When your husband defends another woman, you may not be sure what he means by it. You feel puzzled by it as it’s not something you expect to happen.
“He’s been confronting me lately and taking another woman’s side. Should I worry about it?”.
It’s normal to wonder if this situation is wrong. You want your man to be your support, your shoulder to cry on, your rock to lean on.
As a woman, you want to feel safe around your man. So when this isn’t the case, you wonder if he still loves you. When he stands up for another woman, you’re left feeling endangered and unprotected.
Not only do you feel alone in this, but the thought of him cheating on you might also cross your mind. Doubt is a persistent and unpleasant thought, and that nagging feeling is hard to get rid of.
You might feel confused and seek an explanation or confirmation that he’s really cheating on you, or if he doesn’t love you anymore.
Since your mutual trust is in question now, you might not get the right answer from him. So, you’ll have to look for possible explanations yourself.
What does it mean when your husband defends another woman?
It might seem a hard task, but we’re here to help. Let’s look at all of the possible explanations behind your husband’s behavior.
1. He is simply a nice guy who supports everybody
You had a talk and you expected your husband to agree with you right away. Instead, he chose to defend another woman.
Now, you find this behavior suspicious which is understandable. We tend to feel uncomfortable when people we share our innermost with aren’t on our side. You may suspect there’s something going on behind this.
You assume that he might be really fond of this woman, and you think he’s hiding the fact that he’s cheating on you. Since he chose to defend her instead of you, you instantly start to feel threatened.
Even if this woman is his close friend, you’ll still feel jealous. A part of you knows that you have nothing to worry about but at the same time, you can’t accept that your husband would defend someone else instead of you.
The truth is that your husband could simply be a nice guy who’ll always support the truth. He doesn’t care who’s the person speaking – as long as he agrees with them, he’ll defend their opinion.
Just because you’re married, it doesn’t mean that the two of you should share the same opinion on everything. There’s nothing worrying about that.
It could be that you have low self-esteem and that’s why you’re overthinking the fact that your husband defended another woman. In this case, you first have to work on your issues all by yourself.
Before you accuse your husband of anything, be honest with yourself and admit if there’s actually any reason to be jealous.
2. He agrees with her opinion and not yours
Maybe you’re not used to discussing things frequently with your man. It feels odd and a bit tense, to confront your opinions on various topics. But you need to ask yourself whether it’s productive to avoid such conversations.
When your husband defends another woman, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It simply means that he agrees with her opinion, that’s all.
You should take a positive perspective on this issue. It’s actually good to disagree with your husband from time to time. Otherwise, your marriage would be dull. You want to challenge each other to be the best possible versions of yourselves.
After all, intimacy is built through open communication and will only make your marriage stronger. Speaking to each other honestly and without any fear, is what builds trust.
And when you’re able to fully trust each other, it’ll be easier for you to handle any obstacles you might run into.
3. He wants to be a protector of women
Your husband is just a man, like any other. He might have his own quirks, but he shares common traits with other men. He’s always trying to be on the side of women, even if they’re not you.
We all know that men have been protectors of women since far back in the history books. Most of them are still raised that way. They feel that it’s their need to stand up for women as if we don’t know how to defend ourselves.
So, if you see him defending another woman when you don’t agree with her, know that he could be doing it simply because he believes it’s his duty to raise his voice for her.
Besides, he also likes receiving attention from ladies as most of the other men. By standing up for some unknown woman, he’s just trying to appear the “greater man.” Being a gentleman is an entitlement and a role that any man will take on proudly.
Trust me, I can understand why you’re upset. His behavior might start rumors that he’s a ladies’ man and you don’t want your husband to bear this title. He’s married, and this might endanger him as much as your reputation.
But when your husband defends another woman, it doesn’t mean he has evil intentions. After all, your happiness should be the most important to him.
So, if he’s the real man and a loving husband, he’ll gladly listen to what you have to say. He loves you and doesn’t want to be the source of your unhappiness.
Now is a great time to discuss this problem with him. Let him know what’s bothering you and make sure to explain how his behavior makes you feel.
However, take care not to overreact. Just because he chooses to defend another woman, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s cheating on you or that he’s doing it on purpose to make you jealous.
Give him a chance to explain how he feels about it and then try to walk a mile in his shoes. The chances are that his behavior is harmless and has no evil intentions whatsoever.
But just to be on the safe side, have a conversation with him and try to understand what’s going on in his head. That way, you’ll sleep easier at night.
4. He thinks you’re controlling him
You might be jealous when your husband defends another woman. His behavior seems suspicious to you and you might be angry because of it.
But once you let him know how you feel and ask him to stop acting a certain way, your husband may feel like you’re trying to control him. At this point, he may end up defending her even more. If you don’t accept his opinion, he might even call you hysterical.
It looks like you’re judging him for something he finds normal. It’s okay for him to defend another woman if she’s right. He’s an adult man and will decide for himself what to think, and what to do.
Keep in mind that he won’t change his mind easily. Obviously, he has a strong character and will stick to his values.
If you react irrationally to him defending another woman, he could think you’re trying to control him. And when he thinks about it, he knows that’s not something he wants.
If you try to tell him what he should and shouldn’t be doing, he’ll feel like a dog on the leash.
At this point, the more you keep repeating yourself, the less he’s going to listen to you. After that, he’ll keep going against you only because he doesn’t want to turn into your puppet.
If you’re having these problems with your husband then you should explain to him how his behavior makes you feel. Replace the “you” statements with “I” so he gets the idea of what you’re going through.
“When you defend another woman, I feel like you care more about others” sounds much better than “You don’t care about me!”. The first sentence explains how you feel while the second one is a straight attack on your husband.
Do you now get it why he feels like you’ve been trying to control him?
5. He likes her more than you
When your husband defends another woman, it could mean that he likes her more than you. You know that you disagree on different topics from time to time, but now it feels like there’s this one woman whose side he always takes.
If you’re discussing a woman who’s a mutual friend or acquaintance, and he’s taking her side more often than not, this is a reason to wonder. She somehow became the main topic of your conversations. Either you start or finish by mentioning her.
It’s perfectly normal not to share the same viewpoints on people and things. But disagreeing regarding another woman is when things escalate. This is a red flag that he might like her more than you.
You’ll know whether his intentions aren’t honest if he defends another woman even when you’re right. That’s not something you’d expect from your own husband.
This is a good time to question your marriage. It’s understandable that you’re mad at him and you’re absolutely right. You should never be his second choice!
So, you better have an honest talk with him and see what’s going on. If he has feelings for some other woman then you better pack your bags and leave.
6. He wants to sleep with her
When your husband defends another woman, it could be because he wants to sleep with her. I know this sounds harsh, but unfortunately, it’s a real, fairly common thing in marriages.
Remember that men are visual beings. They’re prone to turn around when they see a beautiful woman.
They keep doing this even after they get married. And even though it’s normal to be impressed by someone’s looks, it’s a whole different thing to act on those impressions.
If you start fighting because of another woman, this is not a good sign. Your marriage might be going downhill and it’s time to hurry up to save it.
However, before you discuss your issues with him and accuse him of adultery, make sure that he has in fact already cheated on you. This is when it could be too late, honestly.
7. Your marriage has become toxic
Do you find your marriage dull? You’re not talking to each other as you used to? There’s no mutual trust anymore and you constantly keep blaming each other for issues you’re facing?
Well, it could be that your marriage has become toxic.
When this happens, couples enter a one-way street. It’s hard to make a U-turn once you’re there. This is the point when you both start fighting over irrelevant issues.
Even the tiniest thing he’s doing is getting on your nerves, and vice versa. The both of you behave passively-aggressively almost by default, and there’s zero spark left between you.
There’s an uncomfortable atmosphere – you can feel the tension in the air. You wish you just didn’t see each other anymore. And as if all of this wasn’t enough, you’re now arguing about another woman.
When your husband is actively defending her, the cause could be the state of your marriage. He’s looking for a way to upset you and he knows that standing up for another woman will do the trick.
8. He’s being rude to you
Years in marriage are passing one by one. You don’t even manage to look back, when before you know it, it seems like you’ve come to an end.
Your husband might degrade you in front of others. He might call you names or tear down your self-esteem. What’s even worse is that he willingly defends another woman instead of you.
Seems that he’s taken for granted everything you’ve shared for years. His behavior is rude and it only shows that he has no respect for you.
Are you sure you want to share your life with this man? Now’s the proper time to answer this question.
First and foremost, no woman deserves to be treated this way, especially not by her own husband. The fact that you’re married doesn’t allow him to treat you like a piece of trash.
Yes, you’re his wife but that’s not an excuse. So, the moment you realize that your husband is rude to you is the moment you must be willing to walk away.
You need to show him that you know your worth and if he’s not going to respect you then he can leave right away.
He didn’t have enough courage to behave like an adult man but decided to be rude to you. That’s why you’re better off without him anyway.
9. He wants to make you feel inferior
Exerting superiority is just another type of toxic behavior. If your husband constantly disagrees with you and doesn’t listen to you, he’s being passive-aggressive.
So, when he defends another woman when talking to you, maybe he’s trying to make you feel inferior. He wants you to fight for his attention and win his respect.
Honestly, I don’t even know how to call this behavior. It’s not only immature but it’s also lunatic.
At this point, you have to realize that you’re not dealing with a man, but with a boy. You shouldn’t waste your time with him as those like him hardly change.
It’s in their blood to feel like they’re the ones who’re in control. And no matter how hard you try to explain to him how his behavior makes you feel, he probably won’t care.
10. He wants to provoke you
Does he speak badly of you in front of other people? If so, this is really one of the worst things he can do.
If this has happened to you, I can only imagine the utter shame you felt. You might question your decision to stay in a marriage with this man.
When your husband defends another woman instead of you, he’s showing his true face. His mask has fallen off and it’s obvious that he’s trying to provoke you.
It could be that you hurt his feelings and now he’s upset with you. But instead of having a conversation with you, he chose to go down the immature road.
He’s feeling resentment towards you and wants revenge. So, taking the side of another woman feels like a way to go.
He’s 100% sure that this action will hurt your feelings and that’s exactly what he’s trying to do. Who would’ve thought that a husband would be willing to go this far only to provoke a reaction from his wife?
Honestly, that’s not the way a healthy marriage looks like.
11. He’s bullying you
When your husband defends another woman, he might be bullying you. He’ll focus on something you don’t agree with and rub it in your face.
He wants to bother you with another woman because he’s not able to process problems adequately. Instead of trying to peacefully and reasonably talk with you, he’ll shift his frustration to you.
This behavior is extremely vile and is a sign of a toxic person. You may have not noticed this before, but I hope it’s not too late. After all, bullying is immature, toxic, and mentally exhausting and you don’t want to participate in it.
Try to keep your dignity, and behave lady-like. He’s not a man that deserves a woman like you. The best way to give it back to a bully is not to become a bully yourself.
12. He’s cheating on you with her
When your husband defends another woman, it could mean that he’s cheating on you with her. He can’t stand it when you talk against her and he feels the need to take her side.
He’s not even feeling guilty for it, but instead, he’s trying to shift the blame on you.
This is just a sign that he doesn’t care about you and your needs. He’s projecting his mistakes onto you and making excuses for not trying harder to save your marriage.
He’s doing this because he knows he still has control over you. Remember to be strong and don’t let him degrade you. You shouldn’t act defenseless or let him make you the guilty party.
13. He wants to degrade you in front of her
When your husband defends another woman, you feel terrible. He was supposed to be your protector but that’s not something you see is happening right now.
Instead, he puts you down for any of his weird reasons. It’s obvious that he wants to degrade you in front of this other woman so he chose to stand by her side.
He wants to take your power away and boost her ego. He wants you to start doubting yourself and wondering, “What’s wrong with me? Is she better than me?”
Stay strong enough not to fall into a spiral of dark thoughts. You need to show this man that he can’t treat you like a piece of trash.
Even though he’s your husband, you shouldn’t tolerate this behavior. If he chooses to degrade you in front of some other woman then maybe he should pack his things and build his life with her instead of you.
14. He cheated on you and still has feelings for her
If, in some almost impossible scenario, you’ve forgiven him when he’s cheated on you, be extra cautious. When your husband defends another woman, especially when he’s cheated on you with her before, there’s a strong chance he still feels something for her.
You might not be sure if this is the case, but there’s a possibility. Do you think he’d be defending her, otherwise? I doubt it, really. People are prone to defend only what they really love – be it things, causes, or other people.
If you’ve tried hard to save your marriage despite him cheating, and he still thinks about her, he might’ve stayed with you because of security or out of obligation. Unfortunately, he doesn’t really love you.
You might have kids, too, and want to keep the family from falling apart. However, this might do more damage than good.
It’s often better to let go of something that’s broken. You might try gluing it, but the harsh truth is that it’ll never be the same.
Think of your kids’ future. If you and your husband can’t make your marriage work, your kids will feel the consequences, and it’ll affect their well-being.
After all, do you want to condemn yourself to a life without true love? Who would wish for such an unhappy ending?
Whatever you do, just don’t settle for less than you deserve.
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