It’s interesting how a ‘never again’ can turn into a ‘just one more time’ when you look into the eyes of someone you love.
I knew that you were trouble from the very first time I laid eyes on you.
You came into my life like a train wreck, but I thrived on the adrenalin to the point where it made all the red flags seem like blurs in the corners of my eyes.
When you made your first move, I felt like I was a teenager again. I felt all giddy and my cheeks would hurt from how hard I was always smiling.
Now when I look back on it, they are just flashbacks of a happier time.
You made me feel like I was on top of the world, just to make the fall more painful. I remember the first time I felt my heart shatter because of you.
My chest was in so much pain, because you weren’t there for me.
You would never make time for me and everything else seemed more important.
In the past, I always thought that people would joke about their partner not putting them first.
I doubted my friends every time they told me their partner didn’t make time for them.
I would roll my eyes and go back home thinking that they were exaggerating.
When karma hits you and you realize that the same thing is happening to you now, suddenly it’s not that funny anymore.
You knew what you were doing.
The thing that hurt the most was the fact that you knew what you were doing. You knew that your words were like daggers.
I would cling on to every word you said and believe them like they were law.
You knew that the love I felt for you wouldn’t falter so you took advantage of it and told me blatant lies.
Where were you that night I cried myself to sleep? Why wouldn’t you talk to me the entire day?
I made myself believe that it was my fault. You told me that I was so clingy and needy, to the point where you decided to ignore my texts and calls.
Did you ever ask yourself how it made me feel? I walked with my eyes glued to the ground because I was so ashamed of myself. All because of you.
You made me feel like my feelings weren’t valid.
The only feeling you thought to be true was the unconditional love I felt for you. You would misuse it to get everything you wanted from me.
“If you loved me, you would do this for me.“
“You said you loved me, so it must mean you lied.“
Do you even know what that does to a poor woman’s heart?
I always wanted to show you how much I loved you.
You made me scared that if I did anything you didn’t like, I would make you believe I didn’t love you and I would lose you.
I loved you. I still love you and you know it.
Your jealousy isn’t cute.
“If you can go out whenever and with whomever you want, why can’t I?“
When I asked you this, totally enraged by the idea that you didn’t want me going anywhere, you just scoffed.
You actually let out a breath that made me believe I was stupid for asking you that.
When you were out there living your life and keeping the beds of other women warm, I was at home. All alone. Waiting for you to come back.
However, you thought that you had the right to keep me locked up so you would know that I would be there when you came back.
You made me believe I was going crazy.
I knew you were the reason why I felt like I was losing my mind. All of my emotions and thoughts were too much to bear.
It started with small things, like telling me that I was crazy for questioning your loyalty.
When the big things came around, like telling me you were home when I knew you weren’t (because I remember waiting for you), it was already too late.
I could feel my sanity slipping through my fingertips because I believed you more than I believed myself.
The scariest part is that I know I wasn’t the only one.
My heart breaks for all the other women I know you led to believe were special. You probably told them that no one ever made you feel like they did.
Those promises of a happy ever after are a curse that’s bound to haunt you. Those poor women.
You actually made all of us believe that your intentions were pure and your love was real.
You don’t know how to love, you never did and you never will.
I should hate you right now, but I can’t.
I don’t know how to hate a man I have loved for so long. Your number should have been blocked by now. I should have done that a long time ago.
My friends warned me about you and I should have listened, but I couldn’t stop myself from loving you.
I let you do things to me that I would have slapped my friend’s boyfriend for.
If that was her boyfriend, I would have dragged her out of that relationship.
I came up with so many excuses because I was too afraid to come face to face with the truth. You didn’t love me. You were toxic for me.
With you, love wasn’t what I thought it would be because even when you were breaking my heart over and over again, I would wipe away my tears and smile.
Why? Because I didn’t want you to be sad or mad because of me.
I believed that you could change.
It was me and my blind optimism to blame. I always believed in the good in people and that’s what led me here.
You seemed like someone who could change in the name of love. What I didn’t know is that I was bad at assessing people.
I told myself one too many times that things would be different if I gave you just one more chance. Just one more chance and that was it!
No more chances. My heart can’t take it anymore.
When you broke my heart the last time, I decided that I would try to fall out of love with you.
I can’t keep on giving you permission to break my heart all the time. You’ve done it one too many times. I can’t give you another chance and I won’t.
Even if it hurts like hell, I have to tell you that I am too good for you.
You are not a man who knows how to treat me the way I deserve to be treated. You don’t deserve my love.
There is someone out there whom I will love dearly. He won’t do the same things to me you did.
He won’t be busy breaking my heart, he’ll be busy loving me until the day we die.
Until then, I wish you all the best.
I am too good for you. You don’t deserve me.
Watch me as I stitch my heart back together and walk away from you. I have realized my worth and now, I can finally let go of you. Forever.