You’re a strong woman. There’s no doubt about it.
Look at all the things you’ve done for yourself and for the people around you! A weak human being could never be where you are right now.
You’ve made the decision to heal yourself after so many heartbreaks. You’ve made a name for yourself because you really want to create something that this world will appreciate.
Your friends say you’re the most caring and loving woman they know. A woman like you would never leave anyone to struggle by themselves because you know how hard it is to fight alone against humanity.
No one really spares your emotions, so you want to be the soft and empathetic human being that everyone can turn to.
You’re strong, you’ve always been.
But you’re not strong enough to fix a weak man. And you never will be.
A strong woman like yourself will see his wounds and believe that she can heal them. When you see a broken man and you hear his story, you feel like you need to show him that the world isn’t as cruel a place as he believes.
When you heard his story, you felt your heart tighten in your chest. It doesn’t matter what exactly it was. He could’ve had a hard upbringing, been through many heartbreaks, or the people around him never knew how to cherish him.
All of these things leave a mark on a person, no matter how strong you might be.
You didn’t want him to go through all of it alone. In the beginning, you weren’t trying to pretend to be his therapist. You saw yourself as a friend and then as someone who genuinely loved him.
There wasn’t a moment where you thought you couldn’t love the rest of him just because some parts of him were broken.
You blamed everything and everyone but him. You blamed every person in this world who wasn’t there for him even though they were a part of his life.
Even though you knew all of this, you never saw him as a damaged human being. You saw his endless potential and genuinely wanted to love him. Loving him unconditionally would be his cure if you just did it right.
So when he’d show just how much the world damaged him, you’d take it like the strong woman that you are.
In the beginning, before he figured out you wouldn’t leave, he made it seem as if he was the sweetest human being on this planet. As if life treated him bad but the trauma never changed him.
But once he started feeling more comfortable around you, he started to show you his darker side. Your strength held you together and it held him together.
It held your entire relationship together because nothing was bad enough for you to hate him.
You couldn’t hate him just because of a few mistakes. For some reason, you were always able to make excuses for him.
It didn’t matter how much he hurt you. You knew that he was doing it because he was hurting inside as well.
But there’s a fine line between turning to someone for help (leaning on their support) and being abusive towards them.
Trauma and abuse we’ve been through in our lives is never an excuse to be abusive to those around us. Especially not the people who genuinely want to help us on our healing journey.
I truly believe that people shouldn’t get into relationships unless they’ve come far on their own healing journey. But sometimes, we need someone to inspire us.
That doesn’t mean that it’s okay to turn you into their own little rehab center, though.
People who aren’t working on themselves are people who will emotionally abuse you. They will gaslight you and manipulate you because that’s the only thing they’ve known their entire lives.
And before you say anything to defend him, just remember that you’re not there to heal other people. You’re not supposed to be his therapist or his doctor. You’re there to support him on his journey, to hold his hand when times get tough.
You shouldn’t have to put up with his mood swings, abusive behavior, or irrational need to distance himself from you whenever you try to show him your side of the story.
Because I already know that he doesn’t listen to your problems as often as you need him to (if at all).
He doesn’t spend enough time comforting you or creating a safe space for you that’ll give you enough energy to work on yourself too.
All of the strength in this world won’t be able to help you save a weak man. Because he is a weak man if he’s taking his frustrations out on you.
A real, strong man knows that you’re not supposed to be his punching bag. If he was truly strong, he’d be empathetic because he’d understand that your emotions are just as valid as his own.
He would understand that your strength has its limits.
But this guy of yours is breaking you apart. So leave. Leave, so that you can save yourself before he decides to create a monster out of you (like he is).
Because no amount of trauma is a good enough excuse to abuse someone else.
He will be alright. That I promise you.
If he doesn’t want to work on himself without you, then you can look out for him by helping him find the proper help he needs. But that also means that you’ll have to walk away from him.
I know you don’t want to do that. You want to believe that he will change. But he won’t and it’s not your responsibility to fix him on that journey that only he can take.
Your responsibility right now is to be strong enough to leave him. Leave him and let him deal with his own issues in peace. Don’t let him drag you down with himself, because a weak man is all too capable of that.
Save your strength to help yourself out when times get tough. Because while you might be strong, you’re not strong enough to fix a weak man.