy into beating yourself up than into the actions that can help you grow.
You don’t want to accept that you are more than the words you put on yourself.
You present yourself as ‘average’, ‘nothing special‘ or ‘just one out of many‘.
Instead of tricking others into believing that you are worth less than them, try making yourself realize your worth and value.
Don’t beat yourself up all the time, trying to prove to them that you don’t matter, because you do.
Yes, your dress is beautiful and you look amazing in it, your idea is great and it has huge potential, and your act of helping your neighbor was a big deal.
Everything you do is worth praising so stop making yourself less important.
Still, sometimes it’s easier to say it than to make yourself believe in it. When you are used to making yourself less than you are, this becomes your mindset.
Every compliment seems like a joke as you don’t believe that people are being honest.
You start ignoring their words of encouragement and support and you focus on those which make the negative thoughts grow.
It’s the same with relationships.
Over and over again, you’ve blamed yourself for failed love. You were not good enough, you didn’t care enough, or you didn’t fight hard enough.
You, you, you! It was always you who made a mistake. The worst thing is that you learned to live by that.
You never blamed anyone else as you stuck it in your head that you don’t deserve better.
It’s terrifying to live day by day, thinking that you don’t deserve anything good and that everything you do is doomed to fail.
But what is more terrifying is to find someone who likes you and, instead of enjoying the love he showers you with, you fight your guts out to push him away.
Why? Because you are 100% sure that you don’t deserve for him to love you.
You shut people out and put a chain on the lock. You fight so hard so they don’t get in but if they entered, they would see a magnificent museum of arts as your beauty is breathtaking.
Instead of introducing them to the one you really are, you break yourself hiding it.
You believe that accepting your value is selfish so you hide it deep down, and you don’t let anyone see it.
And now, this amazing man who is standing in front of you is knocking on the door of your heart.
You like him and you would give him all the love you could offer but you can’t accept his in return.
”I’m sorry, this person’s accepting station is not in function. Please move to the rejecting station.”
Year by year, you’ve lived like this, and people have played by your rules. But this guy is a tough one, and his words made you think about your behavior.
He said to you once, ”Why can’t you accept that I love you? What is so scary about that?” Actually, you never thought about it.
Subconsciously, you pushed people away, making sure they shared your opinion. The, ”I’m not good enough so I don’t deserve good,” opinion.
And, they listened to you. Until now…
This one doesn’t want to hear it and he openly told you that those words make no sense.
He told you he can’t agree, and he wants you to accept that you deserve love. End of discussion.
Accept it? How? How do you accept the love you don’t think you deserve? Can you even put yourself first when your whole life, you’ve been in last place?
Acceptance sounds like such a scary word. It can lead you to the unknown, and we as human beings are afraid of the unknown.
So, we tend to sail through life in our ‘safe zone’ boat. We ignore the opportunities that can lead us somewhere else, far from our planned life.
Until you hear a question that makes you think about your choices…
”What if I really pushed everything good and positive away because I was scared of where it could take me?”
This question keeps chasing you, day and night. You can’t get it out of your head.
When this happened to me, I started re-evaluating my life choices. Oh man, I counted so many missed opportunities.
I felt sick at the thought that I was the one who always pushed myself off a cliff.
I spent sleepless nights thinking about how I am my own worst enemy.
No one else could deceive me as I deceived myself. I was convinced that I was doing things for my benefit, but oh boy, was I wrong.
Finally, I came to the realization that I would change. I couldn’t let myself sabotage myself anymore.
I wouldn’t be stuck in one place, hibernating through life, waiting for someone to save me.
And honestly, no one could save me until I made the decision that I would accept help.
I knew that it would be hard, to pull out all of the subconscious habits that were slowly but surely ruining me.
Still, I made a decision and I stuck with it. I knew that I was worth something better, and I was ready to chase it down the road.
This is for all of you who are going through the same thing, thinking that you’re not worth love. I want to tell you that you are more than enough.
Don’t fool yourself into believing that you don’t have anything to offer. It won’t help you.
The only thing it can do to you is make you regret your previous decisions.
Accept the thought that you do deserve love.
You are worth every single opportunity and until you realize that, you will be stuck in the same place, fighting with yourself.
How to engage on a road toward self-acceptance?
When you finally realize that every single atom of your mind and body is worth love, you start thinking about the possible ways to change.
This is the hardest step – to change your mindset after years and years of proving to yourself that you have no worth.
However, it doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. It will take you some time but the final result will make you feel like a new person.
Firstly, forget the bad experiences from the past.
Even though we are not aware of it, sometimes it’s our previous experiences that make us the way we are.
If you have ever felt that you are not worth love, it’s possible that you will root that feeling deep inside yourself and you will abide by its guidelines.
In order to never go through something similar, you will hide from positive words of encouragement as you don’t know how to react to them anymore.
When you focus too much on the words from the past, you tend to ignore the positive ones in the present (been there, done that).
But once you realize that those who made you feel like you are not worthy of love actually projected their hidden feelings onto you, you will notice that nothing is your fault.
Their words can hurt you (and they did) but it is your choice to make a final decision – to live by them your whole life or to ignore them and focus on the opportunities that could shake your world.
Once you make this decision, step by step, you will see improvement.
Once you realize that their words were only an attempt to bring you down, you will notice how insignificant they are.
After that, your journey toward becoming a person who knows how much they deserve begins.
Secondly, accept that it’s not selfish to receive love.
All of us were taught that happiness lies in giving and no one ever mentioned receiving.
We are so busy making others happy that we forget that we have to care about ourself too.
No, it’s not selfish to say, ”I deserve this because I worked so hard for it.”
You deserve compliments, and words of encouragement, and you deserve love.
Don’t focus on others all the time but for once in your life, make yourself a priority.
Your life shouldn’t be less important as you know how much time you put into achieving your goals.
Next time, instead of saying, ”It’s not a big deal,” try to say, ”Thank you! I invested a lot of my time in it.”
Value yourself enough to know that accepting love is not a sign of being selfish but only a sign of self-awareness.
Thirdly, work on loving and appreciating yourself.
When you know your worth, you also know what you deserve. The same applies to the opposite.
Loving and accepting yourself means that you will be accepting of life opportunities too.
You will know what you deserve and you will avoid what you don’t.
Instead of beating yourself up, find something that will inspire you, and make you realize your worth.
Push yourself to accept that you have a lot to offer. You are like an unread book – you can’t judge it until you have read it to the end.
Instead of underestimating yourself, take some time to get to know yourself first.
Only after that will you be able to realize your value and accept the positive changes that life is serving on your plate.
It’s up to you – whether to grab them or leave them untouched.
Finally, let yourself experience the feeling of accepting love.
You are so used to giving but the trouble appears when you have to accept. Instead of avoiding words of love, try to write them down.
Don’t skip anything – from words of love expressed by your little niece to the positive expressions your boss said to you.
Every single word of encouragement is true!
This will make it easier to see how valuable you are and it will push you into believing that your worth is much bigger than you imagined it to be.
Yes, it feels great to give love and to see the smiles on people’s faces when you make their day with your words.
But it feels even better when you finally accept love, after years of living in denial that you don’t deserve it.
The battles that we fight with ourself are the hardest to get through. When you finally win, you will feel like you are on top of the world.
You deserve love; you always did and you always will. Accept that and start living life instead of hiding from yourself through it.