Infidelity is one of the hottest topics today, isn’t it? Especially with all the celebs cheating and being cheated on, you simply can’t ignore it. So, who’s to blame? Your cheating husband or his mistress? Let me break it to you – it’s seldom her fault.
One can never be completely sure of something, so I won’t place my bet on it, but I’ll give you some of the reasons that confirm my statement. Relationships can get rocky and sometimes we may think that there’s no way in hell it can recover.
Truth be told, when cheating happens, you never know for sure what the outcome may be. There are couples who become stronger after this setback, but many never fully recover.
Betraying the trust of your loved ones and cheating on them is not something you should ever consider. Yet, it happens. We break our vows and lie to the person we promised not to.
Is it true that love turned us into liars? Are we ready to compromise what we have for something temporary? I mean, if we’re being honest, rarely do these adventures become something more permanent.
Hypothetically, your husband cheated on you and you’re here soothing your anger by directing it toward his mistress. But he cheated, keep that in mind. So, why is she not the one to point a finger at? Why is it not the “other woman’s” fault?
1. She can’t “steal” him from you
Oftentimes, we talk of a relationship as our possession. Of course, this happens unconsciously. If you pay attention to some of the gifts we give to our boyfriends or husbands, they often say something like “be mine,” “you’re taken,” and “nobody else can have you.”
Why is it that we use the language to describe our love (and lover) as something that can be taken away from us, stolen? She can’t steal him from you. You have to realize that if he’s committed to you, there’s no way in hell some other woman will be able to grab his attention.
The real question is this: What if he was never yours to begin with? Have you thought about that?
What if the whole “I’m in love with you, you’re the love of my life” was his way of putting you under his spell? Maybe you missed the red flags that he’s a womanizer while you were dating and now you’re stuck in an unhealthy marriage.
2. She has been hurt too
Who did he cheat with? Another human being. And what do humans have in common (even that douche who cheated on you)? Yes, feelings!
Before you start judging and blaming her for his deeds, think it through. She has been hurt, lied to, and cheated on as well. Don’t call her a “homewrecker.” That poor woman might not have even known he has a wife. You don’t know her side of the story, so don’t react right away.
She’s ashamed now, probably even guiltridden for ruining someone’s marriage, but how could she know? He gave her attention, she fell in love, and here we are now, two broken hearts later.
However, don’t get me wrong. I’m the person who believes that once you realize that your marriage is toxic, you should leave immediately. You should choose your inner peace and your own happiness over those crumbs he’s giving you.
3. She’s not the one who broke your trust
Let’s be real, she’s not the one who broke your trust. Your husband is the one to blame. We both know that it’s not always sunshine and rainbow in marriage, but you should be able to solve problems together.
He shouldn’t wander around and try to find someone else to confide in. The ring on his finger, if nothing else, was his reminder that there is someone who’s going to be devastated after his decision. He’s the one you should hold accountable for your marriage being destroyed.
The “other woman” didn’t hurt you. I understand that it’s easier to be angry at someone you don’t know than hold grudges against the person you love. But hating your husband or this other woman is not going to help you. It’ll only make you confused and you may bottle up negative feelings, which is not healthy at all.
Perhaps you’ve decided to speak with her, but think this through thoroughly first. Think about all the things you want to tell her and the reasons you want to point out something.
4. She didn’t force him to cheat on you
Did she blackmail him to cheat on you? Or, was she threatening him, so he had to do it? I assume that the answer to both of these questions is no (in some extreme cases this may happen, though). So, why are you accusing her?
He made the decision to start something up with another woman, even though he knew he wasn’t single. The only person that had the possibility to choose, yet he chose to be unfaithful. Villainizing her will only give him the approval to do it with someone else. You’re basically encouraging him to cheat on you.
When you put all the burden of the act on her, you’re confirming that men simply have to satisfy their needs and that it’s kind of expected of them. Also, you’re saying that women should control their lust. Isn’t that twisted? She’s not the one who seduced him, he approached her, keep that in mind.
You’re probably asking yourself if it’s worth trying to save your marriage and I’m not disproving that. Each relationship is unique in its own way, and so is your marriage. So, take some time to list all pros and cons and heal. If you decide to rebuild the relationship, be ready for some hard work.