Officially, we were never together. You never sat across me and asked me to be yours.
But you still broke my heart in a way that it’s never been broken before.
If I were to compare the amount of pain I felt after you with what I felt after all of my exes together, they still wouldn’t be able to compete.
What you did to me was something I never experienced before. And even though I wasn’t able to call you my boyfriend and you never even thought about calling me your girlfriend, you somehow still shattered my heart into pieces.
First, you made me feel special. You texted me religiously and made me feel like you really cared about me.
Your phone calls were the favorite parts of my days. Your voice relaxed me and it repelled all of the fears I had about us.
Whenever we hung out, I always got the feeling that you liked me the same way I liked you. I thought that your emotions matched mine and day by day, I let my heart fall for you, stronger and harder.
At one point, there was no going back. I fell in love with you completely and I surrendered my heart and soul to you.
And that’s when you broke me. Piece by piece, you took away parts of my heart because, as it turned out, you weren’t capable of loving me from the very beginning.
But instead of being open with me, you tricked me into believing that I was made for you.
I guess that I never fit into your little box of expectations about how your perfect woman should be. Still, you acted as if I was exactly what you needed and duped me into falling for you.
Maybe you did it because you needed an ego boost. Maybe you did it to prove to yourself that you can get anyone to love you.
I still don’t know the reason, but I know that my heart is in pieces after you. And nothing and no one could ever make whole like it was before you.
Even though you never called me yours, you broke my heart because I thought I could trust you.
You gave me a reason to believe that you’re in this honestly, with no hidden agendas. I thought that I could share my feelings with you and that you’d never use them against me.
Just like that, I revealed my secret to you – I told you that I was starting to fall for you and thought you felt the same way about me. And because you didn’t walk away from me right then and there, you made me believe I was right.
Day by day, my feelings got stronger and I included you in different parts of my life. I thought you were here to stay and I never bothered hiding anything from you.
“He genuinely cares about me. He’ll never hurt me.”
I truly believed those words – until you stabbed a knife in my heart. That’s how harsh everything felt. At that moment, my heart felt both emotional and physical pain.
I couldn’t believe you were the one to hurt me like this when I trusted you completely. I planned my future with you and now you were standing in front of me, telling me that you never really liked me and that I was just there to fill up the silence.
A stand-in until someone better comes along, a person to fill the void that you created around yourself – that’s all I was.
There was never a chance for us to be together. You never even thought about me as someone you could call your girlfriend.
But still, you didn’t want to tell me this because you knew you’d lose me. You knew that I’d walk away if I found out that this whole time you’d been playing with my feelings.
I was never yours, yet you still made me feel like I was. You made me believe in your false stories and you gave me hope to think that one day, the two of us would be walking down the street, hand-in-hand, showing the rest of the world we belonged together.
But instead of any of that, you let me close to you, seduced me and made me fall for you, and then crushed all of my hopes and dreams.
You never even bothered to give me an explanation. You didn’t even care how I felt that moment you told me we could never work and that it was all in my head.
But I know that I’m not crazy. I know that I wasn’t the one who created these scenarios.
It was you. And you did it on purpose, even though you knew how much I liked you.
Maybe you also had feelings for me at some point. Perhaps you actually thought about us as a couple. But something changed and you decided to give up on me.
I’ll probably never find out why I still feel the consequences of your presence in my life.
But maybe it’s for the best. Maybe you don’t deserve me anyways.
I’m strong and I’ll be able to pull myself back up. I’ll heal after you and find someone who’ll know how to treat me right.
I don’t know when it will happen, but I know that it will and I know that I won’t waste that chance.
And you? Well, you need to live with the fact that you intentionally played with the feelings of a woman who would’ve given her life for you. You convinced her that your feelings were mutual and then pushed her over the cliff to her demise.
It was you who broke my heart, don’t ever forget that. You broke my heart even though I was never yours.
P.S. Thank God for that as it’s obvious that we were never meant to be.