Why does my dad hate me? Hate is a strong word, but sometimes it feels like the only appropriate word to describe our feelings or others’ feelings toward us.
At times, we’re so afraid to use such a strong word, not wanting to hurt anyone. We’re trying to be sensitive enough so as to not send anyone into despair.
Other times, we tend to throw out hateful words and comments as if our lives depended on it. We can be so reckless and not wary of other person’s feelings.
It seems as if we often forget how to behave at certain moments, especially when everything’s so gloomy. Someone or something can really disturb your inner peace and wreak havoc in your world. And who could do it better and more efficiently than the people we love most?
It could be some random stranger having a bad day and just taking it all out on you. Perhaps it’s an acquaintance or a friend that you’ve known for some time now and thought of differently, only to end up in a fight over some stupid thing, and your nerves got the best of you.
Sheesh, it could even be one of your family members that pull the trigger. But what does it take for someone to tell their child of such strong and dark feelings towards them?
You can understand and possibly process the event going down between you and someone else that’s not so close to you. However, you can’t fathom something similar when it happens in your inner circle.
The question still remains “Why does my dad hate me?” It’s followed by a mix of emotions that make your head spin. There must be a reason for making you ponder this thought.
“Why does my dad hate me? Is it my fault?”
It’s really a weird question to ask yourself, no matter the circumstances. You may have had a Hollywood-like childhood, but still, you find yourself asking this question.
There’s something nagging at the back of your mind, telling you that something’s off. If you’re used to listening to your gut, then that’s probably why you’re here.
Women’s intuition is a marvelous thing and it oftentimes leads us to our goal or a new discovery. However, this can only make you feel more frightened.
Trying to reveal the truth is a hard task because we know it’s going to hurt. But I believe there’s something even worse than finding out the truth.
When you’re finally gone through that whole process of becoming aware of something, your journey only begins. After that, you have to start looking for the core of it.
“What happened that caused this situation? Why does my dad hate me so much?” You’re frantically searching for answers but they’re nowhere to be found.
As time passes, you get engulfed by this feeling of guilt and shame. It’s unbelievable for something like this to happen to you. You start to wonder, is this real?
On the other hand, maybe you’ve been living with it your whole life, you just didn’t know. Perhaps you didn’t have an amazing childhood and your dad was an abuser.
Still, you want to find out why your dad hates you so much and what made him become that man. You’ve spent your whole life with unanswered questions swirling in your mind.
Accepting something and finding the cause of it are some of the riskiest tasks you could take up. Regardless, you must find out for yourself if you ever want to have some closure.
7 possible reasons why your dad hates you
No matter if it’s been an ongoing thing or something that’s just recently surfaced, you can’t help but wonder how this came to be: “Why does my dad hate me, was it something I did?”
This is usually the first thing we start to do when we’re confronted with strong emotions. When we love someone who doesn’t give us the same in return, we immediately start blaming ourselves.
However, there are hundreds of possible reasons for something to change in a relationship. Things don’t always go smoothly and unfortunately, love can die the same way it was born. Quickly and painfully.
1. He was raised that way
People usually do things the only way they know how. It takes a couple of tries or maybe even years of constant repetition to do something mechanically.
When something becomes a habit, it’s hard to unlearn. Perhaps that’s what happened to your dad. Before you dwell and think about why your dad hates you, try thinking of it this way.
Maybe he doesn’t know to treat you any differently because that’s the way he was raised. It’s the only way he’s known life this entire time.
All he did was assume that must be normal and then used the same strategy on you. When it turned out it didn’t work, he was so ashamed and angry and he didn’t know how else to react.
If your father’s parents were harsh and inflexible while he was growing up, he would most likely transmit the same behavior and parenting style to you.
In most circumstances, if a father did not receive the love and attention he sought as a child, he would most likely do the same to his children.
2. You grew up
This is no excuse for a father to hate their child, but it can happen. People grow up and parents are sometimes not ready for that change to happen.
They simply can’t face it, so it leaves them like a fish out of water. Moreover, people have different reactions to circumstances, especially when they’re dealing with a lot of emotions.
It’s possible your dad just doesn’t know how to handle the situation that involves you as an adult. He’s used to you being vulnerable and under his protection. But that’s changed and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.
Perhaps you grew a pair and started to confront him about his wrongdoings. You stood up for yourself and he didn’t like it. Maybe he’s used to being the one in charge and telling you what to do. You ditched that ballet class he always forced you to go to.
Growing up is something we all experience. It’s inevitable, although we’d like to think that we can stay carefree kids forever.
As much as we rush to grow up and see the real world for the first time ever, it might as well crush us to our bones. The chilling reality you were living in this whole time makes your world crumble.
As a child, you may have sensed that something was wrong but couldn’t quite put your finger on it. But recently, your dad’s behavior has been odd. All of a sudden, there’s no affection or sweet words.
In what feels like a blink of an eye, something’s changed, and you didn’t have enough time to collect your thoughts. You grew up in a heartbeat, your points of view changed, and you’re developing your own thoughts and opinions.
All of this came as a shock to your father and so he began behaving differently.
3. He’s emotionally damaged
People make mistakes all the time. However, this doesn’t mean that simply asking for forgiveness can repair the damage that’s been done.
Perhaps the reason your dad hates you is himself. He’s angry at himself and wants to quench his sorrows by taking it out on you.
People often get deceived when it comes to parenthood. A lot of them are having marriage or relationship troubles so they make a rash decision – they’ll try for a baby instead of sorting out the current issues.
Maybe you are one of those reckless decisions and desperate cries for the salvation of the marriage. Not to disappoint you, but it’s possible. It implies that your father wasn’t entirely ready to have a baby, but rather keen on resolving the issues he had with his partner.
Perhaps he came out of a toxic relationship that was a great burden to him. He carried the damage that was done around with him and looked for someone to share it with.
No one likes an emotionally damaged friend, so what other choice did he have than to take you as his friend? His emotional load is only one of the reasons all of this could’ve taken place.
Either way, this is no excuse for a father to hate his child. Actually, there’s no excuse to offer you for your way of thinking. It takes a lot of courage to ask yourself why your dad hates you, after all.
4. He’s unable to care for you
When a person finds themselves in distress, they’ll always try to look for a way out. Even if it’s a complicated situation, people will do their best to resolve their issues and continue on with their lives.
But not everything goes as planned. Unfortunately, some things take a turn for the worse and before you know it, you’re unable to win the fight.
Perhaps that’s what happened to your dad. While you’re thinking “Why does my dad hate me?” there could be multiple causes hiding behind that disdain.
When people can’t get themselves out of trouble, they turn to blame others for their own mistakes. Maybe your dad was unable to take care of you in many ways and that eventually got the best of him.
No one reacts the same when they’re under the pressure. Some people break down, some stay strong, and others try to keep calm and pretend as if nothing happened.
However, failure to deal with things always comes to bite you back in the face sooner or later. If your dad wasn’t able to take proper care of you, then it’s his fault entirely.
You shouldn’t blame yourself for something you had no control over. You may feel sorry for him and think of the ways you could’ve helped him out.
People who struggle a lot and keep repeating the same mistakes are bound to drown sooner or later. They’ll suffocate in their own wrongdoings and emotions. The sad thing is they can sometimes bring others with them and make them suffer.
5. You hurt him
Of course, it isn’t always someone else’s fault. Sometimes, we’re the ones to blame (even if we don’t see it).
We can’t keep counting someone else’s mistakes and judging them for the way they feel. It’s not fair to do that unless you do that to yourself.
It takes a lot of courage to deal with something we’ve done or made happen. Once we’re making that mistake, we’re not usually thinking about the consequences it’s going to have.
Perhaps this is what made your dad so angry at you. Still, you’re not so sure what could’ve happened that made his hatred for you grow so intense.
One of the most plausible reasons you believe your father may despise you is that you made a major error. Mistakes come in all shapes and sizes.
For your parents, their kids growing up may be a challenging change to accept. Even more so if we make decisions that they don’t agree with or support.
Imagine every possible instance that could have offended your dad. The intensity of his response may give you the impression that he despises you.
Fathers have a reputation for being stricter than moms. He may be concerned about you, and the only way he knows to convey his worry for you is to become enraged.
This is enough to make you think that your dad hates you and doesn’t love you anymore. However, we all know how dads can give us a bit of tough love, right?
6. You’re stubborn
Usually, parents want what’s best for their children, but their children don’t understand that at times. You have to admit that parenting is never an easy job.
All those times you had to be home by curfew might begin flashing through your head. Perhaps you have a feeling your dad hates you because he doesn’t let you be out all night.
Well, I have to tell you that this is far from hatred. It’s actually one of the signs of showing love. He’s caring, loving, and nurturing.
Still, this doesn’t mean a lot to you because you’re going to be labeled as “the kid with strict parents.” People stop calling and texting you and quit inviting you over to parties because they just know that you won’t be allowed.
No matter their concerns and efforts, you decide to go against your parents’ will and have the time of your life. This isn’t really worth breaking the trust with them but you enjoyed the moment.
That’s where your stubbornness comes to the surface and you just can’t let go of it. All you want to do is to prove to yourself and to them that you’re capable of making your own decisions.
Parents can easily get hurt by their child’s reactions. Especially when it’s a fully-grown adult who thinks they don’t need their parents in their life anymore.
7. He’s abusive
Another reason that makes you wonder “Why does my dad hate me?” could be his abusive manner. If you believe your father doesn’t love you, it may stem from something much deeper.
When kids are raised in abusive families, chances are very slim that it won’t leave any consequences behind. A lot of people who grow up with abusive parents bear some of the biggest burdens known to man.
Whether it’s verbal, mental, or physical abuse, it can impact you greatly. It lowers your self-esteem and you lose all confidence over time.
You gradually start to accept that you have to live with it all your life. The worst thing that can happen is that you start to think of it as normal behavior.
You get so used to the abuse that you’re not really phased by these disturbing thoughts in your mind. However, you connect his abuse to why your dad hates you.
It’s something he’s been telling you all along with his ill behavior towards you. Perhaps you’ve known it deep down but refused to admit it.
Either way, you should know that it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t blame yourself for it. Abusive parents are the main reason children are poisoned nowadays with trust issues.
What can I do if my dad hates me?
If you’re still hell-bent on the idea that your dad hates you and isn’t going to let up, you should know something. It’s okay to feel broken and fall to pieces sometimes. You’ll probably try to stay strong because you’re a big girl now.
But finding out all the possible reasons your dad hates you is quite damaging. It’s confusing, saddening, and unbelievable all at the same time.
We’re all different, so we’re all going to behave and react a different way. It’s okay because everyone has their own way of getting through a difficult time or handling a task.
1. Think about it
We’ve mentioned all the possible reasons you might be feeling this way. Once again, hate is a strong word and you must be sure you’re using it correctly.
If your dad really hates you, there must be something that made him feel that way. Sit down and try to think of something that caused all of the mayhem.
Maybe you’re wrong and you’re judging him by his sudden reactions. Perhaps all he wants to do is to help you make wise choices and think with your head.
Sometimes, parents don’t know how to do it. It’s such a simple task, but they’re not always equipped and experienced to handle such events taking place.
If you still haven’t found the answer to the question “Why does my dad hate me?” you might just need some space and alone time.
It’s easy to feel that everyone is criticizing or even hating you when you have poor self-esteem. Of course, your father may not have said he hates you, but you might be overanalyzing and presuming what he meant.
Make sure your emotions aren’t getting the better of you and causing your father to detest you. Accept responsibility for your part in the strained relationship. Your father would appreciate it if you are open and honest about your faults.
2. Look back on your actions
Sometimes it’s good to self-reflect to see if there was something you could’ve done differently. Perhaps you hurt his feelings and you weren’t even aware of it.
Fathers don’t usually tell their kids that they hate them unless they’re abusive and do that out of some sick pleasure. There must’ve been something that tugged at his heart but you’ve failed to acknowledge it.
It’s only fair of you to sit down and rewind the events. If you still love him and want to know what’s really gotten into him, you should take your time and be careful.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s your dad’s fault, though. Sometimes, we’re so engulfed with ourselves that we can’t see past our mistakes. Either way, knowing where the issues between you and your father originate is a great place to start resolving them.
Make a list of recent disagreements you’ve had with your father, as well as the events that precipitated them. Consider what you may have said or done that hurt him or caused an undesirable reaction.
3. Talk to him
You can’t really get closure if you don’t take matters into your own hands. It’s not easy to ditch your family because they’re essentially your whole life.
However, you may feel like this is the only option. Still, it takes a lot of courage to just end something so special.
The unbreakable bonds prove to be breakable after all. Now that the damage’s been done, it would be best if you tried to talk things out.
It might be a hard thing to do, especially if he’s the one who hurt your first. But how else are you supposed to find out the reason for all of this mess?
Communication is key to a healthy relationship, no matter what kind. If you lack that with your father, then it’s understandable you came to the conclusion that your dad hates you.
Communication gaps can be reciprocal or one-sided, but either way, tension is created. It’s difficult to talk to your father about your feelings, especially when you can see that hostility has developed.
However, by talking about it with your father, you might be able to help him understand how you feel. Be loud and clear because you’ll need to communicate your feelings so he understands them.
Your bravery and honesty, on the other hand, will almost certainly be admired.
How do I break the ice?
It’s not easy mistering up the courage and trying to break the ice, especially when the topic is this sensitive. You get stage fright and begin to sweat profusely.
You don’t remember what you came here for and what your actual goal is. If you want to talk things out or get closure for yourself, this is a must.
It might take you some time and you’ll probably do a lot of preparations, even rehearsals. Who knows! That’s something I tend to do when preparing for tough situations and it helps me tremendously.
Granted, there are many different ways you can build up your self-confidence and go back to fix the issues. Still, it’s also important to know when it’s time to back off. People will give you lots of advice but remember that the best one you can receive is from yourself.
If you feel your father despises you, it’s best if you strive to understand his problems and address them as effectively as possible. Talk to your father about it, but don’t blame him for everything that’s gone wrong.
You will not be able to handle this situation on your own if your father begins to despise you. In such a case, my advice is to enlist the help of your father’s confidantes.
This will make it much easier for you and your father to work out your issues. Trusting a family friend is much better since he or she would be able to grasp and comprehend your issues.
1. Set your priorities straight
When you finally decide it’s time to confront your dad about it, you must have a plan to go by. It’s easy for you to get all confused and scared.
That’s why the main thing is to have a plan. Come up to him with the problem you’re both facing right now. Ask him for help and guidance while offering yours as well. Tell your dad how you’re going to get through this together.
Consider why you’re having this talk and what you want to happen as a result of it. Instead of having an emotional outburst, deciding on a goal can help you think rationally.
Are you having this conversation because you desire forgiveness or because you want him to apologize for anything he said that harmed you?
Is it more important for you to convey your sentiments to your father in order for him to comprehend what you’re going through, or is it more important for him to cease mistreating you?
Don’t forget to describe to him how awful and alone you’ve felt all this time. Make sure you communicate your priorities and that’s your happiness. Don’t let anyone stand in your way because the sun is finally shining down on you.
2. Give him a chance
You may feel like he doesn’t deserve this, but you should probably give your dad a chance to explain himself. Perhaps your reactions were overly dramatic and explosive, so he didn’t even get the time to explain everything to you.
Go to that meet-up with an open mind and heart. Tell him what you feel but tell him also how he made you feel right at that moment. Also, talk to your dad about why you think he hates you.
Be open and honest with your father about your feelings and expectations. Do not be hesitant to bring up unfavorable parts of his parenting style or conduct toward you that are causing your relationship to deteriorate.
When doing so, remember to be courteous, pleasant, and non-confrontational. Respecting your father will allow him to consider what you say without retaliating. It may even persuade him to improve or change the relationship.
3. Don’t ignore him
Ignoring him might actually cause a countereffect. You wanted to talk to him for a reason and to resolve all of the issues you’re dealing with now.
If you meet up with him and start to give him the silent treatment or cold shoulder, he might feel as if you’re not even interested in making things work.
Communication is impossible without reciprocity. You must be able to actively listen if you want to be heard. Allow yourself to be patient and open to hearing his side of the story.
Pay attention to what your father has to say and listen carefully to get his perspective. Try to find a point of agreement with your father and be willing to make concessions. Also, try to come up with a solution that will work for both of you.
Don’t attempt to diminish his sense of self-worth in any way. I guess it goes without saying that nobody wants to feel undervalued.
4. Take it easy
I know you’re feeling rather sad and hurt, perhaps even angry, but try to keep your cool. You’re here for a reason and that’s to make things work between you.
If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be here today. Therefore, make sure you’re in the right state of mind when meeting up with him.
Remember that the end goal is to make peace with him and not start another fight again. Don’t push him or immediately tell him how he has to apologize for his actions.
This will only aggravate him further and you won’t get anything out of this. Instead, try to be gentle and subtle, which will encourage him to apologize.
That way, you’ll be sure that he really means it and not only say it because you made him to. Also, when he senses your calmness, he’ll also try to keep you at ease for the sake of your relationship.
You may think it’s ruined forever, but there’s always a glimmer of hope shining through. You won’t catch it if you throw away all of your chances in the beginning, though.
What you want is a meaningful talk with your father, not an adversarial one. As a result, it’s critical to keep your cool and avoid being defensive when things don’t go as planned.
Demonstrate to your father that you are mature and that have considered the discussion. It’s important to remember that shouting isn’t necessary. Rather, be specific in your language. Avoid raising your voice or making aggressive gestures.
Stay cool and accept to disagree if your father disagrees with what you say and your aim isn’t met. It’s vital to remember that your father has the right to his ideas, even if you disagree with them.
5. Break it off
Unfortunately, things don’t always end up the way we hope they will. Sometimes, you just give all you have and it still isn’t enough.
Some damages are irreparable and that’s okay. The sooner you realize that you can’t do anything more or differently, the better for you.
A parent-child bond is hard to break but it can still happen. It’s a very sad moment. If after you’ve exhausted all options and your notice your dad still refuses to mend things between you, then it’s, unfortunately, best to break it off.
A father who’s fundamentally incapable of expressing love and support, who refuses to recognize the mistake of his ways, who is continuously abusive, belittling, or critical is a poisonous presence who will continue to pull you down until you put an end to it.
It’s not easy – the parent-child link is hard-wired into our brains, so even the worst parents become devoted to their children. It’s a hard task because family means everything. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to consult with the rest of your family or friends.
People who struggled with abusive parents oftentimes need to go to therapy. It’s just the sole impact that a broken bond like this can leave on them forever. So just make sure you put yourself first.
“Why does my dad hate me?”
This question keeps coming back to your head because nothing feels more truthful than this, no matter how hard it is to accept. A father who despises you is the worst thing that could ever happen to you, since parents aren’t ever supposed to despise their kids, right?
Parents are meant to protect us and give us security, yet men have a reputation for being a little tougher than moms. It’s possible that this is due to their inability to self-express.
We might be harsh in our judgments and get carried away by transient conflicts in our father-daughter relationships. Other times, our experience is a harsh truth that is difficult to swallow.
Expectations shape feelings, so don’t set your expectations too high. When you expect your parent to be or act a specific way, you’ll experience a greater feeling of unfairness if things don’t turn out that way.