I’ve heard so many single women ask, “Why don’t I have a boyfriend?”
When you start asking yourself why you don’t have a partner, you also begin to see everything as a possible reason. You don’t believe that your good traits are that good because if they were, you wouldn’t be single, right?
At the same time, you see your shortcomings as much bigger issues than they actually are.
You’ve tried everything to find a boyfriend who will love you and treat you right. But the guys you’re interested in always end up being bad for you.
And the ones who want you? You’re not attracted to them or they simply don’t act right.
So now you’re left to wonder if you’re simply destined to be single forever?
At first, you enjoyed your single life. You thought that dating apps were trashy and that the right person would come along eventually.
Now it’s just starting to get ridiculous. You feel like you must be doing something wrong and without even realizing it, you’re becoming more and more depressed.
That’s completely understandable! All of your friends are getting married, having kids, or getting engaged. You’re always the bridesmaid and it’s getting kind of old.
You’re sick and tired of standing on the sidelines while everyone else has a life filled with romance.
If you’re a girl who genuinely feels like this, then continue reading. I’ll help you figure out all the reasons you don’t have a boyfriend, as well as the difference you can make in your life to get a man to treat you right.
Why don’t I have a boyfriend?
You and I both know that there must be a reason you don’t have a boyfriend. There’s something happening in your life that either prevents you from meeting men in general or men who are good for you.
What’s behind this state of affairs? Is there something that is actually standing in your way of meeting new people? Or has your potential boyfriend simply not made a move yet?
Whatever might be happening, your relationship status isn’t changing. So let’s see what’s preventing you from being with the right guy.
1. You’re not emotionally available
After a few traumatic experiences that made your love life living hell, you shut down emotionally. That’s why you don’t have a boyfriend right now and, unless you open yourself up, won’t have one in the near future.
When you become emotionally unavailable, you’re not able to fall in love with anyone. You get paranoid whenever someone tries to give you their time and energy. You think that they’re lying to you when they tell you they love you.
I get it. When you go through a lot and you don’t know how to deal with it in a healthy way, you do whatever is needed to make yourself feel safe again. You can’t really be in a serious relationship because you know how awful they can turn out to be.
A new guy could only bring you more misery. Even though you want to try, you’re just too terrified of the possibility of another heartbreak.
It’s easier to spend all of your free time thinking that Mr. Right will help you move on from this than to actually work on this by yourself. It takes a lot of self-reflection to actually realize that this is an issue.
2. You’re not putting yourself out there
It’s easy to blame anyone and everyone for the fact that you’re single. But the real question is if you’re even putting yourself out there.
You can’t expect the right man to show up to your doorstep and propose to you without ever putting some effort into it yourself.
I know that it’s so easy to sit at home and just be mad at everything life’s giving you. But you can’t expect a change unless you do something about it.
You’re probably someone who works a lot and doesn’t have time to really go out to clubs and meet new people. Because of that, you’re too focused on other things and your dating life really hasn’t been something you’ve focused on.
Now, slowly but surely, you’re realizing it’s becoming a real problem. You want to get into a relationship, but your mind is on everything but dating.
That’s a great thing to do if you ask me, but you want a boyfriend. You don’t feel good when you’re on your own.
You have to face facts that you can’t meet someone if you continue to focus on everything else in your life but dating.
3. You don’t actually want a boyfriend
This may sound a little crazy but hear me out. You don’t actually want a boyfriend, you’re just lonely.
It seems like you’ve been alone for too long and because of the social pressure, you feel like you need to have someone by your side. Whenever you feel like you could use some company, there’s that weird feeling like you’re missing out on something.
That’s when the question “Why don’t I have a boyfriend” pops into your head. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you want a significant other, but more so someone who’ll watch Netflix with you at the end of a long day.
At the same time, the thought of going out to meet people seems like such a boring task that you’d rather put it aside for as long as you can.
But, you know, hookups can fix your loneliness as well.
4. You’re a bit too picky
Let me preface this by saying that it’s completely okay to have high standards. You have every right to look for someone who’s right up your alley.
Why would you settle for someone who isn’t able to meet your basic needs? The least you could do is be with a man who’s ready to give you the things you’re ready to give in return.
With many women, though, that’s not the case. You may be questioning everyone around you when in fact, you’re the actual issue here. You’re just too picky.
You want someone who’s as close to perfect as can be. We all love to say that our partner is perfect, but they’re perfect in our eyes only. We see their faults and understand that they’re human too. That’s what makes them so great.
The thing is, you see what people portray of their relationship online or what your friends tell you about their relationship, so you want the masked version. No one is posting themselves fighting with their partner online. No one shares a pic of their partner when it looks like all hell broke loose in their hair.
We all post our most precious moments with them.
But that leaves an awful impact on people. They believe now that’s how an amazing relationship should look.
As long as you find someone who makes you feel loved, appreciated, and respected, it should be enough. If you really do want a man who ticks every box and then some, then be ready to stay single for a long time before you actually find him.
5. You don’t like using dating apps
A lot of people use dating apps these days. Mostly Tinder.
And you’re not really in the mood to post pictures and pretend like you’re the one who should reach out to men. Also, you’ve heard some horror stories.
But let’s be honest, there are so many beautiful stories that have come from Tinder. It’s not all about men who are everything but pleasant. You hear about catfishes and inappropriate pictures, but you also know of a lot of couples who met there and ended up finding the love of their life.
You can genuinely meet a great guy. It’s just a matter of whether you’re willing to get out of your own comfort zone to actually do that.
You’re missing out on meeting someone amazing, just because you’re scared of using technology to help you out.
6. You’re still holding on to a past relationship
Before you even begin to ask yourself why you don’t have a boyfriend, first ask if you’ve truly moved on from your ex. You can’t really find a boyfriend if all you do is stalk your ex for days.
I know that breakups can be a lot to process. You went through a lot together and now you’re grappling with the separation by yourself.
He was your best friend and the man you thought you’d marry one day. Now that he’s gone, you can’t come to terms with parting ways.
But it happened. You’re not together anymore.
It’s okay to take all the time you need to process what you went through and deal with all the emotions. You shouldn’t have to rush into anything that you’re not ready for – especially another relationship.
You’re obviously still heartbroken from your past relationship, so the last thing you should do is jump straight into a new one. I know that we believe how men are oblivious, but they’re not. They’re highly capable of realizing when a girl is still hung up on her ex.
And no man wants to compete with your ex.
7. You don’t know how to communicate
Communication skills are extremely important in relationships as well as everyday situations. You have to be prepared to always listen to your partner and to express your feelings in a way that your partner will understand what you’re trying to say.
When you don’t know how to communicate, you can’t really expect someone to stay by your side until you eventually figure out how to do that.
Sometimes, you’ll hurt him. If you’re talking to someone and you don’t know how to communicate with him properly, you’ll end up saying something that’ll actually damage your relationship.
It’s the same issue when you interrupt someone while they’re talking. They’re trying to say something, but you jump to say something instead. You have to learn how to listen.
You may be surprised what could happen.
Women who don’t know how to communicate are also women who never get their point across. He doesn’t even know what you’re looking for because you make it all too complicated.
8. You seem too desperate
No one likes a desperate girl, let me tell you that much.
Are you someone who goes out of her way to make guys like her? There’s a modern term for that – a “pick me” girl. A girl who’s so desperate for the attention of others that she doesn’t consider the feelings of those around her.
If you feel like you’re desperately trying to catch someone’s attention, then put a stop to that right now.
It’s not just that the guy is aware of that, but all of his friends see your efforts too.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing that you’re ready to put yourself out there and aren’t afraid to take initiative. But you should know when to hit the breaks.
You know that guys love the chase, so when a girl seems too desperate and available, they feel like there’s something wrong. For them, it’s a red flag.
Respect yourself enough and take a few steps back. You don’t have to run after a guy to catch his attention.
And to be frank, there isn’t a guy in this world who’s handsome enough for you to show just how desperate you are to finally be in a relationship again.
9. You don’t know how to act around guys
Many women have an issue with being around men, especially ones that they like. If you’re wondering why you don’t have a boyfriend, it may just have something to do with the fact that you’re super shy.
For whatever reason, you feel like you can’t be comfortable and yourself around them. And when you’re not feeling like yourself, you can’t even show them the real you. You’re just showing them a girl who stumbles over her words and blushes at everything.
This may be endearing to them, or you may come across as a little weird. After all, you could be quite confident in yourself yet simply introverted.
Situations like these are especially hard to control when you’re actually in the presence of a handsome guy who seems to like you back. He’s trying to keep a conversation with you, but you feel like your cheeks are on fire.
That’s why you escape and avoid. You feel so uncomfortable and edgy that you could throw up from just talking to him.
To you, it seems to be easier to just put everything aside and be alone.
10. You fall for the bad boys
One broken heart after another most likely comes from the fact that you’re attracted to the bad boys. It’s not that “good guys finish last,” it’s just that the bad boys are always more confident and attractive.
Also, that could be the type of love that you’re used to. When you’ve grown up with manipulative parents who told you that their actions are an indication of their love for you, you also believe that those men love you.
Even though they may have cheated on you, broke your heart multiple times, and shown you that they don’t want anything serious, you still chose them. Your exes showed you how much love can hurt.
So now you’re single and wondering if you’ll ever find a love that’s good enough. You need a love that won’t hurt. But for now, you just feel like you’re caught in this toxic cycle of loving people who aren’t good for you.
That doesn’t mean that you won’t give them a chance. But more often than not, they end up betraying your trust and taking advantage of your kindness.
11. You seem unapproachable
“Why don’t I have a boyfriend?”
Well, maybe you’re so intimidating, you come across as unapproachable to men.
Whenever they look at you, they see a picture-perfect woman. You’re absolutely stunning, hard-working, and confident. It doesn’t matter that you’re kind and compassionate – all they see is a girl who’s better than them.
Even if you do make the first move, men will only think that you’re playing with them and that you’re not being serious.
It could also be the fact that you mostly hang around other guys. So other men simply don’t think that it’s appropriate to come up and talk to you. You’re actually making them feel inferior.
If you’re unsure why you’re still single, a lot of guys could be perceiving you as a high-maintenance woman.
Of course, just because you have high self-esteem doesn’t mean that you’d crush them. It just means that you won’t let them walk all over you.
That’s just one of the reasons you seem so unapproachable. But to be honest, would you even want to be approached by a guy who’s intimidated by your presence?
5 things you could do to change your luck
1. Give him a chance
There’s probably a guy in your life who’s trying really hard to get your attention, but you’ve been so adamant in rejecting him. You don’t want him to spend his time on you if you’re not interested.
But, ask yourself why you’re not interested.
You’re thinking about why you don’t have a boyfriend, but I truly do believe that you’re not giving the good guys a chance. So if you find him attractive and you believe that you could love him, give him a chance and go out on a first date with him.
You don’t have to do this if you genuinely believe that he’s the wrong guy for you. But you can’t tell me that your singlehood couldn’t be cured quite easily.
2. Put yourself out there more
You won’t meet a nice guy in the safety of your own apartment. Get out there more! Go out with your friends, talk to guys, and install the hottest dating apps.
You’re single, right? Do whatever your heart desires!
You don’t have to keep yourself in a false picture of innocence just to appeal to one guy who doesn’t even know you exist!
Put yourself out there and try to find someone who’ll know how to appreciate you. And even though you may believe that you can’t find a guy like that on Tinder, what’s the worst that can happen?
You won’t know until you try.
3. Give yourself time to heal from your previous relationship
Please stop convincing yourself that you’re okay and that you don’t need any more time to heal from your ex. Years could’ve passed and it still doesn’t mean that you’re over him.
Everyone heals at their own pace. If you just keep forcing yourself to find someone new, you’ll only end up reopening old wounds because you’ll settle.
Don’t do that to yourself. You can’t fully love someone new until you completely move on from your ex. So give yourself enough time to figure everything out.
You don’t have to jump from one relationship into another. What you have to do is take care of your mental health and tend to your broken heart. You can’t heal in a new relationship and that’s a fact.
4. Learn how to communicate properly
Do you know what you want in a relationship? Do you know what you’re looking for in a guy? Did you ask him all the questions that you needed to? Do you know how to communicate your boundaries, your wants, and your needs?
If you don’t know how to do that, then you genuinely shouldn’t go out and try to find a man to fulfill you. No one is going to wait around for you to learn how to do these things.
You’re not a little child, but a grown woman who should know how to do things on her own. That also includes learning how to communicate in a healthy manner.
You need to know that before you step into a relationship.
5. Respect yourself
At the end of the day, you have to respect yourself. Take care of your own energy. Don’t let just anyone into your life. Don’t chase a guy just because you’re lonely.
Whenever you think about why you don’t have a boyfriend, it shouldn’t just make you feel like you’re not enough. It should remind you that you’re not prepared to settle for just any man or to lower your standards for anyone.
Respect yourself. Even if it means that you need to stay single for a while longer. It’s better than being in a relationship with someone who’s everything but right for you.