Think aloud
Have you been cheated on by a man you thought would never commit such an atrocity? Are you wondering why a cheating person shows no remorse, even though it’s only natural to feel guilty afterward?
If so, then this article is for you. Here I’ll mention a couple of reasons why some men can cheat without feeling any shame about it.
But, what is remorse? Well, it’s actually a feeling of genuine regret once you’re aware that you made a mistake. Usually, it’s followed by reconciliation as you try to fix things between you and the other person.
So, how is this connected with cheating, you may ask? For starters, when it comes to serial cheaters, they don’t show any remorse after they’ve done the deed as they see cheating as a way of boosting their ego. It becomes such a necessity for them to be unfaithful to their partner that they don’t think they’re doing anything wrong.
On the other hand, one-time cheaters will always try to rebuild the bridge between themselves and their partners that they’ve previously broken, and will show sincere remorse.
That’s why you have to understand that feeling guilty and feeling remorse after cheating isn’t the same thing at all.
I understand that it’s tough for you to accept that your partner has been with another woman, but it’s a reality you have to face. You can dwell on it forever, but that won’t make any difference because you can’t change what happened in the past.
And I know that you’re wondering why a cheating person shows no remorse, that’s why I’m here to help you better understand the thought process of an unfaithful man.
Why a cheating person shows no remorse
Being with a man who still doesn’t care, even if he’s the one to be unfaithful to you, can really damage your mental health. You start questioning whether or not you two have a future together and why he doesn’t put in extra effort to fix things.
All those negative thoughts are tearing you apart, and you’re thinking: How this guy can be so remorseless? Well, here’s why:
1. The affair hasn’t ended
The most common reason your partner will show no remorse for cheating on you is when the affair is still ongoing. It’s possible that your partner confessed his infidelity to you, yet continued seeing the other woman despite promising that he’d stop.
I get you’re in a bad place right now and that you have a hard time believing anyone. The problem is, it’s not uncommon for cheaters to carry on with affairs even after getting caught. They know the thrill of chasing a woman, so it’s a feeling they’ll always seek.
Most guys enjoy fighting for a woman, which in your relationship might not be the case, because you got used to each other after being together for quite some time.
And in all honesty, if your partner’s affair is still going on, then the only difference is that this time he’ll be much more careful to keep his other woman under the radar. He’ll hide every trace that could lead to you finding out the truth once again.
But the fact that he still stays in contact with his woman on the side, even after being caught by you, shows that he doesn’t care about you at all. Your feelings don’t matter to him. He prioritizes the relationship he has with this woman over you and that’s unacceptable.
In a situation like this, it’s as clear as daylight that he has no intention of repenting. He likely believes your love isn’t worth saving, so that’s why he’s still inflicting pain on you.
2. He could have psychological problems
This is something many women forget to consider when dealing with an unfaithful spouse. But I know that it’s tough to think about it when facing his infidelity. After all, the only thing that’s on your mind is how much you’re hurting.
Your partner might have an antisocial personality disorder and that’s why he shows no remorse for anything he does to you. It might have been difficult to see this before since you’ve been blinded by your love for him, but now is the time to wake up.
However, a person who has certain psychological problems might lack the necessary empathy to understand that their actions have caused you pain. Therefore, if you’re with someone like that, the least you can do is to understand the reason behind his behavior.
After your emotions have settled down and you’ve calmed yourself, you can suggest to him to get some professional help. You can even say that you’ll accompany him if he shows that he’s ready to face his problems.
3. You have differing definitions for cheating
I know it sounds absurd, but there’s a chance your spouse doesn’t even know that he’s cheating on you. Hear me out. This has a lot to do with the definition of cheating.
All of us will agree that sleeping with another person other than our partner is cheating, but what about exchanging flirty text messages or spending too much time with someone else? Have you ever talked with your partner about what you consider to be cheating? Perhaps not, because you assumed everyone has the same opinion about it.
If this is the case, your man who feels he hasn’t done anything wrong is unlikely to have cheater’s remorse. He won’t even feel guilty for going behind your back.
There’s also a chance your spouse thinks that you’re somehow emotionally or physically unavailable, so he’s trying to satisfy his needs somewhere else or via flirty messages.
I see this happen a lot in long-term relationships, where one partner feels as if their needs are being neglected by the other. They try to find their release online and don’t show any remorse later on.
4. He’s angry at you
Anger is a very powerful emotion that can lead us to do things we never thought we were capable of doing. Hence, if your partner is angry at you because of something you’ve done, then that could lead to him cheating on you – just to show you he can hurt you as badly as you hurt him.
An example is a husband who feels neglected because he isn’t getting enough emotional or physical attention. In that case, he won’t be brave enough to talk to you about it and instead will express his frustration by being unfaithful to you.
This happens to a lot of couples who have communication issues. The fact is, if you’re unable to talk to your partner about the struggles you’re going through internally, then those negative emotions will come to the surface eventually.
You have to be able to say whatever it is that you’re feeling to your other half. That’s the only way you’ll ever know what’s going on inside each other’s heads.
So, if he’s a first-time offender, then working on this aspect of your relationship is an excellent way to prevent it from happening again. Try to create a comfortable and safe environment in which both of you can share your feelings. Don’t be afraid to open up to each other since that’s the only way you can save your relationship.
5. He doesn’t respect you enough
If a cheating person shows no remorse, it could be that he doesn’t have any love or respect for his partner and that’s why he chose to cheat in the first place.
Respect plays a significant role in any relationship. Without it, there’s no way that you’ll ever succeed as a couple. Your partner won’t feel guilty if he ever gets involved with another girl because he doesn’t admire you.
He won’t even care how you feel or that he causes you pain. And that lack of consideration will push him into the arms of another woman. He’ll just be an immature, rebellious boy without a moral compass.
On the other hand, when there’s respect in a relationship, then it’s less likely that your partner will cheat on you. He’ll guard your heart against pain and won’t ever make you feel like you’re a loser. He’ll always think twice before saying or doing something because he doesn’t want his actions to affect you negatively.
6. He can’t stand feeling guilty
Guilt is an awful feeling no one wants to experience, much less someone who has cheated on their partner. That’s why many men will avoid feelings of guilt because they fear it would make them appear like a bad boyfriend.
Usually, men are quite aware that their deeds have caused pain to the other person, but they simply won’t accept it.
If that’s the case with your significant other, then he will definitely be asking himself questions like “Does the guilt of cheating ever go away?” or “Will I ever forget that I was unfaithful to my partner?”
In order to feel less crappy about himself, he’ll just try to avoid the feelings of remorse and guilt altogether, hoping that time will heal all wounds and that you’ll eventually forget about it.
But the past is bound to catch up to him and he won’t be able to look at you in the eyes anymore. That’s when you’ll have to decide to stay with him or leave him for good.
7. He was looking for an out
Another potential reason why a cheating person shows no remorse is that it’s a ticket out of the relationship. Many partners who do decide to cheat, do so because they no longer see a future with that person. They feel stuck and unhappy in the relationship, and are trying to find a way to break the news but simply can’t.
Your partner may be a coward who isn’t man enough to say what bothers his heart and soul. Or it could be that he isn’t ready to end things with you because he’s afraid of the impact it might have on his life and yours. Another possibility would be that he’s just too lazy to deal with the breakup.
A cheater with a cloudy mindset would rather cheat on his spouse instead of staying committed to his partner and making the relationship work. He’ll never put enough effort to make you happy and satisfied.
And the worst thing is that you, who shouldn’t feel guilty at all, may think that the breakup was your idea when in reality, it was his exit strategy.
A man like this won’t feel any remorse or guilt whatsoever, no matter how much you scream, shout, or throw insults at him. He’ll still be unbothered by his actions and will carry on with his life as if nothing ever happened.
8. He doesn’t love you
One of the most apparent reasons a cheating person will show no remorse is that they don’t love their partner. Truthfully, if a man genuinely loves you, an affair isn’t even on the table for him.
A man like that will always respect and trust you. He won’t do anything that will jeopardize your happiness or your relationship.
And even if he does cheat, he’ll at least show some remorse and try to make things right. He won’t be able to get over the fact that he did something to hurt you.
Therefore, if remorse is lacking, it’s quite possible that your partner never really loved you. That’s why you should never give him the benefit of the doubt and dismiss the fact that his emotions for you are fake.
9. He wants to protect his manhood
He doesn’t have the courage to say that he’s sorry and would never express any remorse because he thinks that a man can’t be seen as being weak. That’s what women do and men don’t have an emotional side – at least, that’s what he believes.
These thoughts are excellent examples of toxic masculinity. It’s a distorted way of thinking that has been approved by society just because it’s still for the most part patriarchal.
Most men are raised believing that some things are only applicable to men. That’s why you’ll hear many women say “Men will be men” or “It’s just the way they are.”
You may expect him to show remorse because it’s only natural to feel that way when you’ve done something wrong to the person you love. But a man who’s arrogant and filled with toxic masculinity will believe you should accept what he did and move on because he has all the right as a man to cheat when he pleases.
According to him, he has to display a certain toughness and doesn’t allow himself to feel guilty – a normal emotion. Unfortunately, this is a very common problem that will take a lot of time and effort to change, so you have to be patient about it.
10. He’s a serial cheater
There’s no point in showing any kind of remorse if you’re planning to continue your affair, right? That’s probably how a serial cheater would think when he refuses to feel remorse.
One of the basic traits of those types of people is that they show a lack of empathy and guilt, as they don’t grasp the seriousness of the situation.
There’s also the possibility that your partner might not be having one affair after the other. It could be that he gets hung up on just one woman.
As long as he’s got feelings for her, he won’t possess the ability to understand the pain he’s causing you. Moreover, he won’t even stop to consider how you’re feeling. He’s so deep into the affair with the other woman and the only thing driving him to repeat the same mistake over and over again is infatuation.
He might tell you that it’s over. He might even beg on his knees to give him another chance, but the reason his remorse doesn’t feel genuine is probably that the affair is far from over.
When a man shows true remorse for cheating, he’ll do anything and everything in his power to make things right again.
11. He thinks he’s saving the relationship
Yes, this sounds weird and stupid at first, but let me explain. There are various reasons why a man decides to cheat on his woman. One of them is undoubtedly not getting enough action in the bedroom. Consequently, an unsatisfied partner might go outside of his relationship to get his fix.
In that case, the cheater doesn’t understand why his spouse is angry at him because, in his mind, he’s saving the relationship and not breaking it apart.
Further deepening this belief is the fact that he doesn’t see eye to eye with his partner regarding their lack of physical intimacy. So, if the affair has made him less angry about that stuff, he might think he did it for the right reasons.
Whatever he may say to you, this should never be the way to deal with intimacy problems in your relationship. You should rather talk to each other and try to reach a compromise, even if that means seeking professional help.
12. He believes you’ll always forgive him
A cheating person will also show no remorse when he believes you’ll always forgive him his mistakes. The truth is, some men think that you’re so dependent on them, that whatever they do to you, you’ll find a way to justify their actions.
This often happens when a woman marries a wealthy man, and he acts like he’s untouchable and can do whatever he pleases, knowing that she’ll never leave him. It’s a twisted way of thinking for sure, but still, we see it happening all the time.
Also, his lack of remorse isn’t just a lack of respect, but also a lack of love for his woman. So, if this fits your situation, then you need to make it clear that you’re an independent woman who has control over her own life. Prove to him that you always have the option to walk out on the relationship.
13. He’s evening the score
Keeping score in a relationship is never a good thing. Sooner or later, you’re guaranteed to have serious problems that you won’t be able to solve. Yes, a balanced relationship is something you should fight for, but that doesn’t apply to cheating.
Perhaps you’ve been accused of being unfaithful in the past or have been suspected to have something on with another man. If so, cheating might be your man’s way of evening the score.
Or what’s even worse, some men take it a step further and cheat to give you a taste of your own medicine. And doing such atrocious things will never make the problem go away. It’ll stay there until you decide to confront it as a couple.
14. He’s a narcissist
This is one of those psychological issues that could affect your partner, so he won’t feel bad about himself after doing something wrong. Usually, people who are narcissists in disguise feel regret but rarely feel remorse.
Eventually, your narcissistic boyfriend might cheat, get caught, and then regret the actions. He won’t be sorry for making you feel awful, but he’ll be more concerned with the fact that you punished him for his action.
And as a result, your partner might call it quits with the other woman, but it’s not because he genuinely cares about you. Rather, it’s because of his fear of getting caught again.
Clearly, this is not remorse and he doesn’t show any signs that he realizes how his behavior has hurt you. He’s still going to focus on himself and his emotions, and not yours.
There are a couple of ways that you can help your narcissistic partner, but my top advice to you would be to seek professional help.
