When Trust Is Broken In A Relationship: Can You Gain It Back?

When trust is broken in a relationship, you’re left wondering whether there’s a way to turn it into a healthy relationship again. 

Building trust in a relationship takes quite a long time but it can be broken in a second. You make one wrong move and the trust is gone. 

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together at that point, but when one of you lies or cheats, the trust you’ve built crumbles into pieces. 

What do you think causes broken trust in a relationship? Is it just the act of lying itself or is there more to it?

Of course, trust can be broken by many different things and it depends on the person. 

You want to try really hard to figure out a way to rebuild the trust. It’s not always easy and sometimes it’s a lost cause, but you want to try. 

You don’t see broken trust exclusively in romantic relationships. It happens in every type of relationship, be it with a family member or friend.

Trust can be broken in any relationship and it can leave you devastated. Someone you trusted did something that they promised to never do, which is to deceive you. 

Or were you the one doing the deceiving? Were you the one to cross boundaries and the one to take things for granted by breaking the trust you worked so hard to build?

Why is trust important in a relationship?

Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. It’s built between two people to ensure that you know you can rely on each other. 

In a romantic relationship, like a marriage, it’s so important because you want to build a life with this person. 

Are they reliable? Are they capable of taking care of things themselves or will it always be up to you?

Is there a chance that they might cheat on you or leave you for someone else? Can you trust them to not be abusive toward you? 

All of these questions are crucial for you, because any lack of trust should be an immediate red flag. 

It’s not easy to just ‘get over it‘ when the trust has been broken in a relationship.

Actually, your partner’s trust should be your biggest priority, so that it doesn’t get to this point. 

However, the importance of trust is absolutely essential. You can’t build a loving and caring relationship on trust issues. 

Reasons why trust can be broken in a relationship

If you believe that the trust in your relationship is broken but you don’t know why, there are a few reasons as to how it could have happened. 

Every person has their own personal deal-breakers, but most of the time, those reasons are the same for everyone.

However, there may be something that could have broken your trust that you didn’t even think of. 

So here are some of the possible reasons:

1. Invasion of privacy

Have you ever gone out of your way to spy on your partner? If the answer to that is yes then you’ve invaded their privacy. 

This is always a sensitive topic but just because you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you’re welcome to go through his things. 

Should we be allowed privacy when we’re in a relationship?

Because too much of it may seem like your partner is hiding something from you and you’d feel unsafe if that was the case. 

Nevertheless, you’re simply not allowed to snoop around and invade his privacy just because you’re paranoid.

That’s one of the reasons why trust is so important. 

If you go through his phone without his knowledge then the trust will be broken forever.

You’re not allowed to snoop through his messages just because you’re in a relationship with him. 

If he’s okay with you seeing those texts, then that’s his decision, and it’s completely fine for you to do that.

But you can’t take his phone without his knowledge. 

Another thing is if you decide to make an appearance at his workplace, which is not okay if you’re just trying to catch him out.

People also go so far as to go through their partner’s things when they’re not there. 

For example, you go through his closet or car just to find any clue of infidelity.

That’s definitely not the way to go even if you do believe it’s completely okay when you’re in a relationship. 

I can’t blame you, though. Desperate times call for desperate measures. 

2. Lying

My biggest fear is being lied to by my boyfriend.

A lot of times, I’ve questioned him because I was so scared to trust him after going from one abusive relationship to another before I met him. 

Lying truly causes broken trust in a relationship. It doesn’t matter what point of view you’re looking from – lying is never all right. 

It’s better to be upfront with your partner and then deal with the consequences than it is to lie. Lying breaks trust the quickest. 

Has your significant other ever lied to you?

If that’s the case then you know that you don’t care about the underlying cause; you just care about the fact that he lied to you. 

The healing process after that doesn’t just eliminate the trust issues you’ve developed. 

When you find out that you’ve been lied to, it’s like your heart drops into your stomach.

You want to trust that person again, but it simply isn’t as easy anymore. 

3. Hiding the truth

Many would argue that hiding the truth isn’t the same thing as lying, but I beg to differ.

You should still feel like a betrayer if you hide something from your partner. 

Many people think that they’re protecting their partner from getting hurt by hiding the truth. 

Would you like to be in the dark about something that’s happening around you?

Would you ever trust your partner again if you knew that they made the decision for you on what you can and can’t handle?

Doesn’t it just hurt more when you find something out well after it happened?

Now that you’ve found out that they went behind your back on this, you can’t trust them again. 

This is how trust in a relationship gets broken. You can shatter it very easily and it takes a lot to rebuild it. 

So don’t ever hide the truth from your partner because it’s just as bad as lying to their face. 

4. Breaking promises

You promised something, so breaking that promise is betrayal. 

For example, you promised to get rid of any reminders of your exes and you didn’t follow through.

You promised your partner that you’d unfollow or block your exes on your social media platforms and days or weeks later, they figure out that you didn’t. 

How would you feel if your partner promised to do something important for you?

Like unfollowing that person who makes you feel insecure or simply washing the dishes before you get home from work. 

When they aren’t able to follow through with these simple tasks, you’re left wondering whether you can trust them with more important things. 

Unless you’re able to completely look past these things (which I’m sure not many people are) then you would think that the trust is broken in your relationship. 

We call promises that for a reason.

You promise something and you make sure you stick to it, otherwise it’ll just turn into a complete mess that’ll leave you second-guessing your partner and your relationship. 

5. Not listening to your partner

Imagine this. You told your partner multiple times that you were allergic to peanuts, but he didn’t listen and he made you a cake with them in it.

The cake was a nice gesture but it could have caused you a lot of harm if you had eaten it. 

Your partner is blaming you for never telling him about your allergies, but you know you said it many times. 

Who’s at fault here? Of course, it’s your partner for not listening to you!

When you don’t listen to your partner, trust can be easily broken in your relationship.

You’re left wondering whether they even love you simply because they’re not able to remember this information about you. 

Another scenario is when you don’t know whether they’re even paying attention to you because they don’t lift their head from their phone. 

You don’t trust your partner when this happens again and again. You don’t trust him because he never truly listens to you anyway. 

6. Bad-mouthing your partner

Maybe one of your exes said something mean and degrading about you and you found out from some mutual friends.

Do you remember what that felt like?

When your best friend goes and bad-mouths you, it hurts, so imagine if it’s someone you’re romantically involved with. 

When you confront someone who does this, most of the time, they have the audacity to play the victim and you have to wonder where all that defensiveness is coming from.

This is especially if you know that you never said anything bad about them. 

You may often hear others talking badly about you, but it doesn’t mean that you’re friends with all those people.

And if you are, you’ll immediately end those friendships. 

They are two-faced people who think that it’s funny to pretend they’re nice in front of you and then go behind your back to say some very mean things. 

Because of that, trust gets broken in a relationship.

The type of relationship doesn’t even matter because this hurts and you deserve so much better than that. 

7. Cheating

My friends and I agree that cheating isn’t just physical, it’s also emotional.

And actually, anything that you wouldn’t do in front of your partner is considered cheating. 

So when you get cheated on, you’re not able to trust your partner ever again after that. 

Every time you look at their face, you remember what they did and you simply can’t stay in that environment. 

That’s when the trust is truly broken in a relationship. 

Usually, cheating on someone requires all of the above-mentioned things as well.

They weren’t honest about the things they were doing and they broke the most sacred promise. 

Why would someone who claimed to love you go and find comfort in someone else in the first place?

You’re the betrayed partner here and you have the full right to walk away from this person. 

Fortunately enough, I’ve never been cheated on, but I’ve seen what it did to one of my family members.

The way that leaves a permanent mark on you is heartbreaking. 

You can’t trust someone after this. It doesn’t matter how hard you may try, it’s simply not possible, even when you do claim to still love them. 

Can you regain someone’s trust after it has been broken in a relationship?

I’d love to say that you can and that it’s possible to regain it in every relationship with every person ever.

However, everyone has their own values and we can’t force our own beliefs on other people. 

You’re wondering how to rebuild trust in a relationship, so you’re probably thinking that it can be done in your case. 

You don’t want to lose him. 

You think that you can convince your partner to give you another chance so that you should show him just how loving and caring you can be. 

All of these things aren’t reason enough to rebuild trust in a relationship but it’s always up to both partners. 

In a romantic relationship, everything is about compromise so you have to work hard to find a way to make things right again. 

It depends on your willingness to work on yourself and rebuilding your trust and the patience your partner has with you.

This process won’t be easy or short. 

It’ll be a very long one, with many obstacles, but it’s not impossible, especially if you’re in a loving relationship where you and your partner have a lot of understanding for each other. 

How to regain trust after it has been broken?

You can’t expect to rebuild the trust in your relationship just like that. It’s a lot of work.

One of two different scenarios may have happened.

The first one is that you’re the one who betrayed your partner and the other one is that you’ve been betrayed. 

The approach isn’t much different for both cases, so let’s figure this out together. 

1. Consider the reason why it happened

Considering the reason behind the betrayal doesn’t mean that it makes their lies any less hurtful or your emotions any less valid. 

But if you were the one who lied to your partner, wouldn’t you want them to listen to you as well? 

It doesn’t matter which one of you is at fault here, because you need to listen to the reasons behind this problem and consider them. 

It may help the other party to understand the thought process and it may help in letting go of this issue. 

Maybe the betrayal happened because of a misunderstanding or miscommunication? Maybe there isn’t anything to be mad about?

You need to at least try and regain each other’s trust, because you need to fight for your relationship.

2. Look for a sincere apology

The one who betrayed the other simply needs to apologize.

And by this, I don’t mean a half-hearted apology that can be found anywhere on the Internet, combined with some amateur acting skills. 

This calls for an authentic apology that’ll show the other just how sorry you really are. 

If they were the one to betray you, then ask them to apologize and look for any signs of insincerity.

It’s up to you to forgive them or not. It’s up to the person who’s been betrayed whether they do or don’t want to accept the apology. 

3. Give it time

When you’ve been betrayed by the person you love the most, it’s hard to think straight.

You’re mad, sad, and frustrated, so you may ask for a little more space, which is needed. 

If your partner needs time to figure out whether they want to trust you again or not, let them have that time.

If you need that time to figure yourself out then take that time and demand some space. 

You won’t process things the same way your partner would.

You’ll separate for a small period of time and you’ll give each other enough space to reflect on what happened.

4. Communicate!

You can’t solve anything without proper communication. When you’re both ready to speak about what happened, you have to talk things through. 

You’ve gathered your emotions now and you have a clear head. You’re able to talk and figure out a way to work through this issue.

Be sure to listen closely to each other and avoid cutting each other off. 

Let the person who was betrayed express their emotions and talk about how they’ve been feeling and what’s going through their mind. 

Let them say the things that can be done in order to make things better again.

If the one who was betrayed wants to give the other another chance, then they have to specify what needs to be done in order to regain their trust. 

When you break the trust in a relationship, there are things that need to be done in order to make your partner trust you again.

So, what are those things for you and your other half?

Communication is the key to solving this. The one who did the betraying needs to agree on their terms and absolutely dedicate themselves to fixing this issue. 

5. Learn to forgive

This is an extremely painful experience for both partners. Of course, however, for one of them, it’s more devastating than it is for the other. 

However, the one who was betrayed has to learn how to forgive. Forgiveness is another key part of when trust is broken in a relationship. 

You can’t expect your relationship to progress beyond this issue if you’re not able to forgive your partner for the things they’ve done. 

It’s better for both of you to break up than it is to be together when you’re not able to forgive each other for the things that have happened. 

6. Don’t hold on to the past

You have to move on if you want to regain the trust.

You can’t dwell on the past and hold on to these things while also being in a relationship with this person.

That would be the most toxic relationship ever and you don’t want that for anyone else, so why would you want to do that to yourself? 

If you’re not able to move on from the past, you’ll always hold a grudge against them.

You’ll end up plotting your revenge, even though that’s not going to help anyone. 

So don’t hold on to the past because there could be a future for you and your partner if you’re able to forgive each other.

Nothing is impossible if two people love each other enough to work through these issues. 

Is it worth it to rebuild the trust when it’s broken in a relationship?

We’ve made it clear by now that it’s not easy to rebuild trust in a relationship.

So of course you want to know whether it’s worth the effort and all the work you’d have to put into your relationship.

If your partner has made a few little mistakes during your long-term relationship, owned up to them, and then never made those mistakes again, then it’s definitely worth it. 

However, if one of you cheated on the other, then I would say that it’s not. It’s not worth it to work on a relationship that obviously has a cheater in it. 

Infidelity should never be forgiven and you can’t just move past that. 

If your partner is someone who betrayed you, apologized, but still continued to play games with you, then it’s truly not worth it. 

You deserve so much better than someone who doesn’t know that they’re doing something wrong or does and does it anyway. 

You don’t deserve someone you’ll always question about whether they’re lying, cheating on you, or something else.

It’s not worth it if your partner doesn’t understand boundaries. 

So when the trust is broken in a relationship, it’s only worth the effort if you both take an extra step and work on this thoroughly.